(no subject)
this has been a not so awesome month.
i always happen to pick the assholes when it comes to dating. this one seemed nice then turned out to just be cruel. i don't deserve to be called...heinous...faggot..bitch..selfish...worthless..dumb. and be talked to like im a fucking idiot.
thats over with. and i now remember why dating is really dumb.
i've been experiencing really bad anxiety everytime i think of stephen. today it was so bad i brought me to tears. i'm going to see him for the first time in six months since he ended things. and hasn't spoken to me since.
i am scared shitless. reasons? he won't make eye contact with me. or he will and won't say a word. or we will say hi and act like there is nothing else to say.
i don't know how to explain this feeling. all i know is i don't like it. and i've been repressing it for too long. and now it's ripping me apart.
i've put on weight. due to stress. the cold. and literally being lazy.
i'm the most unhappy i've been with myself in years.
sorry to be such a fucking downer. but i seriously feel like a loser. hopefully the new year will bring all the good things i've been working for.
i always happen to pick the assholes when it comes to dating. this one seemed nice then turned out to just be cruel. i don't deserve to be called...heinous...faggot..bitch..selfish...worthless..dumb. and be talked to like im a fucking idiot.
thats over with. and i now remember why dating is really dumb.
i've been experiencing really bad anxiety everytime i think of stephen. today it was so bad i brought me to tears. i'm going to see him for the first time in six months since he ended things. and hasn't spoken to me since.
i am scared shitless. reasons? he won't make eye contact with me. or he will and won't say a word. or we will say hi and act like there is nothing else to say.
i don't know how to explain this feeling. all i know is i don't like it. and i've been repressing it for too long. and now it's ripping me apart.
i've put on weight. due to stress. the cold. and literally being lazy.
i'm the most unhappy i've been with myself in years.
sorry to be such a fucking downer. but i seriously feel like a loser. hopefully the new year will bring all the good things i've been working for.