Well, that's...not how I expected this day to go
You guys, I have a GINORMOUS Escapade con report written that's just been sitting there waiting for me to proofread it and add some links, but I just can't seem to get myself to do that last little bit of work, and then I got locked into the thing where I'm not allowed to post anything else until I post the damn con report, and that's how it's been going.
But fuck that because a very strange thing happened to me this morning.
I got attacked by a dog! I am okay! But also kind of not? And it's the middle of the day, but I'm home from work, and I live alone, and everyone else in the world is at work, and I called and talked to my mom, but I'm kind of still freaked out and processing. So con report will wait, I need to get some of this shit out. Truly feel free not to read if it might be upsetting to you! It was/is upsetting to me, and I understand!
One of the bus routes I can take to work lets me off about a 10-15 minute walk up a hill from my job, through a residential neighborhood. People are often out walking their dogs in the morning. It's also a neighborhood where I've seen a lot of kids around in the evenings when I walk down to the bus. I walk this route probably 2-3 times a week, at least.
This morning, as I turned onto a side street connecting two main streets, I saw a woman ahead walking her large St. Bernard-like dog. Maybe a St. Bernard, maybe a mix. She was on the sidewalk and the dog was in the grassy part beside her. It was on a leash. They were just walking along. I came up behind and on the right of the woman, the dog turned, and it just lunged at me. It happened so fast, no warning. I have an image in my mind of it coming at me, and then the dog's jaws were literally locked in my belly. It lasted long enough that I distinctly remembering thinking, "Oh my god, what if it doesn't let go, how do you get it to let go???" She finally pulled it off me, and then it latched onto the scarf I had wrapped around my neck, so I had to scramble to try to untwist the scarf before it started to choke me.
Um, yeah, so that happened. She got it away from me, finally, and I just kind of stood there in shock. I looked at my belly and saw the bite, and there were, you know, teeth marks and everything, but it was so fresh it looked like it had just kind of scraped the skin, and I could feel myself starting to panic and go into shock, and I just suddenly really needed to get the hell out of there. The owner apologized a bunch of times, she said something about me coming up from behind her was what triggered the dog. I remember telling her that I didn't think it broke the skin, and I thought I was physically okay, but I was starting to freak out, and I needed to go. Man, I'm not smart when I've just been attacked by a dog. Yes, I believe I will just wander off into the neighborhood alone while I go into shock and try not to have a panic attack.
So, this neighbor guy comes out of one of the apartments above us to ask if everyone is okay, and I kind of repeat myself while I bend over and try to breathe and not hyperventilate, and apparently they believe that I'm okay because I...left. She never gave me her name, or any information, and I guess I'm really good at acting like I'm not starting to have a panic attack or something. Even though I had definitely started crying as I walked away, and I was panting and sobbing and shaking by the time I got to the end of the street.
I walked the four or five blocks to work like that, and I should note here that I work at a hospital, but I went to my office in the building across from the main campus instead of to the ER or even Employee Health. I felt it was very important that I go tell my supervisor what had happened and that I probably needed to miss work and go to Employee Health or something. Very smart! She wasn't there, but when I walked in hyperventilating and sobbing, my coworkers promptly and awesomely took charge of the situation.
One of them went to the ER with me, which was so nice, having somebody there to help me figure out what was going on while I continued to try to calm down, but mostly failed at that. I give the ER staff at my hospital full credit for how kind and great they all were. I basically cried steadily for the entire hour and a half I was there, and I know I babbled some shit that was overly emotionally revealing and also may not have actually made sense to anyone who isn't me.
I'm not the world's biggest fan of hospitals? And I have doctor anxiety on a good day. And I think my default mode in situations where I'm freaking out and people have to help me is to acknowledge to them over and over that I know it's not really that bad, but I'm just freaking out, and also, hey, thanks so much for helping me and being so kind and patient, and you're all just great, and I'm just freaking out, so it's okay, and I'm okay, really. And this situation brought the extra weird and awkward (to me, at least, inside my head while it was happening) because I work in healthcare, at a hospital, so I feel that I shouldn't have all the doctor/hospital anxiety? And then I have anxiety over whether they're judging me for having this anxiety and also working in healthcare? *sigh*
Anyway, thankfully the bite was superficial enough that they didn't even give me antibiotics--just cleaned it well, gave me a tetanus shot, and sent me home with an ice pack for the bruising. And it is bruising, boy howdy. Along with a couple long teeth scrapes, there are several shallow punctures, but only one that they were at all concerned about, so I'm keeping an especially close eye on that one.
My coworker waited in the ER for me and came with me to Employee Health. We have this great policy where staff can get sent home in a cab for free if they have to go home sick during the day and don't have a convenient way to get there. The Employee Health nurse was so, so awesome. She set me up with the cab voucher, helped me figure out how to file a report with animal control, helped me google the breed of dog, and then used google maps and street view to help me find the exact location where it happened and the address on the building it happened in front of. She also took a picture of the injury for me and emailed it to me. So above and beyond! Then my coworker waited in the lobby with me for the cab. Man, I don't love a lot of things about my job, but I do work with some really good people.
