Gift fic for avadiablo 2/2
A piece of rainbow for avadiablo Part 2
***
“What are you doing here?” Aiba asked nervously as he saw Jun standing on the genkan. “S-Satoshi’s not around. He’s in LA…”
“I know. It’s you I want to see,” Jun replied in a quiet voice. “Masaki…”
“No! Don’t call me like that, Matsumoto-san,” he answered coldly. He was prepared to push the unwelcome visitor away but why couldn’t he?
“Please, I need to talk to you.”
“It was a mistake,” Aiba replied. “I’m with Satoshi. I think you know that very well. Let’s just forget what happened between us last night.”
Aiba gasped when Jun successfully grabbed his wrist. “What about the past? Should we forget about that? Should I forget about that? I love you, Masaki. and I was a fool.”
He backed away, feeling the wall behind him. “L-love?” All Aiba could do was laugh, laugh until he could not breathe.
“Masaki…”
Aiba’s hand hit Jun’s cheek. “Do you desperately need a good fuck that you’re pulling that card out?” he yelled. His heart was beating madly, his hands were shaking, and his eyes were tearing up in anger.
“I’m sorry,” Jun said, still standing in front of Aiba. “But when I saw you and Ohno together, I didn’t realize that I lost something so precious. Masaki, please, just hear me out.” He touched Aiba’s hands. Aiba, who was already backed against the wall, could not get away. “I thought I could forget you.”
“Forget me?” Aiba repeated. “We did not have anything between us! No strings attached! We were… we were strangers fucking each other because of our own selfish desires!”
“You told me you love me.”
“What?”
“I heard you, Masaki. You told me that you love me and I got confused. I had to leave. I wanted to keep in touch with you but you left!”
“Aren’t you ashamed, Jun? I’m with Ohno! He’s your best friend! I’m already drowning in guilt. And I don’t know where you get your courage to come here and…”
Jun silenced him by closing the gap between them. He kissed Aiba tenderly. “I thought I could hold back because you’re with my best friend,” he murmured against his cheek. “But I can’t. I don’t want to give you up for anyone. Not even Ohno.” Their eyes met and Aiba could see desperation in Jun’s eyes.
“N-no,” Aiba stuttered more to himself than to Jun. His knees buckled and he moaned as Jun’s hands grazed on his skin.
Aiba closed his eyes in remorse. Ohno would never hurt him just as he promised. But Aiba had become the exact person he himself was afraid to fall in love with.
***
“It’s so nice to eat your specialty, Ohno-kun,” Jun said before he dug in. “Did you catch this fish from the river or something?” he commented, making his best friend laugh. Aiba just looked at the two friends as they laughed and reminisced about their younger days.
After a few bites, Ohno suddenly looked up as if he remembered something. “Jun, my boyfriend is really curious…”
Aiba shot a look at Ohno. “Eh? Satoshi!”
“Hmm?” Jun just replied, smiling at Aiba. It sent shivers down his spine.
“He was wondering why you decided to come back to Japan,” Ohno asked. “Well, that’s a mystery for me too, you know?”
Aiba looked at the steak on his plate while gripping the cutlery tight. He shot a glance at Jun, who gave him an intense look while holding the champagne glass.
“Well, for starters, I wanted to build my own business in my home country. And,” he said, still looking at Aiba. “I returned for someone. I realized a lot of my mistakes and I’m prepared to get him back, whatever it takes.”
“Wow, spoken like a true man,” Ohno said with a smile and a nod. Jun just responded with a shrug tinged with arrogance.
Aiba abruptly stood up. “Satoshi, I have to go. Nino asked me to drop by his apartment. He - he bought a new game, you see?” He did not even acknowledge Jun.
“Masaki, wait!”
Aiba hastily grabbed his bag and got out of the house. He quickly took a cab and rushed to Nino, his best friend’s, apartment.
“Oh,” Nino opened the door before he could even knock. “Your boyfriend called and told me you looked agitated. I had to lie about that new game, you know?”
“Sorry, Nino.”
“Tell me what’s wrong,” he said. “Actually, I don’t have the responsibility to listen to you. You should go tell Ohno.”
Aiba dropped his bag on the table and walked on Nino’s messy floor. He sat on the couch and leaned his head against it, looking at the ceiling. “Nino, what am I going to do?” he asked. He could feel his tears falling down.
“Masaki…” Nino sat beside him. He sensed the change of tone, he knew that his friend was really worried. “Don’t be like this. Tell me what’s wrong. Tell Ohno what’s wrong. We’re here for you.”
“I can’t tell him that his best friend and I were fucking.”
“His best friend?” Nino looked surprised.
“Matsumoto Jun,” Aiba said, closing his eyes. “I can’t believe our world can be this small.”
Nino closed the space and Aiba felt relieved to feel his friend’s warmth. “But that’s in the past, Masaki. I think Ohno will be open to…”
Aiba sat up. “No, Nino. We did it when Satoshi left for LA. We even fucked in Satoshi’s own apartment. That’s the worst. I’m the worst boyfriend. And I even asked Satoshi to promise me that he will not hurt me!”
Nino’s eyes widened. What surprised Aiba was when his best friend stood up to hit his face. “Thanks, I deserve that,” Aiba managed to say before he sat back up on the couch.
Nino frowned. “What?” He pursed his lips and then looked at Aiba. “Tell me, do you still have feelings for Matsumoto?”
“N-no,” Aiba stuttered. Why wasn’t he sure of his answer? “I love Satoshi,” he said with certainty, clutching his chest. “But I’m afraid.”
Nino looked at him with understanding. “I know you love Ohno. I’ve seen you together. I’ve known you for almost my whole life and I know that you do love him.”
“But I stupidly fell for Jun before,” Aiba said quietly. “I got over him now, Nino. I know I did. But,” he lay on the couch and covered his eyes with his arm, “I’m such a slut.”
“Masaki, you’re not! Damn, that bastard makes me really angry. He was only in it for sex after all.”
He remembered Jun saying he actually loved Aiba and how he subtly challenged Ohno over lunch. “Nino,” he started. “Jun told me he loved me.”
Nino clicked his tongue. “Rather than avoid Matsumoto, you have to confront him.”
“What? No way!”
“And tell Ohno the truth.”
“I can’t!”
Nino sighed and picked up his game console. “Damn it, Masaki, that’s the only way for this to stop. Don’t hide things from Ohno. He always asked me a lot of questions about you, things that I am in no position to reveal.”
Aiba placed his arms around his best friend and rested his head on Nino’s shoulder. “I’m scared that Satoshi will leave me if he knew.”
