Ficlet: Count Me Out
Title: count me out
Author: Rebecca (thechosenone911)
Spoilers: Vague S2 spoilers, AU after 2x19
Rating: PG
Summary: Five conversations between Joan and God.
Disclaimer: I don't own anybody, etc. etc.
i.
"I don't like you showing up at my house looking like that. My mom is going to freak and then try to give me the sex talk again."
"She isn't home."
"Well. She could come home."
"That's the nice thing about being omniscient."
"Oh. Of course. Is there something you wanted?"
"I always want something, Joan."
"See, that wasn't an answer. Or, it was, but...Look, what are you doing here?"
"I need you to do something."
"Surprise. What is it this time? Save a puppy? Apply to Yale? What?"
"No need to be so touchy."
"If you didn't want me to get touchy then maybe you should've told me when Adam was cheating on me."
"You know I couldn't do that, Joan."
"Sure. Whatever."
"Go for a run. It'll cool you off."
"I don't feel like going for-"
"You asked me what I wanted. Go for a run, Joan."
"Oh. You were commanding. Got it."
"I don't command things; I ask. You have the power to say no."
"You keep saying that. One of these days I'm going to and then what?"
"Go for a run, Joan."
"Yeah. I got it. God."
"Yes?"
"Not-...No, I didn't mean you, I just meant- Forget it."
"See you later, Joan."
ii.
"God! I didn't see you there."
"I know you didn't."
"What are you doing?"
"What are you doing, Joan?"
"I'm going to talk to Grace. You saw what just happened."
"She needs time."
"What? You're telling me not to go after her?"
"Yes."
"But-"
"What don't you trust me, Joan?"
"I do. Obviously I do. Look at everything I've done! But Grace needs somebody to talk to."
"She does. But not you."
"What do you mean, not me?"
"Just give her some time."
"Who is she talking to?"
"You should already know the answer to that."
"Luke? She won't talk to me, but she'll talk to my brother?"
"He's her boyfriend."
"I know that, but-"
"Joan. Give her time."
"You said that. I heard you."
"You're not listening to me, though."
"Oh, clever. I get it."
"Good. That's good, Joan."
iii.
"Are you always going to be around?"
"Of course I will, Joan. I'm everywhere."
"No, I mean..."
"I know what you meant."
"Will you always be like this?"
"I won't ever leave you. That's all you need to know."
"I hate when you do that. Why can't you just tell me the truth for once?"
"I've never lied to you, Joan."
"Fine. I know. But I just...I want to know what's going to happen. Where are you going to go? Are you going to find somebody else, somebody to replace me?"
"Nobody will replace you. You're unique."
"Blah, blah. I know. Will you get somebody to do what you've had me do?"
"How do you know I don't have others already?"
"What? You mean, like-"
"It's a big world, Joan. There's a lot of people to take care of."
"Who else do you talk to? Will I ever meet them?"
"No."
"Why not?"
"It's not your place to meet them, just as it isn't theirs to meet you."
"I don't understand why I can't meet them."
"I know you don't."
"But you won't tell me, either."
"I did tell you. I tell you everything you need to know, Joan."
"Which is nothing."
"Well, then."
"You always leave when I want to know the most."
"Do you think there's a reason for that?"
"You're really, really obnoxious?"
"Sleep well, Joan."
iv.
"How could you do this to me?"
"I didn't do this to you, Joan. It happened."
"Shut up. Don't tell me you didn't do this, I know you did. You're God, you control these things."
"It was just time. I'm sorry."
"No, it wasn't his time. Adam was- he was happy, and you're going to stand there and tell me that I wouldn't have seen what he was planning to do?"
"Nobody could have seen this."
"You said his mother's ripples were good! How could they be good if this is how Adam ends up?"
"Adam's mother's ripples were good, Joan. They were good in the way they helped Adam come back to you and come back to himself. Ripples fade, Joan."
"No, this isn't right. I've always trusted you and you just killed him."
"I didn't kill him. He killed himself, Joan."
"Get away from me."
"I know you're angry."
"You don't know anything! I loved him, more than anything. You knew that, and you just threw it away. This is all your fault, if you hadn't made me take that stupid AP chem class, if you had just let me be, maybe Adam wouldn't be dead right now. You know it's true. You know this is your fault."
"There's nothing I can say."
"No, there isn't. You've done what you wanted to do."
"I don't think it's best for you to attend his funeral. Adam-"
"What? You're kidding me, right? Don't you dare tell me not to go to Adam's funeral after what you've done."
"Joan."
"No. Just shut up. If you come near me again...I swear, I will ruin everything."
"You're upset, I know. It hurts, and I'm sorry."
"You aren't sorry! You did this! You could have stopped it, but you didn't. You just let me go around thinking everything was perfect, when in reality Adam could have used my help. I could have stopped him, I could have helped him. Isn't that what you always wanted? For me to help people?"
