Chapter VIII: You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake
Guide Questions:
1. Describe changes that you have observed in yourself as a result of maturation both expected and unexpected. (Anu-ano ang pagbabagong napansin niyo sa sarili niyo gawa ng pagtanda? Isali ang mga pagbabagong inaasahan at ang mga hindi inaasahan).
2. Describe the changes in your personality, memory and psychological state. How did you adapt to these changes? (Anu-ano ang mga pagbabago sa iyong katauhan, damdamin, at pag-gugunita. Anu-ano ang ginagawa ninyo na masasabing paraan para masanay o mapagaan ang mga napansing pagbabago?)
3. Describe the social changes such as roles that you have experienced in maturation. How did you adapt to these changes? (Anu-ano ang pagbabago ng mga papel na ginagampanan sa buhay habang tumatanda? Paano mo tinanggap o ginampanan ang mga pagbabagong papel na ito?)
I tried my best in imbibing each of these interview guide questions in the essay, but I constantly failed. After reading it, it seemed more of a blog post than a school requirement.
Lastly, I posted this for the sake of posting something, and so I have something to laugh at, four years from now.
You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake
an essay on aging
Armando Balasbas
UPCM 2013
I have never lost someone yet.
In my nineteen years, I have never gone to a funeral yet. I’ve never seen a dead relative. I’ve never worn that small black rectangle that’s pinned on shirts. At first thought you might probably be thinking of how lucky I am to have never felt loss of a certain loved one. But that fact actually scares me since I have no idea about what I would feel if ever such a time comes. Would I be the person who’d yell and create animal noises in front of the coffin? Would I be the person who’d lock himself in his room crying under a pillow? Would I even have the strength to attend the funeral? Would I be able to move on with my life? I have no idea. I have no idea at all.
When I was born, both my grandfathers were already gone. My mom’s mom is in the province, so I only see her once a year, when we go to Abra during Holy Week. My dad’s mom on the other hand is living just next to our house. Our house, my lola’s house, and some of my uncles’ houses are all in one compound, behind one gate. And during my childhood, I remember often hanging out at my lola’s place since it served as the “common area” for me and my cousins. My lola had a huge influence on our growth as children. Sometimes we grandchildren even feel our lola loves us more than our parents (her own children).
Being the only grandchild to have entered Philippine Science and UP (a dream of my lola for each grandchild, which was always consecutively shattered), I have been her favourite. That I don’t just assume. I really am her favourite, believe me. She even announces that in parties, after making me recite the poems my lolo wrote for her. She even constantly comes to our house (she does this up to now) to bring me (me alone, none for my other siblings) food and pasalubong. I even remember a time when my lola was infuriated when she saw someone watching TV in her house (since she forbade us grandchildren from watching TV when there’s classes the next day). But when she came closer to the couch and saw me, she immediately said “Ah okay lang, ikaw pala yung nanonood.” That event still leaves me laughing hard even just thinking of it. Hahaha!
Through the years, as she saw us grow right in front of her eyes, my lola sometimes felt like she’s being left behind by time. She laughs at telenovelas that captivated the maids, claiming these shows were just foolishness. She picks up every centavo she sees on the ground. She finds a lot of “young” stuff very confusing. She even asked me once, “Dingdong, ano ba ang ibig sabihin ng phrase na wala lang? palaging sinasabi ng mga pinsan mo…” And you know what I replied to her? I simply said, “Wala lang.” Obviously, definition failed. But whatever, she still loves me anyway, haha.
My lola is turning 87 this September. And she’s not bedridden at all. I am even more bedridden than her! She wakes up so early in the morning, she cleans her house, she sweeps fallen leaves outside and burns them after, and for some unknown reason, she LOVES fixing other people’s stuff. She sometimes even cleans my room without my knowledge (and permission)! I constantly tell her, “Lalang, at your age, you should be just resting and relaxing, hayaan mo na sila Manang ang gumawa niyan.” But she never listens, fixing is something she likes doing and that it’s a form of relaxation for her, she claims. Well of course I can’t lock her up in a room to prevent her from fixing things (since she’ll end up fixing that prison anyways). If she really enjoys fixing, then whatever. Who knows, it may actually be the secret to her longevity!
One funny thing about my lola, is that when she “preaches” to us grandchildren about values, virtues and all those shiz, she always uses the same story, all over again. That story where my lolo was “rated genius by the Americans” blah blah blah. That story was engraved in my mind so much already that I can probably tell that story backwards underwater! I don’t know if she knows that we’ve already heard that story bazillion times and she just wants to purposefully annoy us, or maybe she forgets she already has told us that. I asked the maids in her household and they unanimously claimed my lola was already very “makakalimutin.” Well, she forgets just recent or immediate memory, like what she ate yesterday, or where she placed the remote, etc. The long term ones are still intact. God I’ll be really sad if the point comes when she forgets who I am.
I’m sure you’ve heard of evil monster-in-law’s who are very protective of their own children and would never seem to accept whoever their children would marry. My lola is definitely one of them. Yes, she interferes a lot when it comes to the families of her children (I guess that’s why we are all in her compound). That’s the hardest social change she had experienced in aging, or forced to experience as she claims. She loves her sons and daughters so much that it was really hard for her to let them go.
Letting go. If you love someone, you should learn to let them go. Yep, I’ve heard that thousand times before. But is that as easily said as done? When that time comes, could I actually let go of the people I love? After the interview, I hugged my lola hard. I realized a lot of things. To live life to the fullest, to not hesitate to speak your mind, to do whatever you enjoy doing, to show your loved ones how much you love them. Because people change. People age. People grow wrinkles, people lose memories. It’s part of the package called Human Development. But there are still things in life that should never change. And one of them is our love for our grandparents. Because no matter how many decades pass, the cake still costs more than the candles.
