(no subject)
I can't place it, but I'm just not happy tonight. Can't place why, and it's not a hysterical sobbing unhappiness, I just...feel weird, and I don't like it.
Exam's on Wednesday and I'm shit scared about that - I keep telling myself I only have to get 40% to pass, but the problem is I haven't got the first clue what 40% is in terms of the first year of a Law degree. I hate this subject more than anyone knows, and the motivation is so, so hard. I just wanna get through these exams, and more than anything I want the English department to say I can change. I'm not being big headed but I'm way overqualified for the course, and the people I know who are doing English got lower grades than me and got in - so if I'd applied through ucas last year, the chances are they'd have let me in. But now they're basically saying I have to set myself apart from this year's candidates using my first semester results - now surely the fact that I've done a semester at uni of a subject like Law should stand for something but....I just feel totally uneasy, and I'm gunna continue feeling totally uneasy until they say yes or no.
And if they say no, then damnit I'm gunna swap to something. Because I'm sure as hell not leaving, and I'm sure as hell not continuing this course. After English (because I'm trying so, so hard not to set my hopes on it) it's....Music, Sociology and Geography. Now one of them's got to let me onto their course, haven't they?
I just need to know. The waiting's killing me.
And then there's the house issues. Tom apologised to me on our own for how he sounded on the phone on Friday, and I respect that because he wasn't solely to fault but it was nice that he realised it had upset me. But I just don't feel like it's sorted yet. He's said he'd be willing to compromise, but he just brushed away the compromise Sophie and I have already made as if it wasn't important, and he still wants to talk to the landlord about changing some of the contract. We just don't have the time, and he doesn't seem to understand the urgency of this.
Sophie and I have already given up the house we fell in love with for, quite frankly, a subtly worse quality imitation of it for the same rent, and to be honest it just doesn't seem fair.
Interpret that as petty or whatever the hell you want, but it's how I feel.
I feel like screaming or crying, and I just can't wait for this week to be over.