Left in Silence
Name: Araya
Title: Left in Silence
Fandom: Sailor Moon
Rating: PG
Oh, for so long I’ve tried to shield you from the world
Oh, you couldn’t face the freedom on your own
Here I am left in silence
Your chubby cheeks are alive with mirth as I graze my forefinger across your exposed foot. A delightful squeal escapes your tiny lips and it is infectious. I cannot help but feel my own lips turn upward and a large, unfamiliar grin stretch across my face. I feel as if there has been an explosion of fireworks within my chest or perhaps a dozen flitting butterflies have hatched within my stomach.
I am alight with gaiety.
It is so unfamiliar to me but I welcome it with open arms. I have found the secret to true happiness; and you lay before me swaddled in blankets. You are a gift to this lonely soul; and you are perfect. As I tuck away a small tuft of pink hair, I cannot help but think of how alike you and your father are.
Except for the eyes; you have my eyes.
I suppose that it is fitting that you will be able to see me every time you look in the mirror; even if I cannot be by your side. It is an unbearable pain, but I refuse to acknowledge it. My time with you is limited.
Ironic, isn’t it, that I who have guarded this space for thousands of years should question pre-determined fate? I, who could only observe but never interfere; who had to endure yet ignore the prayers, screams, and pleads for help. I, Sailor Pluto, Guardian of Time, who has protected the sickening twists and turns of destiny all but for not.
How cruel you are to your keeper, fate. I have slaved over your will, carried it upon my shoulders, and sheltered it with my glaive; and this is how you repay me?
Someday, I shall seek my revenge.
But worry not, my little one; Momma shall always be around to protect you. Like a guardian angel, I shall watch you from afar. And you will be loved; fate’s path for you is unfair but it is also pleasant. You were born for greatness, my daughter. Your star alone shines brightest among this universe.
You are so tiny as I hold you close to my bosom. It causes me inner turmoil and I argue with myself about right and wrong, love and duty. As a sailor senshi, it is my obligation to carry out my mission; but as a mother, I can hardly think to abandon you.
Yet, as I gaze around at the shifting mists around us, my decision is made. I could never confine you to the emptiness of this purgatory between space and time. Loneliness is my fate alone to bear. You, my precious daughter, deserve far more than I could ever give you.
Silent tears streak down my face as I gather your favorite teddy bear and hastily scribble on a scrap of paper. When I am finished, I tuck it within the folds of your blankets. It is complete fiction, the letter; but it is for the best. Serenity must never know the true identity of your mother.
And neither shall you.
As I take a step into existing time, the clouds part; but I cannot feel the warmth of the sun upon my face. It is as if a sudden chill as entered my body and like a disease, frozen my heart.
Yet, it traitorously beats on.
We stand alone in the queen’s private garden. I only have mere minutes left with you but I cannot seem to pull your warmth from my frozen body. You let out a soft giggle and I find the sound to be quite ironic in this moment. Yet, as I turn to see what has caught your attention, I am flabbergasted.
Your arm is stretched out, as if to touch the flowers; your tiny hand opening and folding at the palm. It is not this motion that astonishes me; but the beautiful, pink rose imitating your actions.
You truly are your father’s daughter.
The distant drifting of voices prickle my ears and it is now or never. Grasping you under your arms, I gaze into your scarlet eyes before planting a kiss right between them. You will be happy here. You will be a princess.
I love you.
The footsteps are drawing nearer and I hastily lay you upon a wooden bench. It takes every ounce of courage within me to walk away. I do not leave but merely hide. You sense my abandonment; however and begin to cry.
It is just in time.
“Luna, do you hear that?” It is silent except for your panicked cries that tear my soul apart. It is only the appearance of my barren queen that stops me from rushing to your side. “Luna! It is a baby!”
“Oh my stars.”
I watch as the dark haired maiden makes her way to her queen and gasps. They gaze at one another in silence as Serenity rocks you into a peaceful state.
“Chibi-Usa is adopted?”
It is all that I can bear. You are safe now. You will be well taken care of. I cannot help but break down right there and fall to my knees stricken with grief. So many emotions are running through me: jealously, relief, defeat. But pain, white hot and angry, is the greatest amongst them all.
It is just another reason for me to envy Serenity. She, who is pure hearted, and captured the love of the man I desire. And now, it will be she who raises the only light in my life.
And as much as I would like too, I cannot hate her.
She has taken you in and she will love you irrevocably. Serenity will protect you, educate you, and offer you more opportunities than I have ever dreamed. She will crown you heir to her throne and teach you to rule with a firm but caressing touch. You will be beautiful and far more perfect than you are now.
And I will watch over you, left here in silence.