[Fic] Under the Thumb (PoT) FujiRyo
Title: Under the Thumb
Author: Arccie
Genre: CRACK!!!
Rating: G (maybe PG if easily offended)
Pairing: FujiRyo
Summary: Jealousy in a drawer.
Warning: Kitchen object prOn/crack.
Author Notes: Yes, yes, back again with the brain breakage, although this was mostly written a long time ago. I just wanted to finish it off. So yeah, there aren’t that many more of the object prOn stories left to share. :P
Enjoy
Under the Thumb
“I missed you.” Sulky petulance and well layered threat entwined skilfully.
“Mmm,” Ryoma tried, hoping that Fuji would let it drop.
“Did you miss me?”
Obviously it had been too much to hope for. “Not really.”
“How much is not really?” Fuji’s tone warbled through dangerous and settled on wheedling.
“Not at all.” Honesty should have been the best policy, Ryoma reasoned, if it wasn’t Fuji. As it was, he couldn't be bothered to think of a lie.
“That’s not very nice. Here I was, stuck by myself, pining after you, and you didn’t even miss me.” Fuji’s voice feigned hurt.
“I wasn’t even gone an hour.” Exasperation coloured Ryoma’s words.
“You still could have missed me.”
“Well, I didn’t.” An hour of being separated was completely reasonable. If only he was capable of impressing this fact upon Fuji.
There was a sudden menacing silence. “What was it this time, a romantic dinner for two?”
“It was just rice.” Plain boring white rice, with a side serving of grilled vegetables. “No romance in sight.”
Fuji didn’t bother listening to the actual answer. “It’s the fork, isn’t it? I knew I shouldn’t trust him. All those suspicious tines...”
“I’ve got tines.” Ryoma shot back slightly defensive.
“Yes, but yours are elegant. His are just plain tacky.” Fuji disregarded the illogic of his statement with cheerful nonchalance.
“You’re being irrational.” If only the phenomenon was new, he wouldn’t have to wonder quite so hard about how he ended up in a relationship with the spife.
Fuji sniffed. “I am never irrational.”
Ryoma muttered something that sounded suspiciously like “could have fooled me”, but the spife chose to ignore it.
“I wonder when the fork is next due to visit the dishwasher.” Voice darkly contemplative, Fuji commented ingenuously. “I’ve heard accidents are quite common there.”
“I’m not cheating on you.” The spork’s voice was annoyed.
The spife continued to ignore him, remarking casually, “Just last week, a spatula had his handle broken off.”
“And I still don’t know what you have against Tezuka” Well, actually Ryoma did know, at least insofar that the reason was probably entirely in Fuji’s head and ridiculous to boot.
“He was staring at you.” As though that was a crime worthy of capital punishment.
“He couldn’t have been. We don’t have eyes.”
“I know what I felt.” Fuji’s voice was hard.
Irritation laced the spork’s tired sigh. “You know this would be more amusing if you didn’t do this every time I’m returned to the draw.”
The spife hummed dissemblingly.
“Maybe one of the other utensils would be less possessive.” Spoken with forced casualness as Ryoma attempted to divert Fuji’s well rehearsed drama.
“They shouldn’t try it unless they want to die by dishwasher,” Fuji gratingly threatened, though his voice lightened with his next words. “Not that I’m responsible for accidents that happen elsewhere. Thieving reaps its own reward, of course.”
“Of course.” Ryoma echoed. As if he didn’t know about the numerous ‘accidents’ Fuji had orchestrated. It might be wise to warn the fork, he appeared to be the spife’s next target.
There is one way to make up for your flirtatious ways.” The subtext couldn’t have been more blatant in Fuji’s purr.
“You know there is such a thing as just asking for what you want.” What should have been exasperation was lightened by suggestiveness.
Fuji’s gloating tone made it obvious he’d heard Ryoma’s surrender. “But where would the fun be in that.”
Clanking sounds were heard for the rest of the night.
X----------------------X---------------------X-----------------------X-----------------------X
Ryoma = spork
Fuji = spife (it’s an object with a spoon at one end and a knife on the other)
…yeah, nothing I say is going to make up for this.
