Somethings's Started update.
Once they got back to the castle Harry and Draco paused in the Entrance Hall, wondering where to go from there, friendship wise. It was all too new, and now Harry had one more thing pressing on his mind. Or rather, on his trousers. So he grinned at Draco and Draco grinned back, Harry scuffing his foot on the ground from nerves. Draco was gorgeous when he smiled, (don’t lie to yourself Harry, he’s gorgeous all the time) and Harry was having problems adjusting. He may not be lusting after Ron anymore, (thank Merlin!) But Draco…Draco was a whole other story, something new and thrilling and spine tingling. They were ready to part ways and all Harry could think about was that he had not had enough of Draco. He wanted more. How long would it be until he saw Draco again?
Draco answered his question as if he had read Harry’s mind. “So, I’ll see you at dinner,” Draco said as he put his broom to his shoulder and turned to leave.
“Draco, wait,” Harry said, grabbing Draco by the wrist to hold him there. Draco’s arm felt like steel under Harry’s palm, strong and hard, but Harry wondered if the skin under Draco’s jumper would be soft, if it would be warm were he to touch it. He was tempted to reach a finger under the fabric and was just about to test his theory when Draco said “Harry?”
Harry’s eyes snapped up to Draco’s and he was startled by the vibrant grey staring back at him. “Um…ahem,” Harry coughed, dropping Draco’s arm suddenly when he remembered he was still holding it. “Will you study with me? Tomorrow after class?” Harry didn’t know where the words had come from, he had not had them in mind when he had opened his mouth, and he found himself relieved that they had come out instead of ‘can I kiss you?’ (Because that would have gone over so well.)
Draco was looking at his arm, a strange look on his face when he replied. “I can’t…Quidditch practice.”
“Oh. Alright then.” Harry couldn’t help but be disappointed.
“Are you free after dinner tomorrow?” Draco asked suddenly, his eyes off his arm now and gazing into Harry’s. “We can go to the library.” Draco was watching Harry curiously and hopefully. (As if.)
“Yeah, I’m free.” Harry smiled brightly at Draco and was thrilled to see Draco smile back at him. Harry just soaked it up, drinking in that look. Draco looked that way because of him, that beautiful smile was for him and him alone. Harry’s heart leapt in his chest at the thought.
“Okay then. I’ll see you at dinner,” Draco said. “I have to shower first.”
“Good idea,” Harry lied. He thought Draco was wonderful just as he was, all sweaty; flushed and windblown. “Me too. See you,” Harry finished as Draco smirked at him and then turned and walked in the direction of the dungeons. Harry could not help but stand and watch as Draco walked away. The view was as amazing now as it had been on their way out of the castle. More, perhaps. As Draco disappeared down the stairs, all Harry could think of was when he would get to see that view again.
*
Harry’s step was light as he ran up the stairs to the tower, taking them two at a time. He had felt exhausted but exhilarated after flying with Draco. Now he just felt exhilarated. He thought about seeing Draco that evening, his blond hair darkened from his shower and perfectly in place again, as usual, the sweat and grime washed away leaving his skin clean and glowing. Harry stopped when he reached the 6th floor to breathe, hands on his knees, breathing heavily as visions of Draco flashed through his head. Those kinds of visions. The kind that he should only have in the privacy of his bed, if at all. “Bollocks!” Harry swore, knowing it was useless. Fantasizing about Draco was entirely too pleasant to stop. (As if I could.) After catching his breath he swung his broom onto his shoulder again and started up the last flight of stairs at a more reasonable pace.
His goal was to get into the shower right away and wank away the thought of Draco having his shower. It was not to be however. When he arrived in the dorm he saw that Ron was waiting for him, sitting on Harry’s bed. He stopped in the doorway, gulping loudly as Ron pinned him with a look. It was quite disconcerting as Ron was not the type who usually gave any looks besides happy, sad, confused, angry and furious. But there it was. Harry sighed, he knew that Ron wanted to talk about their potions experience, and although Harry was interested in finding out what Ron had learned about himself, something about that look, and few others Ron had given him that day, made him nervous.
“Hi Harry,” Ron said, giving his friend a grin. Harry swallowed again.
“Hi Ron. What’s up?”
“Oh, not much, I just thought we’d have a little chat, you know, about the potion.” Ron’s tone was the epitome of innocent, naturally making Harry suspicious.
“The potion? Oh. It’s worn off now, so.” Harry walked to his trunk and began to dig out clean clothes to change into, steadfastly avoiding Ron’s eyes.
“Mine too. So, what did you learn?” Ron was giving him that look again. Harry shivered.
