(no subject)
so with all the shit that has been going on lately i can openly admit that i am fucked up. The 12th was the first 1 year aniversary of my dads death, and with still not dealing with it properly i am a mess.
My friend asked me to her place on the 12th for a barbie to "Cheer me up" I was there for about 2 hours.. I decided to leave when i looke dup from playing with her dog to notice a trail of salvia heading down her tits, I decided its time for me to go. She invited her be BF over aswell, whcih i was fine with however i didnt knwo she invited him over just to make out. And without exaggerating i said about 6 sentences to each other entire time as she was throat deep in tounge.
While i was there my exbf/friend rang me, asked me where i was, o told him. he crackled the shits at me saying that if i was to go voisit people on that day in particular (sat the 12th, dads aniversary) that i should of gone to see him. That was when i was like WTF>?!?! who are these people really concerned about? me or themselves. I then sat at home doing aobsolutly nothing.
Yesterday i called into a friends house to drop off some paperwork he left in my car from SES training. While i was there the pager went off and i went to a caalout my exbf/friend rang me to see if i was going, i said yes and i was around the corner so i can pick him up if he wants. he then crackes the shits because i was at someone elses house.
Later that night after i went home, he told me that i shouldnt trust my friend but wouldnt tell me the reason why. I got pissed off.. Today he eventually told me that all my mates have been calling me a slut behind my back. I told him thanks for telling me im confronting them. After i confronted them he starts abusing me telling him how i am fuckign up his life. he then admitted that it wasnt true and that he lied about the whole slut thing.
So now i am no longer talking to him and he can get fucked. He was teloling me how he is going to kill himself. I dont kow what to do. i think its just another attention ploy, but i could be wrong. However i am so fuckign pissed off at him for making me think that my friends hated me.. andi mean ALL of my friends.
Its all just fucke dup./ i want to get out of adelaide. I fucking hate it here. And i want a new circle of friends who are over the fucking pathetic games. I am so done with it all.
Its just coming across to me that their only concerns are with them. i had friends bitch at me because id idnt want to go out on saturday and how on sunday i wanted to be there for my mum who was a bit messed up.
Why cant they just understand that i have my own issues i need to deal with before i can take on board theirs.
It truly make syou wonder if there are any genuine people left in the world. And i am even starting to doubt myself. I do feel selfish, but for once in my life i have my prioritie sin the right place. Mt Family/me first then friends, then anything else. Which is exactly what everyone else does. but for some reason it seems to piss everyone else off. Im coming close to just telliung everyone to get fucked.
But thats so stupid of me to do
i do love my friends And i would do almost anything for them as many of them have experienced. I just dont understand how they can be so ungreatful. I mean I can't honestly be the only one around who is over the school yard antics? It appears as though i am.
it is times like these tha i wish i ha dmy dad around. he would be able to tell me somthing to reasure me or at least give me some money to go out and meet some new people.
it is si hard to meet new people these days, My entire life i have always gotten on better with guys then i have with girls, because of my interests, not because i am a slut :) And becauseof this everytime i meet someone they try and get some, or are so superficial they dont bother talking. It pisses me off. i wish i had a boyfriend aswell. I mean it woul dbe great right now to just mooch with someone you knew who cared and was generally concerned for your well being.
my last peice of conversation with my ex just happened, I asked him Why, as he said HAD to lie and hy did he. I doubt i will get an answer. But it is a question i wouldnt mind answered. You see i find it amussing whe poeple say they HAve to lie. There is no justification behind it..
Darren just replied. He didnt even give me an amusing answer :( I was dissapointed. However the plus side is i am no longer having anything to do with him. Someone who activly goes out and harms someone is just scum. I dont understand why he would tell me all my friends have been calling me a slut and so forth. I just put it down to his opinion. In his mind im a slut. in my mind, Im a slut that won't fuck him :D
The fact that im not a slut does sadden me though. I just wish for once i had a reputation that i lived up to.
Wow i seem to be wishing for a lot. My dad, understanding, A boyfriend and money.
It sucks when all your mates have now found partners and you are the odd one out. Obviously you dont get invited to the "double dates" or if you do get invited out with friends and their partner you are the 3rd wheel. It may all seem well but you know they are just wishing for you to leave so they canjump each other. I wish i had someone i want to secretly jump.
