meat market
In a dream I had... the night before last,
I was walking in a big city park with Alex. Probably Golden Gate in 'frisco'<----*laughs*... We were discussing men and their insecurities. I expressed being baffled at how men who are so insecure, especially with reguards to women find such security in being self ritcheous, acusatory and mysogenistic... Alex pointed out that it was probably because they are insecure... he smirked and I half laughed... I said I understood and agreed that this was probably right, but pointed out that, that was what confused me so much. I'd think someone who was insecure would be more humble, show more humility, and have more respect if that was the case... I'd think they'd be more carefull and more quiet... but no... it seemed to me that it was almost exactly the opposite with many guys. Alex did his acknowledge with no comment thing and proceeded to set up a scenario to express the sentiment of a type of male insecurity. He asked if I (as some random girl) would ever consider going to a soda parlor (like from the 50's *dreams are weird*) with someone like him if he surpassed the insecurity he was trying to discuss with me and asked me to go with him. I said that (as some random girl I would have no problems with that) He seemed surprised at this and was like really? He explained that his feelings were that he was too old to be asking girls my age things like that, and I laughed hysterically that he would think that way while remembering men even twice HIS age who had no qualms with trying to get me into their cars when I was five years younger than I am now... This seemed to make him feel better about himself and I was glad of that. I felt like his thoughts that he was too old to be hanging out with girls my age was kind of dumb. I mean... If he was someone like Dale-do who was going after a girl who was 13 when he was 21 that would be one thing. But once a girl gets to 18 19 and 20, she may be naieve, but not nearly as much as when she was 13. Besides... by the time you hit 40 nobody gives a flying fuck anyway. You could be fourty with a 60 year old, you know what that is? That is like a 20 year old with an unborn fucking fedus... but it happens... and nobody calls you a cradle robber. Nobody cares. These thoughts made him laugh a little and he went on out to try this new found sense of semi-confidence on a pretty green eyed blonde he had been eyeing... I waved as they headed off to the soda parlor and laughed softly to myself shaking my head in dis-belief at the insecurity of perfectly honnest men with positive intentions as compared to fucking scum bags who have no insecurities, no self control, and no sense of honnorablility or care for other peoples feelings like Abr-ham and Dale-do and 'Zacharia' J.
As I walked on, I came to a group of men all sitting around on a patch of grass in the park, all proffessing loudly their dischord with women.
They all agreed loudly, while looking at me with percicution, that women were absolutely incorrigible. That all they cared about was money and materialism. They expressed this with such hostility while eyeing me, and I had just been in the mindframe of wondering why some men took such stances, that I stopped to speak with them and try to see if I could decern more.
I tried refuting their statement about women. I expressed that while I knew well that there were in fact such women, not all of them were as such and that in fact, many were not. They all scoffed over eagerly. Blew me off and wanted nothing else to do with a conversation with a women. One came through the crowd twards me though while the others turned their backs and huddled into their groups to roll their eyes openly. He started speaking to me the way John does when he has something to express to me that he doesn't really want to talk about, he just wants me to understand his views and accept them and listens intently to mine, so he can pick out only the things he can use to emphasise his own point and never considering my own more than to see if there is something in my statements he can use to disprove me and re-afirm his own veiws in order to persuade me that I am wrong and he is correct. Not speaking WITH me, only speaking to me as if to educate me, and not to hold a conversation. Almost patronizing, but with endless paitience... willing to go on for hours just to correct me. He spoke as if to enlighten me to the ways women treated men, as if that fact, the fact that there were women who treated men badly, changed and made irrelivant the absolutely hainous and halacious acts and crimes committed by men twards EVERYONE. But I didn't even bother to start such a conversation with this man. I didn't even bother to say that I believed whole heartedly that 100,000 years of negative treatment of men by women, socially and relationship wise and all the bullshit little bitch women have pulled against them, couldn't equal 100 years of the sadistic, evil, disgusting, self serving sick crimes and tretchory,comited by the male populus, almost exclusively, against not only women, but children of both sexes, and even other men. That the incredibly few women by comparison, who find their way into such sick gestures, are almost ALWAYS fuled by a history full of men just like that, and still are incomparable in number and grotesque motivation to the men committing such attrocities. & that as pathetic as all of that was on it's own, it was only made that much more pathetic by the fact that population wise, women out number men. I didn't bother to express that I was baffled every day by the thought that women signifigantly outnumber men on earth, yet most of the sick sadistic fucks in the past to present existance have been men, period. That everyone I had ever known personally, girl or boy, man or women who had been sexually and phisically abused had been so violated by a man, ALL OF THEM. I didn't bother to try and defend these thoughts that I didn't bother to say, by expressing that I felt like the overwealming evidence that men are the main perpatrators of violent horrifying sick and twisted crimes against all people of all races, sexes, nationalities, and ages, especially since they are not the dominent populus, should say something to the defense of defensive women without them having to defend themselves... I didn't express that I felt there should be credit given to those insecure about men that no one was willing to give them. Though it burned inside of me... as it ussually does...
