[Gundam 00] Meet You There (Part II)
Title: Meet You There
Fandom: Gundam 00
Pairing: Lockon/Tieria
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Contains messing around with Innovade sexual distinctions (i.e. Tieria has girlparts), but that shouldn't be too much of a shock by now.
Wordcount: 12,525 (8,833 in this section)
Notes: This wound up being sappier than I intended it to be, but hopefully exactly as messed up as I intended it to be. Written to satisfy an urge for porn and some character exploration while getting some practice for a longer and (slightly) more plot-based thing I'm working on.
Summary: A chance blurring of the lines between reality and what lies beyond gives Tieria an unexpected opportunity.
« PART I »
Holding onto himself while Lockon kissed him was hard for Tieria. He wanted to yield, to be and feel and do whatever Lockon told him to. But he couldn't do that; he needed to see to it that Lockon enjoyed this too.
Tieria undid the catch on the carefully ripped pants of his Lockon was wearing and started to pull them past his hips. Then he stopped, because Lockon's hands behind his back had found the place where the discreetly hidden zipper for his nightgown started, and in one smooth motion he pulled it down.
Tieria disentangled himself from Lockon's arms and stood up. One sleeve of the nightgown slipped over his shoulder, leaving it bare. Lockon's eyes followed the motion to it, then lingered--curiously? Was that it? Tieria couldn't tell for sure. "Lockon," he said, "there's something I need to explain."
Lockon started to stand up as well, then stopped as the motion almost pulled the too-small pants all the way off his hips. He sat back down, but not before Tieria had caught a glimpse of him half-erect and felt his own desire spike. He wondered if that came from his Innovator brain stumbling across some purely human visual arousal trigger, or if he was reacting to the confirmation of Lockon's own physical interest.
"Go ahead," Lockon said. "I can listen a little longer."
Tieria took a deep breath and started to take his arms out of the sleeves of the nightgown. It was better to do that while he distracted himself with this explanation. Baring himself like this, even to Lockon, was a little terrifying. "I've always presented myself with a male identity," he said, "but it's inconsequential. I wasn't originally equipped with the sexual distinctions of either sex."
"Huh?" Lockon sounded alarmed, and Tieria took a worried step back, the nightgown sliding entirely off his right arm and shoulder. "Tieria, if there isn't anything down there for you to..." He lifted a hand to his head and frowned up at Tieria. "If you're not going to get anything out of this, we shouldn't do it."
Tieria let out a small breath of relief. Was that really it? "I wasn't finished, Lockon. I am equipped with nanomachines capable of replicating primary and some secondary sexual characteristics, and there was a recent mission where, to ensure I remained undetected by any sensors, I acquired female characteristics as fully as possible. Some still remain."
He'd had the nanomachines return his chest to its usual shape immediately after leaving Ribbons's party, of course. The drastic change in shape and balance would hinder him in combat and other ordinary activities, and in any case, the biological changes being made had been simple ones. What was between his legs was another story--he'd only altered it in the first place upon realizing that the Innovators' lack of regard for privacy might extend to what most would consider unsavory lengths. The difference was insignificant from a structural standpoint, but complex from a biological one, and he'd seen no need to expend the energy to return it. Now he was glad he hadn't.
"That's all?" Lockon said.
Tieria frowned at him. "Physical sex is an important criterion in sexual activity. Most people prefer their partner's to be distinct."
Lockon did stand up now, although this time the pants stayed more or less on his hips. He reached out and pulled the nightgown off Tieria's other arm, then held onto it as he spoke. "You thought I'd let it get this far already if that bothered me? It doesn't matter. Whatever parts you have, you're still Tieria, and I still like you."
Tieria barely had time to catch his breath at those words before Lockon pulled the nightgown the rest of the way off him and tossed it to the floor. It was a disorderly action, and now Tieria was entirely naked as he could never before remember being in front of another person. He closed his eyes, and to his exasperation he felt the heat of a blush rising to his face.
Then Lockon pulled him into his arms, and it wasn't a problem anymore.
* * *
It was easy to tell that Tieria was making an effort to relax. He held his shoulders very straight and took deep, measured breaths, even as Lockon slid his arms around him and nuzzled his cheek. Lockon drew back a little, slowing down to ease whatever pressure was tensing Tieria up so much--although his own desire had grown. That was mildly surprising; was it just a side effect of being solid and embodied again? But then, come to think of it, he hadn't had a whole lot of sex when he was alive in the first place. It was fun, but it carried so much risk of entanglement, so much risk of hurting people or, almost as bad, letting them get too close.
There wasn't any danger this time that he would wake up in the morning with Tieria knowing and feeling too much about him, because there wouldn't be a morning for him. He couldn't snarl up the bonds of the team this way, because he wasn't part of the team anymore. But he could hurt Tieria more than ever.
Tieria rested his head against Lockon's throat and kissed his pulse over and over again, and a tiny noise of longing escaped him. Lockon remembered that he could hurt Tieria by refusing this as well. It was okay, then, that he didn't want to refuse. That he wanted to know what sounds Tieria would make, and how his expression would change, when Lockon was on top of him and inside him.
Lockon started to check himself, but really, he didn't mind taking it slowly. He still had plenty of time, and he wanted to watch Tieria work his careful way toward greater desire before taking it further. He settled his hands on Tieria's head and began to stroke his hair.
But Tieria had other ideas. He pulled his head back from Lockon's throat, matched his mouth eagerly to Lockon's, and swiftly took his pants down. They ripped again, then fell to the floor, and Lockon broke the kiss to give Tieria a confused look.
"There isn't any reason to hesitate," Tieria said. "Should we return to the bed?"
They were both naked now--in Lockon's case, again. He grinned at Tieria. "Not yet." He slipped his hands behind Tieria and drew him close, so that his hardness pressed against Tieria's belly. He was entirely erect now, and Tieria gasped a little at the feeling. Or at least, it started as a gasp; somewhere in the middle it changed direction and veered more into a squeak.
"Lockon," he said sharply, "this is a problem."
Lockon let go of him and stepped back. "What's wrong?"
Tieria took a steadying breath, but he was still frowning. "If you continue to touch me in this way, I won't be able to retain control of my voice."
Lockon felt another grin twitch up his mouth, and he reached out to slide a hand back into Tieria's hair. "The walls here are that thin?"
"What?" Tieria stared at him blankly for a moment, then realized what he was saying. "No. The rebuilt Ptolemaios has securely soundproofed walls."
Lockon ran his thumb around Tieria's ear. "I don't get it, Tieria. What's the problem?"
"It's distracting," Tieria said, now frowning more from confusion than anything. "And highly unsuited to the demeanor of a Gundam Meister."
Lockon laughed. "It's supposed to be. Distracting, anyway. That other thing doesn't make any sense. I've heard recordings of your practice sessions in Virtue, and you're noisy enough in there." He paused, figured out what would really matter, and said, "I like it."
Tieria flushed gratifyingly (or maybe adorably) and cast his eyes down. Lockon started to follow his gaze and found himself distracted by the smooth paleness of his skin, the faint but sufficient definition of muscle, the roundness of his hips incongruous under the flatness of his chest. He'd never thought about Tieria this way before, and now that it was an option to do so, he suddenly had a lot of catching up to do in not so much time.
Tieria tensed up as Lockon looked at him, and Lockon realized where the earlier nervousness had come from.
"Do you want to turn off the light?" he asked.
Tieria stiffened immediately, his eyes gleaming now with determination rather than uneasiness. "No. Lockon--" He lifted his hands and put them on Lockon's shoulders, then drew them closer to his neck, up his throat, finally cradling his head. "Physical appearances aren't significant, but yours is above average. I want to keep looking."
Lockon turned his face to kiss Tieria's open palms, drawing momentary shivers from him. He didn't have the heart to point out that Tieria would no doubt find him so attractive no matter what he looked like. "All right," he said. He closed his eyes and kept kissing Tieria's hands, taking the tips of his fingers into his mouth and biting gently, until Tieria badly stifled another squeak and withdrew his hands to his side again.
Lockon followed them forward and lowered himself to lean against Tieria's body. He trailed little kisses from his collarbone to one nipple, which he took between his lips and sucked on until Tieria stopped restraining himself and gave a small high moan. Then he moved away a little, laughing again (more breathlessly than he'd expected; he was really getting into this), and kissed from the center of Tieria's ribcage down to that too-neat triangle of too-fine hair. It was the exact same shade of purple as the hair on his head, and Lockon would have laughed at that too if it hadn't meant taking his mouth away from there. Instead he paused for a moment, and as he did, he felt Tieria's hands come to rest in his hair, hesitantly taking stray locks and smoothing them between his fingers. They'd spring right back into disarray, but Tieria didn't seem to mind; he just did it again.
Lockon hadn't admitted as much directly to Tieria, but he was actually a little relieved about what parts he had tonight. For all that he'd never been too active sexually, he still had a lot more experience with women than with men, and it would be easier for him to see to it that Tieria enjoyed himself if he knew what he was doing. He dropped the rest of the way to his knees, tipped his head up, and licked patterns first around the inside of Tieria's legs, then closer and closer until finally he gave up subtlety and teasing and just buried his mouth in that wetness at the center.
Tieria cried out again, and pressed up so close against him Lockon could feel the shivers of muscles tensing inside him. He stopped a moan himself, suddenly intensely aware of how much he wanted to be in there already, feeling every tremor he could send through Tieria's body. Instead he tilted his head back a little to look up at Tieria, smiled into him at the flushed look of confused excitement on his face, and reached up to stroke his thumb along the top of Tieria's hips and the bottom of his ribs.
Tieria's breaths came faster, his stomach fluttering against Lockon's hand. He slipped his other hand behind Tieria to hold him close, then lifted his tongue to trace slow circles where Tieria would feel it most. Sure enough, he was rewarded with a little almost-sob of pleasure that Tieria couldn't even make an effort to hide.
Then, without warning, Tieria's hand tightened fiercely in Lockon's hair, and he pulled his head back. It was too quick for Lockon to stop himself from crying out this time with a low throaty ah! of surprised need. "Are you all right?" Tieria asked, distracted from whatever his original question had been by the sound.
Lockon didn't answer immediately. He licked his lips slowly, watching Tieria's expression shift as he did so: from faint concern to startled lust to plain surprise, as if he couldn't figure out why the gesture turned him on so much. That was more of a turn-on than anything else. "I'm good, Tieria," he said. "But what did you do that for?"