"When it was needed."
"Adam needed it the most! He killed himself, and I could have stopped it if you'd only told me!"
"I couldn't."
"I hate you."
"No, you don't."
"Yes, I do. If you're so omniscient, you know I do. Stay away from me. If this is what happens in the long run, I don't want to hear any more from you. Ever again."
"I'm sorry to hear that, Joan."
v.
"You."
"Hello, Joan."
"Do you know what's been going on? Wait, of course you have."
"It's time."
"Time? Time for what?"
"I've stayed away, Joan, but you need to be ready now. More than ever."
"What are you talking about?"
"I've always prepared you. The things that have happened, what I've had you do, it was all for this."
"I don't- What are you trying to say?"
"You know what I'm saying."
"No, I don't! Stop playing word games with me, I'm not sixteen years old anymore, and I'm not going to stand here and try to wrestle out what you mean."
"I'm proud of you, Joan."
"Okay."
"The next few weeks are going to be impossible. But I'll be here with you."
"Maybe I don't want you to. Remember when I said I hated you? That has never changed."
"You may hate me, Joan, but you haven't walked away yet."
"I'm sure I would just get onto the subway and you would be the creepy guy sitting next to me. What's the point?"
"It's important."
"See, this is why I can't talk to you."
"Joan."
"What."
"There will be somebody. He will speak everything you believe, but he is not to be trusted."
"I think I read these books once. If the Rapture happened then you might want to look into advertising more."
"That's not why I'm speaking of, Joan. This is more. You will need to take action against him."
"What, like kill him? I'm not killing anybody."
"You do what you have to do, Joan."
"I thought you said you'd be right with me."
"I thought you said you didn't want me around."
"I, I don't know. I lied. But Adam-"
"Was not my doing, Joan."
"Was it- Was it this man you're telling me about?"
"He's evil. And I do not use that word lightly, as you know."
"Did this man kill Adam?"
"No, Adam killed himself."
"Why won't you tell me anything? You never tell me anything. I need answers, sometimes."
"All the people who pray to me, their answers come in different forms. Just as yours will, Joan."
"Are you sure I'm ready? I don't feel ready."
"If you weren't ready, I wouldn't ask this of you."
"I guess that makes me feel better. Not really, but kind of. I-I have to go. But you'll be around again? You'll be showing up?"
"Yes, Joan."
Author: Rebecca (thechosenone911)
Spoilers: Vague S2 spoilers, AU after 2x19
Rating: PG
Summary: Five conversations between Joan and God.
Disclaimer: I don't own anybody, etc. etc.
i.
"I don't like you showing up at my house looking like that. My mom is going to freak and then try to give me the sex talk again."
"She isn't home."
"Well. She could come home."
"That's the nice thing about being omniscient."
"Oh. Of course. Is there something you wanted?"
"I always want something, Joan."
"See, that wasn't an answer. Or, it was, but...Look, what are you doing here?"
"I need you to do something."
"Surprise. What is it this time? Save a puppy? Apply to Yale? What?"
"No need to be so touchy."
"If you didn't want me to get touchy then maybe you should've told me when Adam was cheating on me."
"You know I couldn't do that, Joan."
"Sure. Whatever."
"Go for a run. It'll cool you off."
"I don't feel like going for-"
"You asked me what I wanted. Go for a run, Joan."
"Oh. You were commanding. Got it."
"I don't command things; I ask. You have the power to say no."
"You keep saying that. One of these days I'm going to and then what?"
"Go for a run, Joan."
"Yeah. I got it. God."
"Yes?"
"Not-...No, I didn't mean you, I just meant- Forget it."
"See you later, Joan."
ii.
"God! I didn't see you there."
"I know you didn't."
"What are you doing?"
"What are you doing, Joan?"
"I'm going to talk to Grace. You saw what just happened."
"She needs time."
"What? You're telling me not to go after her?"
"Yes."
"But-"
"What don't you trust me, Joan?"
"I do. Obviously I do. Look at everything I've done! But Grace needs somebody to talk to."
"She does. But not you."
"What do you mean, not me?"
"Just give her some time."
"Who is she talking to?"
"You should already know the answer to that."
"Luke? She won't talk to me, but she'll talk to my brother?"
"He's her boyfriend."
"I know that, but-"
"Joan. Give her time."
"You said that. I heard you."
"You're not listening to me, though."
"Oh, clever. I get it."
"Good. That's good, Joan."
iii.
"Are you always going to be around?"
"Of course I will, Joan. I'm everywhere."
"No, I mean..."
"I know what you meant."
"Will you always be like this?"
"I won't ever leave you. That's all you need to know."
"I hate when you do that. Why can't you just tell me the truth for once?"
