we were dumb dumb dumb from all the fuh fuh fucking around!
Did you know that being around people with BPD makes others more susceptible to BPD behavorial tendencies? Life around me has become pretty messy lately, and I'm willing to admit that part of it is my fault. But to be honest, I don't like to assign the word "fault" to it...it signifies blame, negativity....and in the end I think that this is far too amusing of an experience to put in such poor language.
I've realized that I need to get out of Oklahoma and wash my hands of these crazy people....that overdramatize everything, that fall apart at the drop of the dime, that call you for details about your recent sexual activity ((weird, and none of your business.)) And the funny thing is, here I am the crazy one because I give in wholeheartedly to my recklessness. Here everyone has to act like they're all grown up, and so much more mature then me...they handle their situations in such a "mature" way. But when I received that call Thursday, it brought memories back to fifth grade when Jessica May called to ask why I didn't invite her to my Halloween party.
The thing is, people here like to think they're very mature, and maybe they are, but they're also very petty. I'm willing to admit that I am very immature ((as I should be at nineteen)) but I don't do petty. And I remain unapologetic for pulling the rug out from under people. Because in the end, its good for them. This place is horrendous. Everyone is so childish.....there's a church on every corner, yet no distinct reminder that there is something BIGGER than this all.
And so most people here will grow old and remain the same fucking busybody they were all their lives. And I'll leave and people will reflect on me with regret....eventually it will rest on the fact that meeting me in general was a bad idea. Maybe I mussed things up. Or maybe I really just woke you all up. And hopefully this call will be a reminder of things.
Why you shouldn't chastise people for things they can't control. Why you should be a trustworthy human being. Why you shouldn't place yourself above what you are.
I don't think they'll learn that. Despite my blatant language, those last sentences probably seem blurry and cryptic, but in their hearts they know. And maybe they'll ignore it, but if they don't then there would be so much more fulfillment for them.
There's no reason to get upset about this. We could all die tomorrow....someone could come in Virginia Tech style and everything will instantly be gone, and you'll be more mad that you wasted time being mad about this.
To me there is something comforting in sadness and disaster. Perhaps that's why I'm prone to it.
And I'm making the announcement that when I move back to Colorado I will be actively pursuing a career in stand up. I'm not even joking. And I don't care whether you think I'm funny or not.
I've realized that I need to get out of Oklahoma and wash my hands of these crazy people....that overdramatize everything, that fall apart at the drop of the dime, that call you for details about your recent sexual activity ((weird, and none of your business.)) And the funny thing is, here I am the crazy one because I give in wholeheartedly to my recklessness. Here everyone has to act like they're all grown up, and so much more mature then me...they handle their situations in such a "mature" way. But when I received that call Thursday, it brought memories back to fifth grade when Jessica May called to ask why I didn't invite her to my Halloween party.
The thing is, people here like to think they're very mature, and maybe they are, but they're also very petty. I'm willing to admit that I am very immature ((as I should be at nineteen)) but I don't do petty. And I remain unapologetic for pulling the rug out from under people. Because in the end, its good for them. This place is horrendous. Everyone is so childish.....there's a church on every corner, yet no distinct reminder that there is something BIGGER than this all.
And so most people here will grow old and remain the same fucking busybody they were all their lives. And I'll leave and people will reflect on me with regret....eventually it will rest on the fact that meeting me in general was a bad idea. Maybe I mussed things up. Or maybe I really just woke you all up. And hopefully this call will be a reminder of things.
Why you shouldn't chastise people for things they can't control. Why you should be a trustworthy human being. Why you shouldn't place yourself above what you are.
I don't think they'll learn that. Despite my blatant language, those last sentences probably seem blurry and cryptic, but in their hearts they know. And maybe they'll ignore it, but if they don't then there would be so much more fulfillment for them.
There's no reason to get upset about this. We could all die tomorrow....someone could come in Virginia Tech style and everything will instantly be gone, and you'll be more mad that you wasted time being mad about this.
To me there is something comforting in sadness and disaster. Perhaps that's why I'm prone to it.
And I'm making the announcement that when I move back to Colorado I will be actively pursuing a career in stand up. I'm not even joking. And I don't care whether you think I'm funny or not.