Ohno in Oz, Chapter 3!!
Series: Chapter 3
Rating: Pg, for misuse of the word 'wenus'
Pairs: Hints of Ohmiya (yay~)
Genre: Elements of various things including comedy, crack, and adventure...
Summary: Ohno, Chinen, and their new traveling buddy Aiba come across yet another strange sight...this time in the woods!
DC: I don't own Arashi, or The Wizard of Oz, but I heard that Aiba likes it hot~ This is pure absurd, bizarre crack that has absolutely nothing to do with the real band, their 'true' personalities, or even the real land of Oz. Do not under any circumstances take this fic seriously, or without a sense of humor and adventure. Also note that this 'Oz' is based off more the novel by L. Frank Baum, then the famous MGM movie, but just about all of the normal old WOO plot has been ripped into shreds. Please read with an open mind. ^^
Note: Sorry about the wait, life and a few other fics got in the way. Not to mention this chap has been kicking my ass for a week. And things are still kind of slow, sorry. ;___; So enjoy or not, the addition of the new character. Will you be surprised at his identity? @_@ Oh, and if you haven't read the first two chaps, please do so before hand. (an index will be on my journal shortly, so please bear with the inconvenience until then)
“Where is the Bastard now?” Asked the Wicked Witch of the West, back in his keep.
“Still in the Junior’s village, sir.” Responded one voice at the back of the chamber.
“Has he contacted that Other Bastard yet?” Hissed the Wicked Witch, referring to the second Good Witch.
“Not yet, sir.” Came a second voice, next to the first.
“Good, then I want you two to capture that Other Bastard, before the Bastard cries for help.”
“Alive or otherwise, sir?”
“Whatever it takes, Tackey. Whatever it takes.”
“Yes, sir.” Tackey and Tsubasa bowed to the Wicked Witch before leaving the chamber together, and heading to the armory of West Tower.
“I don’t understand why he doesn’t just kill Toma already, and get this whole thing over with.” Sighed Tackey, strapping on a short silver sword.
“You how it is with those two…or three if you include Yamapi. This all started the day Yamapi became the Witch of the North.” Tsubasa agreed, arming himself with a long staff.
“So should we kill him, or just capture Yamapi and let ‘Sir’ do the dirty work?”
“We’ll have to do the dirty work regardless if we bring him back here or not.”
“True…but if we kill Yamapi, then Toma’s gonna be beyond pissed.”
“Hmm….lets worry about that part when the time comes.”
Ohno had never walked so much in his life. He had spent the nearly the entire morning, and most of the afternoon walking along the yellow brick road.
And the end was no where in sight.
Ohno really wished the Juniors, Witches or whomever built this brick road would hurry up and ‘Magic’ the bricks into a subway, or something. However, as a subway station didn’t suddenly appear in the middle of Ozu’s country side, Ohno had no choice but to trudge on beside his energetic companion.
Ohno enjoyed Aiba’s company, he really did. He just wished the scarecrow wouldn’t ask so many questions.
“So, you landed a boat on this Wicked Witch person?” Aiba awed, tripping slightly over an uneven yellow brick.
Ohno shifted his backpack uncomfortably, remembering the unpleasant scene. “Um….yeah, but I’d rather not talk about-”
“What did it look like? Was his face all smashed in? Did he die right away, or do you think he suffered for a while? What’s a boat anyway?” Aiba obviously couldn’t sense Ohno’s discomfort.
““Well, you couldn’t really see his face…just the legs…” Ohno sighed. He spied several pinecones on the side of the road, and looked up to realize they had entered woodlands.
“And I really hope he didn’t suffer…” Continued Ohno, as he scooped up a pinecone, and whistled to Chinen who was walking a few paces behind them. When the dog barked readily and wagged his tail, Ohno threw the pinecone down the road. Chinen bolted after the pinecone, catching it as it rolled to a stop before dashing back to Ohno, returning pinecone. Ohno tossed it again for Chinen, absent mindedly. “Oh, and a boat is what you use to cross water…”
“That’s so cool!” Aiba squealed.
“I guess…but my boat was just a simple-”
“No, not the boat, that thing you did with the pinecone!”
Ohno blinked, trying to figure out what impressed the scarecrow so. “You mean fetching?”
“Yeah, yeah, so it’s called fetching! Let me try! Please can I try?”
“Uh…sure.” Ohno made to hand the pinecone to Aiba.
“Hey that’s cheating! You can’t just hand it to me!” Aiba pouted.
“I thought you wanted to try?” Ohno scratched his head, confused.
“Yeah, so throw the pinecone already!” Aiba said, eagerly, excitement written all over his face.
After nearly thirty seconds, Ohno understood, and blinked at the revelation. “Oh” And the pinecone was thrown down the yellow brick road, and Aiba ran after it, with little Chinen barking at his heels.
Ohno was laughing too, by the time Aiba returned, the pinecone in his grinning mouth.
“Good boy.” Ohno reached up to pat Aiba’s head, removing the pinecone from Aiba’s mouth.
