022 | memories of my mother

[archivy]

My mother could not deal with with who-- what she was. She was seventeen, in love and pregnant with me when she inherited the Archive. She despised me for having a lifetime of freedom ahead of me.

She killed herself shortly after my birth.

Comments

[itachi_kunoichi]

Are you okay?

[archivy]

No.

I have been living with the memory of this for eleven years.

1/2

[itachi_kunoichi]

But . . . your mom was in love, but she killed herself? I dunno, man . . . not that I'm insulting her or anything . . .

2/2

[itachi_kunoichi]

Man. I just don't like seeing useless death.

Sorry, Ivy-chan . . . that's awful.

[archivy]

She could not deal with the suddenly added burden of memory. She could not distance herself. She chose to die rather than live a life she hated.

[itachi_kunoichi]

B-but . . . I know it probably isn't as easy as I'm sayin', but . . . there are good memories too, right? Good stuff to know? Stories that give people courage and heart an' happiness . . .

The kind that make ya wanna live life more, 'cause you're livin' it for a good memory . . .

[archivy]

Naturally. But the strain of memory outweighted the positive aspects by far for my mother.

[itachi_kunoichi]

. . . Sorry to hear it, Ivy-chan . . .

1/2

[archivy]

[archivy]

Thank you for the sympathy.

[itachi_kunoichi]

You're a strong kid.

[archivy]

I do not have a choice.

[itachi_kunoichi]

There's always a choice. If you're gonna stick it out or not. Your mom made another choice. An' you're makin' another.

[archivy]

Even if I wished to, suicide would not be an option until after I have produced offspring.

[itachi_kunoichi]

For the sake of your kid, I know you're gonna do the right thing.

[archivy]

I do not plan to repeat what my mother did.