Dream recount strobe light
FLASH:
xzedd and I are taking care of catrina... she is really little again... a toddler... no more than three... we are in a mall in california... as we walk out of a place with cotton candy... I see Maria... her mother... I am aprehensive at first... as If I should hide her daughter from her... I think to run...She is pregnant...again, pushing a stroller... then it becomes that we are there to deliver catrina to her, we are supposed to meet her. So she gets on an escalator... and xzedd and I get on an escalator on the other side. They both are going up, and they meet on a platform in the middle. When we meet on the platform, Maria and Xzedd meet for the first time... and out of nowhere... someone grabbs the kids... and we just keep talking like nothing happened... I still had catrina in my arms.. She takes Xzedd catrina and I into a dressing room... We sit at this make-up booth that looks like it's part of a production dressing room... She pulls out a binder and starts trying to write something in Japanease... I help her... then we walk twoards the stage... and it's an airport... she boards us on a flight to Tokyo... Xzeddd and I are confused... catrina is asleep... We acend... then over Tokyo minutes later... the plane malfunctions and starts going down, the captain calls for 'that girl who knows japanease' -maria aparently they had seen her binder... Because they needed to talk to the flight controll tower but could not communicate in Japanease... I got out of my seat to go twoards the front and help because maria was no where to be found...
I fell forward down the lenght of the plane as it crashed into the top of a parking structure and kept falling... then suddenly I became a little girl in a silver SUV owned by a yuppie couple on top of the parking structure as the plane hit... Everyone screamed and the entire cement slab that the plane knocked into on one side just completly spun around and flipped the entire car upside down and then came back to where they had been without moving an inch, just spinning 360 upside down and back with a Huge cement slab, CEntrifical force and all that jazz... Eveybody got out of the car and ran over to watch the plane fall... the mother was so freaked out she was hysterical... The father took one look at the plane and just jumped off the side of the building... The three little kids (my syblings?) screamed when they saw this... and the mother just cried and grabbed ahold of all of us and started dragging us to the edge... she had a look of being senseless and careless... so I ripped out of her grip and pulled her off of all my brothers and sisters and shoved her off the building before she killed us all...
FLASH:
So... this one is a Weird...weird one...
Kung fu class gathered... something strange going on... or something odd happens...
Logan grabbs me by the wrist and draggs me inside... inside turns out to be where I lived when I was three... he draggs me into the kitchen and pulls me to the floor... Jhon aparently followed us inside and starts to confront him... Logan tells him to fuck off and that its none of his buisness in very polite terms, Jhon says something to the efect of I don't think so...
Logan begins to explain his take, and his reasoning behind whatever he's doing to me very matter-of-factly, Jhon cuts him off and tells him to shut the fuck up...
I was just freakin out... I was like... oh shit... did he just... yes he did just tell logan to shut the fuck up... some part of me laughed at that..the rest of me was like... fuck ... Logan vs Jhon... not good...
Jhon begins in on this valiant speech of fuck you logan I don't want to hear you and your jargen and whatever it is you use as an excuse to stalk off with her like that... I've heard enough of your explanations... here's a thought... Let's hear what SHE has to say, (at which I was like...wow..Jhon is standing up for me... WTF?! WHY?)
Then Jhon says something to the effect of, I'd like to hear, and I would like you to hear from your wife for once about how she feels about what you've done to her...
At this logan laughes loudly, his laugh, and I try desperately to regain my breath in order to tell Jhon that Logan and I were never actually Married... we never made it that far... that we were only ingaged... and that what logan was doing was not what it looked like... And that, this was all very nice of Jhon but I was not ready to do this...
But there was no air in my lungs... and I couldn't speak... then I realised that I couldn't breathe... and everything whent dark...
