Back...and feeling a little disheartened
...Disheartened not from visiting the campus of Carnegie.
Disheartened from the 10-minute chat my parents had with me at the VERY LAST MINUTE possible, 5 days before I'm supposed to turn in my college decisions (which I've still not done yet.)
They said they can't pay for it.
They said they can't pay and I will have to go to Davis because a) it's closer to them and b) it's cheaper. Not that I have anything against Davis. They said this even after I won a $10,000 writing scholarship I worked my ass off for.
But the whole time my dad kept criticizing the Carnegie campus even though it was absolutely gorgeous (by gorgeous I mean splendid...especially the Fine Arts school, that place had these long columns and statues and a marble floor and there was this dome with an entire Michelangeo-esque mural on the ceiling. It was stunning. My dad kept complaining about the weather too even though both he and I know that weather isn't even really much of an issue.
Well, I'm not supposed to be selfish, am I not? I'm supposed to be an understanding daughter. I can't expect them to pay for anything, can I?
But the truth is, I feel CHEATED. Why? Because all this time I was led into believing I had OPTIONS, that I could go to a school I wanted to go to, and Asian parents didn't care whether a school is close by. Because all this time the only thing I got from them were IMPLICATIONS, INTIMATIONS that they preferred one of my schools over the other...nothing direct at all. I suspected they wanted me to go to Carnegie because it was the best school out of the ones I got into. Why do I feel cheated? Because now suddenly it seems that all this -- high school, all that late-night studying, all that hard work, all the grades, all the tests I took, all of that -- for nothing! Even my writing scholarship...nothing! I did that writing scholarship for the sole purpose of thinking maybe it would be easier to go to a private school with it.
When I went to Carnegie, the financial aid people said that if you receive any outside scholarships over $6000, they will DECREASE your financial aid package REGARDLESS of how much unmet need they left out. I feel CHEATED. The package Carnegie gave me was $5000+ short of what they said our need was, and yet they're going to cut off $2000 of my financial aid JUST BECAUSE I'M GETTING AN OUTSIDE SCHOLARSHIP. I'm led to think - isn't getting a scholarship supposed to be a GAIN, not a loss? So now it means that even if I win more scholarships, it'll pay off by just making me lose more financial aid. This just all gives me a big freaking HEADACHE because god, my parents already said they can't pay, and now the college wants to cut my finaid off too...
Great. I bet my parents wished I was the typical Asian child who will be obedient and go to UCLA or UC Berkeley like a good little Asian and study business or engineering or science or medicine but in truth I'M NOT. I'm an Asian-American who is going to major in creative writing/English and minor in Visual arts or studio arts. And I think I'm the only Asian-American I know who's going to do that. The irony of it all...On top of it my mother doesn't think I'd be able to pay off college loans just because of my majors.
I'm sorry, I know Patty's going to Davis - I think Davis IS a great school, but I was just so not expecting that they would throw this on me. My parents want me to go to Davis because it'll be a convenience for _them_ (it's close by them and cheap) and based on those advantages or conveniences that's where I'm going, regardless of what I think or how it suits me. So in the end, even when I have won my writing scholarship, that was all just misleading. In the end, I just can't afford much of anything.
God, I feel so cheated....
Disheartened from the 10-minute chat my parents had with me at the VERY LAST MINUTE possible, 5 days before I'm supposed to turn in my college decisions (which I've still not done yet.)
They said they can't pay for it.
They said they can't pay and I will have to go to Davis because a) it's closer to them and b) it's cheaper. Not that I have anything against Davis. They said this even after I won a $10,000 writing scholarship I worked my ass off for.
But the whole time my dad kept criticizing the Carnegie campus even though it was absolutely gorgeous (by gorgeous I mean splendid...especially the Fine Arts school, that place had these long columns and statues and a marble floor and there was this dome with an entire Michelangeo-esque mural on the ceiling. It was stunning. My dad kept complaining about the weather too even though both he and I know that weather isn't even really much of an issue.
Well, I'm not supposed to be selfish, am I not? I'm supposed to be an understanding daughter. I can't expect them to pay for anything, can I?
But the truth is, I feel CHEATED. Why? Because all this time I was led into believing I had OPTIONS, that I could go to a school I wanted to go to, and Asian parents didn't care whether a school is close by. Because all this time the only thing I got from them were IMPLICATIONS, INTIMATIONS that they preferred one of my schools over the other...nothing direct at all. I suspected they wanted me to go to Carnegie because it was the best school out of the ones I got into. Why do I feel cheated? Because now suddenly it seems that all this -- high school, all that late-night studying, all that hard work, all the grades, all the tests I took, all of that -- for nothing! Even my writing scholarship...nothing! I did that writing scholarship for the sole purpose of thinking maybe it would be easier to go to a private school with it.
When I went to Carnegie, the financial aid people said that if you receive any outside scholarships over $6000, they will DECREASE your financial aid package REGARDLESS of how much unmet need they left out. I feel CHEATED. The package Carnegie gave me was $5000+ short of what they said our need was, and yet they're going to cut off $2000 of my financial aid JUST BECAUSE I'M GETTING AN OUTSIDE SCHOLARSHIP. I'm led to think - isn't getting a scholarship supposed to be a GAIN, not a loss? So now it means that even if I win more scholarships, it'll pay off by just making me lose more financial aid. This just all gives me a big freaking HEADACHE because god, my parents already said they can't pay, and now the college wants to cut my finaid off too...
Great. I bet my parents wished I was the typical Asian child who will be obedient and go to UCLA or UC Berkeley like a good little Asian and study business or engineering or science or medicine but in truth I'M NOT. I'm an Asian-American who is going to major in creative writing/English and minor in Visual arts or studio arts. And I think I'm the only Asian-American I know who's going to do that. The irony of it all...On top of it my mother doesn't think I'd be able to pay off college loans just because of my majors.
I'm sorry, I know Patty's going to Davis - I think Davis IS a great school, but I was just so not expecting that they would throw this on me. My parents want me to go to Davis because it'll be a convenience for _them_ (it's close by them and cheap) and based on those advantages or conveniences that's where I'm going, regardless of what I think or how it suits me. So in the end, even when I have won my writing scholarship, that was all just misleading. In the end, I just can't afford much of anything.
God, I feel so cheated....