“Well…I…I don’t really want to talk about it, Ron,” Harry stuttered. “I mean, I do...I just…not right now. I’m all sweaty, can I shower first?” Harry suggested with a silent prayer, hoping Ron would agree. Harry knew he couldn’t put it off forever, but at least the shower would relieve his arousal and give him a few minutes to think about what to say to Ron. Something besides ‘When we were showering today you looked so bloody hot, I decided I was gay.’ No, that would go all wrong. Unfortunately for Harry, Ron was having none of it. He had lived through an equally enlightening day, and he needed to know if he was right. No, he was right, but he needed Harry to say it.
“No Harry, I think now would be better,” Ron said seriously, and Harry deflated, sinking onto Ron’s bed facing his friend.
“Um…okay. So what did you want to talk about?” Harry picked at the cuff of his clean jeans, keeping his eyes averted from Ron’s.
“The potion, Harry. Honestly.” Ron shook his head, and Harry thought he was sounding more like Hermione every day. “So…it worked for you then?” At Harry’s nod Ron continued. “So who did you learn about? It was me, wasn’t it? That’s why you’ve been acting weird all day?” Ron looked suddenly horrified as if it had never occurred to him that Harry would gain insight into him. Harry met his eyes and shook his head, reluctant to tell Ron, but knowing he had to. Now.
He took a deep breath and decided to spill. As long as he didn’t say anything about lusting after Ron; or Draco for that matter, he should be fine.
“No…it…umm…well, I learned about me.” Ron looked surprised. He had never considered that either.
“About you? Is that even possible?” Ron looked thoughtful now, and Harry rolled his eyes.
“Of course it’s possible. Believe me, I lived it today. Anyway, I ran it by Hermione, and she agreed it was completely possible.” Harry stopped to take a deep breath. Now that he had started he was determined to get this over with as soon as possible. He had a date with his hand and the shower.
“Oh. Well, that’s...hmm. So, what did you learn?” Ron was watching him closely again and Harry knew he had no choice but to get on with it.
“Well…that potion kind of…ramped up my…leanings and…made them obvious, so I couldn’t deny it anymore. Made it pretty much impossible to, really.” Harry turned his eyes down again, thinking about how strange it had been to go from being uninterested in anyone to lusting after half the boys in his year, present company included. “Like a bludger to the head, actually.”
“Oh yeah? So are you going to tell me what you’ve learned?”
“Yeah, I…well, shit Ron. It’s hard, I mean, I don’t want you to be uncomfortable.” Harry scuffed his foot on the floor, his hands twisting wrinkles into his shirt.
“Oh.” Ron looked thoughtful again, and Harry wondered what he could be thinking. “Why don’t I go first then? I have a feeling it might be best…it won’t be able to get much worse after I tell you what I…well.” Ron stopped, contemplating Harry again.
“Okay.” Harry breathed a sigh of relief, completely ignoring Ron’s statement about it not getting worse. “So, who did you learn about?”
“You.”
“Me? But, I…” Harry was stunned. Suddenly the room felt smaller. He swallowed again, waiting for Ron to continue.
“Yes, you. I think I had called out your name, to warn you, you know, right before the cauldron exploded, and since then I have realized a few things about you.”
“Oh?” Harry squeaked out.
Ron cleared his throat and then spit it out. “I know you’re gay.”
Harry stared at Ron, shocked. He already knew? Harry began to grin, feeling the burden of telling Ron lift from his shoulders. There was still his friend’s reaction, but at least Harry didn’t have to say the words. “You do?”
“Yeah, I do. I’m right, aren’t I?” Ron looked nervous now, worried he might be mistaken. Harry thought of his letter to Remus and smiled wryly. He knew just how Ron felt.
“Yeah, you’re right.” Harry breathed a sigh of relief. “Actually, that’s what I learned today. About myself.”
Ron’s head shot up. “You did? Just today?” Harry nodded, grinning at Ron now, feeling the tension in the room ease as they both relaxed.
“Yeah, just today. Well, Hermione helped. Too clever by half, that girl.”
“Yeah,” Ron agreed, smiling at the thought of her. “Well, I don’t feel so bad about not noticing sooner, I mean, if you didn’t there’s no reason to expect that I would.” Now it was Ron’s turn to breathe a sigh of relief and then he looked up at Harry, still with a smile. “I don’t care, y’know, it doesn’t bother me, but there is one thing that is…and even since the potion wore off, I could see it, so um…”
Harry was confused. “Something else? What are you talking about?”
Ron was silent for a moment, his eyes downcast now as he tried to form the words. Suddenly the air in the room became thick again. Harry swallowed down another lump. “Ron, what is it?”
