venting. meaningless words.
Sometimes i think that my heart tries really hard to save me from pain, so it closes its eyes. In reality when those eyes close, everything else around me closes too. I hurt down in the pit of my tummy and im not really sure why. In ways i feel betrayed even though no one did a damn thing to me. But im allowed to feel that way. Things just build up inside and they crash and burn, and when they crash and burn i collect the ashes and start building all over again. Sometimes i dont wanna start building again because i feel like i try so hard to keep everything from burning down. I try with everything in me to keep as far away from the fire as i can. I keep finding myself right in the center. Right in the middle where it burns the most. I think that i try really hard to be forgiving and strong, and try to let things roll off my back; when they are actually just waiting on the tip of my tongue for someone to force out. I also think that i make a big deal out of little things, but maybe they arent so little to me. To care for someone so much and just feel like they should be erased completely is sucha bad feeling. To put everything into trying to let someone see how much you can give them gets tiring. Im worn out. Maybe the eyes to my heart are closed, but the eyes that you can look into everyday are as open as they will ever be. I just dont understand peoples motives. I dont understand why people say they dont wanna hurt someone, yet they hurt you more when they keep things from you. Sometimes people that are so far away from your heart have the most affect. They are the ones who should be holding the hoses when the fire starts... not the ones lighting the match. I just wanna blow the ashes away. I dont wanna start building anymore. I just hurt. And im allowed. And i dont even care if i got it wrong, because im all wrong.