*goes off to hide*
Author: Arccie
Genre: CRACK!!!
Rating: G (maybe PG if easily offended)
Pairing: FujiRyo
Summary: Jealousy in a drawer.
Warning: Kitchen object prOn/crack.
Author Notes: Yes, yes, back again with the brain breakage, although this was mostly written a long time ago. I just wanted to finish it off. So yeah, there aren’t that many more of the object prOn stories left to share. :P
Enjoy
Under the Thumb
“I missed you.” Sulky petulance and well layered threat entwined skilfully.
“Mmm,” Ryoma tried, hoping that Fuji would let it drop.
“Did you miss me?”
Obviously it had been too much to hope for. “Not really.”
“How much is not really?” Fuji’s tone warbled through dangerous and settled on wheedling.
“Not at all.” Honesty should have been the best policy, Ryoma reasoned, if it wasn’t Fuji. As it was, he couldn't be bothered to think of a lie.
“That’s not very nice. Here I was, stuck by myself, pining after you, and you didn’t even miss me.” Fuji’s voice feigned hurt.
“I wasn’t even gone an hour.” Exasperation coloured Ryoma’s words.
“You still could have missed me.”
“Well, I didn’t.” An hour of being separated was completely reasonable. If only he was capable of impressing this fact upon Fuji.
There was a sudden menacing silence. “What was it this time, a romantic dinner for two?”
“It was just rice.” Plain boring white rice, with a side serving of grilled vegetables. “No romance in sight.”
Fuji didn’t bother listening to the actual answer. “It’s the fork, isn’t it? I knew I shouldn’t trust him. All those suspicious tines...”
“I’ve got tines.” Ryoma shot back slightly defensive.
“Yes, but yours are elegant. His are just plain tacky.” Fuji disregarded the illogic of his statement with cheerful nonchalance.
“You’re being irrational.” If only the phenomenon was new, he wouldn’t have to wonder quite so hard about how he ended up in a relationship with the spife.
Fuji sniffed. “I am never irrational.”
Ryoma muttered something that sounded suspiciously like “could have fooled me”, but the spife chose to ignore it.
“I wonder when the fork is next due to visit the dishwasher.” Voice darkly contemplative, Fuji commented ingenuously. “I’ve heard accidents are quite common there.”
“I’m not cheating on you.” The spork’s voice was annoyed.
The spife continued to ignore him, remarking casually, “Just last week, a spatula had his handle broken off.”
“And I still don’t know what you have against Tezuka” Well, actually Ryoma did know, at least insofar that the reason was probably entirely in Fuji’s head and ridiculous to boot.
“He was staring at you.” As though that was a crime worthy of capital punishment.
“He couldn’t have been. We don’t have eyes.”
“I know what I felt.” Fuji’s voice was hard.
Irritation laced the spork’s tired sigh. “You know this would be more amusing if you didn’t do this every time I’m returned to the draw.”
The spife hummed dissemblingly.
“Maybe one of the other utensils would be less possessive.” Spoken with forced casualness as Ryoma attempted to divert Fuji’s well rehearsed drama.
“They shouldn’t try it unless they want to die by dishwasher,” Fuji gratingly threatened, though his voice lightened with his next words. “Not that I’m responsible for accidents that happen elsewhere. Thieving reaps its own reward, of course.”
“Of course.” Ryoma echoed. As if he didn’t know about the numerous ‘accidents’ Fuji had orchestrated. It might be wise to warn the fork, he appeared to be the spife’s next target.
There is one way to make up for your flirtatious ways.” The subtext couldn’t have been more blatant in Fuji’s purr.
“You know there is such a thing as just asking for what you want.” What should have been exasperation was lightened by suggestiveness.
Fuji’s gloating tone made it obvious he’d heard Ryoma’s surrender. “But where would the fun be in that.”
Clanking sounds were heard for the rest of the night.
X----------------------X---------------------X-----------------------X-----------------------X
Ryoma = spork
Fuji = spife (it’s an object with a spoon at one end and a knife on the other)
…yeah, nothing I say is going to make up for this.
*goes off to hide*