I knew just by this mans posture... and from experiece with being ignored and sluffed off before, not just buy John, but many men, and sadly, even women with this kind of, here, 'let me tell you'kind of stance on the subject. I knew what I had to express would go right through him like arctic chill through a windbreaker... the only diffrence being that I knew also that he would feel none of it.
It pissed me off that here I was, standing here among these men, free to express their feelings and opinions on women, how they should all just be complacent, and as if they were all put into existance for the sheer pleasure of the oposite sex to muse over, as if they shouldn't be beings, people, with feelings and thoughts and opinions, and I was willing to listen and to talk about it and I didn't put any of them down for it immediately even if I felt like they all deserved a swift 'shit kicker' to the ass... and a smack in the face... Yet I knew that If I even attempted to express my own feelings, just express them... I would be met with such uproar, and be labeled a "ball busting feminist nazi bitch" and very likely a lesbian, that It wasn't even worth the satisfaction of trying to show that I would not just allow myself to be treated that way, that I would fight against it. It was so fucked up that men like this had support everywhere, even by other ignorant insecure women who admired such assholes, but women tring to express their share, were met with such absolute rejection by all. Cause even now, even in the 21 century, women are just supposed to shut up about their feelings and resentments and sentiments. Women arent supposed to have opinions and feeling that they express openly, and if they do they're immediately labeled feminist lesbians. Fucking bullshit.
The man talked through my silent burning thoughts probably thinking I was absorbing all his crap that apparently all the things men did to men women and children didn't matter and shouldn't matter simply because not every singe one of them was like that, and as if, being in a relationship with a woman who had feelings and thoughts and opinions, or one who was insensitive (most likely desensitised by some ass hole guy who came before), or just a plain honnest to goodness bitch for no apparent reason, or did somethig messed up like sleep with some other guy (gasp.. how horrific) was so SOOO terrible and was equal by comparison to a man raping and molesting a 12 year old girl then ripping her open from her crotch to her chest cavity and pulling out her heart to give to her parents then continuing to sexually assult her gushing corpse... (Wow... yeah... a cruel woman who breaks up with you to be with your best friend is so equal to that....*rolls eyes*) I didn't feel like being labeled the feminist bitch as I always am, so I just came back at this man with the same'Jhonny' aproach... and going beyond that, I even put myself in the hot seat by using my own feelings (carefully) as an example to express how his statements and genneralizations as well as those of his fellows didn't seem to me to be entirely unchalengable. They all had been proffessing that women were entirely vain and materialistic and that this was the reason they were all so consistantly rejected.
I begged to differ,
Explaining that though I knew nothing of the dating life that they were refering to, I myself, (being unfortunatly) a woman, knew that I did not admire men for their money or what they could give to me. I expressed that though I did enjoy my inanimate collections, A man's contribution of others to them, was not what caused me to enjoy his company.
He shook his head in disbelief with a slightly exhasperated sigh and procceeded with an example of his own, set to, as I suspected, point out through intricate examples that I was exactly what I was being accused of and that I should just aknowledge him.
