Missing her....
Well I was over at my girlfriends house this past weekend, and I hung out with her and her twin and her twin's boyfriend (Anna, Christina and Robert ... in that order). I was totally fine when I was there, I knew I was gonna miss Christina and Robert and Anna, but when I went out and said goodbye to Anna in the parking lot I just broke down.... I started crying like I did on my birthday after reading her E-card she sent me. I just didn't want to leave, I love being with her and her family. I felt like I wasn't going to see her for along time, but I knew I was going to see her soon, but I think it was because Tina and Robert were going too, but it was mostly because of Anna, cause even staring at her in that parking lot made me cry...
Ugh... now I feel like crying! That is so crazy, I am usually not this emotional... but I know I want to be with Anna so badly, and I want to honor and respect her, like her knight in shining armor should. I am falling in love with her and I know it to be true, I would say I am courting her because I have every intention in asking her hand in marriage. I was with her and her little sister, in her room, and I looked at her stomach, and my mind just flew to the future... I can't wait to see her little belly grow big with our first child... its going to be so cute, and she will be so beautiful! She already is beautiful, and breath-taking like I said... and I hate being away from her like this.
But anyways like I was saying, I don't really like being home, it's just my mom and dad and I, we barely talk, and I don't like it at all. They are always stressed out, there is no real laughter, no one to hangout with thats in the house. But at Anna's, its like having siblings again! It feels so good, so much interaction and with Anna I feel so much stronger, especially my anxiety goes away, ever since being with her I have come out of this shell I had. I love the feeling! I love being with her and her family!! I just wish it was like that here... all my siblings are gone to other locations.
Being with Anna makes me happy, she fills that void that I didn't really know that I had, besides the lack of a woman in my life. She fills the friend role, and sister, and girlfriend/future wife roles too! Its so awesome being with her, then being with her little sisters, that sibling feeling is gone, and it feels so cool to have her sisters to talk to and to goof around with like I would if I had my own little siblings. Wow I just looked and I am typing alot!!!
Anyways though, I want to learn Greek, since Anna is half greek and I love the language, I want to make her melt in one of her own native languages. I want also to do more things together relating to God, like praying with her in the parking lot felt so great! Her just holding on to me as I prayed, felt not just great, beyond great! I miss her, and I want to be there at her house than here in this quiet, boring, always stressful place.
I think I have just mentally cracked, and realized how having Anna in my life is such a HUGE blessing, she was the best early birthday present God has ever sent me!!!!! I love her, and falling further in love with her, its at a friend/alittle more than friend level, and I can't wait to experience Agape (unconditional love) with her. I can't wait to ask her father for her hand, and to kneel before her and asking her to marry me, and spending the rest of my life with her. I can feel that I should be with her, and I will be with her, and I will stay true to her, and honor her, and respect her for hopefully as long as I live. Oh and I love Tina and Robert and Natalie and Libby and your Mom and Dad too!! I <3 you Anna Marie Marshall and I love you too (you know how I mean cutie and its growing every day!!).