“That wasn’t as fun as it looked…” Aiba sighed, as they continued down the road, deeper and deeper into the woods.
“Just throw it for Chinen….he’ll fetch for you.” Ohno suppressed his laugher as he handed the pinecone to the scarecrow.
“Okay! I’ve never thrown anything before!”
Although Aiba’s first attempt fell a little short, (he dropped the pinecone several times in excitement) after a while, Aiba developed quite an arm.
“Now this is fun--oops.” Aiba’s throw veered off the road quite a ways, into a thick clump of trees behind a hedge of wild bushes. Chinen of course ran after it regardless, disappearing into the brush.
Seconds after his disappearance, Chinen’s high-pitched growl was heard, and concerned for the little dog, Ohno and Aiba ran after him, through the hedge into what was expected to be an empty clearing, that turned out to be not so empty.
“It’s a man…” Aiba whispered, as they crept through the bushes.
“I think…it might be a statue…” Ohno awed, noting a slight metallic sheen on an otherwise entirely human figure. Ohno and Aiba inched closer and Chinen continued to snarl at the statue before Ohno ordered him silent with “Shush, Chinen.”
Ohno was an artist by hobby, and as such, had a natural draw towards artistic things. This statue was no different. Other the glittering metal luster signifying the statue’s artificiality, it looked very much like a normal young man sitting on a log. The statue had even been dressed in human clothes; a white tee-shirt, blue jeans and dark leather shoes.
While the whole statue was indeed a piece of art, Ohno was spellbound with it’s face.
It wasn’t particularly handsome, dashing or even debonair as were most of the statues Ohno had seen. He seemed ordinary if anything…a face that could belong to anyone…. like a desperately poor kid belonging a large family, or a normal high school student who’s parents ran a pharmacy, or even one of the millions of faces immortalized at a World War II museum.
Ohno squatted on the dark forest earth, inches from the statue, elbows on knees, chin in his hands as he took in every detail that defined the statue, content to behold the sculpture for hours.
Aiba too seemed enthralled by the statue, and reached out a hand to poke it’s cheeks. Instinctively, Ohno slapped Aiba’s hand away.
“Owwie…why did you do that?…I wanted to see if he would move if I poked him…” Aiba backed away, wringing his stinging hand.
“I don’t think he’d like being touched…and statues won‘t move even when you poke them.”
“Not like he’d know if I poked him anyway….” Aiba pouted, picking up a nearby pinecone tossing it to Chinen, while walking back towards the road. “Well, lets get going soon then…”
Ohno sighed, and looked back at the statue one final time before, standing up and following Aiba.
“Thanks, Witch.” Ohno froze in his tracks. He heard a voice. A fairly high, though definitely male voice that didn’t belong to himself or Aiba.
Terribly frightened, Ohno turned his head slowly, and nearly jumped out of his shoes when he found himself staring into the statue’s newly opened eyes. “Y-yo-you can ta-talk?”
“Sure I can, but you seem to have a bit of a stuttering problem.” The statue noted, expressionlessly. “Could you do me a favor before you go, Witch?”
“I-I’m not a Witch…” Ohno tried to control the tremble in his voice, reassuring himself that it was perfectly logical that statues could talk in Ozu if scarecrows could too.
“You are. I can tell. At any rate, there should be a bag behind me. In there you’ll find a bottle of industrial lubricant-”
“In-industrial lubricant?” Ohno knew, as every decently educated Japanese youth knew, what, how, and why lube was applied to a person.
“God, not that kind of lube, you pervert Witch. It’s a mechanical type of lubricant.” The statue rolled his eyes.
“Sorry…I…didn’t know…” Ohno blushed deep scarlet, highly embarrassed at his miss-conclusion. “And I told you I’m not a Witch.”
“And I told you that you were. You don’t listen well, do you?”
“Don’t know why I have to listen to a statue…” Ohno mumbled.
“Most people find it courteous to listen to others while they’re talking.” He lectured in what was unmistakably a whinny voice. “Also, I’m not a statue, I’m a TM Type Zero. I was just caught in a rain storm a bit ago, and my artificial epidermis has rusted me into immobility. So if you would please, get the lubricant out of bag, it would be greatly appreciated.”
Ohno got the feeling that the statue, TM or whatever, was being a bit sarcastic. However he found the weathered cloth messenger bag behind the statue anyway, as well as the industrial lubricant.
“Um…here…” Ohno put the bag, and bottle onto the TM’s lap, but couldn’t quite bring himself to back away.
“Would you mind…..putting some on my arms?” The non-statue spoke with the barest hint of trepidation.
“Ah…I guess….”
Ohno wasn’t sure why he was still blushing, his embarrassment from earlier had long since faded. Yet he could feel his face burning as he rubbed the lubricant into the statue’s hands.
“What’s your name?” Ohno asked, in an effort to break the awkward rhythmic squelching sounds of applying the lube.
“Ninomiya Kazunari.” Now the non-statue sounded soft, as one would while recalling a fond memory. “You?”
