[Homestuck] Dave: Be on the ball.
Title: Dave: Be on the ball.
Fandom: Homestuck
Pairing: Jade/Dave
Rating: PG
Wordcount: 1,006
Notes: Birthday gift fic for sparkledyne.
Summary: An interlude before the inevitable fight with Jack Noir, or whatever it is they have to do. Jade and Dave dance.
The sky is perfectly black except for the millions of colorful stars, and the dance floor beneath their feet is mirror-smooth, and they aren't supposed to be here. They're supposed to be getting ready to face Jack Noir.
"Oh, no," Jade says. "Oh, no. Dave, where are we?"
"Shit, that means it's about fucking time to start worrying up a storm of who the fuck knows," he says, adjusting his shades even though there's no sun, green or otherwise, for them to shield his eyes from.
"Stop playing with your dumb glasses and tell me what just happened!" she says, balling up her fists. "Also you look really silly like that, you know!"
"Well, here's how it goes," he starts to say, and then he makes the mistake of looking down. "I'm in a fucking tuxedo. Why am I in a fucking tuxedo? What creepy Chris-Hansen-bait shithead put me in a tuxedo?"
"Stop getting distracted," she says, reaching out to shake him by the shoulder. "I was transporting us to the furthest ring so we could pick up all our gear safely, but now we're here! This isn't anywhere!"
"You're the Witch of Space so it's gotta be down to you fucking something up," he says, trying to make a cool little shrug but he can't because she has a hand on his shoulder. "I mean, I'm pretty sure we're not supposed to hand Jack his freaky perverted furry ass in some kind of cosmic ballroom. And John and Rose aren't even here."
"Oh, no," Jade starts again, but then she stops herself. "Pinning this on me is very unfair, Dave! I had everything set up right in my mind. Did you jump us through time by accident?"
"Shit, no," he says. "I've gone linear, remember? Like some fucked-up crackwhore junkie going straight, except I don't relapse because once I do I'm back to sucking Time's scabby dick in a temporal corner off the seedy alien bowling alley except this time it's some classy shit like a fancy party dance floor."
"Dance floor?" Jade looks around for the first time. "Oh my gosh, you're right! Is this what a dance floor looks like?"
"Fuck yeah it is," he says. "Haven't you ever been to a bar mitzvah? Now we put you on a fucking chair and carry you around like you're the queen of shitty parties."
"Um, I don't get it," she says. "But I think, if you know what a ballroom or a dance floor or whatever is, and I don't..."
Oh, no, he would say, if he weren't too cool for that. He suddenly sees where this is going.
"I think," she continues slowly, "this must be your doing! I wouldn't teleport us to a place I didn't know anything about. Dave, do you know? Why you suddenly interfered with my powers and made us appear in a ballroom surrounded by stars!"
"Okay, look, it's about time you got something straight in your crazy frog-fucked head," Dave says. Shit, she's squeezing his shoulder now. "Even if I was going to send us to some kind of astro-sweet-sixteen party three years early, I wouldn't dress myself up in a tux. I've got way better options."
"Okay," Jade says, "maybe the tuxedo is my doing!"
"Wait, why?"
"Because you look good in it!" She smiles. "Dave, I have a guess."
"Then spit it out," he says, forgetting to curse for a minute, because she's moved her hand from his shoulder to his waist, oh, God, why is she touching his waist.
"I guess..." She takes a deep breath. "I guess you secretly wanted to dance with me and were afraid you'd never get the chance again. Oh gosh, I said it."
"Now that's not even grade-A bullshit," he says, realizing with a wave of relief that he can curse again, so it's all good. "That's straight-up grade-S bullshit, which you know is even worse if you've played any shitty video games that made you breed Big Bird the way we've been breeding frogs."
"Stop not making sense, Dave," she chides him. "This is important!"
"Do you even know how to dance?" he asks her.
"No!" she says. "You have to teach me."
"Jeez, that's fine," he says. "I didn't have anything better to do, like save existence and all our friends."
"You're the Knight of Time!" she says. "Everything's probably stopped right now, because you secretly want it to be stopped so you can dance with me." She puts her other hand on his waist, too, and she gives him a squeeze.
"Hold the fuck up, that is not even how you do it," he says.
"So show me!"
"Okay," he says. "Got it. I'll show you."
"Um, wait, Dave," she says.
"I said I'd do it," he says. "You back down now, that's like laying down half a sick beat and then not dropping the rhyme afterwards. Shit won't fly."
"You still have your sunglasses on!" She stops touching him all of a sudden, which isn't fair at all after she's grabbed his shoulder and squeezed his waist and all that shit, and she folds her arms over her chest.
"That's the rule of the fucking dance," he says. "Can't take my sweet shades off. Might miss a step if I do."
She sticks out her tongue. "You're lying. Take them off, Dave! It's important."
"Shit, no, something like that isn't important," he says. "Why is it important?"
"Because," she says, "you have to see the stars." And she reaches out and plucks his shades off his face, then grabs his chin and tilts his head up...
...and he can see all the stars. He should make a lame Kubrick reference right now, Dave thinks. He totally should. Instead, he looks at the stars, and then back at Jade. "Okay," he says. "You got me. Bam."
"Why aren't you looking at the stars?" she wants to know.
"Well, shit," he says. "Shit and dicks and puppet ass. I guess I'd rather look at you instead."