Nino patted his back. “Masaki, you have to face your past before you can move to the future. I believe that Ohno loves you so much and he would not leave you no matter how shitty your life was.” He broke the hug and looked at his friend. “And you also have me, you know?”
“Thanks, Nino.” Aiba replied, finally smiling.
“Okay, now it’s either you help me clean up today or you go,” his friend teased with a smirk.
***
“Jun-san, you have to stop this,” Sho warned him, his expression stern.
Jun stood up abruptly. “You don’t have the right to stop me, Sho.”
“You will hurt Aiba-kun, and you best friend. You will only hurt yourself!” Sho added, raising his voice. “They seemed to be happy together. Don’t you have any guilt?”
Jun slammed his hands on the table. He leaned on those arms and looked at his dark reflection on the glass table. “I thought I can forget about Masaki when I left. Every night, I could hear his voice, telling me that he loves me. I did not listen to him.” Jun lowered his head. “But I was such a coward.”
“But this is different.”
“I won’t give him up. I built this business from scratch and suffered. I did not back down. Masaki is no different. He will realize that he loves me.” He sunk on his chair and looked at his hand. He remembered how Aiba squirmed and moaned in his touch and kisses, how he begged for more, how he screamed his name.
“And Ohno-kun?”
Jun looked at Sho. It also hurt him to go against his best friend when it seemed like Aiba was the source of his joy. “Ohno-kun, he’s…”
“You’re waving your knife carelessly, Jun-san. In the end, you will be miserable if you continue this.”
***
“Masaki, have you finally come to your senses?” Jun asked as the man stood in front of his desk.
Aiba shook his head. “No, Matsumoto-san. I want to end this.”
“We haven’t even started anything yet, Masaki,” Jun said, standing up and walking behind the bartender, putting his lips dangerously close to his visitor's ear. “I know how much you long for me.”
He heard Aiba’s erratic breathing. But before he could put his arms around him, Aiba walked away and faced him. “Matsumoto-san,” he started, his face serious and sympathetic, even. “We have to stop this. I love Satoshi. And you are his best friend. I want to be honest with him. I will tell him the truth…”
“Do you expect him to accept you after he finds out how you practically whored yourself?” Jun asked, trying to be menacing. It hurt him to insult Aiba but if that’s the only way to take him, he would. “I… I accepted you and I will continue to accept you and love you, no matter what your past is.”
“You don’t even know who I am, Matsumoto-kun,” Aiba said in a voice devoid of any emotion. “You can’t claim that you know who I am because in the first place, we did not have anything together.”
Jun shook his head. He was trying hard not to cry but he could feel that hot, stinging sensation at the corner of his eyes. He placed his hands on either side of Aiba’s shoulders. “Masaki…” he breathed out. “You told me you love me. That night, I heard you say it.”
Aiba slowly looked up at him. Jun felt hopeful when Aiba smiled and touched his cheek. A stray tear had gone down and he was wiping it away. “Jun… I did. I loved you.” He then pulled away. “But that was in the past. I am with Satoshi now and he’s the one I love. I will continue loving him even if he drives me away.”
As he looked at Aiba’s determined eyes, he knew he had lost. Aiba loved Ohno, he was so sure of that. He wanted to be happy for his friend that he found someone in his life who loved him this much. He silently blamed himself for the things that he had not done when Aiba was with him. He took this man for granted; he was not honest about his feelings. If he had told Aiba what he felt for him that night, would the outcome be different?
Jun pulled Aiba by the collar and kissed him. Unlike his aggressive kisses from the past, his lips softly grazed on Aiba’s, inhaling the scent of berries and honey one last time. “Goodbye, Masaki,” he murmured as he embraced the man who would never be his.
***
“You really don’t have to do this, Satoshi,” Aiba said as he held the necklace to the moonlight. The blue gem in the middle of the small crown pendant glowed nicely against the moonlight.
Ohno embraced Aiba from behind, his skin gliding softly against his beloved’s smooth back. “I know,” he said, kissing Aiba’s shoulder. “But that’s the symbol of my promise to you.”
“Promise?” Aiba breathed out more like a confirmation rather than a question.
Ohno removed the necklace from its case and placed it around Aiba’s neck. “The promise that I will never hurt you.”
Aiba turned his neck so that their lips could meet in a sweet kiss. Aiba adjust himself so that he could face Ohno. “Well, this is also my promise to you,” he said as he pushed down Ohno while invading his mouth with a deeper kiss.
***
Ohno did not expect this to happen. He did not expect to see the person he loved most in the world being kissed by a person who he practically knew like a brother. It just didn’t add up.
Ohno closed the door behind him gently. The image of Jun holding Aiba close and the way his boyfriend embraced his best friend burned in his mind. He wanted to erase that image badly. He ran his hands on his hair and sunk on the floor.
He hurriedly left the office, trying not to attract anyone’s attention, and made his way home. Ohno sat on the couch and looked at the framed photo of him and Aiba while he drank his liquor. He could only cry silently while he reminisced about being with Aiba.
“Why did you do this?” he asked, looking at the photo. “Is my love not enough?” Ohno reached out to the photo, touching Aiba’s face, looking at his wonderful smile.
Ohno’s mind remembered all those conversations that Aiba dodged. His beloved man hid a lot of secrets and he tried to understand him, tried to wait for the man to open his heart to him. He thought he was getting close. But he was wrong.
He did not know that an angel is capable of hurting someone.
Ohno was startled awake when he felt something move beside him. He opened his eyes slowly and found Aiba looking at him with the saddest eyes he had seen. It was the first time he saw his beloved looking like that.
“Satoshi, is there…?”
“What are you doing here?” he asked.
Aiba bit his lip. “I want to talk to you about something,” he said, trying to hold Ohno’s hand. Ohno suddenly pulled him close, kissing him and grinding against him.
Aiba tried to pull away. “Satoshi, this is not…”
“You’re such a slut, aren’t you?” Ohno asked with venom in his voice. Aiba looked shocked at his words. “Is that what you’re hiding?”
“What do you mean?”
“Am I not enough for you that you have to go to Jun?”
Aiba eyes widened in shock, making Ohno smirk. “I… Satoshi, please listen to me!” Aiba pleaded. Ohno silenced Aiba by a loud slap, making him fall on the floor. “Please, no…” he pleaded.
It broke Ohno’s heart, hearing Aiba’s pleas, listening to the pain in his voice. But anger filled him and he could not control himself. “Am I not enough, Masaki? Why did you have to choose Jun, of all people? Why did you betray me for him?” He ripped off Aiba’s clothes and pushed him to the cold floor.
