This Sucks
I'm having a rough week.
Only one week left and I have to go back to school. I'm not quite sure if I fully utilized my summer break since I have a lot of items not checked on my bucket list, tho it's all because I literally spent my summer watching and re-watching Arashi concerts and dramas. And no, I regret nothing. So maybe it's okay to consider that this summer is 'okay'. But 2 months passed and it still feel like it's not quite enough. I still don't wanna go back to school. I miss my classmates especially my dorm-mates. I miss that place and the abundant freedom I get since I'll be living faraway from my parents (ahhh but I will certainly miss good food when I'm there). But I don't miss the responsibilities. I love learning new things but somethings pulling me back, quietly whispering that it's not going to be okay. I don't want to repeat the same things again. I don't want to fall into that darkness again. But deep inside I feel like I'll be scarred for life and there's nothing I could do to get away.
I'm not making sense, am I? Well, isn't it always like that. Anyway, and a while ago I checked my schedule for this coming semester and they only gave 6 units. I still lack 12 units. And almost all the subjects I need to have this semester are conflicting with each others schedule (why do they love to schedule the subjects during TTH?). So yeah, I have no idea how to fix my schedule in a way that could satisfy all my requirements for this semester. I'm so fucked up. I know there are other people who are suffering more than me (some people I know got 0 units), but it still hurts. I did my best last summer class. I really did. I was at my worst but I made it. I always thought that if I worked hard, something good is bound to happen. I'll get my reward for sure, right? But why did this happen? What have I been doing with my life?
I seriously don't know what to do. Life is fucking me up as usual.
And I still haven't watch the Love concert tour.
This sucks.
Only one week left and I have to go back to school. I'm not quite sure if I fully utilized my summer break since I have a lot of items not checked on my bucket list, tho it's all because I literally spent my summer watching and re-watching Arashi concerts and dramas. And no, I regret nothing. So maybe it's okay to consider that this summer is 'okay'. But 2 months passed and it still feel like it's not quite enough. I still don't wanna go back to school. I miss my classmates especially my dorm-mates. I miss that place and the abundant freedom I get since I'll be living faraway from my parents (ahhh but I will certainly miss good food when I'm there). But I don't miss the responsibilities. I love learning new things but somethings pulling me back, quietly whispering that it's not going to be okay. I don't want to repeat the same things again. I don't want to fall into that darkness again. But deep inside I feel like I'll be scarred for life and there's nothing I could do to get away.
I'm not making sense, am I? Well, isn't it always like that. Anyway, and a while ago I checked my schedule for this coming semester and they only gave 6 units. I still lack 12 units. And almost all the subjects I need to have this semester are conflicting with each others schedule (why do they love to schedule the subjects during TTH?). So yeah, I have no idea how to fix my schedule in a way that could satisfy all my requirements for this semester. I'm so fucked up. I know there are other people who are suffering more than me (some people I know got 0 units), but it still hurts. I did my best last summer class. I really did. I was at my worst but I made it. I always thought that if I worked hard, something good is bound to happen. I'll get my reward for sure, right? But why did this happen? What have I been doing with my life?
I seriously don't know what to do. Life is fucking me up as usual.
And I still haven't watch the Love concert tour.
This sucks.