Fandom: Homestuck
Pairing: Jade/Dave
Rating: PG
Wordcount: 1,006
Notes: Birthday gift fic for sparkledyne.
Summary: An interlude before the inevitable fight with Jack Noir, or whatever it is they have to do. Jade and Dave dance.
The sky is perfectly black except for the millions of colorful stars, and the dance floor beneath their feet is mirror-smooth, and they aren't supposed to be here. They're supposed to be getting ready to face Jack Noir.
"Oh, no," Jade says. "Oh, no. Dave, where are we?"
"Shit, that means it's about fucking time to start worrying up a storm of who the fuck knows," he says, adjusting his shades even though there's no sun, green or otherwise, for them to shield his eyes from.
"Stop playing with your dumb glasses and tell me what just happened!" she says, balling up her fists. "Also you look really silly like that, you know!"
"Well, here's how it goes," he starts to say, and then he makes the mistake of looking down. "I'm in a fucking tuxedo. Why am I in a fucking tuxedo? What creepy Chris-Hansen-bait shithead put me in a tuxedo?"
"Stop getting distracted," she says, reaching out to shake him by the shoulder. "I was transporting us to the furthest ring so we could pick up all our gear safely, but now we're here! This isn't anywhere!"
"You're the Witch of Space so it's gotta be down to you fucking something up," he says, trying to make a cool little shrug but he can't because she has a hand on his shoulder. "I mean, I'm pretty sure we're not supposed to hand Jack his freaky perverted furry ass in some kind of cosmic ballroom. And John and Rose aren't even here."
"Oh, no," Jade starts again, but then she stops herself. "Pinning this on me is very unfair, Dave! I had everything set up right in my mind. Did you jump us through time by accident?"
"Shit, no," he says. "I've gone linear, remember? Like some fucked-up crackwhore junkie going straight, except I don't relapse because once I do I'm back to sucking Time's scabby dick in a temporal corner off the seedy alien bowling alley except this time it's some classy shit like a fancy party dance floor."
"Dance floor?" Jade looks around for the first time. "Oh my gosh, you're right! Is this what a dance floor looks like?"
"Fuck yeah it is," he says. "Haven't you ever been to a bar mitzvah? Now we put you on a fucking chair and carry you around like you're the queen of shitty parties."
"Um, I don't get it," she says. "But I think, if you know what a ballroom or a dance floor or whatever is, and I don't..."
Oh, no, he would say, if he weren't too cool for that. He suddenly sees where this is going.
"I think," she continues slowly, "this must be your doing! I wouldn't teleport us to a place I didn't know anything about. Dave, do you know? Why you suddenly interfered with my powers and made us appear in a ballroom surrounded by stars!"
"Okay, look, it's about time you got something straight in your crazy frog-fucked head," Dave says. Shit, she's squeezing his shoulder now. "Even if I was going to send us to some kind of astro-sweet-sixteen party three years early, I wouldn't dress myself up in a tux. I've got way better options."
"Okay," Jade says, "maybe the tuxedo is my doing!"
"Wait, why?"
"Because you look good in it!" She smiles. "Dave, I have a guess."
"Then spit it out," he says, forgetting to curse for a minute, because she's moved her hand from his shoulder to his waist, oh, God, why is she touching his waist.
"I guess..." She takes a deep breath. "I guess you secretly wanted to dance with me and were afraid you'd never get the chance again. Oh gosh, I said it."
"Now that's not even grade-A bullshit," he says, realizing with a wave of relief that he can curse again, so it's all good. "That's straight-up grade-S bullshit, which you know is even worse if you've played any shitty video games that made you breed Big Bird the way we've been breeding frogs."
"Stop not making sense, Dave," she chides him. "This is important!"
"Do you even know how to dance?" he asks her.
"No!" she says. "You have to teach me."
"Jeez, that's fine," he says. "I didn't have anything better to do, like save existence and all our friends."
"You're the Knight of Time!" she says. "Everything's probably stopped right now, because you secretly want it to be stopped so you can dance with me." She puts her other hand on his waist, too, and she gives him a squeeze.
"Hold the fuck up, that is not even how you do it," he says.
"So show me!"
"Okay," he says. "Got it. I'll show you."
"Um, wait, Dave," she says.
"I said I'd do it," he says. "You back down now, that's like laying down half a sick beat and then not dropping the rhyme afterwards. Shit won't fly."
"You still have your sunglasses on!" She stops touching him all of a sudden, which isn't fair at all after she's grabbed his shoulder and squeezed his waist and all that shit, and she folds her arms over her chest.
"That's the rule of the fucking dance," he says. "Can't take my sweet shades off. Might miss a step if I do."
She sticks out her tongue. "You're lying. Take them off, Dave! It's important."
"Shit, no, something like that isn't important," he says. "Why is it important?"
"Because," she says, "you have to see the stars." And she reaches out and plucks his shades off his face, then grabs his chin and tilts his head up...
...and he can see all the stars. He should make a lame Kubrick reference right now, Dave thinks. He totally should. Instead, he looks at the stars, and then back at Jade. "Okay," he says. "You got me. Bam."
"Why aren't you looking at the stars?" she wants to know.
"Well, shit," he says. "Shit and dicks and puppet ass. I guess I'd rather look at you instead."