“Satoshi, I love you… Please don’t do this.”
“No! You are the type of person who will gladly bend over for anyone who will please you!” Ohno yelled as he pinned Aiba’s wrist to the floor while straddling him.
“Satoshi, please.”
Ohno looked at Aiba’s eyes, red from crying. He raised his fist and punched the wooden floor beside Aiba’s face several times. It definitely hurt him and he knew that his fist bled. He got up and looked away. “I don’t want to see you.” He looked outside the window.
“Satoshi, I’m sorry…” he heard Aiba’s feeble reply.
“GO AWAY!”
He could see the blurry reflection of Aiba, slumped on the floor, weeping. After a few moments, Aiba stood up and walked to the door with slow, heavy footsteps. Ohno sighed as he heard the door close. He then looked at the dark sky.
A storm was brewing not just outside the window but inside the depths of his heart.
*** (if there’s a necessity to cut again, PLEASE CUT HERE)
“Masaki, what happened?” Nino asked. Aiba just shook his head as covered his mouth to stifle his cries. He stayed crouched at the corner of the room, hugging his knees. “Masaki!”
“Am I really unlovable?” he asked in a small voice.
Nino shook Aiba’s shoulder. “Did that bastard hurt you?”
“Maybe I deserve it,” Aiba replied. “Maybe I don’t deserve to be loved.”
“Don’t say that, idiot!”
“What do I know of love, Nino?” Aiba yelled back. “My father left us. My mother neglected me. I have never known true love. I wanted to know how it feels and look where it led me!”
Aiba fell on the floor when Nino hit his cheek. He looked at his best friend, who was clearly fuming. “Stop hurting yourself, Masaki. You’re looking for love in the wrong places! You let other people take advantage of you!” He knelt in front of Aiba and held his shoulders. “Masaki, you have to learn how to love yourself before anyone else. As long as you despise yourself, as long as you don’t think that you deserved to be love, people will take advantage of you.”
Aiba removed Nino’s hands from his shoulders and looked away. “I… I don’t even know if I can learn to love myself.”
“Then try! I’ll be here for you, Masaki. But I can only do so much,” Nino said. “Stop this. Don’t let other people hurt you.” He embraced Aiba, letting him cry on his shoulder.
***
Ohno woke up and found himself on the couch, wrapped in a thick blanket. Unusually, the living room was tidy unlike last night, when he vaguely recalled throwing up on the floor after heavy drinking.
He sat up, disoriented and still trying to figure out what had happened the night before. He then turned towards the corridor and saw light seeping from his bedroom, Aiba and his bedroom. He slowly opened the door and found himself looking at Aiba’s back; he was crouched down in front of the dresser and he seemed to be packing up.
Ohno had no anger left, only longing for his beloved. It had been days since he last saw the man, since he hurt Aiba, and all he could feel was guilt. He dashed towards Aiba and hugged him from behind. He could feel that the man stiffened at his touch.
“Please let go, Satoshi,” Aiba said, his voice on the brink of breaking.
“N-no,” he cried out, his face against Aiba’s back. Ohno reveled in the scent that he missed so much. “Masaki, please, don’t leave me. Please choose me.”
Ohno could feel the pounding in Aiba’s chest that competed with the loud thumping of his own heart; he was anxious. What if Aiba chooses Jun over him?
Aiba removed Ohno’s arms around him and looked around to face Ohno. “Satoshi,” he started, and Ohno’s heart stung as he listened to his name being uttered by his beloved. “I have always chosen you. And I love you, please remember that.”
“If you love me, don’t leave.”
Ohno looked at Aiba’s eyes. Sadness filled those beautiful brown orbs. It made him wonder how much he did not know, how much Aiba pretended to be happy, fooling other people and himself. “Were you unhappy when you were with me?” he asked, touching Aiba’s face. His eyes were glassy and Ohno knew that Aiba was holding back his tears.
Aiba bit his lip as he shook his head. “I felt the happiest when I was with you.”
“Then why do all of this?” Ohno asked. He wanted to know everything. His hands glided from Aiba’s face, to his shoulders, and then to his hands, holding them and never letting them go until he find answers.
“Satoshi…”
“You’ve hid a lot of things from me and I patiently tried to understand you. Masaki, you have hurt me. So much. This is all I ask from you now.” Ohno gave a smile of reassurance.
“That’s the point, Satoshi. I’ve hurt you so much already. I don’t want you to hear all of these things. I don’t want to hurt you more,” Aiba replied in an exasperated voice. “I’ll disappear from your life anyway. I will let you move on and find someone who will love you better than I do. You don’t need to know everything.”
“I don’t want anyone else! Don’t you understand that, Masaki? I accepted you and all that darkness that you keep.” Ohno’s hands cupped Aiba’s face. “That’s how much I love you, Masaki.”
At that, Aiba started crying. He cried so much that he was shaking. He did not even protest when Ohno held him, his head against the older man’s chest.
“I… I’m afraid…” he said in a small voice akin to a child’s.
Ohno shushed as he held Aiba. “Don’t be. I’m here.”
Ohno listened as Aiba started his story, pausing several times because of overwhelming emotions. Still, Ohno sat by his side, touching him softly to make Aiba feel that he wasn’t alone.
Ohno looked at Aiba’s eyes and saw another side of the man he loved. His eyes were not blank but filled with melancholy.
Instead of disgust, Ohno felt pity. Throughout his life, Aiba only yearned for love. Orphaned at an early age, he looked for love in the wrong places. He met a lot of people who hurt him, who used loving words to take advantage of him.
“I got so sick of getting hurt all the time that I gave up on love,” Aiba said, looking at the floor. “I never wanted to love anyone again. If I could just… if I could just stop my heart from falling in love, I’d do it.”
“Masaki…”
“And then Jun came.” Aiba let out a dry chuckle. “He was in for a good fuck and I gave him just that. I didn’t know that I would fall for him. And I was afraid because he was also showing signs that he liked me as more than a sex friend.”
Ohno did not know what to say. He did not really want to hear about this part of Aiba’s story but he knew that he should. “You loved him…”
“And he left,” Aiba said. “I know he wanted to keep in touch but I crushed the idea because I know that I’d break down and hurt myself if I continue to be attached to him.” He looked at Ohno. “I was so relieved that he left. It took quite some time to forget him. Two years…”
“And then we met.”
“Yes, we did,” Aiba said with a small pained smile. “Yes.”
