[2015.02] Hmm
The function of LJ for me as of late has been as a sort of leeching-ground for all downloads Arashi-related. Maybe this sentiment has to do with how quiet LJ seems recently - I realize people are on Tumblr and elsewhere now, but really, has good old writing been devalued to a form of expression better relegated to the past? But I am ranting. I am ranting, and I told myself I would not rant, because - I said - I would go back to writing in my LJ blog as a sort of therapy. If that makes sense.
I was reading through my old posts and I realized that if there is a common theme to the stuff I've been posting here on this blog, it's sadness. I am at my most honest, most genuine in this website. Something about the idea that almost none of the people I interact with on a daily basis know this blog exists comforts me. I can be who I really am on this site, and maybe this is why I am so sad here. Because I feel that, no matter how long-winded or bitchy I will sound, no one can judge me to my face. So maybe I'm being a coward by lurking in the hidden depths of LJ, but hey - therapy.
Here, have a happy lunar new year cat.
February has been a relatively disappointing month for me, and not in the least because of my forevermore-single status. A lot of things happened to people around me, which meant that I sort of had to be strong not only for my sake, but for theirs as well, and that act of staying composed drained me emotionally. My roommates - yes, both of them - had their hearts broken on the week of Valentine's Day. And it was really very sad because people kept crying all over the place, and I didn't quite know what to do about it. So I just let them cry. And then we ate family-size stuffed-crust pizza on the eve of Valentine's - a tradition I would like to keep in future years.
One of my best friends from university has also been in the dumps. Although she seems to be handling it remarkably well - she hasn't cried, she hasn't drowned her sorrows in liquor, but who knows how she's dealing at home - I can tell from the way our recent conversations have gone that she is genuinely bothered about her situation. And it's not a very light situation either, no matter how she tries to downplay it. I feel I have to be strong for this person as well. I have to be happy for both of us now, when she cannot lift her spirits on her own.
And then there is the fact that I have not been able to pay much attention to my college organization because of the general mess around me that I have to fix aka my life. I have a thesis deadline this week - I'm not even 20% finished with what I'm supposed to do - and people I should be taking better care of are avoiding me. From fear of me, I think. Either that or being with me drains them, because I'm emitting amazingly negative vibes right now.
If there's one thing I have learned to accept though, it's that - as a friend once said while we were walking around the university grounds near midnight - people enter your life when you are meant to meet them. And when the time of your fated friendship is past, it's time for both of you to go separate ways again - quietly, without either of you noticing, until both of you just stop thinking of each other as much as you used to.
Being whiny can be so therapeutic.
I was reading through my old posts and I realized that if there is a common theme to the stuff I've been posting here on this blog, it's sadness. I am at my most honest, most genuine in this website. Something about the idea that almost none of the people I interact with on a daily basis know this blog exists comforts me. I can be who I really am on this site, and maybe this is why I am so sad here. Because I feel that, no matter how long-winded or bitchy I will sound, no one can judge me to my face. So maybe I'm being a coward by lurking in the hidden depths of LJ, but hey - therapy.
Here, have a happy lunar new year cat.
February has been a relatively disappointing month for me, and not in the least because of my forevermore-single status. A lot of things happened to people around me, which meant that I sort of had to be strong not only for my sake, but for theirs as well, and that act of staying composed drained me emotionally. My roommates - yes, both of them - had their hearts broken on the week of Valentine's Day. And it was really very sad because people kept crying all over the place, and I didn't quite know what to do about it. So I just let them cry. And then we ate family-size stuffed-crust pizza on the eve of Valentine's - a tradition I would like to keep in future years.
One of my best friends from university has also been in the dumps. Although she seems to be handling it remarkably well - she hasn't cried, she hasn't drowned her sorrows in liquor, but who knows how she's dealing at home - I can tell from the way our recent conversations have gone that she is genuinely bothered about her situation. And it's not a very light situation either, no matter how she tries to downplay it. I feel I have to be strong for this person as well. I have to be happy for both of us now, when she cannot lift her spirits on her own.
And then there is the fact that I have not been able to pay much attention to my college organization because of the general mess around me that I have to fix aka my life. I have a thesis deadline this week - I'm not even 20% finished with what I'm supposed to do - and people I should be taking better care of are avoiding me. From fear of me, I think. Either that or being with me drains them, because I'm emitting amazingly negative vibes right now.
If there's one thing I have learned to accept though, it's that - as a friend once said while we were walking around the university grounds near midnight - people enter your life when you are meant to meet them. And when the time of your fated friendship is past, it's time for both of you to go separate ways again - quietly, without either of you noticing, until both of you just stop thinking of each other as much as you used to.
Being whiny can be so therapeutic.