I got a call back from an animal control officer after I got home, so I gave the best statement I could. I apologized to about five different people today for not getting any information from the owner, even though I know I was doing the best I could in the moment. But they're going to investigate and patrol for ten days and issue a citation if they can locate the owner.
I'm still having a hard time letting myself be mad at the owner. I remember trying to reassure her right afterwards, even as I could feel everything going weird in that shocky way, but I remember telling her that it was okay, I knew it wasn't her fault. Um, what? Why in the fucking world is that my first impulse in this situation??? I think I just really, really wanted to get away, go, get somewhere safe and familiar where there would be people who knew what to do because, um, WTF I JUST GOT ATTACKED BY A DOG. Also, I have issues with always making sure everybody else knows that nothing they do, especially anything that might have hurt me, was actually their fault. *double sigh*
I also have such a confusing, mixed up jumble of feelings about being a narc, basically. Growing up hippie counter-culture, but also growing up poor in general, getting "the system" involved is rarely a good thing. The system is intrusive, and often arbitrarily unfair when it's not being intentionally unfair, and no one really wants to help you, they just want to control you and shame you. Like, I feel guilty that I basically told her I knew it wasn't her fault, and it was fine, and then I called the cops on her. You just don't call the cops on people in my world.
But I am mad. Because I walk through that neighborhood all the time, and kids play in that neighborhood, and I have a hard time believing this is the first time that dog has shown aggressive behavior that the owner couldn't control. Also, who doesn't give information in a situation like that?? And I was just going to work! I was just walking to work in order to go to work and have a normal day at work! Not to get attacked by a dog!
I think I'm also kind of mad at, like, society. Because I walked through the streets of my city sobbing for blocks, and no one asked if I was okay or tried to help me. Of course, because I'm me, I probably would have reassured them that I was, and walked off again. I kind of vaguely remember giving someone the "I'm okay" hand wave as I passed by and made eye contact.
Anyway, I'm home now, and I've had two cups of herbal tea, and I think the waves of panic and tears have finally stopped coming, and now I'm just exhausted from fighting back the panic for hours. Oh, and also from getting bitten by a big dog.
So I think I will go lie in bed with my kindle and read Teen Wolf fic until I fall asleep. Guys, Teen Wolf. TEEN WOLF. OMG. It has eaten my brain, which is great because that Suits fling didn't last very long, and it's a long time until we get new Sherlock or another Avengers movie.
[This entry was originally posted at http://arallara.dreamwidth.org/170172.html. For now, please comment in either journal, but I encourage you to use OpenID at Dreamwidth--it's super easy! What is an OpenID account?.]
But fuck that because a very strange thing happened to me this morning.
I got attacked by a dog! I am okay! But also kind of not? And it's the middle of the day, but I'm home from work, and I live alone, and everyone else in the world is at work, and I called and talked to my mom, but I'm kind of still freaked out and processing. So con report will wait, I need to get some of this shit out. Truly feel free not to read if it might be upsetting to you! It was/is upsetting to me, and I understand!
One of the bus routes I can take to work lets me off about a 10-15 minute walk up a hill from my job, through a residential neighborhood. People are often out walking their dogs in the morning. It's also a neighborhood where I've seen a lot of kids around in the evenings when I walk down to the bus. I walk this route probably 2-3 times a week, at least.
This morning, as I turned onto a side street connecting two main streets, I saw a woman ahead walking her large St. Bernard-like dog. Maybe a St. Bernard, maybe a mix. She was on the sidewalk and the dog was in the grassy part beside her. It was on a leash. They were just walking along. I came up behind and on the right of the woman, the dog turned, and it just lunged at me. It happened so fast, no warning. I have an image in my mind of it coming at me, and then the dog's jaws were literally locked in my belly. It lasted long enough that I distinctly remembering thinking, "Oh my god, what if it doesn't let go, how do you get it to let go???" She finally pulled it off me, and then it latched onto the scarf I had wrapped around my neck, so I had to scramble to try to untwist the scarf before it started to choke me.
Um, yeah, so that happened. She got it away from me, finally, and I just kind of stood there in shock. I looked at my belly and saw the bite, and there were, you know, teeth marks and everything, but it was so fresh it looked like it had just kind of scraped the skin, and I could feel myself starting to panic and go into shock, and I just suddenly really needed to get the hell out of there. The owner apologized a bunch of times, she said something about me coming up from behind her was what triggered the dog. I remember telling her that I didn't think it broke the skin, and I thought I was physically okay, but I was starting to freak out, and I needed to go. Man, I'm not smart when I've just been attacked by a dog. Yes, I believe I will just wander off into the neighborhood alone while I go into shock and try not to have a panic attack.
So, this neighbor guy comes out of one of the apartments above us to ask if everyone is okay, and I kind of repeat myself while I bend over and try to breathe and not hyperventilate, and apparently they believe that I'm okay because I...left. She never gave me her name, or any information, and I guess I'm really good at acting like I'm not starting to have a panic attack or something. Even though I had definitely started crying as I walked away, and I was panting and sobbing and shaking by the time I got to the end of the street.
