But she doesn't mean a thing to me.

[aquilanova]

I constantly am just plain old not good enough for people. I think I'm pretty funny, I've developed a good fashion sense and eye for improving my appearance in the past few years, I am extremely accomodating, I have pretty good taste and more importantly I'm open to trying anything. But every person (make that about two) I've ever wanted to be with has wanted something else. Someone that isn't me gets to smell their shampoo and pick the little black hairs of their pillow. Someone that isn't me gets to check his back for new moles and embrace every gorgeous chuckle that comes out of his mouth. And someone that isn't me gets to be touched by him and feel the warmth and electricity his hands (allbeit soft) provide. And I'm struggling in this city to keep my head above water. Each moment of each day is a survival technique from getting to work on time in the morning, to the broader spectrum of affording rent each month. I am not sure where I made a wrong turn, but I'm ready to break and head in a totally new direction. Not back where I came from, for that most of the time has been worse. But I need a new direction like I need clean oxygen to breath. (Something I can't find here).

Disclaimer: Not every day is bad, being under so much pressure and stress is exciting once in a while. Sometimes I'm proud of myself for all my work here, but most of the time I'm just exhuasted.

(Oh yeah, and I'm home from Wed. 4/5 to Sunday 4/8. As they say in the biz "Back and available in NYC Monday 4/9)