fantasia movie reviews
before i get to the reviews, let me start by saying i have new boots!!!
i have been looking for replacement boots for my old docs. i've had 2 pairs, both in the early 90s. one pair was dying and went missing several years ago. the other pair has the leather scuffed of the steal toe on one boot and is looking rather dire.
i _refuse_ to buy the new shitty docs made in china. they will not last a decade or more of abuse. i tried on a few pairs of boots at rio. none of them felt right. i lamented to the sales guy about my docs. he said they still had some old pairs made in england. they not only had the exactly style of my original docs, they even had 1 pair that was my size!!!! i put them on and they were perfect. after years of searching, i am now the proud owner of a clone of my original docs from 1991.
onto movie reviews...
#1
movie: alien trespass - 90m - usa - 2009 3/5 stars
synopsis: an alien ship crash lands near a small desert town. a monster that can destroy the planet escapes and needs to be hunted down.
thoughts: instead of making a spoof of a 50s sci-fi b-movie (ie mars attack), r.w. goodwin (x-files writer) made a 50s sci-fi b-movie in 2009. the movie was funny; the sets were great; and the dialog appropriate for each character. there wasn't anything very original about the movie other than it was made 50 years too late.
--------------------
#2
movie: hard revenge, milly - 44m - japan - 2008 3.5/5 stars
synopsis: toyko has been destroyed (again). a woman's family has been massacred. her body is reconstructed with weapons so she can seek revenge.
thoughts: this movie was set up to get funding for a full-length feature. it is one bloody and creative fight scene after another. the heroin is not some stupid fru fru killer. she kills, disembowels, and uses body parts with class. if by class i mean bbq'ing a corpse near the beginning. :) the end of the final battle is amazing beyond belief. i couldn't decide if i wanted to laugh or be stunned. i think i did a little of both. fans of the movie versus need to see this.
hard revenge, milly: bloody battle - 82m - japan - 2009 - 4.5/5 stars
synopsis: this longer movie continues where the first one left off. milly is visited by a girl who wants revenge against the one who killed her lover. will milly help this rather meek girl?
thoughts: if the action wasn't awesome enough in the first one, it goes over the top in this movie. we find out a lot more about milly's past and her present conditions. neo-tokyo is fleshed out more. the main bad guy is so badass. it's even better that he's gay! at one point he turns to his brother and says "i'd teach you to be gay if you weren't my brother." another gem was "i'd fall in love with you... if you were a man!" during the q&a, the director gave away a lot when he answered questions. let's just say that he watched many classic sci-fi movies and pays homage to them. again, fans of versus MUST see this movie.
--------------------
#3
survivors - 13m - usa - 2009 - 2/5 stars
synopsis: the zombie apocalypse has arrived. a woman runs to a bar where she hears gunshots looking for survivors. she convinces the bar owner to let her in.
thoughts: the movie is totally unoriginal. it's the typical infected human seeks shelter, hides the fact that she's infected, screws the humans. the end if its only saving grace as she gets what she deserves.
yesterday - 98m - canada - 2009 - 3.5/5 stars
synopsis: the zombie apocalypse has arrived (this time in canada). survivors must band together for protection, but some personalities clash. will they work out their differences or kill each other first?
thoughts: this movie was shot in 16mm on a $17k budget. you are either ok with the blurry camera or it'll annoy you to hell. this a rare canadian indie film that doesn't suck. most i've seen at fantasia are so bad they're good (rare) or just bad. yesterday has a variety of different types of characters, all of whom are played well by the actors. the assholes are so bad you want to reach into the screen to throttle them. i may not have liked many of the characters, but that was because their acting was so convincing. the movie provides many interesting moral dilemmas and a good amount of gore and brutality. i was sad when my favorite badass character died 15-20 minutes into the movie. it's also not without its funny moments. good luck finding a copy of this. worth watching if you like zombie movies.
--------------------
#4
mite - 6m - germany - 2008 - 2/5 stars
synopsis: a man visits his mother and finds mites in her house.
thoughts: the only interesting thing about this short is that it was shot in stop motion with 2 live actors and claymation. that made the motions of the people bizarre.
orochi - 107m - japan - 2008 - 2.5/5 stars
synopsis: a cursed family of beautiful, successful women begin turning into monsters at the age of 29. an orochi, spirit of fate, comes across them and helps/observes them at different points in time.
thoughts: i was ambivalent about seeing this or the other movie playing at this time (the horseman). the trailer looked aesthetically pleasing, but not all that interesting; however, in lieu of all the violent movies we were seeing, a change of pace was called for. the movie follows 2 sisters, first when they're around 9 and then when they're around 29. the woman who plays the mother at the beginning also plays one of the sisters. it's a sad tale of sisters descending into madness when the mother reveals one of them is adopted. i would've given this movie a lower rating, but the last minute of the movie is pretty awesome.
