Did you do it to play jesus?
So.. As suicide seems so popular lately its not doubt thoughts have circled in my head... but thankfully only momentarily. But it is a struggle to maintain a positive outlook when so much negative is beating you down. Don't get me wrong, There have been a lot of great things happening... Which i am thankful for.
Two of my good friends committed suicide last weekend. Which was quite a shock. I thought i have dealt with it but today was the funeral for one of the guys, Jarrad. I am so angry.. Not because he felt bad enough he had to end his life, but because he was so selfish to do so. There is always somthing better then suicide, At least if you are aliove things can get better.
It is probably slefish of me to be thinking that, but i have no respect for those who suicide. Unfortunatly suicide has been around my life a lot. 6 friends and 1 cousin have killed themselves.. It gets to the point of my thoughts snowball and end up being "am i such a bad person that they want to get away from me"? Now i know that is not the case and there is nothing you can do once a person has truly decided to do it.
This is the part mick wrote to/about me in his suicide "note"
Kat : You have always said that we live our lives to create memories, I've always said We live out lives to get fucked up, now you can have memories of us being fucked up :) But seriously babe. There have been many times when you have brought me back from where i am right now and i thankyou as i would of never of got to see you become the person you are now. You have been there with me through it all, but now no can save me. Do not feel guilt and no shoulda coulda wouldas. Nothing could of stopped this. I am still with you and will always be with you. I am here to help you battle through your life task and you will beat that fucking disease. If only you would belive in yourself as much as i belive in you. Your presence in my life made it worth living. Thankyou babe, I Love You.... A Elephant is not a giraffe"
Now i have many different views on suicide notes. Is it their last goodbye? Is it their way of trying to hold onto some credibillity of who they once were or is it just their final plea for attention which no can ignore?
I am struggling to deal with what has said. It is such a double standard ... a "do as i say not as i do" Situation.
I think ive given up on trying to be strong. I will allow things to get to me, I will allow myself to get upset.. The last few weeks i have been feeling violent which is never a good thing and i think it is time to let it out. Now the only problem i face is who to talk to. All my mates get annoyed at me when i get down... Because im not "bright and bubbly Kat" they are "use to". Its like they dont allow me to feel anything but good, which then i subconciously out on a "happy act and smile even when i feel the urge to put my fist through some for of object.
I just dont want my burdons to become others. People worry about me enough, they dont deserve anymore hassles
Two of my good friends committed suicide last weekend. Which was quite a shock. I thought i have dealt with it but today was the funeral for one of the guys, Jarrad. I am so angry.. Not because he felt bad enough he had to end his life, but because he was so selfish to do so. There is always somthing better then suicide, At least if you are aliove things can get better.
It is probably slefish of me to be thinking that, but i have no respect for those who suicide. Unfortunatly suicide has been around my life a lot. 6 friends and 1 cousin have killed themselves.. It gets to the point of my thoughts snowball and end up being "am i such a bad person that they want to get away from me"? Now i know that is not the case and there is nothing you can do once a person has truly decided to do it.
This is the part mick wrote to/about me in his suicide "note"
Kat : You have always said that we live our lives to create memories, I've always said We live out lives to get fucked up, now you can have memories of us being fucked up :) But seriously babe. There have been many times when you have brought me back from where i am right now and i thankyou as i would of never of got to see you become the person you are now. You have been there with me through it all, but now no can save me. Do not feel guilt and no shoulda coulda wouldas. Nothing could of stopped this. I am still with you and will always be with you. I am here to help you battle through your life task and you will beat that fucking disease. If only you would belive in yourself as much as i belive in you. Your presence in my life made it worth living. Thankyou babe, I Love You.... A Elephant is not a giraffe"
Now i have many different views on suicide notes. Is it their last goodbye? Is it their way of trying to hold onto some credibillity of who they once were or is it just their final plea for attention which no can ignore?
I am struggling to deal with what has said. It is such a double standard ... a "do as i say not as i do" Situation.
I think ive given up on trying to be strong. I will allow things to get to me, I will allow myself to get upset.. The last few weeks i have been feeling violent which is never a good thing and i think it is time to let it out. Now the only problem i face is who to talk to. All my mates get annoyed at me when i get down... Because im not "bright and bubbly Kat" they are "use to". Its like they dont allow me to feel anything but good, which then i subconciously out on a "happy act and smile even when i feel the urge to put my fist through some for of object.
I just dont want my burdons to become others. People worry about me enough, they dont deserve anymore hassles