Tieria stared down at him for a moment longer, the grip on his hair loosening a little. "Lockon," he said. "Let's go back to the bed."
Still on his knees, Lockon looked up at Tieria, struck momentarily silent by the way his voice had caught on that last sentence, by the indescribable look on his face. "All right," he said quietly. He rose to his feet and pulled Tieria back towards the bed.
* * *
Lockon drew him too quickly to the bed, and they both fell upon it in disarray, momentum doing for them what the sleeping quarters' low artificial gravity would not. Tieria scrambled to catch himself, but Lockon just rolled with it. Stretched out over Lockon, feeling the speed of his heartbeat and seeing the amused little grin on his face, Tieria realized he'd done it on purpose. "That was unnecessarily careless," he said, but he trailed off before he could say anything more, because something deep in his brain finally took stock of the situation, and he was suddenly overwhelmed.
He felt Lockon's bare chest rising and falling beneath him now, and he couldn't take his eyes off the way Lockon's hair framed his face so haphazardly. He found himself unable to do anything but lift a hand and gently brush the stray pieces of hair out of Lockon's eyes, away from his cheeks and temples. It was all right, he thought; there was nothing else he needed to do in the world. Even the unfamiliar but fierce ache of need nestled between his hips seemed far away compared to Lockon's face under his fingertips.
Lockon reached out and cupped Tieria's chin in one hand. His expression changed and softened. Tieria couldn't say what exactly it meant, but there was a little smile there now, and it felt good to see that. "Tieria," Lockon murmured, his voice a little unsteady. Tieria had heard that sort of instability in his voice before, briefly, but only out of rage. This was different; he could only hear kindness now.
Then he couldn't hear anything, because Lockon pulled him down for a long, slow kiss, and it felt as if the single stimulus of Lockon's mouth moving against his drowned out all other sensory input. He devoted himself entirely to kissing back fervently, yielding without a second thought as Lockon settled both hands around his hips and began to guide him. Somewhere in this sequence of events, he felt the kiss break long enough for Lockon to turn him onto his back. He could go back to kissing just as well like that, though, so he did, and it was fine.
Lockon's body moved atop his now, and one hand stroked the inside of his thighs, coaxing his legs apart. Tieria absorbed himself in turning the trick he'd learned earlier back on Lockon, sucking Lockon's lower lip into his mouth and holding it there. Lockon made a quiet noise of satisfaction and eased himself forward a little.
Tieria stopped, because suddenly the feelings from farther down his body had reasserted their dominance. He drew in a slow breath and tried to calm himself, but now he could feel Lockon's hard length first resting against, then starting to press into his entrance. A ridiculous word to use, he corrected himself immediately; there were multiple "entrances" to the body and all served a more specific function than that. But it didn't matter, because right now all he knew was that he wanted Lockon in one of them.
Lockon brushed his fingers across Tieria's cheek. "Tell me if anything hurts, all right?" He was pushing inside him in slow and careful starts, all of it with intolerable slowness; that was the closest thing to hurt Tieria could think of right now. There was some strangeness and discomfort to the feeling, but it was insignificant compared to the ripples of physical contentment flowing up his belly with every further fraction of a centimeter Lockon slid into him.
He couldn't talk. All he could do was make undignified little sounds of need, just like he'd been afraid he would. This was absurd: all that was influencing him were nerve impulses, the same as when he hit his elbow on a wall. He could ordinarily dismiss them without a second thought. Yet the fact that they came from Lockon, Lockon this close to him and inside him, made them impossible to ignore. But somehow he managed to regain enough control of himself to put his hands on Lockon's hips and try to pull him forward faster.
Lockon laughed, but it wasn't as casual and confident a sound as it had been earlier. He was eager, too. "Don't worry, Tieria--we've got time. I'll let you know when it's getting late." He tipped his head down again and touched his nose to Tieria's, nuzzling him. His hair fell to brush against the sides of Tieria's face, and finally, he slipped the rest of the way inside him, taking the last several centimeters in a single smooth stroke.
Their hips rested flat against each other now, which was perfect to Tieria: he wanted to feel every breath and every shiver of Lockon's body. He remembered himself and wove his fingers together in Lockon's hair, behind his head, then started kissing him again. It was like he'd completed a circuit, or established a connection between distant servers. Feeling leapt between the warmth at his lips and the warmth between his legs to meet at the center of his ribcage in a small explosion.
With a pleased little sigh, Lockon started to move, and the rest of the world melted away once more for Tieria. Lockon thrust forward and rolled his hips, then did it again, and again, lifting his head to study Tieria's face as he did so, adjusting the angle and timing of his strokes by the expression found there. In little more than a minute Tieria had almost no down time between shocks of pleasure. The moment Lockon eased away from thrusting into him, he was pressing down on him above that, and he only lifted away to thrust again.
The rhythm threatened to carry Tieria away too fast. It had never occurred to him that there were such rhythms to be found in the human body beyond the simple beat of the heart, but this was as complex as anything he'd ever felt in a pulse of data from Veda, and it left him more breathless. He realized to his embarrassed dismay that there were tears gathering at the corners of his eyes.
Lockon must have noticed it too, because he brushed the tears away with one thumb, then kissed where they had been. Tieria couldn't see it, but he could feel Lockon's mouth curving into a smile.
"Lockon," Tieria said, because he couldn't say anything else. Then he gave in and let himself be swept away, first by silence, then by inarticulate cries.
* * *
Tieria's expressions were fantastic. Lockon found himself unable to get enough of the way his eyes fluttered closed almost unwillingly at the apex of each thrust, the way his mouth fell just open enough to highlight his vulnerability. His walls were almost all down now. But he still held onto Lockon with a demanding passion, hands digging into the back of his head and pulling his hair, or clutching too hard at the small of his back.
Lockon wasn't sure if this was a problem or not. It made it harder for him to hold himself at enough of a distance to watch the faces Tieria made when he cried out, which was too bad. But there was something satisfying about the intensity of Tieria's want for him. It was gratifying. Beyond that, though, it was a little frightening. He couldn't draw away and put distance between them like this if it got to be too much. He was too close. Still, it was what Tieria wanted, and that was a little exciting in and of itself.
He pressed into Tieria, earning another series of half-stifled cries. The little noises radiated through Lockon, drawing spikes of pleasure up from where Tieria surrounded him. He sighed and arched up enough to tuck his head under Tieria's chin. It was a mistake. He'd only meant to linger there long enough to kiss the soft places of his throat, then draw away again to watch his reaction, but Tieria grabbed him again, one hand planted firmly between his shoulderblades and the other buried in his hair, and held him tight. Lockon didn't want to resist hard enough to break free, so he went along with it and devoted himself to kissing and licking and lightly biting.
After a minute of this, and another few thrusts against and into him, Tieria couldn't hold on so tightly anymore. His hands slipped away, and he moaned with less restraint than before: starting low back in his throat, as deep and masculine as the days when he'd spoken to the others in far more dismissive tones of their lack of value, but rising rapidly into a register Lockon had never heard before, had never expected to hear out of him. Not getting carried away with it was an effort.
But in the end, Tieria cut the sound off sharply before it could draw to a finish and instead tilted his head back for another kiss. Lockon gave it to him, but as he did he could feel Tieria's hips start to move beneath his. It wasn't that he minded, exactly. But the timing was all wrong, and it threw his own rhythm off. And there was a rigid desperation there he didn't like.
Lockon stopped moving and gently pushed Tieria's head back down into the pillow. "Hey, hey," he said softly. "You don't need to do that."
"Lockon," Tieria said after taking a moment to find his voice, "this isn't a single-person activity. I'll do my part."
Lockon took one of Tieria's hands in his and stroked the center of his palm. "You're doing your part," he said. "And you can do more, but relax for a little while, all right?"
Tieria looked at him with the faintest of frowns, which Lockon suspected was the most negative expression he could manage right now. "Lockon..."
"Just for a minute," Lockon said. As Tieria tilted his head against the pillow to consider this in a matter-of-fact way, Lockon realized his misstep and corrected himself. "More than a minute, if you want. But not less. Can you do that, Tieria?"
Tieria looked at him uncertainly for a moment longer, then, with a visible effort, let the tension drain out of his body. His shoulders sank back into the bed. He lifted his hands again, but only to lace his fingers together lightly on Lockon's back, no grip or pressure in the gesture.
Lockon kissed him low on his forehead, then took over and started to move in him again.
* * *
Tieria sank back against the bed. He still wanted to do his best, even now, but after four years of disuse, Lockon's reassurances hadn't grown any less compelling. He said, Relax for a little while, and Tieria thought it might be okay not to worry about being the best lover possible for a little while--even if he would only be a lover at all for a little while longer than that.
He kept his arms around Lockon, but this time only to feel the smooth line of his back shifting slightly up and down with every thrust. It was such a strange feeling to Tieria, having someone this close to him, letting someone touch him like this, even asking someone to touch him like this. One image wouldn't leave his mind: his hands in Lockon's hair as Lockon knelt before him, his head tipped back so he could watch Tieria with bright, amused eyes, licking his lips as though he'd enjoyed what he'd been doing as much as Tieria had. He didn't understand why it was so good to see Lockon like that.
He certainly didn't understand why all this touching felt so good. Human bodies functioned best separate, kept at a safe and comfortable distance; things got confusing and troublesome if they came too close. Tieria had thought so once, at least, but Lockon had changed that. Now he was changing more, because until now Tieria had certainly thought that it was best if bodies were discrete. If they occupied separate points in space.
Tieria lifted his head and tucked it against Lockon's collarbone, pushing his body up into a shallow arch so he could look down the curve of it to see the place where their bodies connected. The shadows blurred the differences in their skin tones and the color of their hair, and Tieria had no reliable way of telling where Lockon ended and he began. Not until Lockon moved so he could push into him, again and again. Then Tieria could feel it deep inside of him and surely when that happened they were less separate than ever.
He shivered a little against Lockon's chest, and Lockon tipped his head back with two fingers and nudged him back down to the bed. Tieria didn't resist this time, only traced the line of Lockon's spine with his fingers. Lockon kissed his throat and the underside of his chin, his breath hot against Tieria's skin as it came in soft sighs in time with his thrusts. Tieria realized it had been more than a minute since he'd relaxed as he agreed. He considered trying to retake more of a lead, and Lockon kissed him particularly hard, but still gently, right below one ear. Tieria made a sound that was far too much like a whimper for his taste, but even so, he decided to let it go on for a little while longer.