--------------------
#5
smash cut - 85m - canada - 2009 - 3.5/5 stars
synopsis: a z-movie misunderstood director needs inspiration for his next movie. when his stripper/love interest dies in a car accident, he decides to use real gore in his next movie. the stripper's sister hires a private eye and together they investigate a string of murders.
thoughts: as stated above in yesterday, i tend to stay away from canadian indie films. lee demabre's films (jesus christ vampire hunter, harry knuckles and the pearl necklace) are always so bad they're good. this movie certainly isn't as good as harry knuckles, but it holds its own. david hess is great at playing a complete psycho. it was also weird to see sasha grey with her clothes on. she was actually pretty good. expect bad props, witty lines, and b-movie goodness.
--------------------
#6
samurai princess - 90m - japan - 2009 - 1/5 stars
synopsis: a group of school girls have been raped and dismembered in the forest by crazy mechas. a mecha mad scientist and buddhist monk resurrects them into 1 body made up of the body parts of all 11 girls. the girl calls herself samurai princess and seeks revenge against the killers.
thoughts: since i was djing on friday, i didn't get to see vampire girl vs. frankenstein girl. this movie looked like it was in a similar vein. according to hilary to saw both, this was not the case. this was by far the worst movie i saw. the action wasn't that great, the costumes made most of the characters look like furries more than mechanized badasses. there was the obligatory chainsaw limb, giant scissor limb, giant tentacle penis with mouth at the end, and... even a guitar with sonic powers. none of this was enough to save a movie with bad actors, bad costumes, bad lines, terrible special effects, bad action sequences. do not see this movie.
--------------------
#7
portrait of a beauty - 108m - south korea - 2008 - 5/5 stars
synopsis: this is a tragic love story between a woman court painter masquerading as a man falling in love with a commoner. she is commanded to paint scenes of every day life, but her paintings are condemned by her masters and even the korean king because they depict nudity or "vulgar acts" which no noble women would watch. like other romeo and juliet-esque stories, the ending is heart-wrenching.
thoughts: this movie looked very promising when i read the review and watched the trailer. it far exceeded all my expectations. this is south korea's answer to the pillow book. rather than concentrating on calligraphy and literature, this movie concentrates on classic painting with calligraphy as enhancements. woman were forbidden to paint, but the little girl was exceptionally gifted. her father believed his son to be a great painter and brought officials to evaluate his skill. he could not paint and disgraced his father. the boy hung himself and the father made his daughter pretend to be a boy to restore honor to the family. everything about this movie is beautiful. the cinematography is stellar. the colors are vibrant, showing the paintings in exquisite detail. the actors are overall aesthetically pleasing. the sex scenes are erotic and well done. it was especially hot after the one scene where she paints on his back afterward and then lays on his back so her drawing is imprinted on her torso. sooooo hot! the only thing negative i can say about the movie is that it is very slow. the pacing crawls. the movie felt much longer, but i didn't mind. it made me feel like i spent more time absorbing everything. by the end of the movie it may end up as a cryfest for some people. people who loved the pillow book, tragic romance movies, asian artfilms must see this movie!!!
--------------------
#8
the warlords - 127m - hong kong - 2007 - 4/5 stars
synopsis: a general's army is slaughtered. he ends up at a bandit camp and eventually convinces them to join the army to fight the taiping rebels. if the rebels are defeated, there will be peace. the general and his captains lead their army deep into rebel-controlled lands, but can they end the war before the general's love for his first captain's wife consumes him and destroys their brotherhood?
thoughts: epic would be the appropriate word for this movie. the movie was essentially about political maneuvering, brotherhood, and betrayal. i thought it was going to focus more on war than it did. there were some amazing battle scenes, including one where jet li blocks a row of soldier's spears then sweeps his halberd down to slice the feet off his opponents. that was pretty amazing. they did a great job with the costumes and cinematography, but i had a problem with jet li's character being such a douche about being in love. his character is so rigid and abides by the rules of law. he constantly talked about the greater good and the sacrifices that must be made in order to do what's best. yet he could not keep it in his pants when it came to a woman. granted he viewed her as his savior, but still... love will not always conquer even the most rigid. if the love story was removed, the movie would not have ended differently, but i guess it would've made a lot of the plot less interesting and cause less tension between characters.
i have been looking for replacement boots for my old docs. i've had 2 pairs, both in the early 90s. one pair was dying and went missing several years ago. the other pair has the leather scuffed of the steal toe on one boot and is looking rather dire.
i _refuse_ to buy the new shitty docs made in china. they will not last a decade or more of abuse. i tried on a few pairs of boots at rio. none of them felt right. i lamented to the sales guy about my docs. he said they still had some old pairs made in england. they not only had the exactly style of my original docs, they even had 1 pair that was my size!!!! i put them on and they were perfect. after years of searching, i am now the proud owner of a clone of my original docs from 1991.
onto movie reviews...