“That’s why you tried to avoid me. That’s why you’re afraid to fall for me,” Ohno cupped Aiba’s face so that they could look at each other’s eyes. “That’s why when you opened your heart for me; you made me promise not to hurt you.”
“Y-yes,” Aiba looked down. “Satoshi. I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry…” He placed his arms around Ohno and cried on his chest. “I made a big mistake. I love you, I really do. But I was weak. I always am.”
Ohno watched, feeling a sting in his chest, as Aiba looked at his shaking hands. Ohno took those hands and kissed them. “I know, Masaki. I understand it now.”
“That’s why I need to leave you Satoshi. I don’t want you to be burdened by someone like me,” Aiba said.
“You can’t. I’ll help you,” Ohno said. “If you’re with me, you will never be alone. You don’t need to find love anywhere else. I promised you, Masaki. I’m keeping that promise.”
Aiba shook his head. He withdrew his hand and wiped his tears. “No, Satoshi. I have to go. I have to learn. On my own.” He turned his back and continued packing.
Ohno could only look at Aiba when the man stood up, his bag on his shoulder. He followed his love to the doorstep with silent footsteps, but not once did Aiba look around.
“Masaki…”
Aiba finally turned around and Ohno saw traces of tears shining on his cheeks. “Satoshi,” he started. Ohno watched as Aiba’s hands went on his nape to remove his necklace. He placed it on Ohno’s hand. He could only look at it. That necklace was the symbol of his promise to never hurt his love.
“This is yours!” Ohno said, trying to return the necklace to him.
Aiba smiled and touched Ohno’s cheek. “I still wish I can wear that necklace again, Satoshi. If I’m ready, if my heart is ready, I will come back to you.” He wiped his teary eye. “This is goodbye.”
The door closed in front of him and Ohno stood by the doorway, staring at the door, somehow waiting that Aiba would open it again and return to his arms. But upon realizing that it would not happen, Ohno screamed in agony, throwing and breaking any item he could get his hands on.
He looked at the necklace wound around his palm. “Come back, Masaki… Please…”
***
“Ohno-kun.”
Ohno looked at the door. He had been sitting in the middle of the studio which was only lit by a single yellow spotlight.
“What are you doing here?” he asked. He had not seen Jun for almost a year after he caught him with Aiba. He did not know if he had the power to meet his best friend without punching his face.
Jun sighed. He continued walking to the middle of the studio so that he could see Ohno. “You look like you haven’t eaten.”
“I don’t think you should care.”
“Ohno-kun,” Jun started, getting on his knees. “I am very sorry.” He bowed low. Ohno looked at him and saw that Jun’s shoulders were shaking. When he raised his head, Ohno could see that Jun started crying. “I’m sorry, Ohno-kun.”
The dancer sighed. “Jun,” he started. “I am sorry too. If I had known…”
“No!” Jun retorted. “Even if you knew, I’m still wrong. Trying to steal Masa-Aiba from you is not the right thing that a best friend should do. I hurt both of you. I hurt all of us.”
“Jun, let’s just stop this.”
“I think Aiba really loved you,” Jun admitted. “I know he does. And I think the two of you deserve each other.” He took a piece of paper from his pocket and handed it to Ohno. “If the two of you won’t be happy, I will never forgive myself.”
“Jun, wait…!” Ohno said as Jun was about to walk away. He saw that the card was a business card from a ryokan in Hakata.
“I’m going back to London to study more,” Jun said, regaining his cool composure. “I’ll leave the company to Sho-kun for now. Feel free to visit me when you drop by London.”
“Jun…”
Jun stopped by the door and looked at Ohno with a smile. “I know there’s a chance that you won’t forgive me but I’d like to let you know that you’ll always be my best friend.”
“Jun,” Ohno stood up. “There’s a chance that I will. Thank you.”
***
Ohno stepped off the shuttle that took him to the ryokan from the airport. The driver hurried to open an umbrella to shield him from the strong rains. The weather forecast said that a storm was approaching. The ryokan management actually had asked him if he’s sure to pursue the reservation. Ohno was determined to go, though.
“Ohno-sama, I will lead you to your room,” the receptionist said with a smile, carrying the small duffel bag and leading the way. Ohno looked around; trying to find signs of the person he was looking for. “I do apologize for this; this kind of weather is not really the best for us.”
“I understand. I really wanted to go so it doesn’t matter.”
He did not really pay attention when the person who led him to his room started talking about the available amenities and warnings.
“Is there anything else, Ohno-sama?”
“W-well…” Ohno started shyly. He looked at the menu board in front of him. “Maybe a drink later on?” he asked unsurely.
Later that evening, Ohno found himself stumbling out of his room and into the garden in the middle of the ryokan. He aimlessly walked, his bare feet touching the grass; the rain and the liquor clouding his surroundings.
He walked forward as he heard a familiar voice calling. It could have been the alcohol messing with his brain.
“Mister!” A strong arm caught his waist before he could fall on the mud.
“It’s you…” Ohno whispered. He could not see anything clearly, but the flash of lightning illuminated the face of the person holding him. He held out his hand. “It’s you…”
***
Ohno woke up, feeling warm, the smooth sheets comfortable on his bare skin. The storm had subsided. He could see the smooth back of a man, the person he longed to see the most through the moonlight. “Masaki.” He was about to stand up.
“Stay…” he said, his voice still hoarse. Ohno gripped his beloved’s wrist tight. He was afraid that if he let go, Aiba would disappear from his life forever. “Don’t run away, Masaki.”
Aiba peeled his hands off and shook his head. Ohno could not see his expression; Aiba did not even once look behind him and face him. “Satoshi, I…”
Ohno traced Aiba’s spine from his waist up to his nape and he watched in wonder as Aiba slowly pulled his head back. He knew that his touch had this effect on the man. Ohno sat up and gently placed his arms around Aiba, nuzzling the crook of his neck. “Don’t. Don’t leave me.” He reveled on the warmth emanating from the man in front of him and kissed his shoulder. “I’ve waited long enough.”
He could hear Aiba’s loud breathing, he could feel how his chest rose and fell. “Satoshi…” Aiba’s voice came out in a small whisper that he almost could not hear.
They remained in that position for quite some time, sitting in silence, listening to the thunder and the sound of rain.
Ohno felt a painful tug in his heart when Aiba finally turned his head to the side and faced him. The blank smile that always made him feel uneasy was gone. A golden glow filled Aiba’s eyes that were brimming with tears.
“W-will you let me stay with you?” Aiba asked, unsure.
Ohno leaned closer, letting their foreheads touch, his lips hovering close to Aiba’s skin.