He motioned to the patch of grass with all of these bitter men on it, all shapes sizes ages and races, most of them less than tactfull and all hugely unrefined. All with the same attitudes. As he did they all looked up at the both of us and listened because now there was a man speaking. The man smiled knowingly, as if he was certain he was about to catch me in a rut I could not possibly deny. He asked me if I would ever 'date' any of them. Truth be told, looking at their predjuduce, percicuting, gilted faces while genuinely trying to consider his question with as much as I understood about this proccess of 'dating' that he was reffering to,something I have never officially done, I was very detoured as he expected me to be.But I wanted to give it thorough and genuine consideration... and I realised, that what made them all mostly unapealing to me was in fact their attitudes, their statements, their gestures, their comments and accusations. Their contempt and the way that they glared at me with disgust because I was a women and I was trying to defend myself and they believed I had no reason to. It had nothing to do with how they looked, or what they were wearing or how old they were. It was their personalities. That whole, 'cut down the woman who tries to protect and defend herself rather than support her and defend her, thereby having to admit to the fact that there are in fact sick fucks among us and many many of them', kinds of signals and statements that such men exude... That was the reason they all seemed so appauling to me.
In regurgitating these thoughts I tried to explain to this man that looking at all of them couldn't tell me if I would 'date' them (whatever that entails exactly). It couldn't tell me if I would enjoy their company or if I could trust them and thereby feel comfortable with them. Money could not tell me these things either and neither could material things. It was their being, their personalities, their thoughts, and opinions it was their actions and their treatment of myself and others, those were the kinds of things that would tell me if I could or would 'date' them. That if in fact I found someone that I cared about deeply who seemed to care back that I felt I could trust who trusted me and all that jazz... Then no age(WFR), race creed, religion, sex, or what the fuck ever would or should matter. I told him it wouldn't matter to me. He brushed me off... labeling me incorrigible. Went back to his little gathering of men talking trash about women and now using me as a perfect example of what was wrong with them.
I sighed heavily and shruged, shaking my head as I walked away...
I woke up in a room full of little girls, whom I fear face a dismal future...
I was walking in a big city park with Alex. Probably Golden Gate in 'frisco'<----*laughs*... We were discussing men and their insecurities. I expressed being baffled at how men who are so insecure, especially with reguards to women find such security in being self ritcheous, acusatory and mysogenistic... Alex pointed out that it was probably because they are insecure... he smirked and I half laughed... I said I understood and agreed that this was probably right, but pointed out that, that was what confused me so much. I'd think someone who was insecure would be more humble, show more humility, and have more respect if that was the case... I'd think they'd be more carefull and more quiet... but no... it seemed to me that it was almost exactly the opposite with many guys. Alex did his acknowledge with no comment thing and proceeded to set up a scenario to express the sentiment of a type of male insecurity. He asked if I (as some random girl) would ever consider going to a soda parlor (like from the 50's *dreams are weird*) with someone like him if he surpassed the insecurity he was trying to discuss with me and asked me to go with him. I said that (as some random girl I would have no problems with that) He seemed surprised at this and was like really? He explained that his feelings were that he was too old to be asking girls my age things like that, and I laughed hysterically that he would think that way while remembering men even twice HIS age who had no qualms with trying to get me into their cars when I was five years younger than I am now... This seemed to make him feel better about himself and I was glad of that. I felt like his thoughts that he was too old to be hanging out with girls my age was kind of dumb. I mean... If he was someone like Dale-do who was going after a girl who was 13 when he was 21 that would be one thing. But once a girl gets to 18 19 and 20, she may be naieve, but not nearly as much as when she was 13. Besides... by the time you hit 40 nobody gives a flying fuck anyway. You could be fourty with a 60 year old, you know what that is? That is like a 20 year old with an unborn fucking fedus... but it happens... and nobody calls you a cradle robber. Nobody cares. These thoughts made him laugh a little and he went on out to try this new found sense of semi-confidence on a pretty green eyed blonde he had been eyeing... I waved as they headed off to the soda parlor and laughed softly to myself shaking my head in dis-belief at the insecurity of perfectly honnest men with positive intentions as compared to fucking scum bags who have no insecurities, no self control, and no sense of honnorablility or care for other peoples feelings like Abr-ham and Dale-do and 'Zacharia' J.
