Slowly going the way of the dodo
I really hate to admit it, but I’m scared. Think whatever you want of me for saying it but to say otherwise wouldn’t be the truth. For whoever out there might not know, I graduated college with a degree in photography this past December. First one in my family to go to college, first one to get a college degree, yadda yadda, who cares. All that matters now is what I do with my life and it is starting to really bother me that I have to do anything with it at all. As far back as I have a memory I have known what to do because it was laid out before me: go to school, work to support it. It was a very simple equation for a very simple task, and I was damn good at it. But now my life is in my hands (if I may be so dramatic) and I am apprehensive about doing something with it. I have one opportunity in front of me to work for a newspaper in Fairfield and I am really dragging my feet on apply for the position. I honestly think I have a good shot at making it for several reasons which I won’t bother listing here but I haven’t been able to bring myself to even get my shit together long enough to send my portfolio. I have thoroughly enjoyed my time since graduation: movies, books, good times with friends and finally some more sleep. But soon, very soon, it’s all going to come crashing down on me. Every single day I wake up with this feeling of anxiety over my own life and I can’t seem to find a way to push past it. I’m stronger then this, yet I’m not acting like it. They (whoever “they” are) say that actions speak louder then words. So far, my actions have barely been a whisper.