“I’ve never wished for anything else but that.”
***
“What are you doing here?” Aiba asked nervously as he saw Jun standing on the genkan. “S-Satoshi’s not around. He’s in LA…”
“I know. It’s you I want to see,” Jun replied in a quiet voice. “Masaki…”
“No! Don’t call me like that, Matsumoto-san,” he answered coldly. He was prepared to push the unwelcome visitor away but why couldn’t he?
“Please, I need to talk to you.”
“It was a mistake,” Aiba replied. “I’m with Satoshi. I think you know that very well. Let’s just forget what happened between us last night.”
Aiba gasped when Jun successfully grabbed his wrist. “What about the past? Should we forget about that? Should I forget about that? I love you, Masaki. and I was a fool.”
He backed away, feeling the wall behind him. “L-love?” All Aiba could do was laugh, laugh until he could not breathe.
“Masaki…”
Aiba’s hand hit Jun’s cheek. “Do you desperately need a good fuck that you’re pulling that card out?” he yelled. His heart was beating madly, his hands were shaking, and his eyes were tearing up in anger.
“I’m sorry,” Jun said, still standing in front of Aiba. “But when I saw you and Ohno together, I didn’t realize that I lost something so precious. Masaki, please, just hear me out.” He touched Aiba’s hands. Aiba, who was already backed against the wall, could not get away. “I thought I could forget you.”
“Forget me?” Aiba repeated. “We did not have anything between us! No strings attached! We were… we were strangers fucking each other because of our own selfish desires!”
“You told me you love me.”
“What?”
“I heard you, Masaki. You told me that you love me and I got confused. I had to leave. I wanted to keep in touch with you but you left!”
“Aren’t you ashamed, Jun? I’m with Ohno! He’s your best friend! I’m already drowning in guilt. And I don’t know where you get your courage to come here and…”
Jun silenced him by closing the gap between them. He kissed Aiba tenderly. “I thought I could hold back because you’re with my best friend,” he murmured against his cheek. “But I can’t. I don’t want to give you up for anyone. Not even Ohno.” Their eyes met and Aiba could see desperation in Jun’s eyes.
“N-no,” Aiba stuttered more to himself than to Jun. His knees buckled and he moaned as Jun’s hands grazed on his skin.
Aiba closed his eyes in remorse. Ohno would never hurt him just as he promised. But Aiba had become the exact person he himself was afraid to fall in love with.
***
“It’s so nice to eat your specialty, Ohno-kun,” Jun said before he dug in. “Did you catch this fish from the river or something?” he commented, making his best friend laugh. Aiba just looked at the two friends as they laughed and reminisced about their younger days.
After a few bites, Ohno suddenly looked up as if he remembered something. “Jun, my boyfriend is really curious…”
Aiba shot a look at Ohno. “Eh? Satoshi!”
“Hmm?” Jun just replied, smiling at Aiba. It sent shivers down his spine.
“He was wondering why you decided to come back to Japan,” Ohno asked. “Well, that’s a mystery for me too, you know?”
Aiba looked at the steak on his plate while gripping the cutlery tight. He shot a glance at Jun, who gave him an intense look while holding the champagne glass.
“Well, for starters, I wanted to build my own business in my home country. And,” he said, still looking at Aiba. “I returned for someone. I realized a lot of my mistakes and I’m prepared to get him back, whatever it takes.”
“Wow, spoken like a true man,” Ohno said with a smile and a nod. Jun just responded with a shrug tinged with arrogance.
Aiba abruptly stood up. “Satoshi, I have to go. Nino asked me to drop by his apartment. He - he bought a new game, you see?” He did not even acknowledge Jun.
“Masaki, wait!”
Aiba hastily grabbed his bag and got out of the house. He quickly took a cab and rushed to Nino, his best friend’s, apartment.
“Oh,” Nino opened the door before he could even knock. “Your boyfriend called and told me you looked agitated. I had to lie about that new game, you know?”
“Sorry, Nino.”
“Tell me what’s wrong,” he said. “Actually, I don’t have the responsibility to listen to you. You should go tell Ohno.”
Aiba dropped his bag on the table and walked on Nino’s messy floor. He sat on the couch and leaned his head against it, looking at the ceiling. “Nino, what am I going to do?” he asked. He could feel his tears falling down.
“Masaki…” Nino sat beside him. He sensed the change of tone, he knew that his friend was really worried. “Don’t be like this. Tell me what’s wrong. Tell Ohno what’s wrong. We’re here for you.”
“I can’t tell him that his best friend and I were fucking.”
“His best friend?” Nino looked surprised.
“Matsumoto Jun,” Aiba said, closing his eyes. “I can’t believe our world can be this small.”
Nino closed the space and Aiba felt relieved to feel his friend’s warmth. “But that’s in the past, Masaki. I think Ohno will be open to…”
Aiba sat up. “No, Nino. We did it when Satoshi left for LA. We even fucked in Satoshi’s own apartment. That’s the worst. I’m the worst boyfriend. And I even asked Satoshi to promise me that he will not hurt me!”
Nino’s eyes widened. What surprised Aiba was when his best friend stood up to hit his face. “Thanks, I deserve that,” Aiba managed to say before he sat back up on the couch.
Nino frowned. “What?” He pursed his lips and then looked at Aiba. “Tell me, do you still have feelings for Matsumoto?”
“N-no,” Aiba stuttered. Why wasn’t he sure of his answer? “I love Satoshi,” he said with certainty, clutching his chest. “But I’m afraid.”
Nino looked at him with understanding. “I know you love Ohno. I’ve seen you together. I’ve known you for almost my whole life and I know that you do love him.”
“But I stupidly fell for Jun before,” Aiba said quietly. “I got over him now, Nino. I know I did. But,” he lay on the couch and covered his eyes with his arm, “I’m such a slut.”
“Masaki, you’re not! Damn, that bastard makes me really angry. He was only in it for sex after all.”
He remembered Jun saying he actually loved Aiba and how he subtly challenged Ohno over lunch. “Nino,” he started. “Jun told me he loved me.”
Nino clicked his tongue. “Rather than avoid Matsumoto, you have to confront him.”
“What? No way!”
“And tell Ohno the truth.”
“I can’t!”
Nino sighed and picked up his game console. “Damn it, Masaki, that’s the only way for this to stop. Don’t hide things from Ohno. He always asked me a lot of questions about you, things that I am in no position to reveal.”
Aiba placed his arms around his best friend and rested his head on Nino’s shoulder. “I’m scared that Satoshi will leave me if he knew.”
