Dust Theory Part 2/2
Title : Dust Theory Part 2/2
Author : Me
Rating : pg-13
Total words count : 4,401
Genre: AU (excuses everything) and angst
Fandom : Arashi
Disclaimer: I don't own them nor the quotes.
Pairing : How to put that... there is one, but well, you'll see.
Summary : After all, life is just another dust theory.
Thanks to : The overly kind eufrastina, because she deserves it. You're the beta of my heart, miss. Je t'adore !!
Notes : Here's the end. Thanks for the lovely comments <3. I didn't respond them because I didn't want to spoil you the end.
( Part 1)
Dust Theory
(Cities Of Dust, Junkie XL)
We found you hiding, we found you lying
Choking on the dirt and sand
Your former glories and all the stories
Dragged and washed with eager hands
Oh, all your cities lie in dust
XxX
He was coming from a wealthy family in Tokyo. His father was a politician, his mother a teacher. He had a brother and a sister, a happy childhood.
But when he was still young, he discovered that he was meant to follow the same rightful path as his parents.
After all, dust is dust. It shouldn’t pretend to be anything else but dust.
He studied, he read, he lived well. He became silent, lonely, full of prejudices. His great intelligence drove him silly.
He always had the conviction he was made for something else, for more. But he lived with dust and was predestined to be dust.
Fate took him to university, where he graduated. Fate took him away from what his parents called foolish entertainment. Fate took him to a decent work, where he worked hard and well. Fate took away who he was.
He never complained. Ineluctable as destiny was, he didn’t search any escape from his current life.
To chase fear, question, and regrets away, he would drink to late hours. To burn dreams he never forgot, but never had the right to have.
XxX
In this city, he was nothing more than dust. An unwanted thing living freely and dirtily.
He came here full of dreams, stayed there under tons of disillusions.
He left his home in the countryside for Tokyo two years ago, when he was still young and hopeful. Fulfilling his dream was the only thing that took him there, while he was leaving everything he had always known behind - his family, friends, home.
He had always wished to become a singer, travelling from concert to concert with his guitar. But nothing it never happened.
For a year, he lived in the cheapest apartment, leaning on his parents’ money and some he saved with years. He tried everything, recorded a lot of songs, participated to some events, played on the street. Nothing worked out and he ended up, after a year, with an unfulfilled dream and an empty wallet.
What was going to be the best year of his life became the worst. Reality came, crashing in, showing him how much he was unwanted.
He started working in a little restaurant during the day. But hollow nights took his cheerful personality away and loneliness started to bloom as a cursed flower in his chest. Although he looked merry to all his coworkers, although his voice sounded so happy on the phone when his parents called him, although his torn clothes were bright and colorful, his heart darkened every single night.
Knowing his insomnia would drive him crazy sooner or later, he asked to work on the night shift.
At least, his restless sleep would be enveloped by the sunlight.
XxX
(Turn To Dust, Def Leppard)
The concentration drifts
In and out of me
Conversation slides away […]
Turn to dust
XxX
His brain’s gears wouldn’t work anymore ; there was a grain of dust caught in there causing great damages .
He couldn’t concentrate on his coworkers’ conversations, on his superiors’ orders, on what was discussed at the meetings.
Something in his head wasn’t operational anymore and he knew perfectly the grain of dust’s origin ; his incessant thoughts about that man.
While his reason was trying its hardest to free him from this endless desire he wasn’t able to fight with his will alone; his heart was beating with this only inclination.
Words were coming in and out of his head and he was ashamed to see he was unable to catch them.
He felt once again like the weakest man on earth - moreover with a hangover. At the same time, he found a certain strength in such a powerful feeling.
Somehow, perhaps just to settle things down, he decided he would go, once again, to that restaurant.
And would see him.
XxX
He decided he had to forget.
There was no way he could keep this pace, unable to find some sleep, some peace of mind, a dust storm in his head. He was willing to put everything aside, to let go of those stunning features, of this reverie. In a way or an other, it was surreal to fall in love with a stranger at the first glance. Especially one of those salary men he always disliked. Moreover a man, when he was one.
The whole thing just wasn’t right.
To calm his pounding heart, he qualified it as a dust storm - that wouldn’t last long, that wouldn’t hurt long.
He was unable to concentrate at work, forgetting orders and mistaking plates and tables. He wasn’t that much concerned about his work, but the whole situation made it frustrating. And disturbing.
But it was a dust storm. He just had to bite his lips, close his eyes and step forward. There was no way he would meet him again - two strangers in Tokyo with no bounds ? It seemed completely impossible.
Then it was one in the morning, he was now alone, leaning on his counter, and reality suddenly surpassed his expectations.
The door opened and he stood there, awkwardly, before bowing a little.
Even with whatever he had said, in his head, the dust storm deepened.
XxX
(Dust, The Faint)
The quake sets in
All still to the great shaking
And dust rises again
Dust rises again
XxX
He drank at a bar until he gathered enough courage to stood before him. He ended up quite warmed up, but not enough to be drunk.
It took him some time to find the restaurant where the other man worked, but he finally ended up there.
He entered, and awkwardly bowed to the man before him. Now that he was here, he felt like all his great courage was nothing more than dust. A mirage.
In front of him, all his skills disappeared, leaving him as any other mere human would be in this situation. No more glory. No more hidden sins.
He sat at the same table he used the night before. Because he didn’t know what to do anymore, he counted the seconds it took for the other to come to him.
When seconds became minutes, he risked a glance at the man. He found him wearing an astonished expression, his eyes blank and his hands slightly shaking.
He looked so completely lost that he thought, for a second, it was better for him to leave. But, at the same time, his need to be there grew as he wanted more than anything to discover why he was so troubled. And if he was himself the main reason for it.
