Is here where I go from there?
I've known for well over a year now that my time in the Napping Cat's Dream was ever-so-slowly coming to an end. Well, heck, even from the day I joined I knew I'd just stop going to the place someday. I'd been to and grown bored with too many other message board haunts in the past to be naive enough to think that "this time it'll be different." I know myself too well. I go to a site religiously to see all there is to see, do all there is to do, and try to integrate myself into a fascinating new world. But once that's accomplished, the incentive to stay wanes. Returning day after day just sort of becomes a chore. Something I do because it's part of the routine, not because I'm excited to see what's happening.
So back to the point, this has been happening to me over at the NCD for well over a year now. Slowly but surely I've been pulling myself from one rp after another, without joining new ones to fill the void. I've pretty much stopped going to the chat. And many OOC posts I would have normally posted a one-liner to now go unanswered. Ironically, ESCAPING is my biggest incentive for returning. At least that doesn't feel like a chore yet.
Yesterday marked another significant milestone, however. I finally stopped procrastinating and put my beloved Wing Leader RP on indefinite hold. I posted the reasons why on the thread itself, and while I still think it was the right decision (it had gone over a month without an update from me,) I hated doing it all the same. This was my first - and still only - true GMed RP. I was excited about it when I began planning a year ago. Now I can't stand the thought of sitting down and trying to hammer out another update. You don't know how frustrating it is to want to have something accomplished, but not having the time/energy/desire/patience to make it happen.
A part of me was hoping I could get it finished/carded someday. A lasting tribute to my brief stint on the NCD. Now it's just another half-finished RP, to be lost in the archives of PERFORM. And along with it goes yet another significant reason why I keep going back to the forums day after day. I don't want to leave the Dream but...I know it won't be long before I do. Not long at all.
When I think about this, the question I keep coming back to is "where do I go from here?" While I've been using the moniker "Arc Nova" online for just about 10 years now, attaching an avatar to the name didn't happen until I joined the Dream. In fact, the Dream is pretty much the only place I've ever used said avatar. "Arc Nova's" profile, history, world, and indeed very existence were all brought about by my desire to participate in the NCD. The two are linked together in more ways than I can count. If I leave the Dream what, then, would become of the character? His experiences? His world? His life? Wouldn't "Arc Nova" just go back to being...me?
I'll have to figure something out before that becomes an issue. I can't afford to deal with it now. I have too much mourning to do over the death of Wing Leader, and I have to decide if Lukar in the Delyria forum isn't next on the chopping block.
If there's a bright side to all this, it's that I've used the spot of free-time I've gained to breath new life into my dusty LJ.
...Let's see how long my interest in that lasts. :p
So back to the point, this has been happening to me over at the NCD for well over a year now. Slowly but surely I've been pulling myself from one rp after another, without joining new ones to fill the void. I've pretty much stopped going to the chat. And many OOC posts I would have normally posted a one-liner to now go unanswered. Ironically, ESCAPING is my biggest incentive for returning. At least that doesn't feel like a chore yet.
Yesterday marked another significant milestone, however. I finally stopped procrastinating and put my beloved Wing Leader RP on indefinite hold. I posted the reasons why on the thread itself, and while I still think it was the right decision (it had gone over a month without an update from me,) I hated doing it all the same. This was my first - and still only - true GMed RP. I was excited about it when I began planning a year ago. Now I can't stand the thought of sitting down and trying to hammer out another update. You don't know how frustrating it is to want to have something accomplished, but not having the time/energy/desire/patience to make it happen.
A part of me was hoping I could get it finished/carded someday. A lasting tribute to my brief stint on the NCD. Now it's just another half-finished RP, to be lost in the archives of PERFORM. And along with it goes yet another significant reason why I keep going back to the forums day after day. I don't want to leave the Dream but...I know it won't be long before I do. Not long at all.
When I think about this, the question I keep coming back to is "where do I go from here?" While I've been using the moniker "Arc Nova" online for just about 10 years now, attaching an avatar to the name didn't happen until I joined the Dream. In fact, the Dream is pretty much the only place I've ever used said avatar. "Arc Nova's" profile, history, world, and indeed very existence were all brought about by my desire to participate in the NCD. The two are linked together in more ways than I can count. If I leave the Dream what, then, would become of the character? His experiences? His world? His life? Wouldn't "Arc Nova" just go back to being...me?
I'll have to figure something out before that becomes an issue. I can't afford to deal with it now. I have too much mourning to do over the death of Wing Leader, and I have to decide if Lukar in the Delyria forum isn't next on the chopping block.
If there's a bright side to all this, it's that I've used the spot of free-time I've gained to breath new life into my dusty LJ.
...Let's see how long my interest in that lasts. :p