It was the same feeling as when he'd put his head down on Lockon's shoulder, he realized, but magnified a hundredfold and with his body giving him feedback that harmonized with his mind more than it ever had in the past. Lockon was here; everything would be all right. Everything was all right. He caught his breath; something in him was rising to a perfect point. Ah. That was what climax meant, in this context.
But the thought came to him, Lockon won't be here much longer, and the moment passed unfulfilled. There was another ache in him. Tieria thought once more of Lockon on his knees, and he knew what to do.
It had been three minutes, and he'd only agreed to a minimum of one. Tieria grabbed Lockon's shoulder, pushed him up a little, and said firmly, "Lockon, stop."
* * *
Tieria's command was absolute. Startled and not a little alarmed, Lockon made the effort and pulled out. From Tieria's moan of disappointment as he slid free, he realized immediately that hadn't been what was asked of him. Now he was just confused. "What's wrong, Tieria?"
Breathing heavily, Tieria sat up. Lockon realized that in the past, Tieria would only have looked so passionate and disheveled after battle. Things were different, now. Lockon smiled, suddenly struck with fondness, and reached out and ran his fingers along one of Tieria's cheekbones.
Tieria caught that hand and held it pressed against his face. "Lockon," he said, "lie down."
"Huh?"
Tieria took him by the shoulders and pushed him firmly down onto his back. Lockon blinked up at him. "You could have just told me to roll over."
"It didn't occur to me," Tieria said very seriously as he straddled Lockon, hurrying a little to position himself. He pressed against Lockon, so slick and wet that this time he slid around him all the way in almost without trying. The sudden wet warmth and the small, intense smile on Tieria's face were together enough to drag a noise out of Lockon, something between a sigh and a moan, and Tieria's smile widened a little with satisfaction.
Tieria reached down and braced himself with one arm around Lockon's shoulder. Then he took Lockon's face in the other hand, slowly and a little awkwardly stroking with his thumb. Lockon started to turn to kiss his palm, but Tieria resisted, nudging him to look forward again. "Lockon, I want..." He hesitated, struggling to find words. Normally Lockon would have been able to help him, but he was lost here. This was a side of Tieria puzzling even to him. "I want to look you in the eyes," Tieria finally said. He wasn't smiling now. His eyes were half-lidded, his mouth slightly open in hesitant vulnerability. Where once Lockon would only have found that expression endearing and moved on with a thought, now he wanted to kiss those eyes closed and run his fingers along those lips. He found himself caught between two poles: relief that he wouldn't have to deal with the consequences of these newly opened desires, and the faintest disappointment that he wouldn't have more time to learn about the ways Tieria had changed.
"I don't mind," Lockon said. "But can you still give me something to kiss while you do that?" He didn't feel quite right simply lying here as Tieria moved on top of him. It wasn't that he minded letting someone else take the lead; he just needed to be doing everything he could for his partner.
Tieria's expression resolved a bit into a smile, and he moved his hand to caress Lockon's lips. Satisfied with that for now, Lockon took Tieria's fingers into his mouth, caught two lightly between his teeth, and drew on them. It was a little difficult still meeting Tieria's gaze, but that was what Tieria wanted of him, so he would do it.
With a careful, steadying breath, Tieria began to move atop him. He was terribly awkward, every roll of his hips a little hesitant, every pause a different length. Lockon resisted the urge to guide him for about three seconds, and then he gave up. The prospect of feeling the rhythm of Tieria's motion improve little by little under his guidance was just too attractive. He placed his hands on Tieria's hips and began to take over for him.
To his surprise, Tieria's eyes narrowed in determination, and he resisted. "Lockon, I'll take this at my own pace." Lockon wanted to protest, but Tieria was curling his fingers in his mouth and Lockon would have had to stop licking them to speak, so he let it go. He kept his hands on Tieria, but he limited himself to nudging rather than pulling and pushing him.
Tieria moved more quickly now, both thrusting against him and rubbing himself on the base of Lockon's shaft. Now he didn't have to tell Lockon to meet his gaze; watching Tieria's face as ecstasy crept over him sent thrills all down Lockon's body. But there was something different there now that gave him pause. Not being able to read Tieria's expression was so rare for him, but it was happening now. Was he just too distracted? No, even though Tieria was starting to lose control from the onset of so much sensation, Lockon still felt perfectly capable of restraining himself. He could last another fifteen, even twenty minutes before coming if Tieria needed him too, although in this situation he thought it might get difficult towards the end.
It was just that Tieria's expression was something strange. Lockon stared at him searchingly. Then Tieria arched against him again with a fierce determination overriding everything else on his face, and a sudden spark of pleasure raced through Lockon before he could anticipate it. When it cleared, Lockon realized what he was seeing. Protectiveness. Tieria was looking at him like he wanted to take care of him. Like he wanted to be the one who made sure Lockon was safe, even though it was much too late.
The shock combined with the feeling of Tieria pressing against him to make him cry out around the tips of Tieria's fingers in his mouth. No wonder Tieria had wanted to be on top; no wonder he'd wanted to reverse things. But it still seemed so strange--
Lockon couldn't hold onto the thought for much longer, because at the noise from him, Tieria had sped up again, and now he was almost trembling as he rocked back and forth on top of Lockon. He pulled his hand away from Lockon's mouth to dig his fingers instead into the soft curve between his neck and shoulder. The moment where he gave in and began to try only to reach his own climax was beautifully evident, and Lockon caught his breath in sudden gratification at it. But all the while, that achingly earnest protective look never faded from his eyes.
It only went away when he closed them at last and a startlingly loud cry of release escaped him. Tieria sank down against Lockon's chest, and although this time Lockon didn't see the tears, he felt them as Tieria nuzzled into the crook of his neck.
* * *
Tieria normally found metaphors inconvenient at best, but right now he lacked any other way to describe how he felt.
Something had unfolded within him: that was an acceptable way to put it. That didn't convey why it had felt so good, but then, it had only felt that good in the first place because of nerve impulses. It only felt so good now to be lying quietly atop Lockon, still feeling him inside, because of recently released endorphins. It would be simple to say that, but it hadn't and it didn't. Tieria kissed one point of Lockon's collarbone, then lingered there, absorbed in the warmth of Lockon's skin between his lips.
After a minute, Lockon started to slide a hand slowly down Tieria's side, and Tieria lifted himself a little to see what he was doing. Lockon took advantage of the opportunity, slipping his hand between their bodies to run down Tieria's stomach. Tieria shivered a little, but he continued to watch Lockon's face, trying to find a clue there. All he got was a grin. He wasn't sure, but he thought there might be something devious in it.
"Lockon," Tieria said, "we should see that you..." He searched for the word, but couldn't quite find one that he wanted to use. It was strange, how humans had all these words for the sexual act and its components, but no one of them seemed entirely right. But he thought there must be a reason for it. Humans, he knew now, had their reasons. "We should see that you finish your part in this as well."
Lockon ducked his head a little to kiss Tieria--on the nose, for some reason. "We'll get to it." His voice was a little shaky, and he paused sheepishly at that. "Sooner than I thought, maybe." Before Tieria could say anything else, though, Lockon curled his free hand around Tieria's hip and began to move him.
Tieria caught his breath. "Lockon--!" So soon after his--climax, the feeling was too raw and intense. He was clasped too tightly around Lockon, like his body resisted the idea of ever letting the two of them drift physically apart. He didn't know if that was normal, or if something in him was trying every way he had to keep Lockon here with him.
"Sorry, Tieria," Lockon said, immediately releasing his grip. His hand still rested there, and so did the one on Tieria's belly, but for a long moment he did nothing more. Finally, he started to move Tieria again, but this time very slowly, with only the gentlest of nudges. "Is that any better?"
Tieria couldn't speak--the sudden slow shivers of contentment enthralled him too much--but from the satisfied little grin that flashed up on Lockon's face, it was clear Lockon had figured out his response well enough. He leaned up and met Tieria in a kiss, and Tieria gladly accepted it, even opening his mouth and pressing in with his tongue himself without waiting for Lockon to do it.
Lockon's hand flat against Tieria's stomach slid farther down his body until it was poised right over where the two of them joined. Tieria felt something tense inside him at the touch (and Lockon felt it too, because he took a quick, eager little breath that wasn't much less than a gasp). Then Lockon stroked up against him with two fingers, and where before something had tensed inside Tieria, now something released.
"Ah--" Tieria managed to steady himself this time before tears formed, much to his relief. It had been in the raw data he'd examined, but he'd forgotten: female sexual response included certain opportunities for repetition. Even if he hadn't forgotten, he wouldn't have expected it to be so easy. But then, this was Lockon. Of course it was Lockon; he would never have considered doing any of this with anybody else.
Lockon fell smoothly into a rhythm, this time of gentle strokes with one hand and gentle nudges with the other, and Tieria started to lose coherence. It took less than a minute each time now for Lockon to bring him up to that point and then off it, and then after another several seconds to let the rush die down he'd start again. Hazily, Tieria wondered why anyone would consider doing this with someone other than Lockon. He was too perfect.
Tieria lost count of how many times it had been now, which was funny because it hadn't been that many--probably not more than four, he thought, or maybe five. But it fell into too much of a pattern for him to separate it all out. He'd been wrong when he thought that the proper metaphor was unfolding. Now he knew that it was more like a set of wave equations plotted on a graph, or the same one run through a series of Fourier transforms. He rose and fell, he rose and fell--
And finally he came to rest against Lockon once more, the two of them still except for the other rise and fall of their breathing.
* * *
Lockon tried to hold out for longer. Tieria was enjoying himself so much--but that was part of the problem. The physical sensations of Tieria tensing and releasing around him felt good enough, but the look on his face as every time he came surprised him was something else. His arms were braced on the pillow, and sometime in the last few minutes his hands had sank into Lockon's hair and cradled his head. Lockon couldn't tell whether the gesture was possessive or protective, even now, but he liked it far too much.
"Tieria," he murmured, his voice still soft while he couldn't control it as well as he'd like. "Almost had enough?"
Tieria pulled his hands away to brace himself and push up in alarm. "You need to go?"
