your soul has been sucked under
Having all this time off has got me a thinking. As i go on various car rides my mind is inundated with all these memories and feelings i have experienced throughout my life. The people who have molded, affected it.... Everything is spread out like one of those flow charts with each aspect being connected to another. and the colors just flash back in my mind... black, orangey brown, the sorta blue that shows up when its dusk, all those colors you correlate with memories of your existance. I want to embrace all these feelings and bask in them, celebrate them. But i feel as if they are just being decayed and gnawed away. The happiness that came with going to summer school and talking on the phone during my long commute, conversations that lasted into the wee hours of the morning, waking up to recieve 10 am phone calls, running at dusk, talking about the complexities of emotions/life, the happiness that infomericals brought in the summer time, the smell of honey suckles at night, spend the night parties that involved staying up all night, jumping on the trampolein.... just all those feelings that made you feel alive. Summer has a weird affect on me, i think its the one season that makes me so unappreciative of time... summer smothers you with time, but when its over you just wish you could have it all back. the tense and awkard feeling of wakeing up and having that feeling that you have something to do and somewhere to be. one always appreciates things more in retrospect.... things will never be the same again, and after the fact all you have left are those memories running through your mind as you go through life delving into new experiences that you will eventually take forgranted and miss in retrospect.