'is it a dream or a memory'
My dreams as of late have been exceedingly confusing. They are those dreams that are like waking life... at a time in my life where waking life is monotonous... so that when and if I am asleep, and I dream, I dream of doing what I do in everyday life... just a little bit off kilter with some strange occurrences that by the time you get to figuring out what it is about everything that feels wrong... you realize that your asleep and at the same time... that noise in your head that you think is one thing becomes another and as you realize your asleep you wake up... and then you look around and you realize that you don't have to continue the monotony as you thought you did and you don't have to get the things done that you thought you had to do in the next five minutes... for several hours... which makes you realize that you still have time to rest... so you lay back down and pass out and do it all again three hours later... not quite insomnia but damn close to it. Anyway... at least there is some rest involved...
As I was saying though... My dreams have been really confusing so I can’t really remember them much...
The latest one whose content actually stuck with me was a little less like waking life and more like a dream...
In this dream it was like some kind of boarding school for the elite immigrant...
(I couldn't make this stuff up if I wanted to)
Accept it was backwards...
The US kids immigrating back to china.
We were all sent off to this boarding school and all these kids were there... and I was thinking... damn...how did I end up here with all these kids... I kept fluxing between being my age and being their age it was weird I'd say 15-25 that was my flux age.
When I down fluxed I was all for it and it all made perfect sense.. when I up fluxed I had to stop and wonder how I got into this boarding place for kids... anyway...
It was all old castle stylie with this huge encapsulated place with a grounds and such... accept that the housing was above, the school below... it was odd...
Orientation was this mix of early morning and late late night...
I had this Victorian steamer trunk abode with a Chinese flair...
I was in my friggen pJs though which perplexed me... but true to form and reality I had no time for anything... no time for unpacking and no time for changing... it was like simultaneously the middle of the night and the morning...
Everyone was in a rush like we were running from a bombing but we were actually going to school... I just had to go in my nightgown and pants/skirt and all along the way the chin kids were tossing out their frog clasps and I kept picking them up thinking I'd need them later. One girl who looked like she was Xia's little sister handed me the prettiest one I'd ever seen. I thanked her.
As I came near to the clearing where we were to hold the orientation I saw these huge hand spun clasps that fit together in such a way that they resembled native bone breast plates and I thought that was novel so I grabbed them... Everyone was throwing away pieces of their culturization that they didn't care for and I was all for it so I was collecting them. I'm not sure why... but the point was that we were all in a rush.
In orientation a startlingly blonde boy with bright blue eyes... a ghost boy that reminded me of someone I knew as a child brought me this paper as if he knew me... in tears he showed this to me... like I was his close friend... he was bringing this to show me as if to say in some unspoken way that the situation I had been through was nothing... and that I had nothing to feel devastated about in comparison...
It explained in childish words that his Pilipino mother had been blown away in front of his face with a shot gun and I began to cry with him as they announced that first class of the day would be Mah Jong on the first level commons everyone was to be there...
I needed to do some thinking so I went off into a field where I met Lo Peng and he brought me into this strange dark room carved into a hill with a dirt floor and began a familiar routine with me... I thought of the phantom boy with blue eyes and realized that I was lucky no matter what this man was doing to me all things considered... there is always something worse. And then I began to imagine... as he continued ignoring my attempts to fight him what I could be facing instead of just this simple struggle as I stared at some knives while trying to ignore him...
I imagined CHiWan, as my own personal Wen fu and I could feel him throw me down and shackle me to this very bed... I could feel his hands tighten around my throat... could feel the air grow thinner...
Pan pan was interrupted by something... some kind of all call... He paused and as he paused I realized again how grateful I should be that is was this man on top of me and not the other... better of two evils and all that... I could still enjoy his personability because he had limits, unlike some...
I then thought of when my last visit to the DR had been and when I was to go again... I felt sick still... I needed to go back in to get re-checked... to get another check up... more medicine to fight the pain... the illness, the imbalance...