Nino patted his back. “Masaki, you have to face your past before you can move to the future. I believe that Ohno loves you so much and he would not leave you no matter how shitty your life was.” He broke the hug and looked at his friend. “And you also have me, you know?”
“Thanks, Nino.” Aiba replied, finally smiling.
“Okay, now it’s either you help me clean up today or you go,” his friend teased with a smirk.
***
“Jun-san, you have to stop this,” Sho warned him, his expression stern.
Jun stood up abruptly. “You don’t have the right to stop me, Sho.”
“You will hurt Aiba-kun, and you best friend. You will only hurt yourself!” Sho added, raising his voice. “They seemed to be happy together. Don’t you have any guilt?”
Jun slammed his hands on the table. He leaned on those arms and looked at his dark reflection on the glass table. “I thought I can forget about Masaki when I left. Every night, I could hear his voice, telling me that he loves me. I did not listen to him.” Jun lowered his head. “But I was such a coward.”
“But this is different.”
“I won’t give him up. I built this business from scratch and suffered. I did not back down. Masaki is no different. He will realize that he loves me.” He sunk on his chair and looked at his hand. He remembered how Aiba squirmed and moaned in his touch and kisses, how he begged for more, how he screamed his name.
“And Ohno-kun?”
Jun looked at Sho. It also hurt him to go against his best friend when it seemed like Aiba was the source of his joy. “Ohno-kun, he’s…”
“You’re waving your knife carelessly, Jun-san. In the end, you will be miserable if you continue this.”
***
“Masaki, have you finally come to your senses?” Jun asked as the man stood in front of his desk.
Aiba shook his head. “No, Matsumoto-san. I want to end this.”
“We haven’t even started anything yet, Masaki,” Jun said, standing up and walking behind the bartender, putting his lips dangerously close to his visitor's ear. “I know how much you long for me.”
He heard Aiba’s erratic breathing. But before he could put his arms around him, Aiba walked away and faced him. “Matsumoto-san,” he started, his face serious and sympathetic, even. “We have to stop this. I love Satoshi. And you are his best friend. I want to be honest with him. I will tell him the truth…”
“Do you expect him to accept you after he finds out how you practically whored yourself?” Jun asked, trying to be menacing. It hurt him to insult Aiba but if that’s the only way to take him, he would. “I… I accepted you and I will continue to accept you and love you, no matter what your past is.”
“You don’t even know who I am, Matsumoto-kun,” Aiba said in a voice devoid of any emotion. “You can’t claim that you know who I am because in the first place, we did not have anything together.”
Jun shook his head. He was trying hard not to cry but he could feel that hot, stinging sensation at the corner of his eyes. He placed his hands on either side of Aiba’s shoulders. “Masaki…” he breathed out. “You told me you love me. That night, I heard you say it.”
Aiba slowly looked up at him. Jun felt hopeful when Aiba smiled and touched his cheek. A stray tear had gone down and he was wiping it away. “Jun… I did. I loved you.” He then pulled away. “But that was in the past. I am with Satoshi now and he’s the one I love. I will continue loving him even if he drives me away.”
As he looked at Aiba’s determined eyes, he knew he had lost. Aiba loved Ohno, he was so sure of that. He wanted to be happy for his friend that he found someone in his life who loved him this much. He silently blamed himself for the things that he had not done when Aiba was with him. He took this man for granted; he was not honest about his feelings. If he had told Aiba what he felt for him that night, would the outcome be different?
Jun pulled Aiba by the collar and kissed him. Unlike his aggressive kisses from the past, his lips softly grazed on Aiba’s, inhaling the scent of berries and honey one last time. “Goodbye, Masaki,” he murmured as he embraced the man who would never be his.
***
“You really don’t have to do this, Satoshi,” Aiba said as he held the necklace to the moonlight. The blue gem in the middle of the small crown pendant glowed nicely against the moonlight.
Ohno embraced Aiba from behind, his skin gliding softly against his beloved’s smooth back. “I know,” he said, kissing Aiba’s shoulder. “But that’s the symbol of my promise to you.”
“Promise?” Aiba breathed out more like a confirmation rather than a question.
Ohno removed the necklace from its case and placed it around Aiba’s neck. “The promise that I will never hurt you.”
Aiba turned his neck so that their lips could meet in a sweet kiss. Aiba adjust himself so that he could face Ohno. “Well, this is also my promise to you,” he said as he pushed down Ohno while invading his mouth with a deeper kiss.
***
Ohno did not expect this to happen. He did not expect to see the person he loved most in the world being kissed by a person who he practically knew like a brother. It just didn’t add up.
Ohno closed the door behind him gently. The image of Jun holding Aiba close and the way his boyfriend embraced his best friend burned in his mind. He wanted to erase that image badly. He ran his hands on his hair and sunk on the floor.
He hurriedly left the office, trying not to attract anyone’s attention, and made his way home. Ohno sat on the couch and looked at the framed photo of him and Aiba while he drank his liquor. He could only cry silently while he reminisced about being with Aiba.
“Why did you do this?” he asked, looking at the photo. “Is my love not enough?” Ohno reached out to the photo, touching Aiba’s face, looking at his wonderful smile.
Ohno’s mind remembered all those conversations that Aiba dodged. His beloved man hid a lot of secrets and he tried to understand him, tried to wait for the man to open his heart to him. He thought he was getting close. But he was wrong.
He did not know that an angel is capable of hurting someone.
Ohno was startled awake when he felt something move beside him. He opened his eyes slowly and found Aiba looking at him with the saddest eyes he had seen. It was the first time he saw his beloved looking like that.
“Satoshi, is there…?”
“What are you doing here?” he asked.
Aiba bit his lip. “I want to talk to you about something,” he said, trying to hold Ohno’s hand. Ohno suddenly pulled him close, kissing him and grinding against him.
Aiba tried to pull away. “Satoshi, this is not…”
“You’re such a slut, aren’t you?” Ohno asked with venom in his voice. Aiba looked shocked at his words. “Is that what you’re hiding?”
“What do you mean?”
“Am I not enough for you that you have to go to Jun?”
Aiba eyes widened in shock, making Ohno smirk. “I… Satoshi, please listen to me!” Aiba pleaded. Ohno silenced Aiba by a loud slap, making him fall on the floor. “Please, no…” he pleaded.
It broke Ohno’s heart, hearing Aiba’s pleas, listening to the pain in his voice. But anger filled him and he could not control himself. “Am I not enough, Masaki? Why did you have to choose Jun, of all people? Why did you betray me for him?” He ripped off Aiba’s clothes and pushed him to the cold floor.