I walked the four or five blocks to work like that, and I should note here that I work at a hospital, but I went to my office in the building across from the main campus instead of to the ER or even Employee Health. I felt it was very important that I go tell my supervisor what had happened and that I probably needed to miss work and go to Employee Health or something. Very smart! She wasn't there, but when I walked in hyperventilating and sobbing, my coworkers promptly and awesomely took charge of the situation.
One of them went to the ER with me, which was so nice, having somebody there to help me figure out what was going on while I continued to try to calm down, but mostly failed at that. I give the ER staff at my hospital full credit for how kind and great they all were. I basically cried steadily for the entire hour and a half I was there, and I know I babbled some shit that was overly emotionally revealing and also may not have actually made sense to anyone who isn't me.
I'm not the world's biggest fan of hospitals? And I have doctor anxiety on a good day. And I think my default mode in situations where I'm freaking out and people have to help me is to acknowledge to them over and over that I know it's not really that bad, but I'm just freaking out, and also, hey, thanks so much for helping me and being so kind and patient, and you're all just great, and I'm just freaking out, so it's okay, and I'm okay, really. And this situation brought the extra weird and awkward (to me, at least, inside my head while it was happening) because I work in healthcare, at a hospital, so I feel that I shouldn't have all the doctor/hospital anxiety? And then I have anxiety over whether they're judging me for having this anxiety and also working in healthcare? *sigh*
Anyway, thankfully the bite was superficial enough that they didn't even give me antibiotics--just cleaned it well, gave me a tetanus shot, and sent me home with an ice pack for the bruising. And it is bruising, boy howdy. Along with a couple long teeth scrapes, there are several shallow punctures, but only one that they were at all concerned about, so I'm keeping an especially close eye on that one.
My coworker waited in the ER for me and came with me to Employee Health. We have this great policy where staff can get sent home in a cab for free if they have to go home sick during the day and don't have a convenient way to get there. The Employee Health nurse was so, so awesome. She set me up with the cab voucher, helped me figure out how to file a report with animal control, helped me google the breed of dog, and then used google maps and street view to help me find the exact location where it happened and the address on the building it happened in front of. She also took a picture of the injury for me and emailed it to me. So above and beyond! Then my coworker waited in the lobby with me for the cab. Man, I don't love a lot of things about my job, but I do work with some really good people.
I got a call back from an animal control officer after I got home, so I gave the best statement I could. I apologized to about five different people today for not getting any information from the owner, even though I know I was doing the best I could in the moment. But they're going to investigate and patrol for ten days and issue a citation if they can locate the owner.
I'm still having a hard time letting myself be mad at the owner. I remember trying to reassure her right afterwards, even as I could feel everything going weird in that shocky way, but I remember telling her that it was okay, I knew it wasn't her fault. Um, what? Why in the fucking world is that my first impulse in this situation??? I think I just really, really wanted to get away, go, get somewhere safe and familiar where there would be people who knew what to do because, um, WTF I JUST GOT ATTACKED BY A DOG. Also, I have issues with always making sure everybody else knows that nothing they do, especially anything that might have hurt me, was actually their fault. *double sigh*
I also have such a confusing, mixed up jumble of feelings about being a narc, basically. Growing up hippie counter-culture, but also growing up poor in general, getting "the system" involved is rarely a good thing. The system is intrusive, and often arbitrarily unfair when it's not being intentionally unfair, and no one really wants to help you, they just want to control you and shame you. Like, I feel guilty that I basically told her I knew it wasn't her fault, and it was fine, and then I called the cops on her. You just don't call the cops on people in my world.
But I am mad. Because I walk through that neighborhood all the time, and kids play in that neighborhood, and I have a hard time believing this is the first time that dog has shown aggressive behavior that the owner couldn't control. Also, who doesn't give information in a situation like that?? And I was just going to work! I was just walking to work in order to go to work and have a normal day at work! Not to get attacked by a dog!
I think I'm also kind of mad at, like, society. Because I walked through the streets of my city sobbing for blocks, and no one asked if I was okay or tried to help me. Of course, because I'm me, I probably would have reassured them that I was, and walked off again. I kind of vaguely remember giving someone the "I'm okay" hand wave as I passed by and made eye contact.
Anyway, I'm home now, and I've had two cups of herbal tea, and I think the waves of panic and tears have finally stopped coming, and now I'm just exhausted from fighting back the panic for hours. Oh, and also from getting bitten by a big dog.
So I think I will go lie in bed with my kindle and read Teen Wolf fic until I fall asleep. Guys, Teen Wolf. TEEN WOLF. OMG. It has eaten my brain, which is great because that Suits fling didn't last very long, and it's a long time until we get new Sherlock or another Avengers movie.
[This entry was originally posted at http://arallara.dreamwidth.org/170172.html. For now, please comment in either journal, but I encourage you to use OpenID at Dreamwidth--it's super easy! What is an OpenID account?.]