He got up off of me and got me up and dusted me off... straightened me out a little and told me he had to take off, I mentioned my class and he waved as he went out the door... I walked back to the school down some abandon road and headed to class... I could already see the common room before I got there... this strange catacomb all set up with Mah jong tables as far as the Eye could see...
Then Slipknot began to blair and I jumped up off the couch realizing that I had no time left for dreaming...
As I was saying though... My dreams have been really confusing so I can’t really remember them much...
The latest one whose content actually stuck with me was a little less like waking life and more like a dream...
In this dream it was like some kind of boarding school for the elite immigrant...
(I couldn't make this stuff up if I wanted to)
Accept it was backwards...
The US kids immigrating back to china.
We were all sent off to this boarding school and all these kids were there... and I was thinking... damn...how did I end up here with all these kids... I kept fluxing between being my age and being their age it was weird I'd say 15-25 that was my flux age.
When I down fluxed I was all for it and it all made perfect sense.. when I up fluxed I had to stop and wonder how I got into this boarding place for kids... anyway...
It was all old castle stylie with this huge encapsulated place with a grounds and such... accept that the housing was above, the school below... it was odd...
Orientation was this mix of early morning and late late night...
I had this Victorian steamer trunk abode with a Chinese flair...
I was in my friggen pJs though which perplexed me... but true to form and reality I had no time for anything... no time for unpacking and no time for changing... it was like simultaneously the middle of the night and the morning...
Everyone was in a rush like we were running from a bombing but we were actually going to school... I just had to go in my nightgown and pants/skirt and all along the way the chin kids were tossing out their frog clasps and I kept picking them up thinking I'd need them later. One girl who looked like she was Xia's little sister handed me the prettiest one I'd ever seen. I thanked her.
As I came near to the clearing where we were to hold the orientation I saw these huge hand spun clasps that fit together in such a way that they resembled native bone breast plates and I thought that was novel so I grabbed them... Everyone was throwing away pieces of their culturization that they didn't care for and I was all for it so I was collecting them. I'm not sure why... but the point was that we were all in a rush.
In orientation a startlingly blonde boy with bright blue eyes... a ghost boy that reminded me of someone I knew as a child brought me this paper as if he knew me... in tears he showed this to me... like I was his close friend... he was bringing this to show me as if to say in some unspoken way that the situation I had been through was nothing... and that I had nothing to feel devastated about in comparison...
It explained in childish words that his Pilipino mother had been blown away in front of his face with a shot gun and I began to cry with him as they announced that first class of the day would be Mah Jong on the first level commons everyone was to be there...
I needed to do some thinking so I went off into a field where I met Lo Peng and he brought me into this strange dark room carved into a hill with a dirt floor and began a familiar routine with me... I thought of the phantom boy with blue eyes and realized that I was lucky no matter what this man was doing to me all things considered... there is always something worse. And then I began to imagine... as he continued ignoring my attempts to fight him what I could be facing instead of just this simple struggle as I stared at some knives while trying to ignore him...
I imagined CHiWan, as my own personal Wen fu and I could feel him throw me down and shackle me to this very bed... I could feel his hands tighten around my throat... could feel the air grow thinner...
Pan pan was interrupted by something... some kind of all call... He paused and as he paused I realized again how grateful I should be that is was this man on top of me and not the other... better of two evils and all that... I could still enjoy his personability because he had limits, unlike some...
I then thought of when my last visit to the DR had been and when I was to go again... I felt sick still... I needed to go back in to get re-checked... to get another check up... more medicine to fight the pain... the illness, the imbalance...
He got up off of me and got me up and dusted me off... straightened me out a little and told me he had to take off, I mentioned my class and he waved as he went out the door... I walked back to the school down some abandon road and headed to class... I could already see the common room before I got there... this strange catacomb all set up with Mah jong tables as far as the Eye could see...
Then Slipknot began to blair and I jumped up off the couch realizing that I had no time left for dreaming...