(no subject)
I had one of those moments today, rather, I'm having one of those moments right now. I hardly know some of my closest friends anymore. How can three years ago feel like a lifetime? There was a time when those girls knew everything about me. We were going to move to Waldorf together. We were going to work at a club. We were going to be each other's bridesmaids. We were going to live next door and raise our kids together. We were going to get tattoos of hot dogs on our torsos. We were going to die at an early age....Amanda wanted to get hit by a bus full of seventh graders. I don't even know what happened to her. For all I know, that already did. I've talked to the twins once in a year and a half. I didn't even call on their birthday. Because. I. Forgot.
What happened? I hate this. I hate life passing by too fast, and I miss being immature with them and all our times together. I miss the way they used to idolize me because they thought I knew so much about guys, and at the time, I thought I did too. And now they're lives are both so full of love, and I miss being a part of that. I hate not being a part of it.
But even if we kept in touch, even if I called, we go to the park, get some coffee whatever. Its the same fake conversation. Its an update on life, we're not sharing it anymore. Just telling it. It will never go back to being the same. We'll move on to different futures, different friends, different plans. Which isn't a bad thing, but isn't it such a tragic thing? I miss that life.
And they'll be at my wedding. They'll send gifts when I have children, and I'll do the same for them. But it's like receiving them from a stranger. The only thing we'll really know about each other is how we were. And as we stuff the money into empty envelopes, and sit alongside the ribbon covered chairs we'll never stop and wonder, 'Where was I when all this happened? Where were they?'
i can't let you be
cause your beauty won't allow me
wrapped in white sheets
like an angel from a bedtime story
shut out what they say
cause your friends are fucked up anyway
and when they come around
somehow they feel you up and you feel down
when we were kids
we hated things our parents did
we listened low
to casey kasem's radio show
that's when friends were nice
to think of them just makes you feel nice
the smell of grass in spring
and october leaves cover everything
have you forgotten how to love yourself?
i can't believe all the good things that you did for me
sat back in a chair
like a princess from a faraway place
nobody's nice
when you're older your heart turns to ice
and shut out what they say
they're too dumb to mean it anyway
when we were kids
we hated things our sisters did
backyard summer pools
and christmases were beautiful
and the sentiment
of coloured mirrored ornaments
and the open drapes
look out on frozen farmhouse landscapes
have you forgotten how to love yourself?
What happened? I hate this. I hate life passing by too fast, and I miss being immature with them and all our times together. I miss the way they used to idolize me because they thought I knew so much about guys, and at the time, I thought I did too. And now they're lives are both so full of love, and I miss being a part of that. I hate not being a part of it.
But even if we kept in touch, even if I called, we go to the park, get some coffee whatever. Its the same fake conversation. Its an update on life, we're not sharing it anymore. Just telling it. It will never go back to being the same. We'll move on to different futures, different friends, different plans. Which isn't a bad thing, but isn't it such a tragic thing? I miss that life.
And they'll be at my wedding. They'll send gifts when I have children, and I'll do the same for them. But it's like receiving them from a stranger. The only thing we'll really know about each other is how we were. And as we stuff the money into empty envelopes, and sit alongside the ribbon covered chairs we'll never stop and wonder, 'Where was I when all this happened? Where were they?'
i can't let you be
cause your beauty won't allow me
wrapped in white sheets
like an angel from a bedtime story
shut out what they say
cause your friends are fucked up anyway
and when they come around
somehow they feel you up and you feel down
when we were kids
we hated things our parents did
we listened low
to casey kasem's radio show
that's when friends were nice
to think of them just makes you feel nice
the smell of grass in spring
and october leaves cover everything
have you forgotten how to love yourself?
i can't believe all the good things that you did for me
sat back in a chair
like a princess from a faraway place
nobody's nice
when you're older your heart turns to ice
and shut out what they say
they're too dumb to mean it anyway
when we were kids
we hated things our sisters did
backyard summer pools
and christmases were beautiful
and the sentiment
of coloured mirrored ornaments
and the open drapes
look out on frozen farmhouse landscapes
have you forgotten how to love yourself?