Stop ignoring it

[arascrazy]

I have to stop ignoring it. Okay so I have a tendency to block things out of my head if I know there's nothing I can do about them but, I just can't ignore what's happening at home anymore. I've been fighting back tears of anger since last week and trying to concentrate on theater things but even after just writing my last entry I sat here upset at myself for in a way hiding from myself and others what is going on and how much it has affected me. Demonstrations started over a week ago at home and have left over 60 people injured and something like 6 dead, all in my city, Caracas. Having to look at the place where I was born, grew up, studied, fell in love, where most of my family stills live, having to read about it in the news and wonder if one of the people hurt in the demonstrations is a friend or a cousin is devastating. Trying to adjust to the fact that I might not get to go home for another year and a half because of political unrest, knowing that by the time I get to go home another one of my dogs will probably be dead makes me so angry at myself. I haven't done anything to help. I am so freaking useles. All I do is sit in my room and cry and what good is that. My whole country is falling apart and I'm sitting in a country club school worried about whether or not I'll get to act in a stupid little show, worried about whether my boyfriend actually cares about me, worried about what I look like and wondering what I should have for lunch. It is ridiculous. But WHAT can I do?
It's not like I can take it in my hands to get rid of Chavez, it's not like I can change everything or anything. I feel like I have abandoned my home. I no longer can even call it home because my city has broken my heart. And I'll just go on ignoring the way it's tearing away at me.
That is all and I do not want sympathy.