My friend asked me to her place on the 12th for a barbie to "Cheer me up" I was there for about 2 hours.. I decided to leave when i looke dup from playing with her dog to notice a trail of salvia heading down her tits, I decided its time for me to go. She invited her be BF over aswell, whcih i was fine with however i didnt knwo she invited him over just to make out. And without exaggerating i said about 6 sentences to each other entire time as she was throat deep in tounge.
While i was there my exbf/friend rang me, asked me where i was, o told him. he crackled the shits at me saying that if i was to go voisit people on that day in particular (sat the 12th, dads aniversary) that i should of gone to see him. That was when i was like WTF>?!?! who are these people really concerned about? me or themselves. I then sat at home doing aobsolutly nothing.
Yesterday i called into a friends house to drop off some paperwork he left in my car from SES training. While i was there the pager went off and i went to a caalout my exbf/friend rang me to see if i was going, i said yes and i was around the corner so i can pick him up if he wants. he then crackes the shits because i was at someone elses house.
Later that night after i went home, he told me that i shouldnt trust my friend but wouldnt tell me the reason why. I got pissed off.. Today he eventually told me that all my mates have been calling me a slut behind my back. I told him thanks for telling me im confronting them. After i confronted them he starts abusing me telling him how i am fuckign up his life. he then admitted that it wasnt true and that he lied about the whole slut thing.
So now i am no longer talking to him and he can get fucked. He was teloling me how he is going to kill himself. I dont kow what to do. i think its just another attention ploy, but i could be wrong. However i am so fuckign pissed off at him for making me think that my friends hated me.. andi mean ALL of my friends.
Its all just fucke dup./ i want to get out of adelaide. I fucking hate it here. And i want a new circle of friends who are over the fucking pathetic games. I am so done with it all.
Its just coming across to me that their only concerns are with them. i had friends bitch at me because id idnt want to go out on saturday and how on sunday i wanted to be there for my mum who was a bit messed up.
Why cant they just understand that i have my own issues i need to deal with before i can take on board theirs.
It truly make syou wonder if there are any genuine people left in the world. And i am even starting to doubt myself. I do feel selfish, but for once in my life i have my prioritie sin the right place. Mt Family/me first then friends, then anything else. Which is exactly what everyone else does. but for some reason it seems to piss everyone else off. Im coming close to just telliung everyone to get fucked.
But thats so stupid of me to do
i do love my friends And i would do almost anything for them as many of them have experienced. I just dont understand how they can be so ungreatful. I mean I can't honestly be the only one around who is over the school yard antics? It appears as though i am.
it is times like these tha i wish i ha dmy dad around. he would be able to tell me somthing to reasure me or at least give me some money to go out and meet some new people.
it is si hard to meet new people these days, My entire life i have always gotten on better with guys then i have with girls, because of my interests, not because i am a slut :) And becauseof this everytime i meet someone they try and get some, or are so superficial they dont bother talking. It pisses me off. i wish i had a boyfriend aswell. I mean it woul dbe great right now to just mooch with someone you knew who cared and was generally concerned for your well being.
my last peice of conversation with my ex just happened, I asked him Why, as he said HAD to lie and hy did he. I doubt i will get an answer. But it is a question i wouldnt mind answered. You see i find it amussing whe poeple say they HAve to lie. There is no justification behind it..
Darren just replied. He didnt even give me an amusing answer :( I was dissapointed. However the plus side is i am no longer having anything to do with him. Someone who activly goes out and harms someone is just scum. I dont understand why he would tell me all my friends have been calling me a slut and so forth. I just put it down to his opinion. In his mind im a slut. in my mind, Im a slut that won't fuck him :D
The fact that im not a slut does sadden me though. I just wish for once i had a reputation that i lived up to.
Wow i seem to be wishing for a lot. My dad, understanding, A boyfriend and money.
It sucks when all your mates have now found partners and you are the odd one out. Obviously you dont get invited to the "double dates" or if you do get invited out with friends and their partner you are the 3rd wheel. It may all seem well but you know they are just wishing for you to leave so they canjump each other. I wish i had someone i want to secretly jump.