#1
movie: alien trespass - 90m - usa - 2009 3/5 stars
synopsis: an alien ship crash lands near a small desert town. a monster that can destroy the planet escapes and needs to be hunted down.
thoughts: instead of making a spoof of a 50s sci-fi b-movie (ie mars attack), r.w. goodwin (x-files writer) made a 50s sci-fi b-movie in 2009. the movie was funny; the sets were great; and the dialog appropriate for each character. there wasn't anything very original about the movie other than it was made 50 years too late.
--------------------
#2
movie: hard revenge, milly - 44m - japan - 2008 3.5/5 stars
synopsis: toyko has been destroyed (again). a woman's family has been massacred. her body is reconstructed with weapons so she can seek revenge.
thoughts: this movie was set up to get funding for a full-length feature. it is one bloody and creative fight scene after another. the heroin is not some stupid fru fru killer. she kills, disembowels, and uses body parts with class. if by class i mean bbq'ing a corpse near the beginning. :) the end of the final battle is amazing beyond belief. i couldn't decide if i wanted to laugh or be stunned. i think i did a little of both. fans of the movie versus need to see this.
hard revenge, milly: bloody battle - 82m - japan - 2009 - 4.5/5 stars
synopsis: this longer movie continues where the first one left off. milly is visited by a girl who wants revenge against the one who killed her lover. will milly help this rather meek girl?
thoughts: if the action wasn't awesome enough in the first one, it goes over the top in this movie. we find out a lot more about milly's past and her present conditions. neo-tokyo is fleshed out more. the main bad guy is so badass. it's even better that he's gay! at one point he turns to his brother and says "i'd teach you to be gay if you weren't my brother." another gem was "i'd fall in love with you... if you were a man!" during the q&a, the director gave away a lot when he answered questions. let's just say that he watched many classic sci-fi movies and pays homage to them. again, fans of versus MUST see this movie.
--------------------
#3
survivors - 13m - usa - 2009 - 2/5 stars
synopsis: the zombie apocalypse has arrived. a woman runs to a bar where she hears gunshots looking for survivors. she convinces the bar owner to let her in.
thoughts: the movie is totally unoriginal. it's the typical infected human seeks shelter, hides the fact that she's infected, screws the humans. the end if its only saving grace as she gets what she deserves.
yesterday - 98m - canada - 2009 - 3.5/5 stars
synopsis: the zombie apocalypse has arrived (this time in canada). survivors must band together for protection, but some personalities clash. will they work out their differences or kill each other first?
thoughts: this movie was shot in 16mm on a $17k budget. you are either ok with the blurry camera or it'll annoy you to hell. this a rare canadian indie film that doesn't suck. most i've seen at fantasia are so bad they're good (rare) or just bad. yesterday has a variety of different types of characters, all of whom are played well by the actors. the assholes are so bad you want to reach into the screen to throttle them. i may not have liked many of the characters, but that was because their acting was so convincing. the movie provides many interesting moral dilemmas and a good amount of gore and brutality. i was sad when my favorite badass character died 15-20 minutes into the movie. it's also not without its funny moments. good luck finding a copy of this. worth watching if you like zombie movies.
--------------------
#4
mite - 6m - germany - 2008 - 2/5 stars
synopsis: a man visits his mother and finds mites in her house.
thoughts: the only interesting thing about this short is that it was shot in stop motion with 2 live actors and claymation. that made the motions of the people bizarre.
orochi - 107m - japan - 2008 - 2.5/5 stars
synopsis: a cursed family of beautiful, successful women begin turning into monsters at the age of 29. an orochi, spirit of fate, comes across them and helps/observes them at different points in time.
thoughts: i was ambivalent about seeing this or the other movie playing at this time (the horseman). the trailer looked aesthetically pleasing, but not all that interesting; however, in lieu of all the violent movies we were seeing, a change of pace was called for. the movie follows 2 sisters, first when they're around 9 and then when they're around 29. the woman who plays the mother at the beginning also plays one of the sisters. it's a sad tale of sisters descending into madness when the mother reveals one of them is adopted. i would've given this movie a lower rating, but the last minute of the movie is pretty awesome.