Lockon stared up at him, caught totally off-guard by the helpless need on his face. Half of him started to say, It's true, that just proves this was a bad idea, but that part of him was almost immediately silenced with a sudden spike of lust. He wanted to fill that need for as long as he could.
After a moment, he recovered enough to laugh. "It's the opposite! I need to come."
Tieria looked at him blankly at first, and then a kind of bemused exasperation took over his expression. "An inexact and somewhat crude way of putting it, Lockon."
"Does it matter?" When Tieria didn't say anything in response, Lockon propped himself up on one elbow, pushed Tieria up with the other hand, and rolled the two of them over together, putting Tieria comfortably beneath him once more. Tieria didn't object; he just folded his arms on the small of Lockon's back and kissed his shoulders.
Lockon started to push into him again, more slowly and more carefully this time. Tieria let out a tiny moan at the first thrust, dug his fingers into Lockon's back at the second, pressed his face hard into Lockon's throat at the third, and bit him at the fourth.
Tieria bit him. Lockon almost came right there with the shock of it. He arched into Tieria again by reflex, then stopped, staring down at him in surprise.
Tieria's eyes were wide. He looked even more surprised than Lockon was. "I'm sorry. I'll restrain myself in the future."
"Don't say that," Lockon said, finally letting Tieria hear the full range of desire and need in his voice. It was nothing like Tieria's desire and need, he knew that. He couldn't imagine what it was Tieria was feeling, but he knew that it wasn't entirely right to have feelings like that directed at him. Tieria had fallen for the wrong man. Knowing that, Lockon owed him at least this much more insight into how he felt. "What if I want it to happen again?"
Tieria blinked, pulling a hand away from Lockon's back to hesitantly cup one side of his face. "Do you?" he said, speaking softly, wonderingly, like he wasn't sure Lockon could really be talking to him in that tone of voice.
"So long as you don't mind," Lockon said, smiling. He leaned in to kiss Tieria again, trailing the fingers of one hand across his cheek, and then pressed down on him and thrust into him, hard and without nearly as much restraint this time. He'd only meant to dial up the force a little, but after that biting his normal judgment was off. It was all right, though, because Tieria shuddered and Lockon could feel him on the verge of coming again. Satisfaction radiated up Lockon's body at that.
Lockon thrust into Tieria one more time, harder than before. This time Tieria pushed back: as he cried out into Lockon's mouth, he pressed down on the small of his back to push Lockon more into himself, and even as Lockon startled against him from that, Tieria bit him again, this time on his lower lip and with more force--
Lockon gave up and gave in, because he didn't have a choice anymore. Tieria's eagerness, Tieria's pleasure was too much. Lockon tucked his arms beneath Tieria and held their bodies together as he came, feeling every shiver that shook Tieria. For that moment, he was sure it was worth it, even if he wasn't sure what it was.
* * *
They lay in each other's arms for a little while longer, Tieria curiously exploring more metaphors in his head. Entangled like particles. No, that wasn't right. In a little while, when Lockon was gone again, no change to Tieria would affect him at any distance. Except perhaps that wasn't true; he was here now, wasn't he? Setsuna had flooded the air with GN particles, but Tieria had called Lockon through them.
He tried to fix an image in his memory: Lockon's face at his climax just now. His mouth a little open, curved just enough that it might be a smile; his eyes two-thirds closed, only open enough to let little half-moons of blue-green show. Tieria was convinced he'd never seen eyes that shade on anyone else, and never would again. The other twin, he told himself, had a little grey in his, or maybe just a little more green. Lockon, this Lockon, was unique, and it was because of Tieria that he had briefly worn that expression.
After a minute, Lockon kissed Tieria on the forehead and eased himself off of and out of him to lie on his back at Tieria's side. Tieria turned to look at him, wondering how humans were intended to tolerate someone sharing a bed with them.
Lockon met his gaze. He was only half-smiling now, but somehow that looked even better than his grins. "What's up, Tieria?"
"I was considering how one is supposed to sleep," Tieria said, "with one's lover in the same bed."
Lockon blinked up at him. "One's lover?"
Tieria stopped for a moment. The word had felt strange to say, and not entirely right. But he didn't have a word that was entirely right, except Lockon. "It's an inexact word," he settled on, "much like the euphemism for orgasm to which you referred earlier."
Something about the way Lockon smiled now made Tieria's cheeks heat up, though he managed to check the reaction before his blush became visible. Lockon freed an arm from his side to slip it around Tieria, pulling him close, but without any urgency this time. "It's not like I did this often," he said, "but usually I was tired enough to be okay with it."
"I don't intend to sleep," Tieria said.
There was something in Lockon's look that Tieria couldn't identify, but when he sighed it was with resigned fondness. He put a hand on Tieria's head and tipped him over so that he was sprawled halfway across Lockon's chest. Tieria didn't resist. He wasn't sure he could have, in any case. Something about the gesture, and about the position he was in now, filled him in a way that even the sexual act itself hadn't.
After a little while, Tieria spoke again. "If circumstances were different..." He trailed off, his throat closing up around the sentence.
"What?" Lockon said softly.
"If I knew you would be here when I woke up," Tieria said, "I could grow accustomed to sleeping next to you." Still, his eyes were dry. The thought of the could-have-been future, of Lockon at his side in whatever way he thought was best (his hand on Tieria's shoulder or between Tieria's legs, it didn't matter), was too much to cry over.
"But circumstances are what they are," Lockon said. "And you've done pretty well with them."
"Lockon..."
Lockon said nothing, but he bent forward to kiss the top of Tieria's head, and Tieria was quiet for a while, content with the sound and feeling of Lockon's heartbeat beneath his head.
When Lockon finally spoke again, his tone was conversational, but there was a surprisingly hesitant curiosity in it, evident even to Tieria. "Well, I remember a little bit, here and there. I think I've been there a few times for you guys, as much as I could be. But I still want to hear it from you, Tieria. Tell me a little bit about the past four years. What's Celestial Being like now?"
Tieria took a moment to remember where to start, and then he began to speak.
* * *
Silence came to the two of them again after a while. Tieria was sitting up now, had been for a little while. He'd said nothing about why, but now that he knew, Lockon couldn't unsee the protective look in his eyes. He stayed lying down, looking up at Tieria. He'd taken away Tieria's chance to protect him when it mattered, and he still couldn't bring himself to truly regret it. The least he could do was yield to that urge as much as possible now.
Tieria stroked his hair slowly, fingers sometimes straying to Lockon's face instead. Somewhere in the midst of this, he asked quietly, "Lockon, what's it like where you are?"
Lockon turned a little to kiss fingers that came too close to his mouth. "You mean in your bed?"
Tieria fixed him with an unimpressed stare. "No."
Lockon grinned--but only for a second. "I know, I know." He knew what Tieria meant, of course, but he hesitated to describe it. "It's hard to say," he said. But Tieria was still waiting, expecting him to do his best, so he went on. "There's only light," he said, "and something that sparkles. And I know you guys aren't that far away."
Tieria still said nothing. He was waiting for more.
"There isn't anything I need to do," Lockon said. "There really isn't any me to be doing anything, so it's all right." He hesitated, then found the word he wanted. "It's peaceful." He left some things unspoken: that it was that peace that made it so much better than this world. That he was grateful there wasn't any him to be doing anything there, because the alternative wasn't a him that could do things, it was a him that had to do things. That he knew that if he had to stay in this world much longer, if he had to walk away from Tieria's bed and out the door of the room, the grief and rage that had clung to him for so long in life would come back, even though he no longer knew what to do with them. He only knew that what he'd been doing with them was wrong and that he would never know how to do anything else.
Tieria didn't need to know those things.
"Lockon..." Tieria sank down to his side once more, drawing close to Lockon again. "I'd like to go there someday, where you are, and be with you."
"In a while," Lockon said. This wasn't how Tieria had been intended to feel. What had gone wrong? "A long while from now."
"I know," Tieria said. "I haven't done all that I need to do yet. It will be some time, if I can accomplish these objectives at all."
"Hey, now," Lockon said. "It's up to you if you can get it done, so if you start doubting yourself you're only making things worse." But he felt himself smiling again. Even if some unexpected things had happened, Tieria had changed as he needed to change. He was glad.
"What if you aren't there anymore," Tieria said suddenly, "when I'm ready to join you?"
Lockon stopped. It seemed like such a strange question to him. "I'll be there," he said. "I'll wait for you." He didn't know for sure why he was saying that. There was no telling how long Tieria would be in this world, and Lockon had farther to go to reach the people he'd thought he wanted to be with. But some instinct told him that he needed to make this promise. He was the one who had changed Tieria; he would wait for him, at the end of that change.
It was enough. Tieria relaxed against him, smiling distantly. "Thank you, Lockon."
* * *
They didn't speak much, after that; enough had been said. Tieria didn't feel the need for any more words, at least.
He wasn't sure how long it had been when Lockon stirred at his side and sat up. As long as he needed, and not long enough. Tieria knew what was coming, and he caught hold of Lockon's wrist, trying to burn into his memory the sight of Lockon sitting there, quiet and content, only smiling a little; the softness of Lockon's hand in his.
"I have to go, Tieria," he said.
"I know," Tieria said, but it hurt to say, and when Lockon got up from the bed, Tieria rose with him.
Lockon sighed again, and there was something strange in his smile. Tieria was fairly sure it wasn't regret, but it seemed close. He took Tieria's face between his hands and held him that way. "Try to get some sleep, all right? I kept you up way too late."
"Lockon," Tieria said, "stay."
"I can't," Lockon said; there was regret in his smile now, but only a little.
Tieria thought of saying, You don't want to, because he understood that now, but he feared it might come out sounding angry or hurt, and that couldn't have been more wrong. He still wasn't sure why Lockon didn't want to stay, but he would find a way to understand someday, even with Lockon gone. "I know," was all he said. "But I'd like to see you again sometime."
"All right," Lockon said. "Sometime." He waited a moment longer, then pulled Tieria close and kissed him. This kiss was gentle, almost chaste, and Tieria liked it best.
When it ended, Tieria knew only that he no longer felt those hands on his face, that mouth on his. He opened his eyes, and only a last fading glitter greeted him.
He sat back down on his bed and, with no one to hide them from, allowed himself some tears. But he didn't have the time to cry for long. Lockon had been right: he needed to sleep, so that he would be ready for the next day.
* * *
Out beyond the particles, when you no longer remember yourself, you remember a kiss, from someone who somehow cared enough to want to protect you.
