Feb 07, 2006 00:08
Tonight we went to the Collier county fair and bought a serape blanket that is so beautiful it almost hurts to look at. We were walking around, Juan and I, and it occurred to me that I am too negative and uptight. While Juan was going "Hey, look at this, check out those people who are having fun doing this-and-that, it's so cool to be able to hang out here tonight", etc, I was thinking of much more critical things (critical as in criticizing others, not critical like more important). "Look at all this consumeristic crap." "All these neat animals in teeny tiny cages, that sucks." "I can't believe anyone thinks airbrush is cool." "Those people are idiots, they just paid to win a giant Scooby-Doo." Whatta fucking drag! Even if some of the thoughts were justified that still doesn't mean I'd hang out with myself if given the chance. What does it mean that I can't chill out? The same thing happened two months ago at the fair in Immokalee with Brigitte and Romeo.
Maybe it just means the country fair is no place for me.
Funny story, though. On Sunday at the Fort Myers Barnes and Nobles I spotted and pointed out a biography of George W. Bush. His face was featured grandly on the cover in an up-shot, eyes distant, somehow making him appear almost visionary. I laughingly said "Mira! Un libro sobre el pinche 'presidente' Bush." Juan peered at the offending object for a minute and then, forgetting we weren't in Immokalee, said quite loudly "Oooh...fuck you!" to the picture on the cover. He looked around proudly waiting for me to praise his English, and a soccer mom glared at us like we'd just slaughtered kittens. I had to gently remind Juan that we were in coversative territory, that people in Fort Myers are wealthy and fragile and somehow not used to hearing the words "fuck you", and, moreover, they might arrest us for saying those words near a book about the president.
The new serape still smells like fair animals. I hate to wash it. Maybe tonight I will get to dream of goats. Was just reading Angelo's post and feeling grateful that there are men out there who are keeping themselves clued in. Thank you for that. If I take anything away from this evening it will be that reminder. And now it is time for a shot of whisky, and then hopefully some sleep.