I laughed for like a half an hour...
HI. I'M GEORGE ZIMMER, FOUNDER AND CEO OF THE MEN'S WEARHOUSE. RECENTLY IT CAME TO MY ATTENTION THAT A GENTLEMAN POSSESSING A LARGER THAN AVERAGE MANHOOD WISHED TO MEET ME FOR A DUEL. NORMALLY I'M ABOVE SUCH CHILDISH BEHAVIOR, BUT SOMETHING ABOUT THIS MAN JUST RUBBED ME THE WRONG WAY, AND I WAS COMPELLED TO PUT HIM IN HIS PLACE. YOU SEE, WHEN YOU'RE THE OWNER OF A SPECTACULARLY SIZABLE SLIT-SPLITTER LIKE MY OWN, YOU DON'T NEED TO GO AROUND TRYING TO PROVE YOUR SUPERIORITY. THE SHEER POWER OF MY PULSATING PACKAGE MAKES WOMEN GROW WEAK AND MEN SIMPLY NOD IN QUIET AWE. IN OTHER WORDS, I KNEW THIS CHALLENGE WAS NOTHING BUT AN IDLE BOAST FROM A MAN WHOSE PELVIC PROMINANCE WASN'T GREAT ENOUGH TO SPEAK FOR ITSELF.
I INVITED THE CHALLENGER TO MY ESTATE IN ITALY (I WAS THERE CHECKING ON THE LATEST SHIPMENT OF FINE QUALITY SUITS). HE ARRIVED AROUND 3 IN THE AFTERNOON, AND FOLLOWING A TOUR OF THE PROPERTY, I ASKED HIM TO PRESENT THE OBJECT OF HIS PRIDE. HE QUICKLY UNZIPPED HIS FLY AND REVEALED AN ORGAN ABOUT 12 INCHES IN LENGTH AND 6 IN DIAMETER. I JUST SHOOK MY HEAD AND TOLD HIM THAT ALTHOUGH HIS SIZE MIGHT BE IMPRESSIVE TO THE AVERAGE INDIVIDUAL, HE WAS FAR OUT OF HIS LEAGUE. AT THAT POINT, HE BEGAN TO MOCK ME AND TELL ME I WAS AFRAID TO DO BATTLE WITH HIS, "GIGANTIC JOHNSON" (HIS WORDS, OBVIOUSLY - I WOULD NEVER USE SUCH A VULGAR TERM, EVEN IN DESCRIBING THIS INFERIOR INSTRUMENT OF INSEMINATION).
AT THAT, MY RAPE GREW UNCHECKED. EVERY MUSCLE IN MY BODY TENSED UP, AND I LET OUT AN ENORMOUS ROAR AS THE HEAD OF MY TUMESCENT TREE TRUNK TORE THROUGH THE FRONT OF MY FINELY TAILORED TROUSERS. THE ARROGANT BASTARD SAW WITHIN SECONDS THAT HE HAD MADE A HUGE MISTAKE IN COMING HERE. THE SIZE AND STRENGTH OF MY SUPERIOR SEX SAUSAGE WERE SUCH THAT ITS RELEASE FROM MY PANTS PROPELLED IT FORWARD AT SPEEDS EXCEEDING MACH 4. THE TIP OF MY TREMENDOUS TORPEDO PUNCHED THROUGH HIS CHEST AND TORE HIS BODY IN TWO.
I QUICKLY CALLED FOR FIVE SERVANTS - ONE TO CLEAN UP THE MESS AND FOUR TO HELP ME BRING MY ENORMOUS EROTIC EVISCERATOR TO SUBMISSION. FOUR HOURS AND TWO MORE DEAD BODIES LATER, BOTH TASKS WERE COMPLETE.
THE POLICE CAME TO INVESTIGATE, BUT AFTER I EXPLAINED WHAT HAD HAPPENED, IT WAS AGREED THAT THE MAN HAD IT COMING. NO ONE CAN MATCH THE MIGHT OF MY MURDEROUSLY MAGNIFICENT MAN-MEAT, I GUARANTEE IT.
I INVITED THE CHALLENGER TO MY ESTATE IN ITALY (I WAS THERE CHECKING ON THE LATEST SHIPMENT OF FINE QUALITY SUITS). HE ARRIVED AROUND 3 IN THE AFTERNOON, AND FOLLOWING A TOUR OF THE PROPERTY, I ASKED HIM TO PRESENT THE OBJECT OF HIS PRIDE. HE QUICKLY UNZIPPED HIS FLY AND REVEALED AN ORGAN ABOUT 12 INCHES IN LENGTH AND 6 IN DIAMETER. I JUST SHOOK MY HEAD AND TOLD HIM THAT ALTHOUGH HIS SIZE MIGHT BE IMPRESSIVE TO THE AVERAGE INDIVIDUAL, HE WAS FAR OUT OF HIS LEAGUE. AT THAT POINT, HE BEGAN TO MOCK ME AND TELL ME I WAS AFRAID TO DO BATTLE WITH HIS, "GIGANTIC JOHNSON" (HIS WORDS, OBVIOUSLY - I WOULD NEVER USE SUCH A VULGAR TERM, EVEN IN DESCRIBING THIS INFERIOR INSTRUMENT OF INSEMINATION).
AT THAT, MY RAPE GREW UNCHECKED. EVERY MUSCLE IN MY BODY TENSED UP, AND I LET OUT AN ENORMOUS ROAR AS THE HEAD OF MY TUMESCENT TREE TRUNK TORE THROUGH THE FRONT OF MY FINELY TAILORED TROUSERS. THE ARROGANT BASTARD SAW WITHIN SECONDS THAT HE HAD MADE A HUGE MISTAKE IN COMING HERE. THE SIZE AND STRENGTH OF MY SUPERIOR SEX SAUSAGE WERE SUCH THAT ITS RELEASE FROM MY PANTS PROPELLED IT FORWARD AT SPEEDS EXCEEDING MACH 4. THE TIP OF MY TREMENDOUS TORPEDO PUNCHED THROUGH HIS CHEST AND TORE HIS BODY IN TWO.
I QUICKLY CALLED FOR FIVE SERVANTS - ONE TO CLEAN UP THE MESS AND FOUR TO HELP ME BRING MY ENORMOUS EROTIC EVISCERATOR TO SUBMISSION. FOUR HOURS AND TWO MORE DEAD BODIES LATER, BOTH TASKS WERE COMPLETE.
THE POLICE CAME TO INVESTIGATE, BUT AFTER I EXPLAINED WHAT HAD HAPPENED, IT WAS AGREED THAT THE MAN HAD IT COMING. NO ONE CAN MATCH THE MIGHT OF MY MURDEROUSLY MAGNIFICENT MAN-MEAT, I GUARANTEE IT.