You remember that you promised to wait.
Fandom: Gundam 00
Pairing: Lockon/Tieria
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Contains messing around with Innovade sexual distinctions (i.e. Tieria has girlparts), but that shouldn't be too much of a shock by now.
Wordcount: 12,525 (8,833 in this section)
Notes: This wound up being sappier than I intended it to be, but hopefully exactly as messed up as I intended it to be. Written to satisfy an urge for porn and some character exploration while getting some practice for a longer and (slightly) more plot-based thing I'm working on.
Summary: A chance blurring of the lines between reality and what lies beyond gives Tieria an unexpected opportunity.
« PART I »
Holding onto himself while Lockon kissed him was hard for Tieria. He wanted to yield, to be and feel and do whatever Lockon told him to. But he couldn't do that; he needed to see to it that Lockon enjoyed this too.
Tieria undid the catch on the carefully ripped pants of his Lockon was wearing and started to pull them past his hips. Then he stopped, because Lockon's hands behind his back had found the place where the discreetly hidden zipper for his nightgown started, and in one smooth motion he pulled it down.
Tieria disentangled himself from Lockon's arms and stood up. One sleeve of the nightgown slipped over his shoulder, leaving it bare. Lockon's eyes followed the motion to it, then lingered--curiously? Was that it? Tieria couldn't tell for sure. "Lockon," he said, "there's something I need to explain."
Lockon started to stand up as well, then stopped as the motion almost pulled the too-small pants all the way off his hips. He sat back down, but not before Tieria had caught a glimpse of him half-erect and felt his own desire spike. He wondered if that came from his Innovator brain stumbling across some purely human visual arousal trigger, or if he was reacting to the confirmation of Lockon's own physical interest.
"Go ahead," Lockon said. "I can listen a little longer."
Tieria took a deep breath and started to take his arms out of the sleeves of the nightgown. It was better to do that while he distracted himself with this explanation. Baring himself like this, even to Lockon, was a little terrifying. "I've always presented myself with a male identity," he said, "but it's inconsequential. I wasn't originally equipped with the sexual distinctions of either sex."
"Huh?" Lockon sounded alarmed, and Tieria took a worried step back, the nightgown sliding entirely off his right arm and shoulder. "Tieria, if there isn't anything down there for you to..." He lifted a hand to his head and frowned up at Tieria. "If you're not going to get anything out of this, we shouldn't do it."
Tieria let out a small breath of relief. Was that really it? "I wasn't finished, Lockon. I am equipped with nanomachines capable of replicating primary and some secondary sexual characteristics, and there was a recent mission where, to ensure I remained undetected by any sensors, I acquired female characteristics as fully as possible. Some still remain."
He'd had the nanomachines return his chest to its usual shape immediately after leaving Ribbons's party, of course. The drastic change in shape and balance would hinder him in combat and other ordinary activities, and in any case, the biological changes being made had been simple ones. What was between his legs was another story--he'd only altered it in the first place upon realizing that the Innovators' lack of regard for privacy might extend to what most would consider unsavory lengths. The difference was insignificant from a structural standpoint, but complex from a biological one, and he'd seen no need to expend the energy to return it. Now he was glad he hadn't.
"That's all?" Lockon said.
Tieria frowned at him. "Physical sex is an important criterion in sexual activity. Most people prefer their partner's to be distinct."
Lockon did stand up now, although this time the pants stayed more or less on his hips. He reached out and pulled the nightgown off Tieria's other arm, then held onto it as he spoke. "You thought I'd let it get this far already if that bothered me? It doesn't matter. Whatever parts you have, you're still Tieria, and I still like you."
Tieria barely had time to catch his breath at those words before Lockon pulled the nightgown the rest of the way off him and tossed it to the floor. It was a disorderly action, and now Tieria was entirely naked as he could never before remember being in front of another person. He closed his eyes, and to his exasperation he felt the heat of a blush rising to his face.
Then Lockon pulled him into his arms, and it wasn't a problem anymore.
* * *
It was easy to tell that Tieria was making an effort to relax. He held his shoulders very straight and took deep, measured breaths, even as Lockon slid his arms around him and nuzzled his cheek. Lockon drew back a little, slowing down to ease whatever pressure was tensing Tieria up so much--although his own desire had grown. That was mildly surprising; was it just a side effect of being solid and embodied again? But then, come to think of it, he hadn't had a whole lot of sex when he was alive in the first place. It was fun, but it carried so much risk of entanglement, so much risk of hurting people or, almost as bad, letting them get too close.
There wasn't any danger this time that he would wake up in the morning with Tieria knowing and feeling too much about him, because there wouldn't be a morning for him. He couldn't snarl up the bonds of the team this way, because he wasn't part of the team anymore. But he could hurt Tieria more than ever.
Tieria rested his head against Lockon's throat and kissed his pulse over and over again, and a tiny noise of longing escaped him. Lockon remembered that he could hurt Tieria by refusing this as well. It was okay, then, that he didn't want to refuse. That he wanted to know what sounds Tieria would make, and how his expression would change, when Lockon was on top of him and inside him.
Lockon started to check himself, but really, he didn't mind taking it slowly. He still had plenty of time, and he wanted to watch Tieria work his careful way toward greater desire before taking it further. He settled his hands on Tieria's head and began to stroke his hair.
But Tieria had other ideas. He pulled his head back from Lockon's throat, matched his mouth eagerly to Lockon's, and swiftly took his pants down. They ripped again, then fell to the floor, and Lockon broke the kiss to give Tieria a confused look.
"There isn't any reason to hesitate," Tieria said. "Should we return to the bed?"
They were both naked now--in Lockon's case, again. He grinned at Tieria. "Not yet." He slipped his hands behind Tieria and drew him close, so that his hardness pressed against Tieria's belly. He was entirely erect now, and Tieria gasped a little at the feeling. Or at least, it started as a gasp; somewhere in the middle it changed direction and veered more into a squeak.
"Lockon," he said sharply, "this is a problem."
Lockon let go of him and stepped back. "What's wrong?"
Tieria took a steadying breath, but he was still frowning. "If you continue to touch me in this way, I won't be able to retain control of my voice."
Lockon felt another grin twitch up his mouth, and he reached out to slide a hand back into Tieria's hair. "The walls here are that thin?"
"What?" Tieria stared at him blankly for a moment, then realized what he was saying. "No. The rebuilt Ptolemaios has securely soundproofed walls."
Lockon ran his thumb around Tieria's ear. "I don't get it, Tieria. What's the problem?"
"It's distracting," Tieria said, now frowning more from confusion than anything. "And highly unsuited to the demeanor of a Gundam Meister."
Lockon laughed. "It's supposed to be. Distracting, anyway. That other thing doesn't make any sense. I've heard recordings of your practice sessions in Virtue, and you're noisy enough in there." He paused, figured out what would really matter, and said, "I like it."
Tieria flushed gratifyingly (or maybe adorably) and cast his eyes down. Lockon started to follow his gaze and found himself distracted by the smooth paleness of his skin, the faint but sufficient definition of muscle, the roundness of his hips incongruous under the flatness of his chest. He'd never thought about Tieria this way before, and now that it was an option to do so, he suddenly had a lot of catching up to do in not so much time.
Tieria tensed up as Lockon looked at him, and Lockon realized where the earlier nervousness had come from.
"Do you want to turn off the light?" he asked.
Tieria stiffened immediately, his eyes gleaming now with determination rather than uneasiness. "No. Lockon--" He lifted his hands and put them on Lockon's shoulders, then drew them closer to his neck, up his throat, finally cradling his head. "Physical appearances aren't significant, but yours is above average. I want to keep looking."
Lockon turned his face to kiss Tieria's open palms, drawing momentary shivers from him. He didn't have the heart to point out that Tieria would no doubt find him so attractive no matter what he looked like. "All right," he said. He closed his eyes and kept kissing Tieria's hands, taking the tips of his fingers into his mouth and biting gently, until Tieria badly stifled another squeak and withdrew his hands to his side again.
Lockon followed them forward and lowered himself to lean against Tieria's body. He trailed little kisses from his collarbone to one nipple, which he took between his lips and sucked on until Tieria stopped restraining himself and gave a small high moan. Then he moved away a little, laughing again (more breathlessly than he'd expected; he was really getting into this), and kissed from the center of Tieria's ribcage down to that too-neat triangle of too-fine hair. It was the exact same shade of purple as the hair on his head, and Lockon would have laughed at that too if it hadn't meant taking his mouth away from there. Instead he paused for a moment, and as he did, he felt Tieria's hands come to rest in his hair, hesitantly taking stray locks and smoothing them between his fingers. They'd spring right back into disarray, but Tieria didn't seem to mind; he just did it again.
Lockon hadn't admitted as much directly to Tieria, but he was actually a little relieved about what parts he had tonight. For all that he'd never been too active sexually, he still had a lot more experience with women than with men, and it would be easier for him to see to it that Tieria enjoyed himself if he knew what he was doing. He dropped the rest of the way to his knees, tipped his head up, and licked patterns first around the inside of Tieria's legs, then closer and closer until finally he gave up subtlety and teasing and just buried his mouth in that wetness at the center.
Tieria cried out again, and pressed up so close against him Lockon could feel the shivers of muscles tensing inside him. He stopped a moan himself, suddenly intensely aware of how much he wanted to be in there already, feeling every tremor he could send through Tieria's body. Instead he tilted his head back a little to look up at Tieria, smiled into him at the flushed look of confused excitement on his face, and reached up to stroke his thumb along the top of Tieria's hips and the bottom of his ribs.
Tieria's breaths came faster, his stomach fluttering against Lockon's hand. He slipped his other hand behind Tieria to hold him close, then lifted his tongue to trace slow circles where Tieria would feel it most. Sure enough, he was rewarded with a little almost-sob of pleasure that Tieria couldn't even make an effort to hide.
Then, without warning, Tieria's hand tightened fiercely in Lockon's hair, and he pulled his head back. It was too quick for Lockon to stop himself from crying out this time with a low throaty ah! of surprised need. "Are you all right?" Tieria asked, distracted from whatever his original question had been by the sound.
Lockon didn't answer immediately. He licked his lips slowly, watching Tieria's expression shift as he did so: from faint concern to startled lust to plain surprise, as if he couldn't figure out why the gesture turned him on so much. That was more of a turn-on than anything else. "I'm good, Tieria," he said. "But what did you do that for?"
