blah. seems like I only write when I am down.
So yes, I am once again upset. And as usual, it concerns the same person as always these days(does this count as a oxymoron?). Anyway, I'm just torn. Ina wrote on her LJ about growing up, and facing the changeof relationships ages ago. I distinctly remember how I was nodding along to the thought of how one can get easily riled by the smallest things and say things that weren't supposed to hurt. I remember how I was nearly crying when it came to the conclusion that sometimes, we forget that, in the end, we are loved.
And once again I feel like that. I feel helpless and also torn because I spent my whole day trying to play nice, but then it just bursts and I am irrationally angry and annoyed and am harsher than the situation warrants for. I hate it that I can't keep myself calm, I hate it that I am hurting because I hurt him, I hate the things I said even though they might be true, I hate that I both think I am right and wrong, I hate the decision I made even though it was a small thing, I hate that I can easily burrow myself under lovely fanfiction and forget this feeling, I hate that my brother is asleep so I can't go blubbering, I hate it that I am so uncomfortable at the mere thought of confiding in anyone.
Yeah, lots of hate.
And such lovely fiction..... anna is the best :)
Still, I got uo pretty early and I am .... ... ..... kinda ervything but jubilant and nothing but tired of everything. Reading daemonfic will cheer me up, methinks.
...And right now, I hate it that I am so random. And headache-y. But looking forward to reading on. Am I bipolar?
And once again I feel like that. I feel helpless and also torn because I spent my whole day trying to play nice, but then it just bursts and I am irrationally angry and annoyed and am harsher than the situation warrants for. I hate it that I can't keep myself calm, I hate it that I am hurting because I hurt him, I hate the things I said even though they might be true, I hate that I both think I am right and wrong, I hate the decision I made even though it was a small thing, I hate that I can easily burrow myself under lovely fanfiction and forget this feeling, I hate that my brother is asleep so I can't go blubbering, I hate it that I am so uncomfortable at the mere thought of confiding in anyone.
Yeah, lots of hate.
And such lovely fiction..... anna is the best :)
Still, I got uo pretty early and I am .... ... ..... kinda ervything but jubilant and nothing but tired of everything. Reading daemonfic will cheer me up, methinks.
...And right now, I hate it that I am so random. And headache-y. But looking forward to reading on. Am I bipolar?