(no subject)
Time to update, it's been awhile!
First of all, recent books (as I enjoy documenting). Finished I AM AMERICA, AND SO CAN YOU! which was fun. Ishmael was before that, I'm pretty sure. Last night, I read a shortish story called Jonathan Livingston Seagull which my grandma had sent me. A cute story with the motiving theme to follow your heart even if it's against the crowd. Currently, I'm reading something really random: Born Standing Up, Steve Martin's (auto)biography. Thus far, an honest look at someone who is always "on" from a humbling point of view. I like it.
Next: relationship status. Uh, I accidentally went on a date (!) on Saturday! Who would have known that I could actually do that? First off, I wasn't aware that I was really date-able, and secondly, I'm not ready to date! It occurred to me that I've never really been on a "date" like that, where I'm not just under the pretense of either hanging out or being in a relationship already. While it was flattering, I have absolutely no attraction to the guy. Unfortunately, he still is texting me (has the last 2 nights) asking me what I'm doing the next day, to which I keep stalling. If you want to know more about how things went and how it was an "accident", ask me in person. :)
Continued relationship status update: So, after I broke up with Chris in February, there was the 3 week period of time where I felt fine about things. Since that point, there hasn't been a day that I've felt good about my decision. I can see the good, I can logically remember why I did it, but my heart still pretty much solely belongs to him. He, however, has no desire to get back together (not that we could anyway) and has really made great progress as a single person. I'm at the point where I don't need him, and I'd go so far as to say I'm even happy when I'm not talking with him, but still think of him a majority of the day.
It's not that I want to get back together with him, and therein lies my confusion. When we've gotten together, I've either lost it (being INCREDIBLY dependent and acting like a 4 year old) or we end up hurting each other more. I want to be with him, but I think I get caught in this trap of thinking that it will in some way resemble what we had. The connection is still there in an irresistible way, but the confidence is broken- the trust is all but gone. Because of that, I find his complaints strangely annoying in a way that I don't remember... I'm feeling a bit detached. Still, I can see myself with no one else at this point, and constantly desire the comfort that he (still) gives.
Daytime activities: I have jury duty! I find this to be really exciting and interesting considering I have no job. :) I'm actually a juror on a case, today being the first day of trial. I officially started jury duty last Monday, and now this is week 2. The case is a criminal case involving a homicide, but I can't really get into any specifics until the case is over. All I'll say is that I heard from like 11 witnesses today, including a weapons expert, a coroner, and a convicted felon currently serving time. I also saw autopsy photos, which was quite fascinating. I'm writing this part in because I want to be able to remember what has happened a year, five years, from now because it's honestly fascinating.
Last thing I'll write for now- I've really enjoyed getting to see friends lately. It's been a great time, those of you who have gone on adventures, spent late nights, house-sat, gotten coffee, and whatever else we've done. I feel loved.
First of all, recent books (as I enjoy documenting). Finished I AM AMERICA, AND SO CAN YOU! which was fun. Ishmael was before that, I'm pretty sure. Last night, I read a shortish story called Jonathan Livingston Seagull which my grandma had sent me. A cute story with the motiving theme to follow your heart even if it's against the crowd. Currently, I'm reading something really random: Born Standing Up, Steve Martin's (auto)biography. Thus far, an honest look at someone who is always "on" from a humbling point of view. I like it.
Next: relationship status. Uh, I accidentally went on a date (!) on Saturday! Who would have known that I could actually do that? First off, I wasn't aware that I was really date-able, and secondly, I'm not ready to date! It occurred to me that I've never really been on a "date" like that, where I'm not just under the pretense of either hanging out or being in a relationship already. While it was flattering, I have absolutely no attraction to the guy. Unfortunately, he still is texting me (has the last 2 nights) asking me what I'm doing the next day, to which I keep stalling. If you want to know more about how things went and how it was an "accident", ask me in person. :)
Continued relationship status update: So, after I broke up with Chris in February, there was the 3 week period of time where I felt fine about things. Since that point, there hasn't been a day that I've felt good about my decision. I can see the good, I can logically remember why I did it, but my heart still pretty much solely belongs to him. He, however, has no desire to get back together (not that we could anyway) and has really made great progress as a single person. I'm at the point where I don't need him, and I'd go so far as to say I'm even happy when I'm not talking with him, but still think of him a majority of the day.
It's not that I want to get back together with him, and therein lies my confusion. When we've gotten together, I've either lost it (being INCREDIBLY dependent and acting like a 4 year old) or we end up hurting each other more. I want to be with him, but I think I get caught in this trap of thinking that it will in some way resemble what we had. The connection is still there in an irresistible way, but the confidence is broken- the trust is all but gone. Because of that, I find his complaints strangely annoying in a way that I don't remember... I'm feeling a bit detached. Still, I can see myself with no one else at this point, and constantly desire the comfort that he (still) gives.
Daytime activities: I have jury duty! I find this to be really exciting and interesting considering I have no job. :) I'm actually a juror on a case, today being the first day of trial. I officially started jury duty last Monday, and now this is week 2. The case is a criminal case involving a homicide, but I can't really get into any specifics until the case is over. All I'll say is that I heard from like 11 witnesses today, including a weapons expert, a coroner, and a convicted felon currently serving time. I also saw autopsy photos, which was quite fascinating. I'm writing this part in because I want to be able to remember what has happened a year, five years, from now because it's honestly fascinating.
Last thing I'll write for now- I've really enjoyed getting to see friends lately. It's been a great time, those of you who have gone on adventures, spent late nights, house-sat, gotten coffee, and whatever else we've done. I feel loved.