Tieria stared down at him for a moment longer, the grip on his hair loosening a little. "Lockon," he said. "Let's go back to the bed."
Still on his knees, Lockon looked up at Tieria, struck momentarily silent by the way his voice had caught on that last sentence, by the indescribable look on his face. "All right," he said quietly. He rose to his feet and pulled Tieria back towards the bed.
* * *
Lockon drew him too quickly to the bed, and they both fell upon it in disarray, momentum doing for them what the sleeping quarters' low artificial gravity would not. Tieria scrambled to catch himself, but Lockon just rolled with it. Stretched out over Lockon, feeling the speed of his heartbeat and seeing the amused little grin on his face, Tieria realized he'd done it on purpose. "That was unnecessarily careless," he said, but he trailed off before he could say anything more, because something deep in his brain finally took stock of the situation, and he was suddenly overwhelmed.
He felt Lockon's bare chest rising and falling beneath him now, and he couldn't take his eyes off the way Lockon's hair framed his face so haphazardly. He found himself unable to do anything but lift a hand and gently brush the stray pieces of hair out of Lockon's eyes, away from his cheeks and temples. It was all right, he thought; there was nothing else he needed to do in the world. Even the unfamiliar but fierce ache of need nestled between his hips seemed far away compared to Lockon's face under his fingertips.
Lockon reached out and cupped Tieria's chin in one hand. His expression changed and softened. Tieria couldn't say what exactly it meant, but there was a little smile there now, and it felt good to see that. "Tieria," Lockon murmured, his voice a little unsteady. Tieria had heard that sort of instability in his voice before, briefly, but only out of rage. This was different; he could only hear kindness now.
Then he couldn't hear anything, because Lockon pulled him down for a long, slow kiss, and it felt as if the single stimulus of Lockon's mouth moving against his drowned out all other sensory input. He devoted himself entirely to kissing back fervently, yielding without a second thought as Lockon settled both hands around his hips and began to guide him. Somewhere in this sequence of events, he felt the kiss break long enough for Lockon to turn him onto his back. He could go back to kissing just as well like that, though, so he did, and it was fine.
Lockon's body moved atop his now, and one hand stroked the inside of his thighs, coaxing his legs apart. Tieria absorbed himself in turning the trick he'd learned earlier back on Lockon, sucking Lockon's lower lip into his mouth and holding it there. Lockon made a quiet noise of satisfaction and eased himself forward a little.
Tieria stopped, because suddenly the feelings from farther down his body had reasserted their dominance. He drew in a slow breath and tried to calm himself, but now he could feel Lockon's hard length first resting against, then starting to press into his entrance. A ridiculous word to use, he corrected himself immediately; there were multiple "entrances" to the body and all served a more specific function than that. But it didn't matter, because right now all he knew was that he wanted Lockon in one of them.
Lockon brushed his fingers across Tieria's cheek. "Tell me if anything hurts, all right?" He was pushing inside him in slow and careful starts, all of it with intolerable slowness; that was the closest thing to hurt Tieria could think of right now. There was some strangeness and discomfort to the feeling, but it was insignificant compared to the ripples of physical contentment flowing up his belly with every further fraction of a centimeter Lockon slid into him.
He couldn't talk. All he could do was make undignified little sounds of need, just like he'd been afraid he would. This was absurd: all that was influencing him were nerve impulses, the same as when he hit his elbow on a wall. He could ordinarily dismiss them without a second thought. Yet the fact that they came from Lockon, Lockon this close to him and inside him, made them impossible to ignore. But somehow he managed to regain enough control of himself to put his hands on Lockon's hips and try to pull him forward faster.
Lockon laughed, but it wasn't as casual and confident a sound as it had been earlier. He was eager, too. "Don't worry, Tieria--we've got time. I'll let you know when it's getting late." He tipped his head down again and touched his nose to Tieria's, nuzzling him. His hair fell to brush against the sides of Tieria's face, and finally, he slipped the rest of the way inside him, taking the last several centimeters in a single smooth stroke.
Their hips rested flat against each other now, which was perfect to Tieria: he wanted to feel every breath and every shiver of Lockon's body. He remembered himself and wove his fingers together in Lockon's hair, behind his head, then started kissing him again. It was like he'd completed a circuit, or established a connection between distant servers. Feeling leapt between the warmth at his lips and the warmth between his legs to meet at the center of his ribcage in a small explosion.
With a pleased little sigh, Lockon started to move, and the rest of the world melted away once more for Tieria. Lockon thrust forward and rolled his hips, then did it again, and again, lifting his head to study Tieria's face as he did so, adjusting the angle and timing of his strokes by the expression found there. In little more than a minute Tieria had almost no down time between shocks of pleasure. The moment Lockon eased away from thrusting into him, he was pressing down on him above that, and he only lifted away to thrust again.
The rhythm threatened to carry Tieria away too fast. It had never occurred to him that there were such rhythms to be found in the human body beyond the simple beat of the heart, but this was as complex as anything he'd ever felt in a pulse of data from Veda, and it left him more breathless. He realized to his embarrassed dismay that there were tears gathering at the corners of his eyes.
Lockon must have noticed it too, because he brushed the tears away with one thumb, then kissed where they had been. Tieria couldn't see it, but he could feel Lockon's mouth curving into a smile.
"Lockon," Tieria said, because he couldn't say anything else. Then he gave in and let himself be swept away, first by silence, then by inarticulate cries.
* * *
Tieria's expressions were fantastic. Lockon found himself unable to get enough of the way his eyes fluttered closed almost unwillingly at the apex of each thrust, the way his mouth fell just open enough to highlight his vulnerability. His walls were almost all down now. But he still held onto Lockon with a demanding passion, hands digging into the back of his head and pulling his hair, or clutching too hard at the small of his back.
Lockon wasn't sure if this was a problem or not. It made it harder for him to hold himself at enough of a distance to watch the faces Tieria made when he cried out, which was too bad. But there was something satisfying about the intensity of Tieria's want for him. It was gratifying. Beyond that, though, it was a little frightening. He couldn't draw away and put distance between them like this if it got to be too much. He was too close. Still, it was what Tieria wanted, and that was a little exciting in and of itself.
He pressed into Tieria, earning another series of half-stifled cries. The little noises radiated through Lockon, drawing spikes of pleasure up from where Tieria surrounded him. He sighed and arched up enough to tuck his head under Tieria's chin. It was a mistake. He'd only meant to linger there long enough to kiss the soft places of his throat, then draw away again to watch his reaction, but Tieria grabbed him again, one hand planted firmly between his shoulderblades and the other buried in his hair, and held him tight. Lockon didn't want to resist hard enough to break free, so he went along with it and devoted himself to kissing and licking and lightly biting.
After a minute of this, and another few thrusts against and into him, Tieria couldn't hold on so tightly anymore. His hands slipped away, and he moaned with less restraint than before: starting low back in his throat, as deep and masculine as the days when he'd spoken to the others in far more dismissive tones of their lack of value, but rising rapidly into a register Lockon had never heard before, had never expected to hear out of him. Not getting carried away with it was an effort.
But in the end, Tieria cut the sound off sharply before it could draw to a finish and instead tilted his head back for another kiss. Lockon gave it to him, but as he did he could feel Tieria's hips start to move beneath his. It wasn't that he minded, exactly. But the timing was all wrong, and it threw his own rhythm off. And there was a rigid desperation there he didn't like.
Lockon stopped moving and gently pushed Tieria's head back down into the pillow. "Hey, hey," he said softly. "You don't need to do that."
"Lockon," Tieria said after taking a moment to find his voice, "this isn't a single-person activity. I'll do my part."
Lockon took one of Tieria's hands in his and stroked the center of his palm. "You're doing your part," he said. "And you can do more, but relax for a little while, all right?"
Tieria looked at him with the faintest of frowns, which Lockon suspected was the most negative expression he could manage right now. "Lockon..."
"Just for a minute," Lockon said. As Tieria tilted his head against the pillow to consider this in a matter-of-fact way, Lockon realized his misstep and corrected himself. "More than a minute, if you want. But not less. Can you do that, Tieria?"
Tieria looked at him uncertainly for a moment longer, then, with a visible effort, let the tension drain out of his body. His shoulders sank back into the bed. He lifted his hands again, but only to lace his fingers together lightly on Lockon's back, no grip or pressure in the gesture.
Lockon kissed him low on his forehead, then took over and started to move in him again.
* * *
Tieria sank back against the bed. He still wanted to do his best, even now, but after four years of disuse, Lockon's reassurances hadn't grown any less compelling. He said, Relax for a little while, and Tieria thought it might be okay not to worry about being the best lover possible for a little while--even if he would only be a lover at all for a little while longer than that.
He kept his arms around Lockon, but this time only to feel the smooth line of his back shifting slightly up and down with every thrust. It was such a strange feeling to Tieria, having someone this close to him, letting someone touch him like this, even asking someone to touch him like this. One image wouldn't leave his mind: his hands in Lockon's hair as Lockon knelt before him, his head tipped back so he could watch Tieria with bright, amused eyes, licking his lips as though he'd enjoyed what he'd been doing as much as Tieria had. He didn't understand why it was so good to see Lockon like that.
He certainly didn't understand why all this touching felt so good. Human bodies functioned best separate, kept at a safe and comfortable distance; things got confusing and troublesome if they came too close. Tieria had thought so once, at least, but Lockon had changed that. Now he was changing more, because until now Tieria had certainly thought that it was best if bodies were discrete. If they occupied separate points in space.
Tieria lifted his head and tucked it against Lockon's collarbone, pushing his body up into a shallow arch so he could look down the curve of it to see the place where their bodies connected. The shadows blurred the differences in their skin tones and the color of their hair, and Tieria had no reliable way of telling where Lockon ended and he began. Not until Lockon moved so he could push into him, again and again. Then Tieria could feel it deep inside of him and surely when that happened they were less separate than ever.
He shivered a little against Lockon's chest, and Lockon tipped his head back with two fingers and nudged him back down to the bed. Tieria didn't resist this time, only traced the line of Lockon's spine with his fingers. Lockon kissed his throat and the underside of his chin, his breath hot against Tieria's skin as it came in soft sighs in time with his thrusts. Tieria realized it had been more than a minute since he'd relaxed as he agreed. He considered trying to retake more of a lead, and Lockon kissed him particularly hard, but still gently, right below one ear. Tieria made a sound that was far too much like a whimper for his taste, but even so, he decided to let it go on for a little while longer.
