i'm baaack
i know i said i was leaving.
but there is no therapy like whining about shit to a large crowd of readers via the world wide web.
today i responded to a forward... ya know, the kind where you fill in everything about yourself... "last movie you watched?"..."when was the last time you took a shower?"..."last person you hugged?"...
one question asked what you were doing exactly one minute ago, then one day ago, then one week ago, then one year ago.
One minute ago I cancelled my plans with Chris. I said tomorrow. I meant forever.
One hour ago, I was crying because I missed Sean so much. I said I missed him. I meant I love him.
One day ago, I was in a fight with Serena. I said I didn't feel guilty. I meant I wasn't going to change my mind.
One week ago, I was really happy. I said I felt like my life was really coming together for the summer. I meant it. I had a job, Serena was coming home soon, Sean and I were finally... something real... and everything was perfect.
Now I feel like all my relationships are falling apart. Serena and I are at odds with each other. My friendship with Chris is forever ruined; I officially did the first thing I've ever regretted. Sean is gone, and he is all I can think about. I told him and myself that I wasn't going to be sad about him leaving, I would just think about the happy times that we did have together. But then I do, and I just start crying because they were SO wonderful and there won't be any more. I can't stay attached to him. I just can't, it is impossible. It doesn't make any sense, and we agreed on that the first night this all started. But... lord, what the hell am I supposed to do? I've loved that kid since the first minute I layed eyes on him.
The only solid friendship I have, that I have always had, and that I always will have, is my dad. He is so there for me and such a huge part of my life, I don't think I could live with out him. I want to cry every time I talk to him because he is so amazingly there for me every minute of my life.
But he won't be there forever.
I really need to find something that will last.
but there is no therapy like whining about shit to a large crowd of readers via the world wide web.
today i responded to a forward... ya know, the kind where you fill in everything about yourself... "last movie you watched?"..."when was the last time you took a shower?"..."last person you hugged?"...
one question asked what you were doing exactly one minute ago, then one day ago, then one week ago, then one year ago.
One minute ago I cancelled my plans with Chris. I said tomorrow. I meant forever.
One hour ago, I was crying because I missed Sean so much. I said I missed him. I meant I love him.
One day ago, I was in a fight with Serena. I said I didn't feel guilty. I meant I wasn't going to change my mind.
One week ago, I was really happy. I said I felt like my life was really coming together for the summer. I meant it. I had a job, Serena was coming home soon, Sean and I were finally... something real... and everything was perfect.
Now I feel like all my relationships are falling apart. Serena and I are at odds with each other. My friendship with Chris is forever ruined; I officially did the first thing I've ever regretted. Sean is gone, and he is all I can think about. I told him and myself that I wasn't going to be sad about him leaving, I would just think about the happy times that we did have together. But then I do, and I just start crying because they were SO wonderful and there won't be any more. I can't stay attached to him. I just can't, it is impossible. It doesn't make any sense, and we agreed on that the first night this all started. But... lord, what the hell am I supposed to do? I've loved that kid since the first minute I layed eyes on him.
The only solid friendship I have, that I have always had, and that I always will have, is my dad. He is so there for me and such a huge part of my life, I don't think I could live with out him. I want to cry every time I talk to him because he is so amazingly there for me every minute of my life.
But he won't be there forever.
I really need to find something that will last.