"I've never lied to you, Joan."
"Fine. I know. But I just...I want to know what's going to happen. Where are you going to go? Are you going to find somebody else, somebody to replace me?"
"Nobody will replace you. You're unique."
"Blah, blah. I know. Will you get somebody to do what you've had me do?"
"How do you know I don't have others already?"
"What? You mean, like-"
"It's a big world, Joan. There's a lot of people to take care of."
"Who else do you talk to? Will I ever meet them?"
"No."
"Why not?"
"It's not your place to meet them, just as it isn't theirs to meet you."
"I don't understand why I can't meet them."
"I know you don't."
"But you won't tell me, either."
"I did tell you. I tell you everything you need to know, Joan."
"Which is nothing."
"Well, then."
"You always leave when I want to know the most."
"Do you think there's a reason for that?"
"You're really, really obnoxious?"
"Sleep well, Joan."
iv.
"How could you do this to me?"
"I didn't do this to you, Joan. It happened."
"Shut up. Don't tell me you didn't do this, I know you did. You're God, you control these things."
"It was just time. I'm sorry."
"No, it wasn't his time. Adam was- he was happy, and you're going to stand there and tell me that I wouldn't have seen what he was planning to do?"
"Nobody could have seen this."
"You said his mother's ripples were good! How could they be good if this is how Adam ends up?"
"Adam's mother's ripples were good, Joan. They were good in the way they helped Adam come back to you and come back to himself. Ripples fade, Joan."
"No, this isn't right. I've always trusted you and you just killed him."
"I didn't kill him. He killed himself, Joan."
"Get away from me."
"I know you're angry."
"You don't know anything! I loved him, more than anything. You knew that, and you just threw it away. This is all your fault, if you hadn't made me take that stupid AP chem class, if you had just let me be, maybe Adam wouldn't be dead right now. You know it's true. You know this is your fault."
"There's nothing I can say."
"No, there isn't. You've done what you wanted to do."
"I don't think it's best for you to attend his funeral. Adam-"
"What? You're kidding me, right? Don't you dare tell me not to go to Adam's funeral after what you've done."
"Joan."
"No. Just shut up. If you come near me again...I swear, I will ruin everything."
"You're upset, I know. It hurts, and I'm sorry."
"You aren't sorry! You did this! You could have stopped it, but you didn't. You just let me go around thinking everything was perfect, when in reality Adam could have used my help. I could have stopped him, I could have helped him. Isn't that what you always wanted? For me to help people?"
"When it was needed."
"Adam needed it the most! He killed himself, and I could have stopped it if you'd only told me!"
"I couldn't."
"I hate you."
"No, you don't."
"Yes, I do. If you're so omniscient, you know I do. Stay away from me. If this is what happens in the long run, I don't want to hear any more from you. Ever again."
"I'm sorry to hear that, Joan."
v.
"You."
"Hello, Joan."
"Do you know what's been going on? Wait, of course you have."
"It's time."
"Time? Time for what?"
"I've stayed away, Joan, but you need to be ready now. More than ever."
"What are you talking about?"
"I've always prepared you. The things that have happened, what I've had you do, it was all for this."
"I don't- What are you trying to say?"
"You know what I'm saying."
"No, I don't! Stop playing word games with me, I'm not sixteen years old anymore, and I'm not going to stand here and try to wrestle out what you mean."
"I'm proud of you, Joan."
"Okay."
"The next few weeks are going to be impossible. But I'll be here with you."
"Maybe I don't want you to. Remember when I said I hated you? That has never changed."
"You may hate me, Joan, but you haven't walked away yet."
"I'm sure I would just get onto the subway and you would be the creepy guy sitting next to me. What's the point?"
"It's important."
"See, this is why I can't talk to you."
"Joan."
"What."
"There will be somebody. He will speak everything you believe, but he is not to be trusted."
"I think I read these books once. If the Rapture happened then you might want to look into advertising more."
"That's not why I'm speaking of, Joan. This is more. You will need to take action against him."
"What, like kill him? I'm not killing anybody."
"You do what you have to do, Joan."
"I thought you said you'd be right with me."
"I thought you said you didn't want me around."
"I, I don't know. I lied. But Adam-"
"Was not my doing, Joan."
"Was it- Was it this man you're telling me about?"
"He's evil. And I do not use that word lightly, as you know."
"Did this man kill Adam?"
"No, Adam killed himself."
"Why won't you tell me anything? You never tell me anything. I need answers, sometimes."
"All the people who pray to me, their answers come in different forms. Just as yours will, Joan."
"Are you sure I'm ready? I don't feel ready."
"If you weren't ready, I wouldn't ask this of you."
"I guess that makes me feel better. Not really, but kind of. I-I have to go. But you'll be around again? You'll be showing up?"
"Yes, Joan."