It was the same feeling as when he'd put his head down on Lockon's shoulder, he realized, but magnified a hundredfold and with his body giving him feedback that harmonized with his mind more than it ever had in the past. Lockon was here; everything would be all right. Everything was all right. He caught his breath; something in him was rising to a perfect point. Ah. That was what climax meant, in this context.
But the thought came to him, Lockon won't be here much longer, and the moment passed unfulfilled. There was another ache in him. Tieria thought once more of Lockon on his knees, and he knew what to do.
It had been three minutes, and he'd only agreed to a minimum of one. Tieria grabbed Lockon's shoulder, pushed him up a little, and said firmly, "Lockon, stop."
* * *
Tieria's command was absolute. Startled and not a little alarmed, Lockon made the effort and pulled out. From Tieria's moan of disappointment as he slid free, he realized immediately that hadn't been what was asked of him. Now he was just confused. "What's wrong, Tieria?"
Breathing heavily, Tieria sat up. Lockon realized that in the past, Tieria would only have looked so passionate and disheveled after battle. Things were different, now. Lockon smiled, suddenly struck with fondness, and reached out and ran his fingers along one of Tieria's cheekbones.
Tieria caught that hand and held it pressed against his face. "Lockon," he said, "lie down."
"Huh?"
Tieria took him by the shoulders and pushed him firmly down onto his back. Lockon blinked up at him. "You could have just told me to roll over."
"It didn't occur to me," Tieria said very seriously as he straddled Lockon, hurrying a little to position himself. He pressed against Lockon, so slick and wet that this time he slid around him all the way in almost without trying. The sudden wet warmth and the small, intense smile on Tieria's face were together enough to drag a noise out of Lockon, something between a sigh and a moan, and Tieria's smile widened a little with satisfaction.
Tieria reached down and braced himself with one arm around Lockon's shoulder. Then he took Lockon's face in the other hand, slowly and a little awkwardly stroking with his thumb. Lockon started to turn to kiss his palm, but Tieria resisted, nudging him to look forward again. "Lockon, I want..." He hesitated, struggling to find words. Normally Lockon would have been able to help him, but he was lost here. This was a side of Tieria puzzling even to him. "I want to look you in the eyes," Tieria finally said. He wasn't smiling now. His eyes were half-lidded, his mouth slightly open in hesitant vulnerability. Where once Lockon would only have found that expression endearing and moved on with a thought, now he wanted to kiss those eyes closed and run his fingers along those lips. He found himself caught between two poles: relief that he wouldn't have to deal with the consequences of these newly opened desires, and the faintest disappointment that he wouldn't have more time to learn about the ways Tieria had changed.
"I don't mind," Lockon said. "But can you still give me something to kiss while you do that?" He didn't feel quite right simply lying here as Tieria moved on top of him. It wasn't that he minded letting someone else take the lead; he just needed to be doing everything he could for his partner.
Tieria's expression resolved a bit into a smile, and he moved his hand to caress Lockon's lips. Satisfied with that for now, Lockon took Tieria's fingers into his mouth, caught two lightly between his teeth, and drew on them. It was a little difficult still meeting Tieria's gaze, but that was what Tieria wanted of him, so he would do it.
With a careful, steadying breath, Tieria began to move atop him. He was terribly awkward, every roll of his hips a little hesitant, every pause a different length. Lockon resisted the urge to guide him for about three seconds, and then he gave up. The prospect of feeling the rhythm of Tieria's motion improve little by little under his guidance was just too attractive. He placed his hands on Tieria's hips and began to take over for him.
To his surprise, Tieria's eyes narrowed in determination, and he resisted. "Lockon, I'll take this at my own pace." Lockon wanted to protest, but Tieria was curling his fingers in his mouth and Lockon would have had to stop licking them to speak, so he let it go. He kept his hands on Tieria, but he limited himself to nudging rather than pulling and pushing him.
Tieria moved more quickly now, both thrusting against him and rubbing himself on the base of Lockon's shaft. Now he didn't have to tell Lockon to meet his gaze; watching Tieria's face as ecstasy crept over him sent thrills all down Lockon's body. But there was something different there now that gave him pause. Not being able to read Tieria's expression was so rare for him, but it was happening now. Was he just too distracted? No, even though Tieria was starting to lose control from the onset of so much sensation, Lockon still felt perfectly capable of restraining himself. He could last another fifteen, even twenty minutes before coming if Tieria needed him too, although in this situation he thought it might get difficult towards the end.
It was just that Tieria's expression was something strange. Lockon stared at him searchingly. Then Tieria arched against him again with a fierce determination overriding everything else on his face, and a sudden spark of pleasure raced through Lockon before he could anticipate it. When it cleared, Lockon realized what he was seeing. Protectiveness. Tieria was looking at him like he wanted to take care of him. Like he wanted to be the one who made sure Lockon was safe, even though it was much too late.
The shock combined with the feeling of Tieria pressing against him to make him cry out around the tips of Tieria's fingers in his mouth. No wonder Tieria had wanted to be on top; no wonder he'd wanted to reverse things. But it still seemed so strange--
Lockon couldn't hold onto the thought for much longer, because at the noise from him, Tieria had sped up again, and now he was almost trembling as he rocked back and forth on top of Lockon. He pulled his hand away from Lockon's mouth to dig his fingers instead into the soft curve between his neck and shoulder. The moment where he gave in and began to try only to reach his own climax was beautifully evident, and Lockon caught his breath in sudden gratification at it. But all the while, that achingly earnest protective look never faded from his eyes.
It only went away when he closed them at last and a startlingly loud cry of release escaped him. Tieria sank down against Lockon's chest, and although this time Lockon didn't see the tears, he felt them as Tieria nuzzled into the crook of his neck.
* * *
Tieria normally found metaphors inconvenient at best, but right now he lacked any other way to describe how he felt.
Something had unfolded within him: that was an acceptable way to put it. That didn't convey why it had felt so good, but then, it had only felt that good in the first place because of nerve impulses. It only felt so good now to be lying quietly atop Lockon, still feeling him inside, because of recently released endorphins. It would be simple to say that, but it hadn't and it didn't. Tieria kissed one point of Lockon's collarbone, then lingered there, absorbed in the warmth of Lockon's skin between his lips.
After a minute, Lockon started to slide a hand slowly down Tieria's side, and Tieria lifted himself a little to see what he was doing. Lockon took advantage of the opportunity, slipping his hand between their bodies to run down Tieria's stomach. Tieria shivered a little, but he continued to watch Lockon's face, trying to find a clue there. All he got was a grin. He wasn't sure, but he thought there might be something devious in it.
"Lockon," Tieria said, "we should see that you..." He searched for the word, but couldn't quite find one that he wanted to use. It was strange, how humans had all these words for the sexual act and its components, but no one of them seemed entirely right. But he thought there must be a reason for it. Humans, he knew now, had their reasons. "We should see that you finish your part in this as well."
Lockon ducked his head a little to kiss Tieria--on the nose, for some reason. "We'll get to it." His voice was a little shaky, and he paused sheepishly at that. "Sooner than I thought, maybe." Before Tieria could say anything else, though, Lockon curled his free hand around Tieria's hip and began to move him.
Tieria caught his breath. "Lockon--!" So soon after his--climax, the feeling was too raw and intense. He was clasped too tightly around Lockon, like his body resisted the idea of ever letting the two of them drift physically apart. He didn't know if that was normal, or if something in him was trying every way he had to keep Lockon here with him.
"Sorry, Tieria," Lockon said, immediately releasing his grip. His hand still rested there, and so did the one on Tieria's belly, but for a long moment he did nothing more. Finally, he started to move Tieria again, but this time very slowly, with only the gentlest of nudges. "Is that any better?"
Tieria couldn't speak--the sudden slow shivers of contentment enthralled him too much--but from the satisfied little grin that flashed up on Lockon's face, it was clear Lockon had figured out his response well enough. He leaned up and met Tieria in a kiss, and Tieria gladly accepted it, even opening his mouth and pressing in with his tongue himself without waiting for Lockon to do it.
Lockon's hand flat against Tieria's stomach slid farther down his body until it was poised right over where the two of them joined. Tieria felt something tense inside him at the touch (and Lockon felt it too, because he took a quick, eager little breath that wasn't much less than a gasp). Then Lockon stroked up against him with two fingers, and where before something had tensed inside Tieria, now something released.
"Ah--" Tieria managed to steady himself this time before tears formed, much to his relief. It had been in the raw data he'd examined, but he'd forgotten: female sexual response included certain opportunities for repetition. Even if he hadn't forgotten, he wouldn't have expected it to be so easy. But then, this was Lockon. Of course it was Lockon; he would never have considered doing any of this with anybody else.
Lockon fell smoothly into a rhythm, this time of gentle strokes with one hand and gentle nudges with the other, and Tieria started to lose coherence. It took less than a minute each time now for Lockon to bring him up to that point and then off it, and then after another several seconds to let the rush die down he'd start again. Hazily, Tieria wondered why anyone would consider doing this with someone other than Lockon. He was too perfect.
Tieria lost count of how many times it had been now, which was funny because it hadn't been that many--probably not more than four, he thought, or maybe five. But it fell into too much of a pattern for him to separate it all out. He'd been wrong when he thought that the proper metaphor was unfolding. Now he knew that it was more like a set of wave equations plotted on a graph, or the same one run through a series of Fourier transforms. He rose and fell, he rose and fell--
And finally he came to rest against Lockon once more, the two of them still except for the other rise and fall of their breathing.
* * *
Lockon tried to hold out for longer. Tieria was enjoying himself so much--but that was part of the problem. The physical sensations of Tieria tensing and releasing around him felt good enough, but the look on his face as every time he came surprised him was something else. His arms were braced on the pillow, and sometime in the last few minutes his hands had sank into Lockon's hair and cradled his head. Lockon couldn't tell whether the gesture was possessive or protective, even now, but he liked it far too much.
"Tieria," he murmured, his voice still soft while he couldn't control it as well as he'd like. "Almost had enough?"
Tieria pulled his hands away to brace himself and push up in alarm. "You need to go?"
Lockon stared up at him, caught totally off-guard by the helpless need on his face. Half of him started to say, It's true, that just proves this was a bad idea, but that part of him was almost immediately silenced with a sudden spike of lust. He wanted to fill that need for as long as he could.