FLASH:
I wake up in this place... stuck somewhere with my parents... Catrina comes into the room that I am in because there is a TV in it... (pathetic) I don't want the TV on but she HAS to have it... she asks for help spreading penutbutter on her french toast... I begin delicately doing that as my mother shouts somthing at me from another room that she wants me to do... Catrina starts asking me stupid pointless questions that she knows very well what the answers are just so that she can talk, as she often does, and she has turned the TV on... my mother shouting things at me that I can hardly hear... the light and the high pitched noise of that stupid tube inside the tv that drives me nuts, catrina asking me stupid pointless questions... I just wasn't handling this very well... It was driving me nuts. I told catrina sharply to be quiet she knew very well the answers to her stupid qestions she just wanted to yammer, I couldn't hear my mother so i just whent to take a shower... While I was in the shower I became severely 'depressed' don't ask me why. I just got depressed like the way you get depressed when your whole family dies, that kind of depressed, like... there's a void inside of you that just dibilitates you entirely and all you can do is huddle up in the shower and cry and cry and cry and everything is a hopeless black void, a pit of disparaging doom... so... just... my typical... inexplicable mortification... but it was really bad all of a sudden... and in that moment my mother comes in... all drunken, into the bathroom where I am taking a shower... even though it is like six o clock in the morning... she is drunk off her ass, and she picks that moment to start shouting at me in the bathroom and picking at me and telling me all that is wrong with me and my life... like a horrible monsterous play ground bully that is three decades older than you and legally alowed to verbally abuse you because she is your mother... She just shouts and shouts all these obtuse one sided sentements about all the things wrong with me and all the things in my life that are wrong that are my fault, and all the things that are wrong in her life that are my fault... she feeds and feeds into that black void untill I am sobbing and sobbing and I just start crying out to her to stop, and the more I tell her to stop the angrier and nastier and closer she gets untill she finally just ripps down the shower curtain leaving me standing there sobbing and naked, so I crowch down and hug the shower curtain sobbing and crying and she points her acusitory finger at me with a brandy in the other hand and the nastiest ugly mean face she can have and she shouts and points in my face while I huddle sobbing around a shower curtain and catrina watches from behind my dad who throws her a supporting comment about how I am ruining everyones life with my existance and my aparent selfish abuse, even though I am the one huddling naked in the shower sobbing while my raging drunken mother shouts at me... I cry and cry and cry and sob and while my mother continues her unceaseing onslaught of angry hostile self righteaous bullshit I desperately try to scream at her to stop... I was crying so much my lungs were at half mast at best and I tried to breathe in but got nothing, I tried and tried and tried but could not breathe and I screamed with everything I had but nothing came out... I screamed as hard as I could STOP! STOP! STOPIT! STOP! STOP! STOPITT!!! LEAVE ME ALONE!!! STOP!!! but each time I screamed only a fourth of the air in my lungs came out, and the only sound was a soft shurshing noise... no scream... all I could do was sob and sob and mouth the words STOP IT! LEAVE ME ALONE! as I tried to scream and nothing came out...
I woke up babling something incoherent while still mouthing the words stop and leave me alone, while xzedd shook me...
I was still having problems breathing...
xzedd and I are taking care of catrina... she is really little again... a toddler... no more than three... we are in a mall in california... as we walk out of a place with cotton candy... I see Maria... her mother... I am aprehensive at first... as If I should hide her daughter from her... I think to run...She is pregnant...again, pushing a stroller... then it becomes that we are there to deliver catrina to her, we are supposed to meet her. So she gets on an escalator... and xzedd and I get on an escalator on the other side. They both are going up, and they meet on a platform in the middle. When we meet on the platform, Maria and Xzedd meet for the first time... and out of nowhere... someone grabbs the kids... and we just keep talking like nothing happened... I still had catrina in my arms.. She takes Xzedd catrina and I into a dressing room... We sit at this make-up booth that looks like it's part of a production dressing room... She pulls out a binder and starts trying to write something in Japanease... I help her... then we walk twoards the stage... and it's an airport... she boards us on a flight to Tokyo... Xzeddd and I are confused... catrina is asleep... We acend... then over Tokyo minutes later... the plane malfunctions and starts going down, the captain calls for 'that girl who knows japanease' -maria aparently they had seen her binder... Because they needed to talk to the flight controll tower but could not communicate in Japanease... I got out of my seat to go twoards the front and help because maria was no where to be found...
I fell forward down the lenght of the plane as it crashed into the top of a parking structure and kept falling... then suddenly I became a little girl in a silver SUV owned by a yuppie couple on top of the parking structure as the plane hit... Everyone screamed and the entire cement slab that the plane knocked into on one side just completly spun around and flipped the entire car upside down and then came back to where they had been without moving an inch, just spinning 360 upside down and back with a Huge cement slab, CEntrifical force and all that jazz... Eveybody got out of the car and ran over to watch the plane fall... the mother was so freaked out she was hysterical... The father took one look at the plane and just jumped off the side of the building... The three little kids (my syblings?) screamed when they saw this... and the mother just cried and grabbed ahold of all of us and started dragging us to the edge... she had a look of being senseless and careless... so I ripped out of her grip and pulled her off of all my brothers and sisters and shoved her off the building before she killed us all...
FLASH:
So... this one is a Weird...weird one...
Kung fu class gathered... something strange going on... or something odd happens...
