drunk...alone...and lonely - a bad combination
An open letter to everyone who blows me off,
I am sick of my friends blowing me off. Work, school, studying, watching TV, time with the boyfriend, walking the dog, whatever...the list of excuses seem to be endless. I don't know how many ways I can tell you people...I AM LONELY. I NEED TO KNOW PEOPLE CARE ABOUT ME. Hopefuly that clarifies the issue. I feel like I try. I call and I call and I leave messages and I try to visit, or comeover, or hang out, but it doesn't seem like any of my friends, yes ANY of my friends are recipr0cating the sentiment. I am fucking stressed out and the lack of social support I have right now is making my life 5 million time harder.
Granted, I'm drunk and I just got blown off AGAIN, so I am surely a bit testier than usual about this issue, but I feel like I need to get it out. Half the problem in this situtation is that some of the people I have beef with don't even read this journal, but the other half of the problem...I feel like that should be easy to solve. Here's how:
1) when I call and I'm upset, ask me about it. Don't start talking about your own problems right away. It makes me feel completely ignored
2) when you say you'll call back...CALL BACK!! that should be pretty simple. if you can't call back, don't say that you will.
I'm sure there are more, but whatever. If you can't figure out the problem from that, then there are bigger problems to be solved.
That said...
- I hate that fact that I am still in school. I want to be finished already.
- I am sick of worrying all the time. I just want my life to run smoothly.
- I wish I hadn't given Maggie away. I miss her so much...I just keep thinking that I need to take care of her and then she isn't there. I don't think it's going to get better.
- I wish I didn't have to work so hard. There are so many people I know who don't do anything for what they have. I don't understand why I have to work so hard for so little.
- I wish I had a safety net. I feel completely vulnerable right now and I have nothing to fall back on except minimum wage labor skills that will just keep me living the life my parents have, and God knows I don't want that.
- I wish my brother lived with me. I miss him and I know he's not happy at my parents house. How could he be?
- I just want someone I trust near me. I feel like all the people who really know me don't care anymore.
- I'm tired of crying. If I never cry again for the rest of my life I will be happy.
There you go. My journal's been updated. Just know that no matter how mad I get I still love you...Lisa Renee
I am sick of my friends blowing me off. Work, school, studying, watching TV, time with the boyfriend, walking the dog, whatever...the list of excuses seem to be endless. I don't know how many ways I can tell you people...I AM LONELY. I NEED TO KNOW PEOPLE CARE ABOUT ME. Hopefuly that clarifies the issue. I feel like I try. I call and I call and I leave messages and I try to visit, or comeover, or hang out, but it doesn't seem like any of my friends, yes ANY of my friends are recipr0cating the sentiment. I am fucking stressed out and the lack of social support I have right now is making my life 5 million time harder.
Granted, I'm drunk and I just got blown off AGAIN, so I am surely a bit testier than usual about this issue, but I feel like I need to get it out. Half the problem in this situtation is that some of the people I have beef with don't even read this journal, but the other half of the problem...I feel like that should be easy to solve. Here's how:
1) when I call and I'm upset, ask me about it. Don't start talking about your own problems right away. It makes me feel completely ignored
2) when you say you'll call back...CALL BACK!! that should be pretty simple. if you can't call back, don't say that you will.
I'm sure there are more, but whatever. If you can't figure out the problem from that, then there are bigger problems to be solved.
That said...
- I hate that fact that I am still in school. I want to be finished already.
- I am sick of worrying all the time. I just want my life to run smoothly.
- I wish I hadn't given Maggie away. I miss her so much...I just keep thinking that I need to take care of her and then she isn't there. I don't think it's going to get better.
- I wish I didn't have to work so hard. There are so many people I know who don't do anything for what they have. I don't understand why I have to work so hard for so little.
- I wish I had a safety net. I feel completely vulnerable right now and I have nothing to fall back on except minimum wage labor skills that will just keep me living the life my parents have, and God knows I don't want that.
- I wish my brother lived with me. I miss him and I know he's not happy at my parents house. How could he be?
- I just want someone I trust near me. I feel like all the people who really know me don't care anymore.
- I'm tired of crying. If I never cry again for the rest of my life I will be happy.
There you go. My journal's been updated. Just know that no matter how mad I get I still love you...Lisa Renee