“Satoshi, I love you… Please don’t do this.”
“No! You are the type of person who will gladly bend over for anyone who will please you!” Ohno yelled as he pinned Aiba’s wrist to the floor while straddling him.
“Satoshi, please.”
Ohno looked at Aiba’s eyes, red from crying. He raised his fist and punched the wooden floor beside Aiba’s face several times. It definitely hurt him and he knew that his fist bled. He got up and looked away. “I don’t want to see you.” He looked outside the window.
“Satoshi, I’m sorry…” he heard Aiba’s feeble reply.
“GO AWAY!”
He could see the blurry reflection of Aiba, slumped on the floor, weeping. After a few moments, Aiba stood up and walked to the door with slow, heavy footsteps. Ohno sighed as he heard the door close. He then looked at the dark sky.
A storm was brewing not just outside the window but inside the depths of his heart.
*** (if there’s a necessity to cut again, PLEASE CUT HERE)
“Masaki, what happened?” Nino asked. Aiba just shook his head as covered his mouth to stifle his cries. He stayed crouched at the corner of the room, hugging his knees. “Masaki!”
“Am I really unlovable?” he asked in a small voice.
Nino shook Aiba’s shoulder. “Did that bastard hurt you?”
“Maybe I deserve it,” Aiba replied. “Maybe I don’t deserve to be loved.”
“Don’t say that, idiot!”
“What do I know of love, Nino?” Aiba yelled back. “My father left us. My mother neglected me. I have never known true love. I wanted to know how it feels and look where it led me!”
Aiba fell on the floor when Nino hit his cheek. He looked at his best friend, who was clearly fuming. “Stop hurting yourself, Masaki. You’re looking for love in the wrong places! You let other people take advantage of you!” He knelt in front of Aiba and held his shoulders. “Masaki, you have to learn how to love yourself before anyone else. As long as you despise yourself, as long as you don’t think that you deserved to be love, people will take advantage of you.”
Aiba removed Nino’s hands from his shoulders and looked away. “I… I don’t even know if I can learn to love myself.”
“Then try! I’ll be here for you, Masaki. But I can only do so much,” Nino said. “Stop this. Don’t let other people hurt you.” He embraced Aiba, letting him cry on his shoulder.
***
Ohno woke up and found himself on the couch, wrapped in a thick blanket. Unusually, the living room was tidy unlike last night, when he vaguely recalled throwing up on the floor after heavy drinking.
He sat up, disoriented and still trying to figure out what had happened the night before. He then turned towards the corridor and saw light seeping from his bedroom, Aiba and his bedroom. He slowly opened the door and found himself looking at Aiba’s back; he was crouched down in front of the dresser and he seemed to be packing up.
Ohno had no anger left, only longing for his beloved. It had been days since he last saw the man, since he hurt Aiba, and all he could feel was guilt. He dashed towards Aiba and hugged him from behind. He could feel that the man stiffened at his touch.
“Please let go, Satoshi,” Aiba said, his voice on the brink of breaking.
“N-no,” he cried out, his face against Aiba’s back. Ohno reveled in the scent that he missed so much. “Masaki, please, don’t leave me. Please choose me.”
Ohno could feel the pounding in Aiba’s chest that competed with the loud thumping of his own heart; he was anxious. What if Aiba chooses Jun over him?
Aiba removed Ohno’s arms around him and looked around to face Ohno. “Satoshi,” he started, and Ohno’s heart stung as he listened to his name being uttered by his beloved. “I have always chosen you. And I love you, please remember that.”
“If you love me, don’t leave.”
Ohno looked at Aiba’s eyes. Sadness filled those beautiful brown orbs. It made him wonder how much he did not know, how much Aiba pretended to be happy, fooling other people and himself. “Were you unhappy when you were with me?” he asked, touching Aiba’s face. His eyes were glassy and Ohno knew that Aiba was holding back his tears.
Aiba bit his lip as he shook his head. “I felt the happiest when I was with you.”
“Then why do all of this?” Ohno asked. He wanted to know everything. His hands glided from Aiba’s face, to his shoulders, and then to his hands, holding them and never letting them go until he find answers.
“Satoshi…”
“You’ve hid a lot of things from me and I patiently tried to understand you. Masaki, you have hurt me. So much. This is all I ask from you now.” Ohno gave a smile of reassurance.
“That’s the point, Satoshi. I’ve hurt you so much already. I don’t want you to hear all of these things. I don’t want to hurt you more,” Aiba replied in an exasperated voice. “I’ll disappear from your life anyway. I will let you move on and find someone who will love you better than I do. You don’t need to know everything.”
“I don’t want anyone else! Don’t you understand that, Masaki? I accepted you and all that darkness that you keep.” Ohno’s hands cupped Aiba’s face. “That’s how much I love you, Masaki.”
At that, Aiba started crying. He cried so much that he was shaking. He did not even protest when Ohno held him, his head against the older man’s chest.
“I… I’m afraid…” he said in a small voice akin to a child’s.
Ohno shushed as he held Aiba. “Don’t be. I’m here.”
Ohno listened as Aiba started his story, pausing several times because of overwhelming emotions. Still, Ohno sat by his side, touching him softly to make Aiba feel that he wasn’t alone.
Ohno looked at Aiba’s eyes and saw another side of the man he loved. His eyes were not blank but filled with melancholy.
Instead of disgust, Ohno felt pity. Throughout his life, Aiba only yearned for love. Orphaned at an early age, he looked for love in the wrong places. He met a lot of people who hurt him, who used loving words to take advantage of him.
“I got so sick of getting hurt all the time that I gave up on love,” Aiba said, looking at the floor. “I never wanted to love anyone again. If I could just… if I could just stop my heart from falling in love, I’d do it.”
“Masaki…”
“And then Jun came.” Aiba let out a dry chuckle. “He was in for a good fuck and I gave him just that. I didn’t know that I would fall for him. And I was afraid because he was also showing signs that he liked me as more than a sex friend.”
Ohno did not know what to say. He did not really want to hear about this part of Aiba’s story but he knew that he should. “You loved him…”
“And he left,” Aiba said. “I know he wanted to keep in touch but I crushed the idea because I know that I’d break down and hurt myself if I continue to be attached to him.” He looked at Ohno. “I was so relieved that he left. It took quite some time to forget him. Two years…”
“And then we met.”
“Yes, we did,” Aiba said with a small pained smile. “Yes.”
