[Tsubasa fanfiction] Touch
Title: Touch
Prompt: 17. prey on the mind
Fandom: Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicle
Characters/Pairings: Fai Flourite, KuroFai
Rating: PG-13
SPOILERS: For Fai's past and the Celes arc of the manga.
Summary: Fai is so used to touching, but not really feeling. He's not used to people trying to touch him in return.
A/N: To prey on the mind means that something is eating away at you, and you can't stop thinking about it.Once again, I feel really bad for using a fandom Bane-san doesn't know, but I swear to God this fic flew out of no where and hit me over the head...
Posted to 31_days_exchnge (for bane_6), kuroxfai, kuroganefai and clampfiction
~*~
He's always been a very tactile person.
His earliest conscious memory is the feeling of his brother's hand in his own. The two of them were always touching, somehow, because there was a connection there. Sometimes late at night, curled up together in bed, it seemed like there weren't two of them at all, only one. It would have been better if there was only one...
But then after... everything, he didn't want to touch anymore. Touch was dangerous, touch let someone get too close. If they got too close, they would die, and then that would hurt.
So in Celes, he didn't like to touch.
But he learned how, slowly. Ashura-ou taught him how, and taught him that touch didn't have to mean there was a connection. Touch was just touch. It didn't mean you had to feel. So he learned how to fake it, how to tease with touches, and not mean a thing. He could touch with impunity, and it didn't matter at all. Not to him.
But then came Kurogane.
It was fun, at first, teasing him to the point of infuriating, then run away cackling only to pounce him again later. He took great delight in draping himself over Kurogane's shoulders at any opportunity, poking him in the cheeks, hugging and snuggling and pouting when Kurogane threw him off. He loved exploiting the other man's sensitivity to touch. It was fun.
Sometimes.
The first time Kurogane actually touched Fai was in Outo. Or maybe that wasn't accurate. It was the first touch that Fai actually felt, and it wasn't even a proper touch. When the end of Kurogane's sword sheath had slid under Fai's chin to bring his face up, it had sent a jolt through the blond's entire body. He could feel the force of Kurogane's gaze, Kurogane's feelings transferred through the sheath, and it made Fai's skin flush and tingle.
"The ones I hate the most are those who give up their lives before all hopes are gone."
When Kurogane picked him up to carry him, Fai laughed and flailed and tried to pretend this wasn't any different than any other time they'd touched. He ignored the tingle in his skin, the pounding of his heart, the sensation of Kurogane's warmth so close.
He swore quietly, to himself, that he would deny that connection forever, for however long it took.
But somewhere deep inside, where he wouldn't even admit to himself, a part of him wanted to be touched. Buried deep in his heart were the memories of the way he'd felt around his brother, warm and safe, like he belonged, that he had someone who would always, always be there no matter what. He hadn't felt that way since his brother died, and a part of him longed for it again. Sometimes, late at night when it was almost too much, he would curl up in bed and wrap his arms around himself and try to ignore the other breathing patterns in the room, so close but... no. Never. Sometimes on those nights, Mokona would sense that something was wrong, and hop over to worm her way under the covers and snuggle against Fai. He was always grateful for that, but it wasn't enough. It was never enough.
It got the better of him in Piffle. Kurogane was right there, so close, it was so easy to reach out and curl his hand around the larger man's wrist, almost, almost as though they were holding hands. It was so easy to make up an excuse, to wave away Kurogane's surprised look, and to indulge just for a moment in that small bit of human closeness.
Later, he was disgusted with himself for being so weak. And yet...
And yet he couldn't get it out of his mind. The more he tried, the more he ended up thinking about Kurogane, about how close they were, about how close they could be. The conflict in his own heart was tearing him apart. For the longest time he'd convinced himself that anyone who got close to him would die, that he had no choice.
But because of Kurogane, for the first time, he had a faint sliver of hope.
Part of him didn't want it, just wanted to shut himself away and never come out again, never have to deal with people ever again.
But the rest of him was tired of lying, tired of being isolated.