After a moment, he recovered enough to laugh. "It's the opposite! I need to come."
Tieria looked at him blankly at first, and then a kind of bemused exasperation took over his expression. "An inexact and somewhat crude way of putting it, Lockon."
"Does it matter?" When Tieria didn't say anything in response, Lockon propped himself up on one elbow, pushed Tieria up with the other hand, and rolled the two of them over together, putting Tieria comfortably beneath him once more. Tieria didn't object; he just folded his arms on the small of Lockon's back and kissed his shoulders.
Lockon started to push into him again, more slowly and more carefully this time. Tieria let out a tiny moan at the first thrust, dug his fingers into Lockon's back at the second, pressed his face hard into Lockon's throat at the third, and bit him at the fourth.
Tieria bit him. Lockon almost came right there with the shock of it. He arched into Tieria again by reflex, then stopped, staring down at him in surprise.
Tieria's eyes were wide. He looked even more surprised than Lockon was. "I'm sorry. I'll restrain myself in the future."
"Don't say that," Lockon said, finally letting Tieria hear the full range of desire and need in his voice. It was nothing like Tieria's desire and need, he knew that. He couldn't imagine what it was Tieria was feeling, but he knew that it wasn't entirely right to have feelings like that directed at him. Tieria had fallen for the wrong man. Knowing that, Lockon owed him at least this much more insight into how he felt. "What if I want it to happen again?"
Tieria blinked, pulling a hand away from Lockon's back to hesitantly cup one side of his face. "Do you?" he said, speaking softly, wonderingly, like he wasn't sure Lockon could really be talking to him in that tone of voice.
"So long as you don't mind," Lockon said, smiling. He leaned in to kiss Tieria again, trailing the fingers of one hand across his cheek, and then pressed down on him and thrust into him, hard and without nearly as much restraint this time. He'd only meant to dial up the force a little, but after that biting his normal judgment was off. It was all right, though, because Tieria shuddered and Lockon could feel him on the verge of coming again. Satisfaction radiated up Lockon's body at that.
Lockon thrust into Tieria one more time, harder than before. This time Tieria pushed back: as he cried out into Lockon's mouth, he pressed down on the small of his back to push Lockon more into himself, and even as Lockon startled against him from that, Tieria bit him again, this time on his lower lip and with more force--
Lockon gave up and gave in, because he didn't have a choice anymore. Tieria's eagerness, Tieria's pleasure was too much. Lockon tucked his arms beneath Tieria and held their bodies together as he came, feeling every shiver that shook Tieria. For that moment, he was sure it was worth it, even if he wasn't sure what it was.
* * *
They lay in each other's arms for a little while longer, Tieria curiously exploring more metaphors in his head. Entangled like particles. No, that wasn't right. In a little while, when Lockon was gone again, no change to Tieria would affect him at any distance. Except perhaps that wasn't true; he was here now, wasn't he? Setsuna had flooded the air with GN particles, but Tieria had called Lockon through them.
He tried to fix an image in his memory: Lockon's face at his climax just now. His mouth a little open, curved just enough that it might be a smile; his eyes two-thirds closed, only open enough to let little half-moons of blue-green show. Tieria was convinced he'd never seen eyes that shade on anyone else, and never would again. The other twin, he told himself, had a little grey in his, or maybe just a little more green. Lockon, this Lockon, was unique, and it was because of Tieria that he had briefly worn that expression.
After a minute, Lockon kissed Tieria on the forehead and eased himself off of and out of him to lie on his back at Tieria's side. Tieria turned to look at him, wondering how humans were intended to tolerate someone sharing a bed with them.
Lockon met his gaze. He was only half-smiling now, but somehow that looked even better than his grins. "What's up, Tieria?"
"I was considering how one is supposed to sleep," Tieria said, "with one's lover in the same bed."
Lockon blinked up at him. "One's lover?"
Tieria stopped for a moment. The word had felt strange to say, and not entirely right. But he didn't have a word that was entirely right, except Lockon. "It's an inexact word," he settled on, "much like the euphemism for orgasm to which you referred earlier."
Something about the way Lockon smiled now made Tieria's cheeks heat up, though he managed to check the reaction before his blush became visible. Lockon freed an arm from his side to slip it around Tieria, pulling him close, but without any urgency this time. "It's not like I did this often," he said, "but usually I was tired enough to be okay with it."
"I don't intend to sleep," Tieria said.
There was something in Lockon's look that Tieria couldn't identify, but when he sighed it was with resigned fondness. He put a hand on Tieria's head and tipped him over so that he was sprawled halfway across Lockon's chest. Tieria didn't resist. He wasn't sure he could have, in any case. Something about the gesture, and about the position he was in now, filled him in a way that even the sexual act itself hadn't.
After a little while, Tieria spoke again. "If circumstances were different..." He trailed off, his throat closing up around the sentence.
"What?" Lockon said softly.
"If I knew you would be here when I woke up," Tieria said, "I could grow accustomed to sleeping next to you." Still, his eyes were dry. The thought of the could-have-been future, of Lockon at his side in whatever way he thought was best (his hand on Tieria's shoulder or between Tieria's legs, it didn't matter), was too much to cry over.
"But circumstances are what they are," Lockon said. "And you've done pretty well with them."
"Lockon..."
Lockon said nothing, but he bent forward to kiss the top of Tieria's head, and Tieria was quiet for a while, content with the sound and feeling of Lockon's heartbeat beneath his head.
When Lockon finally spoke again, his tone was conversational, but there was a surprisingly hesitant curiosity in it, evident even to Tieria. "Well, I remember a little bit, here and there. I think I've been there a few times for you guys, as much as I could be. But I still want to hear it from you, Tieria. Tell me a little bit about the past four years. What's Celestial Being like now?"
Tieria took a moment to remember where to start, and then he began to speak.
* * *
Silence came to the two of them again after a while. Tieria was sitting up now, had been for a little while. He'd said nothing about why, but now that he knew, Lockon couldn't unsee the protective look in his eyes. He stayed lying down, looking up at Tieria. He'd taken away Tieria's chance to protect him when it mattered, and he still couldn't bring himself to truly regret it. The least he could do was yield to that urge as much as possible now.
Tieria stroked his hair slowly, fingers sometimes straying to Lockon's face instead. Somewhere in the midst of this, he asked quietly, "Lockon, what's it like where you are?"
Lockon turned a little to kiss fingers that came too close to his mouth. "You mean in your bed?"
Tieria fixed him with an unimpressed stare. "No."
Lockon grinned--but only for a second. "I know, I know." He knew what Tieria meant, of course, but he hesitated to describe it. "It's hard to say," he said. But Tieria was still waiting, expecting him to do his best, so he went on. "There's only light," he said, "and something that sparkles. And I know you guys aren't that far away."
Tieria still said nothing. He was waiting for more.
"There isn't anything I need to do," Lockon said. "There really isn't any me to be doing anything, so it's all right." He hesitated, then found the word he wanted. "It's peaceful." He left some things unspoken: that it was that peace that made it so much better than this world. That he was grateful there wasn't any him to be doing anything there, because the alternative wasn't a him that could do things, it was a him that had to do things. That he knew that if he had to stay in this world much longer, if he had to walk away from Tieria's bed and out the door of the room, the grief and rage that had clung to him for so long in life would come back, even though he no longer knew what to do with them. He only knew that what he'd been doing with them was wrong and that he would never know how to do anything else.
Tieria didn't need to know those things.
"Lockon..." Tieria sank down to his side once more, drawing close to Lockon again. "I'd like to go there someday, where you are, and be with you."
"In a while," Lockon said. This wasn't how Tieria had been intended to feel. What had gone wrong? "A long while from now."
"I know," Tieria said. "I haven't done all that I need to do yet. It will be some time, if I can accomplish these objectives at all."
"Hey, now," Lockon said. "It's up to you if you can get it done, so if you start doubting yourself you're only making things worse." But he felt himself smiling again. Even if some unexpected things had happened, Tieria had changed as he needed to change. He was glad.
"What if you aren't there anymore," Tieria said suddenly, "when I'm ready to join you?"
Lockon stopped. It seemed like such a strange question to him. "I'll be there," he said. "I'll wait for you." He didn't know for sure why he was saying that. There was no telling how long Tieria would be in this world, and Lockon had farther to go to reach the people he'd thought he wanted to be with. But some instinct told him that he needed to make this promise. He was the one who had changed Tieria; he would wait for him, at the end of that change.
It was enough. Tieria relaxed against him, smiling distantly. "Thank you, Lockon."
* * *
They didn't speak much, after that; enough had been said. Tieria didn't feel the need for any more words, at least.
He wasn't sure how long it had been when Lockon stirred at his side and sat up. As long as he needed, and not long enough. Tieria knew what was coming, and he caught hold of Lockon's wrist, trying to burn into his memory the sight of Lockon sitting there, quiet and content, only smiling a little; the softness of Lockon's hand in his.
"I have to go, Tieria," he said.
"I know," Tieria said, but it hurt to say, and when Lockon got up from the bed, Tieria rose with him.
Lockon sighed again, and there was something strange in his smile. Tieria was fairly sure it wasn't regret, but it seemed close. He took Tieria's face between his hands and held him that way. "Try to get some sleep, all right? I kept you up way too late."
"Lockon," Tieria said, "stay."
"I can't," Lockon said; there was regret in his smile now, but only a little.
Tieria thought of saying, You don't want to, because he understood that now, but he feared it might come out sounding angry or hurt, and that couldn't have been more wrong. He still wasn't sure why Lockon didn't want to stay, but he would find a way to understand someday, even with Lockon gone. "I know," was all he said. "But I'd like to see you again sometime."
"All right," Lockon said. "Sometime." He waited a moment longer, then pulled Tieria close and kissed him. This kiss was gentle, almost chaste, and Tieria liked it best.
When it ended, Tieria knew only that he no longer felt those hands on his face, that mouth on his. He opened his eyes, and only a last fading glitter greeted him.
He sat back down on his bed and, with no one to hide them from, allowed himself some tears. But he didn't have the time to cry for long. Lockon had been right: he needed to sleep, so that he would be ready for the next day.
* * *
Out beyond the particles, when you no longer remember yourself, you remember a kiss, from someone who somehow cared enough to want to protect you.
You remember that you promised to wait.