“That’s why you tried to avoid me. That’s why you’re afraid to fall for me,” Ohno cupped Aiba’s face so that they could look at each other’s eyes. “That’s why when you opened your heart for me; you made me promise not to hurt you.”
“Y-yes,” Aiba looked down. “Satoshi. I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry…” He placed his arms around Ohno and cried on his chest. “I made a big mistake. I love you, I really do. But I was weak. I always am.”
Ohno watched, feeling a sting in his chest, as Aiba looked at his shaking hands. Ohno took those hands and kissed them. “I know, Masaki. I understand it now.”
“That’s why I need to leave you Satoshi. I don’t want you to be burdened by someone like me,” Aiba said.
“You can’t. I’ll help you,” Ohno said. “If you’re with me, you will never be alone. You don’t need to find love anywhere else. I promised you, Masaki. I’m keeping that promise.”
Aiba shook his head. He withdrew his hand and wiped his tears. “No, Satoshi. I have to go. I have to learn. On my own.” He turned his back and continued packing.
Ohno could only look at Aiba when the man stood up, his bag on his shoulder. He followed his love to the doorstep with silent footsteps, but not once did Aiba look around.
“Masaki…”
Aiba finally turned around and Ohno saw traces of tears shining on his cheeks. “Satoshi,” he started. Ohno watched as Aiba’s hands went on his nape to remove his necklace. He placed it on Ohno’s hand. He could only look at it. That necklace was the symbol of his promise to never hurt his love.
“This is yours!” Ohno said, trying to return the necklace to him.
Aiba smiled and touched Ohno’s cheek. “I still wish I can wear that necklace again, Satoshi. If I’m ready, if my heart is ready, I will come back to you.” He wiped his teary eye. “This is goodbye.”
The door closed in front of him and Ohno stood by the doorway, staring at the door, somehow waiting that Aiba would open it again and return to his arms. But upon realizing that it would not happen, Ohno screamed in agony, throwing and breaking any item he could get his hands on.
He looked at the necklace wound around his palm. “Come back, Masaki… Please…”
***
“Ohno-kun.”
Ohno looked at the door. He had been sitting in the middle of the studio which was only lit by a single yellow spotlight.
“What are you doing here?” he asked. He had not seen Jun for almost a year after he caught him with Aiba. He did not know if he had the power to meet his best friend without punching his face.
Jun sighed. He continued walking to the middle of the studio so that he could see Ohno. “You look like you haven’t eaten.”
“I don’t think you should care.”
“Ohno-kun,” Jun started, getting on his knees. “I am very sorry.” He bowed low. Ohno looked at him and saw that Jun’s shoulders were shaking. When he raised his head, Ohno could see that Jun started crying. “I’m sorry, Ohno-kun.”
The dancer sighed. “Jun,” he started. “I am sorry too. If I had known…”
“No!” Jun retorted. “Even if you knew, I’m still wrong. Trying to steal Masa-Aiba from you is not the right thing that a best friend should do. I hurt both of you. I hurt all of us.”
“Jun, let’s just stop this.”
“I think Aiba really loved you,” Jun admitted. “I know he does. And I think the two of you deserve each other.” He took a piece of paper from his pocket and handed it to Ohno. “If the two of you won’t be happy, I will never forgive myself.”
“Jun, wait…!” Ohno said as Jun was about to walk away. He saw that the card was a business card from a ryokan in Hakata.
“I’m going back to London to study more,” Jun said, regaining his cool composure. “I’ll leave the company to Sho-kun for now. Feel free to visit me when you drop by London.”
“Jun…”
Jun stopped by the door and looked at Ohno with a smile. “I know there’s a chance that you won’t forgive me but I’d like to let you know that you’ll always be my best friend.”
“Jun,” Ohno stood up. “There’s a chance that I will. Thank you.”
***
Ohno stepped off the shuttle that took him to the ryokan from the airport. The driver hurried to open an umbrella to shield him from the strong rains. The weather forecast said that a storm was approaching. The ryokan management actually had asked him if he’s sure to pursue the reservation. Ohno was determined to go, though.
“Ohno-sama, I will lead you to your room,” the receptionist said with a smile, carrying the small duffel bag and leading the way. Ohno looked around; trying to find signs of the person he was looking for. “I do apologize for this; this kind of weather is not really the best for us.”
“I understand. I really wanted to go so it doesn’t matter.”
He did not really pay attention when the person who led him to his room started talking about the available amenities and warnings.
“Is there anything else, Ohno-sama?”
“W-well…” Ohno started shyly. He looked at the menu board in front of him. “Maybe a drink later on?” he asked unsurely.
Later that evening, Ohno found himself stumbling out of his room and into the garden in the middle of the ryokan. He aimlessly walked, his bare feet touching the grass; the rain and the liquor clouding his surroundings.
He walked forward as he heard a familiar voice calling. It could have been the alcohol messing with his brain.
“Mister!” A strong arm caught his waist before he could fall on the mud.
“It’s you…” Ohno whispered. He could not see anything clearly, but the flash of lightning illuminated the face of the person holding him. He held out his hand. “It’s you…”
***
Ohno woke up, feeling warm, the smooth sheets comfortable on his bare skin. The storm had subsided. He could see the smooth back of a man, the person he longed to see the most through the moonlight. “Masaki.” He was about to stand up.
“Stay…” he said, his voice still hoarse. Ohno gripped his beloved’s wrist tight. He was afraid that if he let go, Aiba would disappear from his life forever. “Don’t run away, Masaki.”
Aiba peeled his hands off and shook his head. Ohno could not see his expression; Aiba did not even once look behind him and face him. “Satoshi, I…”
Ohno traced Aiba’s spine from his waist up to his nape and he watched in wonder as Aiba slowly pulled his head back. He knew that his touch had this effect on the man. Ohno sat up and gently placed his arms around Aiba, nuzzling the crook of his neck. “Don’t. Don’t leave me.” He reveled on the warmth emanating from the man in front of him and kissed his shoulder. “I’ve waited long enough.”
He could hear Aiba’s loud breathing, he could feel how his chest rose and fell. “Satoshi…” Aiba’s voice came out in a small whisper that he almost could not hear.
They remained in that position for quite some time, sitting in silence, listening to the thunder and the sound of rain.
Ohno felt a painful tug in his heart when Aiba finally turned his head to the side and faced him. The blank smile that always made him feel uneasy was gone. A golden glow filled Aiba’s eyes that were brimming with tears.
“W-will you let me stay with you?” Aiba asked, unsure.
Ohno leaned closer, letting their foreheads touch, his lips hovering close to Aiba’s skin.
“I’ve never wished for anything else but that.”