As I walked on, I came to a group of men all sitting around on a patch of grass in the park, all proffessing loudly their dischord with women.
They all agreed loudly, while looking at me with percicution, that women were absolutely incorrigible. That all they cared about was money and materialism. They expressed this with such hostility while eyeing me, and I had just been in the mindframe of wondering why some men took such stances, that I stopped to speak with them and try to see if I could decern more.
I tried refuting their statement about women. I expressed that while I knew well that there were in fact such women, not all of them were as such and that in fact, many were not. They all scoffed over eagerly. Blew me off and wanted nothing else to do with a conversation with a women. One came through the crowd twards me though while the others turned their backs and huddled into their groups to roll their eyes openly. He started speaking to me the way John does when he has something to express to me that he doesn't really want to talk about, he just wants me to understand his views and accept them and listens intently to mine, so he can pick out only the things he can use to emphasise his own point and never considering my own more than to see if there is something in my statements he can use to disprove me and re-afirm his own veiws in order to persuade me that I am wrong and he is correct. Not speaking WITH me, only speaking to me as if to educate me, and not to hold a conversation. Almost patronizing, but with endless paitience... willing to go on for hours just to correct me. He spoke as if to enlighten me to the ways women treated men, as if that fact, the fact that there were women who treated men badly, changed and made irrelivant the absolutely hainous and halacious acts and crimes committed by men twards EVERYONE. But I didn't even bother to start such a conversation with this man. I didn't even bother to say that I believed whole heartedly that 100,000 years of negative treatment of men by women, socially and relationship wise and all the bullshit little bitch women have pulled against them, couldn't equal 100 years of the sadistic, evil, disgusting, self serving sick crimes and tretchory,comited by the male populus, almost exclusively, against not only women, but children of both sexes, and even other men. That the incredibly few women by comparison, who find their way into such sick gestures, are almost ALWAYS fuled by a history full of men just like that, and still are incomparable in number and grotesque motivation to the men committing such attrocities. & that as pathetic as all of that was on it's own, it was only made that much more pathetic by the fact that population wise, women out number men. I didn't bother to express that I was baffled every day by the thought that women signifigantly outnumber men on earth, yet most of the sick sadistic fucks in the past to present existance have been men, period. That everyone I had ever known personally, girl or boy, man or women who had been sexually and phisically abused had been so violated by a man, ALL OF THEM. I didn't bother to try and defend these thoughts that I didn't bother to say, by expressing that I felt like the overwealming evidence that men are the main perpatrators of violent horrifying sick and twisted crimes against all people of all races, sexes, nationalities, and ages, especially since they are not the dominent populus, should say something to the defense of defensive women without them having to defend themselves... I didn't express that I felt there should be credit given to those insecure about men that no one was willing to give them. Though it burned inside of me... as it ussually does...
I knew just by this mans posture... and from experiece with being ignored and sluffed off before, not just buy John, but many men, and sadly, even women with this kind of, here, 'let me tell you'kind of stance on the subject. I knew what I had to express would go right through him like arctic chill through a windbreaker... the only diffrence being that I knew also that he would feel none of it.
It pissed me off that here I was, standing here among these men, free to express their feelings and opinions on women, how they should all just be complacent, and as if they were all put into existance for the sheer pleasure of the oposite sex to muse over, as if they shouldn't be beings, people, with feelings and thoughts and opinions, and I was willing to listen and to talk about it and I didn't put any of them down for it immediately even if I felt like they all deserved a swift 'shit kicker' to the ass... and a smack in the face... Yet I knew that If I even attempted to express my own feelings, just express them... I would be met with such uproar, and be labeled a "ball busting feminist nazi bitch" and very likely a lesbian, that It wasn't even worth the satisfaction of trying to show that I would not just allow myself to be treated that way, that I would fight against it. It was so fucked up that men like this had support everywhere, even by other ignorant insecure women who admired such assholes, but women tring to express their share, were met with such absolute rejection by all. Cause even now, even in the 21 century, women are just supposed to shut up about their feelings and resentments and sentiments. Women arent supposed to have opinions and feeling that they express openly, and if they do they're immediately labeled feminist lesbians. Fucking bullshit.
