Not too anxious...
I'm pretty high strung. My psychologist told me that my depression was my way of coping with my high anxiety. Haha... I guess that is as good a guess as mine. I don't know why I wrote that... it just came out.
MY AUDITION FOR UOP IS ON SATURDAY. Well, I am not too nervous.
I remember reading in the text book for my speech class that there are a few different kinds of performance anxiety. Some people might be anxious BEFORE their performance, while others might be more inclined to be nervous DURING the performance. My professor added that if you are not prepared, you deserve to be nervous. WELL. True enough. That is how I am.
So I am excited. I don't have pre-anxiety. I really want to get it over with. I want Saturday to be here. I am tired of pushing myself and want to sleep. But I know that if I relax too much, THEN I will be nervous because I will not feel as if I tried hard enough. I can't stop giving it my all until I'm there.
Recorded my lesson today... I feel pretty good about my sound and I'm happy where I am. I feel as if I am hitting my next wall in flute playing... and I don't know what I'm going to do now. I feel ready to be complacent as a flute player and just focus on being a musician.
I feel like I can still hear my inadequacies as I play, but I don't always have the perfect solutions. I trust sometimes that it has to be a process, but during lessons I grab a quick fix and realize that I probably should be experimenting more incisively. Well... I would rather focus on other things now. Guitar, piano, singing, sciences...
Flute playing has given me a lot of opportunities recently, but I don't feel like I love it as much as I need it because it's been my identity for a while now. I want to diminish the role of flute in my life without getting badly out of shape technique wise. I want to be a better improviser, sight reader, listener, theorist, pianist~ eh...
*sigh* Gonna spend the night up so that I can finally rest easy that I am not behind in homework and lesson plans. Then my mind will be cleared for the audition.
Hmm... I feel nice after this entry. Have I resolved anything? I don't know...
I want to commit to being a music therapist. But something in me just wants to be able to keep the flute around. Did I say earlier that I didn't love flute, or did I reconsider that statement? I don't remember. I love flute. Not enough to be pro. I would love to be good enough to play for semi-pro one day, for fun. So I can't let myself get worse at flute. I have to get better, always.
hum hum hum... but yeah, focus on music therapy as soon as I pass this audition. yup.
MY AUDITION FOR UOP IS ON SATURDAY. Well, I am not too nervous.
I remember reading in the text book for my speech class that there are a few different kinds of performance anxiety. Some people might be anxious BEFORE their performance, while others might be more inclined to be nervous DURING the performance. My professor added that if you are not prepared, you deserve to be nervous. WELL. True enough. That is how I am.
So I am excited. I don't have pre-anxiety. I really want to get it over with. I want Saturday to be here. I am tired of pushing myself and want to sleep. But I know that if I relax too much, THEN I will be nervous because I will not feel as if I tried hard enough. I can't stop giving it my all until I'm there.
Recorded my lesson today... I feel pretty good about my sound and I'm happy where I am. I feel as if I am hitting my next wall in flute playing... and I don't know what I'm going to do now. I feel ready to be complacent as a flute player and just focus on being a musician.
I feel like I can still hear my inadequacies as I play, but I don't always have the perfect solutions. I trust sometimes that it has to be a process, but during lessons I grab a quick fix and realize that I probably should be experimenting more incisively. Well... I would rather focus on other things now. Guitar, piano, singing, sciences...
Flute playing has given me a lot of opportunities recently, but I don't feel like I love it as much as I need it because it's been my identity for a while now. I want to diminish the role of flute in my life without getting badly out of shape technique wise. I want to be a better improviser, sight reader, listener, theorist, pianist~ eh...
*sigh* Gonna spend the night up so that I can finally rest easy that I am not behind in homework and lesson plans. Then my mind will be cleared for the audition.
Hmm... I feel nice after this entry. Have I resolved anything? I don't know...
I want to commit to being a music therapist. But something in me just wants to be able to keep the flute around. Did I say earlier that I didn't love flute, or did I reconsider that statement? I don't remember. I love flute. Not enough to be pro. I would love to be good enough to play for semi-pro one day, for fun. So I can't let myself get worse at flute. I have to get better, always.
hum hum hum... but yeah, focus on music therapy as soon as I pass this audition. yup.