whatever
wow, I haven't posted twice in one day in a long time...
today...today is odd. I'm very tired, even though I got myself up and got out a little since the last post, did some laundry. Haven't been keeping very good eating habits this weekend. I think all my major meals occured at about 3AM the last couple of days...and that's all I've eaten. except for the hotdog earlier. And a couple of cookies
My drive home tonight was amazing. surreal. made me feel...high? drunk? dizzy? something - all of those words dont quite have the proper connotation. the drive made me glad I had eyes. Made me appreciate my senses for no reason whatsoever except for being alive enough to receive them. My ears itched - inside, more like itching on the brain - with the beats they received from the radio. It was motion - more than sight - that made me feel that way. I felt like I was in midair flying over the freeway, flying across it, flying through the streetlights in the air. I LOVE the feeling of watching the perspective veiw of the world pass by my, me pass through it. around the curves and the interchanges - beautiful fluid lines and moevment. I'm doing a shitty job explaining it. I just didn't feel 'there'. I felt somewhere else. I felt enveloped by the world. by the empty spaces in the world. by the surfaces I saw, surfaces only, no substance, purely aesthetic, I felt like I could pass through the objects around me so that I might move in a different perspective by the view. everything felt composed, even the trash in the gutter.
and as a result of some mood I was in, one of my poems came to mind:
I lay in my bed, with no thoughts in my head
plenty of thoughts, but no thoughts to be read
by the noblest of sage, or my eyes on this page
writing to think, but can't act on this stage
what I'm feeling to write, just might be stage fright
can't overcome fear, or at least not tonight
afraid what might show will be what I know
somewhere deep inside, I won't say it's so
because I like to pretend I'll live with no end
with no need to worry if you are my friend
If needed, I'll ignore, life might turn to a bore
but not all unwelcomed, for my eyes are quite sore
from worry and tears that seep, wounds that run too deep
that I might easily fix but I'd rather just sleep
today...today is odd. I'm very tired, even though I got myself up and got out a little since the last post, did some laundry. Haven't been keeping very good eating habits this weekend. I think all my major meals occured at about 3AM the last couple of days...and that's all I've eaten. except for the hotdog earlier. And a couple of cookies
My drive home tonight was amazing. surreal. made me feel...high? drunk? dizzy? something - all of those words dont quite have the proper connotation. the drive made me glad I had eyes. Made me appreciate my senses for no reason whatsoever except for being alive enough to receive them. My ears itched - inside, more like itching on the brain - with the beats they received from the radio. It was motion - more than sight - that made me feel that way. I felt like I was in midair flying over the freeway, flying across it, flying through the streetlights in the air. I LOVE the feeling of watching the perspective veiw of the world pass by my, me pass through it. around the curves and the interchanges - beautiful fluid lines and moevment. I'm doing a shitty job explaining it. I just didn't feel 'there'. I felt somewhere else. I felt enveloped by the world. by the empty spaces in the world. by the surfaces I saw, surfaces only, no substance, purely aesthetic, I felt like I could pass through the objects around me so that I might move in a different perspective by the view. everything felt composed, even the trash in the gutter.
and as a result of some mood I was in, one of my poems came to mind:
I lay in my bed, with no thoughts in my head
plenty of thoughts, but no thoughts to be read
by the noblest of sage, or my eyes on this page
writing to think, but can't act on this stage
what I'm feeling to write, just might be stage fright
can't overcome fear, or at least not tonight
afraid what might show will be what I know
somewhere deep inside, I won't say it's so
because I like to pretend I'll live with no end
with no need to worry if you are my friend
If needed, I'll ignore, life might turn to a bore
but not all unwelcomed, for my eyes are quite sore
from worry and tears that seep, wounds that run too deep
that I might easily fix but I'd rather just sleep