So he reached out to touch.
Prompt: 17. prey on the mind
Fandom: Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicle
Characters/Pairings: Fai Flourite, KuroFai
Rating: PG-13
SPOILERS: For Fai's past and the Celes arc of the manga.
Summary: Fai is so used to touching, but not really feeling. He's not used to people trying to touch him in return.
A/N: To prey on the mind means that something is eating away at you, and you can't stop thinking about it.Once again, I feel really bad for using a fandom Bane-san doesn't know, but I swear to God this fic flew out of no where and hit me over the head...
Posted to 31_days_exchnge (for bane_6), kuroxfai, kuroganefai and clampfiction
~*~
He's always been a very tactile person.
His earliest conscious memory is the feeling of his brother's hand in his own. The two of them were always touching, somehow, because there was a connection there. Sometimes late at night, curled up together in bed, it seemed like there weren't two of them at all, only one. It would have been better if there was only one...
But then after... everything, he didn't want to touch anymore. Touch was dangerous, touch let someone get too close. If they got too close, they would die, and then that would hurt.
So in Celes, he didn't like to touch.
But he learned how, slowly. Ashura-ou taught him how, and taught him that touch didn't have to mean there was a connection. Touch was just touch. It didn't mean you had to feel. So he learned how to fake it, how to tease with touches, and not mean a thing. He could touch with impunity, and it didn't matter at all. Not to him.
But then came Kurogane.
It was fun, at first, teasing him to the point of infuriating, then run away cackling only to pounce him again later. He took great delight in draping himself over Kurogane's shoulders at any opportunity, poking him in the cheeks, hugging and snuggling and pouting when Kurogane threw him off. He loved exploiting the other man's sensitivity to touch. It was fun.
Sometimes.
The first time Kurogane actually touched Fai was in Outo. Or maybe that wasn't accurate. It was the first touch that Fai actually felt, and it wasn't even a proper touch. When the end of Kurogane's sword sheath had slid under Fai's chin to bring his face up, it had sent a jolt through the blond's entire body. He could feel the force of Kurogane's gaze, Kurogane's feelings transferred through the sheath, and it made Fai's skin flush and tingle.
"The ones I hate the most are those who give up their lives before all hopes are gone."
When Kurogane picked him up to carry him, Fai laughed and flailed and tried to pretend this wasn't any different than any other time they'd touched. He ignored the tingle in his skin, the pounding of his heart, the sensation of Kurogane's warmth so close.
He swore quietly, to himself, that he would deny that connection forever, for however long it took.
But somewhere deep inside, where he wouldn't even admit to himself, a part of him wanted to be touched. Buried deep in his heart were the memories of the way he'd felt around his brother, warm and safe, like he belonged, that he had someone who would always, always be there no matter what. He hadn't felt that way since his brother died, and a part of him longed for it again. Sometimes, late at night when it was almost too much, he would curl up in bed and wrap his arms around himself and try to ignore the other breathing patterns in the room, so close but... no. Never. Sometimes on those nights, Mokona would sense that something was wrong, and hop over to worm her way under the covers and snuggle against Fai. He was always grateful for that, but it wasn't enough. It was never enough.
It got the better of him in Piffle. Kurogane was right there, so close, it was so easy to reach out and curl his hand around the larger man's wrist, almost, almost as though they were holding hands. It was so easy to make up an excuse, to wave away Kurogane's surprised look, and to indulge just for a moment in that small bit of human closeness.
Later, he was disgusted with himself for being so weak. And yet...
And yet he couldn't get it out of his mind. The more he tried, the more he ended up thinking about Kurogane, about how close they were, about how close they could be. The conflict in his own heart was tearing him apart. For the longest time he'd convinced himself that anyone who got close to him would die, that he had no choice.
But because of Kurogane, for the first time, he had a faint sliver of hope.
Part of him didn't want it, just wanted to shut himself away and never come out again, never have to deal with people ever again.
But the rest of him was tired of lying, tired of being isolated.
So he reached out to touch.