The man talked through my silent burning thoughts probably thinking I was absorbing all his crap that apparently all the things men did to men women and children didn't matter and shouldn't matter simply because not every singe one of them was like that, and as if, being in a relationship with a woman who had feelings and thoughts and opinions, or one who was insensitive (most likely desensitised by some ass hole guy who came before), or just a plain honnest to goodness bitch for no apparent reason, or did somethig messed up like sleep with some other guy (gasp.. how horrific) was so SOOO terrible and was equal by comparison to a man raping and molesting a 12 year old girl then ripping her open from her crotch to her chest cavity and pulling out her heart to give to her parents then continuing to sexually assult her gushing corpse... (Wow... yeah... a cruel woman who breaks up with you to be with your best friend is so equal to that....*rolls eyes*) I didn't feel like being labeled the feminist bitch as I always am, so I just came back at this man with the same'Jhonny' aproach... and going beyond that, I even put myself in the hot seat by using my own feelings (carefully) as an example to express how his statements and genneralizations as well as those of his fellows didn't seem to me to be entirely unchalengable. They all had been proffessing that women were entirely vain and materialistic and that this was the reason they were all so consistantly rejected.
I begged to differ,
Explaining that though I knew nothing of the dating life that they were refering to, I myself, (being unfortunatly) a woman, knew that I did not admire men for their money or what they could give to me. I expressed that though I did enjoy my inanimate collections, A man's contribution of others to them, was not what caused me to enjoy his company.
He shook his head in disbelief with a slightly exhasperated sigh and procceeded with an example of his own, set to, as I suspected, point out through intricate examples that I was exactly what I was being accused of and that I should just aknowledge him.
He motioned to the patch of grass with all of these bitter men on it, all shapes sizes ages and races, most of them less than tactfull and all hugely unrefined. All with the same attitudes. As he did they all looked up at the both of us and listened because now there was a man speaking. The man smiled knowingly, as if he was certain he was about to catch me in a rut I could not possibly deny. He asked me if I would ever 'date' any of them. Truth be told, looking at their predjuduce, percicuting, gilted faces while genuinely trying to consider his question with as much as I understood about this proccess of 'dating' that he was reffering to,something I have never officially done, I was very detoured as he expected me to be.But I wanted to give it thorough and genuine consideration... and I realised, that what made them all mostly unapealing to me was in fact their attitudes, their statements, their gestures, their comments and accusations. Their contempt and the way that they glared at me with disgust because I was a women and I was trying to defend myself and they believed I had no reason to. It had nothing to do with how they looked, or what they were wearing or how old they were. It was their personalities. That whole, 'cut down the woman who tries to protect and defend herself rather than support her and defend her, thereby having to admit to the fact that there are in fact sick fucks among us and many many of them', kinds of signals and statements that such men exude... That was the reason they all seemed so appauling to me.
In regurgitating these thoughts I tried to explain to this man that looking at all of them couldn't tell me if I would 'date' them (whatever that entails exactly). It couldn't tell me if I would enjoy their company or if I could trust them and thereby feel comfortable with them. Money could not tell me these things either and neither could material things. It was their being, their personalities, their thoughts, and opinions it was their actions and their treatment of myself and others, those were the kinds of things that would tell me if I could or would 'date' them. That if in fact I found someone that I cared about deeply who seemed to care back that I felt I could trust who trusted me and all that jazz... Then no age(WFR), race creed, religion, sex, or what the fuck ever would or should matter. I told him it wouldn't matter to me. He brushed me off... labeling me incorrigible. Went back to his little gathering of men talking trash about women and now using me as a perfect example of what was wrong with them.
I sighed heavily and shruged, shaking my head as I walked away...
I woke up in a room full of little girls, whom I fear face a dismal future...