(no subject)
This is kinda down in the dumps venting, hormones go a little crazy when I'm off-balance health-wise.
There are times when I feel like I've run out of things to keep going for. Times when all that keeps me going is the fact that I don't know how to stop. I watch as friends move on into strangeness and wonder what it is about me that keeps me locked in place. When it feels like you're screaming but no-one listens enough to care.
There was a time when that didn't matter. I was me, all the validation and affirmation I needed. Back then, I was complete in myself without needing other people's approval and support. Then it changed and I started to listen to other people, let them closer and accept that they move away in time.
But more and more I wonder, is there some way out there that means we can move on together? Some middle ground that we can both share without resentment, without regret? And am I the only one who wants to keep the friendship going enough to try?
I miss being able to talk about wierd, messed-up things. I miss being able to talk to a friend about numbers for two hours and have both of us coming out happy. I miss being able to say things that I don't have words for and knowing that they were understood.
I miss being wanted.
There are times when I feel like I've run out of things to keep going for. Times when all that keeps me going is the fact that I don't know how to stop. I watch as friends move on into strangeness and wonder what it is about me that keeps me locked in place. When it feels like you're screaming but no-one listens enough to care.
There was a time when that didn't matter. I was me, all the validation and affirmation I needed. Back then, I was complete in myself without needing other people's approval and support. Then it changed and I started to listen to other people, let them closer and accept that they move away in time.
But more and more I wonder, is there some way out there that means we can move on together? Some middle ground that we can both share without resentment, without regret? And am I the only one who wants to keep the friendship going enough to try?
I miss being able to talk about wierd, messed-up things. I miss being able to talk to a friend about numbers for two hours and have both of us coming out happy. I miss being able to say things that I don't have words for and knowing that they were understood.
I miss being wanted.