“Oh, I’m Ohno Satoshi.” Ohno blushed even deeper, realizing he had been rude in asking for a name without giving his first. “Nice to meet-”
“Oh-chan.” Ninomiya decided.
“Me? But why the ‘chan’?”
“Why not? It sounds better then just ‘Oh.’”
“Oh…”
“Do you want me to call you ‘Oh’ then?”
“No, no…I was just thinking…I’ve meet several people here in Ozu…but everyone sounds Japanese, has Japanese names…you even added a ‘chan.’…” Ohno wondered aloud, trying no be as pleased with his new nickname as he currently, and unreasonably felt.
“Are you an Outsider then?"
"I guess."
"Well, from my stand point, you have a name and language similar to ours on Ozu.”
“Oh, that’s true.” Ohno blinked.
Ninomiya flexed his fingers. “Okay, my hand is good now, so if you could just do my shoulder and wenus, I-.”
“W-w-wenus!” Ohno dropped the bottle of industrial lubricant, and stepped back. “I don’t think…and we just met…and…”
Ninomiya rolled his eyes. “My elbow, and my shoulder. Geez…like I’d ask you to do that.”
Blaming his time spent with the scarecrow, Ohno couldn’t stop himself from asking, “….So…you do…have…and use…?”
“I don’t see why I have to answer that. Just hurry up so I can do the rest myself.”
Ohno felt that he had offended Ninomiya accidentally, but didn’t really know what to do to save himself. Deciding that in such situations, it was best to remain silent, Ohno moved up to Ninomiya’s elbow, as instructed.
“Hey, Ohno?! Ohno lets get going, I‘m sure we‘ll find more statues!!!” A rustling sound came from the brush, and Aiba suddenly reappeared, followed shortly by Chinen. “Hey, I thought you said he wouldn’t want to be touched!”
“Oh, um, Aiba, this is Ninomiya the…what were you again?”
“TM Type Zero.” Ninomiya supplied.
“Okay, this is Ninomiya the TM Type Zero. And Ninomiya, this is Aiba the scarecrow. Oh, and that little dog there is Chinen.” Ohno finished by pointing to Chinen, who was growling angrily behind Aiba.
“YOU CAN TALK?!!” Aiba bounded the few steps between them, and shook Ninomiya’s working hand energetically. “Why didn’t you say something sooner?! I’m Aiba! Do you want to play with me?”
“…No. Sorry, but I’ve got plans.”
“Oh…what kind of plans?” Aiba asked, while Ohno finished one shoulder and moved to the other.
“I’m on my way to E.City for…reasons.” Ninomiya swung his arm around experimentally.
“Yay! That’s where we’re going so you can come with us!” Aiba clapped his hands once in excitement. “Then we can play as we go! Like fetching!”
“….Are you stupid?” This was very much an honest question, rather then an insult.
“…Maybe. But not for long!” Aiba declared proudly. “So come with us, it will be fun!”
“You realize I said that I was going to E. City to deter that invitation to join you, right?”
“W-why?” Ohno asked, more disappointed then he felt he should be that Ninomiya didn’t want to travel with them.
“Any sane person wouldn’t attempt going to E.City along this road. It’s certainly almost death.”
“….Wait….shouldn’t it be the other way around?” Ohno asked confused, rubbing lube into Nino’s other hand now.
“It doesn’t matter. Hey, you were supposed to stop at the shoulder!” Ninomiya ordered.
“But I’m almost done…” Though Ohno hadn't realized that he had continued either.
“Fine, keep going then, but are you seriously trying to get to E.City?”
“Yeah, I want a brain, and Ohno here is trying to get home.”
“It’s true. The Good Witch Toma told me to get help from the Wizard there." Confirmed Ohno, rolling up Ninomiya’s pants to apply lube to his ankles then knees. "Is there something you want, Ninomiya?"
“Hmmm.” But Ninomiya didn’t offer any further response, and Ohno finished applying the lubricant to all of the joints on the non-statue. He capped the bottle almost sadly and returned it to the bag, as Ninomiya stood from the log and stretched. “Ah, this feels good…thanks, Oh-chan.”
“Sure….No problem.” Ohno meet Ninomiya’s gaze, realizing that they were quite nearly the same height. Even if he wasn’t a statue, Ohno still found that face remarkable. After a long moment, Ohno looked away. “Um…I suppose I should be going then…it was nice meeting you…”
Ninomiya threw his messenger bag over his shoulder. “Follow me. I’ll take you to an inn so you can rest up a bit before your suicide mission of traveling to E.City.”
Ohno didn’t want to admit that his heart thumped strangely when he heard those words… at least the first two.
Aiba meanwhile frowned. “An inn? Like the place where people get drunk?”
“You’re thinking of a tavern, Aiba.” Ohno explained.
“No, he’s kind of right. At least for this inn.” Nino adjusted his bag, and lead the way back to the yellow brick road.
“Oh? What’s the name of this inn?” Ohno asked, wanting to continue the conversation, despite his normal preference for silence.
“Utaban.”