Somehow, he felt like this was perhaps what he had always expected. This more which composed all his reveries. Without knowing exactly why, when he looked at this distressed face, he felt like this man held that more within his hands and heart and everything he actually was.
He couldn’t help himself wondering how beautiful his smile would be.
The other man then came back to reality, standing up and coming his way. The same menu was put on the table and the same words were repeated, his eyes never leaving the ground.
“Would you want anything to drink before I take your order ?”
For some reason he couldn’t explain, while his heart was pounding so fast, his mind had frozen in a state of stillness. From the moment the man talked, he lost tracks of every words he knew except one.
“Beer.”
“Then a beer, sir.”
He sighed.
What was he doing ? Was it right for a man like him to be in such a disgraceful situation ? Was it just right for him to feel this way ?
Yes, he once had dreams. He once was someone else. He was perfectly aware of that. He was unfortunately, sadly, regrettably conscious of these facts.
Perhaps was it now too late to treasure such a foolish wish as to live what he never had the right to want ? Perhaps was he now too steady, wrecked and engulfed in his present life to leave it after all those years ?
He felt like he had always, always been wrongfully guided to places he wasn’t meant to go to. He suddenly became completely aware of how his current life was just an immense mistake.
At some point, a beer appeared in front of him. With a wry smile, troubled eyes, he swallowed it all.
Maybe it was wrong for him to be there after all.
Because there are things alcohol can’t just wash away.
XxX
He didn’t know what to do anymore. He, actually, hadn't known what to do since he'd first saw him.
He'd barely met him and yet, his feelings were already tangled. Was that what he wanted ? Was that just what he needed, with the life he was struggling with ?
Somehow, it didn’t look right to let his heart win this time - sometimes there is just no room for feelings. No barrier to hold everything.
Moreover, he was one of those young people unable to restrain themselves. He always had way too much energy to contain himself, especially when he was in love.
While he was looking at him, those were the only thoughts he was able to have. He couldn’t help feeling distressed. He'd lost every notion of time before he let go of all he was thinking about.
He took the menu, reasoning himself. Perhaps was he just imagining all these issues - perhaps was he the only one concerned after all. He just had to tell himself it was nothing - that this story would soon turn to dust. Dust blown away by the wind.
He walked to him, repeating the same words he used the day before. He received the same answer before he left him.
The more he looked at the situation, the more he found arguments to build his new theory. After all, it was just his emotions running wild. There was no way - no possible ways - this could be happening.
But when he came back with the cold beer in his hand, his feet stopped two meters away from him.
Something in the other man’s expression made him unable to move. All his features were drained into an appearance of despair and hurtful memories. Seeing such a thing made him want to see him smile.
Disturbed by those thoughts, he let the beer on the table, noticing that the other man wasn’t even aware of his presence anymore.
So he didn’t say a word.
When the beers started to pile up, he didn’t say a word, only took the orders and got them.
When his stare became hazy like the night, he didn’t say a word.
When he asked for the bill, he didn’t say a word.
He didn’t say anything at all.
But when he stood up, taking his coat with him, the urge to tell so much, to scream so loud stroke him, leaving all his senses behind.
His hand rested on his shoulder - he felt him shiver - his lips made their way near his ear.
“Why were your eyes closed, the other day ?”
XxX
Somehow, his voice changed everything. The course of the sun, the 'running' of time, the breezing of wind, perhaps nothing at all, actually.
But within him, there was a heartquake going on, shaking everything upside-down, dust rising everywhere, blinding him.
He turned back as soon as he understood what was currently happening, but he had already taken a few steps back. The other man’s expression was inviting an answer and at the same time, begging him to say nothing. His heart was throbbing so fast he was unable to open his mouth. He remained silent, helpless.
Between them, a gap of dust was opening and he wasn’t able to do anything to stop its incessant growing.
He returned to his counter silently, slowly, as if nothing happened.
So he walked away, leaving the restaurant.
A quivering feeling taking all over his chest.
XxX
(Hurricane, The Hush Sound)
I could wait around for the dust to still,
But I don't believe that it ever will.
XxX
The door closed.
He really thought it was going to be the end. It had been an all-or-nothing situation and, in the end, he didn’t react. So, the nothing had won, hadn’t it ?
He now had to dust all the remaining shredded hope he lost on the way there into a dark corner of his head. Wash away everything. Come back to what things were.
It was the end.
It was the end, he convinced himself.
It was the end. And somehow, he felt so empty it hurt.
XxX
The door closed.
But he couldn’t let his feet take him away from that place. He only took a few steps before stopping his track, standing alone in the street.
He was confused, but sure of one thing. He couldn’t let go. In the end, he couldn’t actually let go of him. Even if everything was showing him it was wrong.
What is wrong or right, anyway ? What is the difference between dust and dirt ?
There is no distinction - only a way of thinking.
He told himself he had to wait. For the sun to raise, if that was it. For the night to come again, if that was it.
Because destiny won’t wait for you.
Because what you’ve always asked for is only two inches away from you.
XxX
(Another One Bites The Dust, Queen)
Another one bites the dust
There are plenty of ways you can hurt a man
And bring him to the ground
You can beat him
You can cheat him
You can treat him bad and leave him
When he's down
But I'm ready, yes I'm ready for you
XxX
Dawn noiselessly came.
The door unhurriedly opened.
Two gazes awkwardly found themselves.
Two hands clumsily met.
Two human beings wordlessly found each other into one embrace.
After all, life is just an other dust theory.
XxX
THE END
~*~
So finally, it was up to you to see them as well, who you wanted them to be. I sure had two guys in my mind when I wrote it, but I guess it's up to you.
I hope you're not dispointed by the end and thanks for reading !
Comments are fully appreciated <3 !
Ishi-Ann