“I know who you fancy.”
(shit shit shit fuck!)
“You, uh…I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Harry felt his stomach clench. Ron couldn’t know. Harry hadn’t even known for sure until that afternoon, how could Ron know?
“Yes, you do,” Ron confirmed, meeting Harry’s eyes now, his own hard and determined.
“How do you…” Harry couldn’t even finish his sentence. Ron must be wrong. He would say Neville or someone else equally ridiculous, and Harry would laugh and deny and Ron would laugh with him and clap him on the back and…Harry shook his head. His denial was getting out of hand.
“It’s obvious, now that the potion made me see it.” Harry’s thoughts stopped suddenly, he felt just like he did that time Uncle Vernon had been driving them somewhere and had slammed on the brakes much too quickly. His neck hurt and his stomach rumbled painfully.
“It is? You…no, you don’t…” Harry stuttered still denying. Ron couldn’t know, there was no way he could. No.
“It’s Malfoy.”
Oh. Maybe he could.
Ron had practically spit out the words, standing suddenly and pacing across the floor at the foot of their beds.
Harry was stunned. He sat, staring at the bed Ron had vacated, his mind whirring. What should he do now? (Deny, deny, deny.)
“Tell me the truth Harry. I’ll know if you’re lying.” Ron interrupted his thoughts again, and Harry knew it was no use. All the relief he had felt when he realized he didn’t have to say ‘I’m gay’ disappeared as he realized that Ron was expecting him to say he fancied Draco. Saying ‘I’m gay’ seemed a cake walk compared to saying ‘I want to shag Malfoy.’
“Go on, Harry.” Ron stopped pacing and was standing at the foot of his own bed, where Harry was still sitting; clean clothes now a lump tucked into his belly as if Harry could hide behind them.
Harry took a deep breath and said it. “Yes.”
“I thought so. What? Really?” Harry looked up at Ron, watching as all the color drained from his face, leaving his freckles standing out more than normal. It seemed Ron had been expecting Harry to deny it, hoping that Harry would deny it. But Harry couldn’t, not anymore.
“Yes. It’s Draco.” Harry closed his eyes against the look on Ron’s face.
“Well FUCK Harry, I didn’t really believe it until now!” Ron exploded, slamming his hands into his bed posts.
“But you said…” Harry was confused now. Had Ron known it or not?
“I know what I said. I knew it, I just...hearing you say it made it real, you know?”
“Ron, I...I don’t know what to tell you. I didn’t even know I was gay until today, and I…Draco is…fuck.”
Ron was across the room, leaning on Neville’s bed with his head in his hands. He let out an aggravated yell, and then whipped his head up to look at Harry again.
“Listen Harry. I’m fine with you being gay, really, I couldn't care less but I’m still in denial about you being friends with Malfoy, and now this. Ugh, this is just too much right now. I don’t know how to deal with it, I really don’t.”
Harry frowned. He didn’t even know how to deal with it. Except perhaps to get into the shower as soon as possible. “Ron, we’re not... I mean, Draco doesn’t even know I’m gay, and there’s no way he’d like me back even if he was gay too, so you won’t have to worry about it. I’ll get over it, I’ll…I’ll try Ron, I promise.” Harry was babbling now, determined to calm Ron and get rid of him at the same time. Thoughts of Draco were circulating in his head again.
“You’ll try?” Ron looked incredulous. “Don’t play that game with me Harry! Not like you back? Are you daft?” Ron was more agitated now, if it were possible, tugging on his hair and pacing furiously now.
“What do you mean Ron? And will you just stand still!” Harry hollered. Ron was making him dizzy.
“You really don’t think he likes you back? Merlin Harry, you are so oblivious, I…” Ron just shook his head, staring at Harry as if he was the most ridiculous thing Ron had ever seen. “I can’t talk about this with you. Not now. I’m going to dinner.”
With that he stalked from the dorm, slamming the door behind him as Harry yelled his name. Harry heard Ron’s footsteps echo down the stairs and soon the only sound in the room was his own breathing. His mind was spinning faster now. What exactly had Ron meant? Could Draco? No, Harry just couldn’t fathom that Draco could possibly want him back. That would be a good thing, (a bloody fantastic thing) and good things just did not happen to Harry Potter. Harry shook his head. Ron didn’t know what he was talking about. Harry pushed the thought out of his mind and got up to shower, but now, instead of fantasizing about Draco, how he looked, how he would feel, taste; he found himself wondering how it would feel if Draco kissed him, touched him. He was more confused now than ever before, with no idea what to do. He prayed that Remus would write back soon. He had no other hope for figuring this mess out.
Chapter Nine