A few good things to remember from masters of old...
"To give a person one's opinion and correct his faults is an important thing. It is compassionate and comes first in matters of service. But the way of doing this is extremely difficult. To discover the good and bad points of a person is an easy thing, and to give an opinion concerning them is easy, too. For the most part, people think that they are being kind by saying the things that others find distastful or difficult to say. But if it is not received well, they think that there is nothing more to be done. This is completely worthless. It is the same as bringing shame to a person by slandering him. It is nothing more than getting it off one's chest.
To give a person an opinion one must first judge well whether that person is of the disposition to receive it or not. One must become close with him and make sure that he continually trusts one's word. Approaching subjects that are dear to him, seek the best way to speak and to be well understood. Judge the occasion, and determine whether it is better by letter or at the time of leave-taking. Praise his good points and use every device to encourage him, perhaps by talking about one's own faults without touching on his, but so that they will occur to him. Have him receive this in the way that a man would drink water when his throat is dry, and it will be an opinion that will correct faults.
This is extremely difficult. If a person's fault is a habit of some years prior, by and large it won't be remedied. I have had this experience myself. To be intimate with all one's comrades, correcting each other's faults, and being of one mind to be of use to the master is the great compassion of a retainer. By bringing shame to a person, how could one expect to make him a better man?"
- Yamamoto Tsunetomo "Hagakure"
"Among warriors there are those who talk big and those who criticize; they seem similar, but it should be understood that they are very different.
Let me explain. Among warriors of old there were any number of knights who had gained a reputation for big talk. Even among the bannermen of the shogun there have been some big talkers. In their time, there were a handful of warriors known as big talkers in the establishment of the baronial houses in every province.
Those big talkers had all done distinguished military service time and again, and lacked nothing in terms of the warrior code; yet they were held back socially and professionally by the fact that they could sometimes be so stubborn that they could not serve as advisors. Their salaries and positions did not match up to their distinguished reputations, so they developed a "devil-may-care" attitude, saying whatever they wanted to, whenever they wished. And yet the overlords and their top councillors ignored them as beyond the pale, so they became more and more uninhibited, declaring people's virtues and vices without reserve or apology, big talkers for the rest of their lives.
As for the big talkers of today, they have never even donned a suit of armor, yet whenever they get together with their cronies they criticize their employer's management of the establishment, or the personnel policies of the board of directors; and besides that, they also gossip to their hearts' content about their peers and colleagues. People like this, morons who think they alone are the smart ones, are vastly different from the big talkers of ancient times. What they do should rather be called bad-mothing, or talking trash."
-"Bushido Sheshinsu", Big Talk and Criticism
"It is said that one will not be able to do great works if he does not behave with some reserve towards his master, the chief retainers and elders. What is done casually and freely will not work out well. It is a matter of attitude."
"The heart of a virtuous person has setteled down and he does not rush about at things. A person of little merit is not at pease but walks about making trouble and is in conflict with all."
"Shame and repentance are like upsetting a pot of water. When a certain friend of mine listened to the way that a man who had stolen his sword ornament confessed, he felt compassion. If one will rectify his mistakes, their traces will soon disappear."
-Yamanoto Tsunetomo "Hagakure"
To give a person an opinion one must first judge well whether that person is of the disposition to receive it or not. One must become close with him and make sure that he continually trusts one's word. Approaching subjects that are dear to him, seek the best way to speak and to be well understood. Judge the occasion, and determine whether it is better by letter or at the time of leave-taking. Praise his good points and use every device to encourage him, perhaps by talking about one's own faults without touching on his, but so that they will occur to him. Have him receive this in the way that a man would drink water when his throat is dry, and it will be an opinion that will correct faults.
This is extremely difficult. If a person's fault is a habit of some years prior, by and large it won't be remedied. I have had this experience myself. To be intimate with all one's comrades, correcting each other's faults, and being of one mind to be of use to the master is the great compassion of a retainer. By bringing shame to a person, how could one expect to make him a better man?"
- Yamamoto Tsunetomo "Hagakure"
"Among warriors there are those who talk big and those who criticize; they seem similar, but it should be understood that they are very different.
Let me explain. Among warriors of old there were any number of knights who had gained a reputation for big talk. Even among the bannermen of the shogun there have been some big talkers. In their time, there were a handful of warriors known as big talkers in the establishment of the baronial houses in every province.
Those big talkers had all done distinguished military service time and again, and lacked nothing in terms of the warrior code; yet they were held back socially and professionally by the fact that they could sometimes be so stubborn that they could not serve as advisors. Their salaries and positions did not match up to their distinguished reputations, so they developed a "devil-may-care" attitude, saying whatever they wanted to, whenever they wished. And yet the overlords and their top councillors ignored them as beyond the pale, so they became more and more uninhibited, declaring people's virtues and vices without reserve or apology, big talkers for the rest of their lives.
As for the big talkers of today, they have never even donned a suit of armor, yet whenever they get together with their cronies they criticize their employer's management of the establishment, or the personnel policies of the board of directors; and besides that, they also gossip to their hearts' content about their peers and colleagues. People like this, morons who think they alone are the smart ones, are vastly different from the big talkers of ancient times. What they do should rather be called bad-mothing, or talking trash."
-"Bushido Sheshinsu", Big Talk and Criticism
"It is said that one will not be able to do great works if he does not behave with some reserve towards his master, the chief retainers and elders. What is done casually and freely will not work out well. It is a matter of attitude."
"The heart of a virtuous person has setteled down and he does not rush about at things. A person of little merit is not at pease but walks about making trouble and is in conflict with all."
"Shame and repentance are like upsetting a pot of water. When a certain friend of mine listened to the way that a man who had stolen his sword ornament confessed, he felt compassion. If one will rectify his mistakes, their traces will soon disappear."
-Yamanoto Tsunetomo "Hagakure"