1. Describe changes that you have observed in yourself as a result of maturation both expected and unexpected. (Anu-ano ang pagbabagong napansin niyo sa sarili niyo gawa ng pagtanda? Isali ang mga pagbabagong inaasahan at ang mga hindi inaasahan).
2. Describe the changes in your personality, memory and psychological state. How did you adapt to these changes? (Anu-ano ang mga pagbabago sa iyong katauhan, damdamin, at pag-gugunita. Anu-ano ang ginagawa ninyo na masasabing paraan para masanay o mapagaan ang mga napansing pagbabago?)
3. Describe the social changes such as roles that you have experienced in maturation. How did you adapt to these changes? (Anu-ano ang pagbabago ng mga papel na ginagampanan sa buhay habang tumatanda? Paano mo tinanggap o ginampanan ang mga pagbabagong papel na ito?)
I tried my best in imbibing each of these interview guide questions in the essay, but I constantly failed. After reading it, it seemed more of a blog post than a school requirement.
Lastly, I posted this for the sake of posting something, and so I have something to laugh at, four years from now.
You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake
an essay on aging
Armando Balasbas
UPCM 2013
I have never lost someone yet.
In my nineteen years, I have never gone to a funeral yet. I’ve never seen a dead relative. I’ve never worn that small black rectangle that’s pinned on shirts. At first thought you might probably be thinking of how lucky I am to have never felt loss of a certain loved one. But that fact actually scares me since I have no idea about what I would feel if ever such a time comes. Would I be the person who’d yell and create animal noises in front of the coffin? Would I be the person who’d lock himself in his room crying under a pillow? Would I even have the strength to attend the funeral? Would I be able to move on with my life? I have no idea. I have no idea at all.
When I was born, both my grandfathers were already gone. My mom’s mom is in the province, so I only see her once a year, when we go to Abra during Holy Week. My dad’s mom on the other hand is living just next to our house. Our house, my lola’s house, and some of my uncles’ houses are all in one compound, behind one gate. And during my childhood, I remember often hanging out at my lola’s place since it served as the “common area” for me and my cousins. My lola had a huge influence on our growth as children. Sometimes we grandchildren even feel our lola loves us more than our parents (her own children).
Being the only grandchild to have entered Philippine Science and UP (a dream of my lola for each grandchild, which was always consecutively shattered), I have been her favourite. That I don’t just assume. I really am her favourite, believe me. She even announces that in parties, after making me recite the poems my lolo wrote for her. She even constantly comes to our house (she does this up to now) to bring me (me alone, none for my other siblings) food and pasalubong. I even remember a time when my lola was infuriated when she saw someone watching TV in her house (since she forbade us grandchildren from watching TV when there’s classes the next day). But when she came closer to the couch and saw me, she immediately said “Ah okay lang, ikaw pala yung nanonood.” That event still leaves me laughing hard even just thinking of it. Hahaha!
Through the years, as she saw us grow right in front of her eyes, my lola sometimes felt like she’s being left behind by time. She laughs at telenovelas that captivated the maids, claiming these shows were just foolishness. She picks up every centavo she sees on the ground. She finds a lot of “young” stuff very confusing. She even asked me once, “Dingdong, ano ba ang ibig sabihin ng phrase na wala lang? palaging sinasabi ng mga pinsan mo…” And you know what I replied to her? I simply said, “Wala lang.” Obviously, definition failed. But whatever, she still loves me anyway, haha.
My lola is turning 87 this September. And she’s not bedridden at all. I am even more bedridden than her! She wakes up so early in the morning, she cleans her house, she sweeps fallen leaves outside and burns them after, and for some unknown reason, she LOVES fixing other people’s stuff. She sometimes even cleans my room without my knowledge (and permission)! I constantly tell her, “Lalang, at your age, you should be just resting and relaxing, hayaan mo na sila Manang ang gumawa niyan.” But she never listens, fixing is something she likes doing and that it’s a form of relaxation for her, she claims. Well of course I can’t lock her up in a room to prevent her from fixing things (since she’ll end up fixing that prison anyways). If she really enjoys fixing, then whatever. Who knows, it may actually be the secret to her longevity!
One funny thing about my lola, is that when she “preaches” to us grandchildren about values, virtues and all those shiz, she always uses the same story, all over again. That story where my lolo was “rated genius by the Americans” blah blah blah. That story was engraved in my mind so much already that I can probably tell that story backwards underwater! I don’t know if she knows that we’ve already heard that story bazillion times and she just wants to purposefully annoy us, or maybe she forgets she already has told us that. I asked the maids in her household and they unanimously claimed my lola was already very “makakalimutin.” Well, she forgets just recent or immediate memory, like what she ate yesterday, or where she placed the remote, etc. The long term ones are still intact. God I’ll be really sad if the point comes when she forgets who I am.
I’m sure you’ve heard of evil monster-in-law’s who are very protective of their own children and would never seem to accept whoever their children would marry. My lola is definitely one of them. Yes, she interferes a lot when it comes to the families of her children (I guess that’s why we are all in her compound). That’s the hardest social change she had experienced in aging, or forced to experience as she claims. She loves her sons and daughters so much that it was really hard for her to let them go.
Letting go. If you love someone, you should learn to let them go. Yep, I’ve heard that thousand times before. But is that as easily said as done? When that time comes, could I actually let go of the people I love? After the interview, I hugged my lola hard. I realized a lot of things. To live life to the fullest, to not hesitate to speak your mind, to do whatever you enjoy doing, to show your loved ones how much you love them. Because people change. People age. People grow wrinkles, people lose memories. It’s part of the package called Human Development. But there are still things in life that should never change. And one of them is our love for our grandparents. Because no matter how many decades pass, the cake still costs more than the candles.