Uncle Toby's Rant
Hey boys, just got back in from what do you call it now with the trains and the tracks and the rails, yes the Rails! Just got back in from the rails hopped on down from the northern jungles. Visiting a friend who lives up there, name of Emily. You boys know Emily up in the norther jungles there? Shame, beautiful young woman. Met her through a feller I knew back from the Draft. Name of Steve, gave me this little beaut right here (motions at scar on neck). That's an interesting story. We were training, you know they did train the draftees back in those days, but that was, pancakes, about fifty years ago now, wasn't it? Back in those days there was no real substitute for genuine millitary training, not like today they just throw kids out into the wars with no clue what weapon they're holding. What was I saying?
Steve?
Yes, yes, steve. Met him back in the draft, you know. Trained with him, used to spar. Where I got this beaut right here (indicates scar on neck). Or was it this one? (rubbing upper arm). In any event, Steve was a real gem. Always looked you in the eye, you know. Big problem with kids these days. Never look you in the eye. How can you have a conversation without eye contact? You boys are lucky I was around and raised you right. Couple of dumb kids like you, no offense, I used to be a dumb kid, too you know. Used to eat my pop's shoe polish back when I was his apprentice. Had to have my stomach pumped, you know. Looked like licorice, you know, which wasn't invented for a few mellenia after the fact, but time never did have a very strong grasp on my brain. But at any rate I uh... where was I?
Dumb Kids?
Right, couple Dumb kids like you, or like I used to be, used to eat my dad's shoe polish, you know, anyway, couple dumb kids like you could have met up with a real weirdo. Beleive me, there are plenty in this place. How do you think I got this beaut? (indicating scar on neck). Anyway, I was thinking of taking a trip up to the northern jungles, soon. Lovely area, ever been? Shame, you'll not have met my lovely young friend up that area. Emily she's going by these days. About your age boys. Met her through an old draft buddy of mine. Name of Steve? You ever hear about how I got this beaut? (indicates scar on neck)
Once or twice, Uncle Toby.
Yeah, well I tell ya. I'm Uncle Toby to half the Multiverse, and I love it.
Steve?
Yes, yes, steve. Met him back in the draft, you know. Trained with him, used to spar. Where I got this beaut right here (indicates scar on neck). Or was it this one? (rubbing upper arm). In any event, Steve was a real gem. Always looked you in the eye, you know. Big problem with kids these days. Never look you in the eye. How can you have a conversation without eye contact? You boys are lucky I was around and raised you right. Couple of dumb kids like you, no offense, I used to be a dumb kid, too you know. Used to eat my pop's shoe polish back when I was his apprentice. Had to have my stomach pumped, you know. Looked like licorice, you know, which wasn't invented for a few mellenia after the fact, but time never did have a very strong grasp on my brain. But at any rate I uh... where was I?
Dumb Kids?
Right, couple Dumb kids like you, or like I used to be, used to eat my dad's shoe polish, you know, anyway, couple dumb kids like you could have met up with a real weirdo. Beleive me, there are plenty in this place. How do you think I got this beaut? (indicating scar on neck). Anyway, I was thinking of taking a trip up to the northern jungles, soon. Lovely area, ever been? Shame, you'll not have met my lovely young friend up that area. Emily she's going by these days. About your age boys. Met her through an old draft buddy of mine. Name of Steve? You ever hear about how I got this beaut? (indicates scar on neck)
Once or twice, Uncle Toby.
Yeah, well I tell ya. I'm Uncle Toby to half the Multiverse, and I love it.