--------------------
#5
smash cut - 85m - canada - 2009 - 3.5/5 stars
synopsis: a z-movie misunderstood director needs inspiration for his next movie. when his stripper/love interest dies in a car accident, he decides to use real gore in his next movie. the stripper's sister hires a private eye and together they investigate a string of murders.
thoughts: as stated above in yesterday, i tend to stay away from canadian indie films. lee demabre's films (jesus christ vampire hunter, harry knuckles and the pearl necklace) are always so bad they're good. this movie certainly isn't as good as harry knuckles, but it holds its own. david hess is great at playing a complete psycho. it was also weird to see sasha grey with her clothes on. she was actually pretty good. expect bad props, witty lines, and b-movie goodness.
--------------------
#6
samurai princess - 90m - japan - 2009 - 1/5 stars
synopsis: a group of school girls have been raped and dismembered in the forest by crazy mechas. a mecha mad scientist and buddhist monk resurrects them into 1 body made up of the body parts of all 11 girls. the girl calls herself samurai princess and seeks revenge against the killers.
thoughts: since i was djing on friday, i didn't get to see vampire girl vs. frankenstein girl. this movie looked like it was in a similar vein. according to hilary to saw both, this was not the case. this was by far the worst movie i saw. the action wasn't that great, the costumes made most of the characters look like furries more than mechanized badasses. there was the obligatory chainsaw limb, giant scissor limb, giant tentacle penis with mouth at the end, and... even a guitar with sonic powers. none of this was enough to save a movie with bad actors, bad costumes, bad lines, terrible special effects, bad action sequences. do not see this movie.
--------------------
#7
portrait of a beauty - 108m - south korea - 2008 - 5/5 stars
synopsis: this is a tragic love story between a woman court painter masquerading as a man falling in love with a commoner. she is commanded to paint scenes of every day life, but her paintings are condemned by her masters and even the korean king because they depict nudity or "vulgar acts" which no noble women would watch. like other romeo and juliet-esque stories, the ending is heart-wrenching.
thoughts: this movie looked very promising when i read the review and watched the trailer. it far exceeded all my expectations. this is south korea's answer to the pillow book. rather than concentrating on calligraphy and literature, this movie concentrates on classic painting with calligraphy as enhancements. woman were forbidden to paint, but the little girl was exceptionally gifted. her father believed his son to be a great painter and brought officials to evaluate his skill. he could not paint and disgraced his father. the boy hung himself and the father made his daughter pretend to be a boy to restore honor to the family. everything about this movie is beautiful. the cinematography is stellar. the colors are vibrant, showing the paintings in exquisite detail. the actors are overall aesthetically pleasing. the sex scenes are erotic and well done. it was especially hot after the one scene where she paints on his back afterward and then lays on his back so her drawing is imprinted on her torso. sooooo hot! the only thing negative i can say about the movie is that it is very slow. the pacing crawls. the movie felt much longer, but i didn't mind. it made me feel like i spent more time absorbing everything. by the end of the movie it may end up as a cryfest for some people. people who loved the pillow book, tragic romance movies, asian artfilms must see this movie!!!
--------------------
#8
the warlords - 127m - hong kong - 2007 - 4/5 stars
synopsis: a general's army is slaughtered. he ends up at a bandit camp and eventually convinces them to join the army to fight the taiping rebels. if the rebels are defeated, there will be peace. the general and his captains lead their army deep into rebel-controlled lands, but can they end the war before the general's love for his first captain's wife consumes him and destroys their brotherhood?
thoughts: epic would be the appropriate word for this movie. the movie was essentially about political maneuvering, brotherhood, and betrayal. i thought it was going to focus more on war than it did. there were some amazing battle scenes, including one where jet li blocks a row of soldier's spears then sweeps his halberd down to slice the feet off his opponents. that was pretty amazing. they did a great job with the costumes and cinematography, but i had a problem with jet li's character being such a douche about being in love. his character is so rigid and abides by the rules of law. he constantly talked about the greater good and the sacrifices that must be made in order to do what's best. yet he could not keep it in his pants when it came to a woman. granted he viewed her as his savior, but still... love will not always conquer even the most rigid. if the love story was removed, the movie would not have ended differently, but i guess it would've made a lot of the plot less interesting and cause less tension between characters.