Logan grabbs me by the wrist and draggs me inside... inside turns out to be where I lived when I was three... he draggs me into the kitchen and pulls me to the floor... Jhon aparently followed us inside and starts to confront him... Logan tells him to fuck off and that its none of his buisness in very polite terms, Jhon says something to the efect of I don't think so...
Logan begins to explain his take, and his reasoning behind whatever he's doing to me very matter-of-factly, Jhon cuts him off and tells him to shut the fuck up...
I was just freakin out... I was like... oh shit... did he just... yes he did just tell logan to shut the fuck up... some part of me laughed at that..the rest of me was like... fuck ... Logan vs Jhon... not good...
Jhon begins in on this valiant speech of fuck you logan I don't want to hear you and your jargen and whatever it is you use as an excuse to stalk off with her like that... I've heard enough of your explanations... here's a thought... Let's hear what SHE has to say, (at which I was like...wow..Jhon is standing up for me... WTF?! WHY?)
Then Jhon says something to the effect of, I'd like to hear, and I would like you to hear from your wife for once about how she feels about what you've done to her...
At this logan laughes loudly, his laugh, and I try desperately to regain my breath in order to tell Jhon that Logan and I were never actually Married... we never made it that far... that we were only ingaged... and that what logan was doing was not what it looked like... And that, this was all very nice of Jhon but I was not ready to do this...
But there was no air in my lungs... and I couldn't speak... then I realised that I couldn't breathe... and everything whent dark...
FLASH:
I wake up in this place... stuck somewhere with my parents... Catrina comes into the room that I am in because there is a TV in it... (pathetic) I don't want the TV on but she HAS to have it... she asks for help spreading penutbutter on her french toast... I begin delicately doing that as my mother shouts somthing at me from another room that she wants me to do... Catrina starts asking me stupid pointless questions that she knows very well what the answers are just so that she can talk, as she often does, and she has turned the TV on... my mother shouting things at me that I can hardly hear... the light and the high pitched noise of that stupid tube inside the tv that drives me nuts, catrina asking me stupid pointless questions... I just wasn't handling this very well... It was driving me nuts. I told catrina sharply to be quiet she knew very well the answers to her stupid qestions she just wanted to yammer, I couldn't hear my mother so i just whent to take a shower... While I was in the shower I became severely 'depressed' don't ask me why. I just got depressed like the way you get depressed when your whole family dies, that kind of depressed, like... there's a void inside of you that just dibilitates you entirely and all you can do is huddle up in the shower and cry and cry and cry and everything is a hopeless black void, a pit of disparaging doom... so... just... my typical... inexplicable mortification... but it was really bad all of a sudden... and in that moment my mother comes in... all drunken, into the bathroom where I am taking a shower... even though it is like six o clock in the morning... she is drunk off her ass, and she picks that moment to start shouting at me in the bathroom and picking at me and telling me all that is wrong with me and my life... like a horrible monsterous play ground bully that is three decades older than you and legally alowed to verbally abuse you because she is your mother... She just shouts and shouts all these obtuse one sided sentements about all the things wrong with me and all the things in my life that are wrong that are my fault, and all the things that are wrong in her life that are my fault... she feeds and feeds into that black void untill I am sobbing and sobbing and I just start crying out to her to stop, and the more I tell her to stop the angrier and nastier and closer she gets untill she finally just ripps down the shower curtain leaving me standing there sobbing and naked, so I crowch down and hug the shower curtain sobbing and crying and she points her acusitory finger at me with a brandy in the other hand and the nastiest ugly mean face she can have and she shouts and points in my face while I huddle sobbing around a shower curtain and catrina watches from behind my dad who throws her a supporting comment about how I am ruining everyones life with my existance and my aparent selfish abuse, even though I am the one huddling naked in the shower sobbing while my raging drunken mother shouts at me... I cry and cry and cry and sob and while my mother continues her unceaseing onslaught of angry hostile self righteaous bullshit I desperately try to scream at her to stop... I was crying so much my lungs were at half mast at best and I tried to breathe in but got nothing, I tried and tried and tried but could not breathe and I screamed with everything I had but nothing came out... I screamed as hard as I could STOP! STOP! STOPIT! STOP! STOP! STOPITT!!! LEAVE ME ALONE!!! STOP!!! but each time I screamed only a fourth of the air in my lungs came out, and the only sound was a soft shurshing noise... no scream... all I could do was sob and sob and mouth the words STOP IT! LEAVE ME ALONE! as I tried to scream and nothing came out...
I woke up babling something incoherent while still mouthing the words stop and leave me alone, while xzedd shook me...
I was still having problems breathing...