101 Felines - POTC Oneshot Comedy with Davy Jones
Here is another short story from my FF.N account.
Title: 101 Felines
Author: Aquaseamage
Rating: PG
Pairing: None
Characters: Davy Jones, Lord Beckett
Genre: Comedy
Status: Complete
Word Count: 1240 words
Teaser: Davy Jones's ship is overrun by cats thanks to Jack Sparrow.
Disclaimer: The characters are not mine. They belong to whoever owns the rights to POTC. This is just for fun.
Author's Note: In this story, Davy Jones has a wooden peg leg instead of a crab-type leg.
Davy Jones awoke to the chorus of mews, meows, yowling and the occasional catfight. The octopus captain of the Flying Dutchman sighed heavily and wondered for the thousandth time why he had accepted one-hundred-and-one cats from Jack Sparrow. The pirate lord had given him such a wonderful sales speech that he was momentarily taken in by the man's lies and forgot he didn't have a rodent problem on board! Worst, his ship was taking on a very bad odor; the strong stink crawling up his nostrils until he couldn't smell anything else. It was becoming impossible for him to sneak up on other ships, as they smelled him coming and escaped!
Jones stretched and paused to glance down at his wooden peg leg. He wasn't sure, but it looked thinner somehow…
"No, I am imagining things. Wood cannot shrink that much. It must have always been that size…" Carefully Jones stood up and walked a complicated maze between cats. Some were stretched out all over the floor of his cabin while others raced around wildly. Empty bits of crab shell and fish skeletons were everywhere and he heard loud crunching with each step of his single boot.
The place was beginning to be a pigsty! Not that it always hadn't been barnacles and mossy, but now it was worst.
Stepping out onto the deck, he stared around. If he wouldn't know better, he'd say there were more than one-hundred-and-one cats on board, but that was impossible. They furry creatures were everywhere and the daily fights between cats and crew had already started. Sadly, the cats often won and ran off with the tasty prize. The smell was worst out here for some reason and his head was beginning to ache.
He needed to go lay back down….
Jones slept and while he slept his leg jerked, vibrations running up through it.
"Huh?" Jones uttered sleepily, not knowing where he was for a moment. He spied several cats walking on his pipe organ, their furry paws depressing the keys to make an awful racket. Swinging his giant crab claw at them, he shooed them away. Sitting up straighter, he bent forward to check if any cats were under his stretched out feet. Once last week he had suddenly got to his feet and quickly regretted it, as he had stepped on a cat's tail. The cat had yowled something awful and had sunk its teeth deep into his good leg. It had hurt like the devil and he had vowed never to do it again.
The Captain narrowed his fishy eyes and stared suspiciously at his peg leg. Was it narrower?
"I must be imagining it…" Jones carefully climbed to his foot and peg leg, testing the wooden limb carefully. It appeared to be just fine, so he shrugged and headed out onto deck.
"Sir," one of his fish-men crew said. "One of the crew is missing and we cannot find him
anywhere. I fear the hungry cats have eaten him, as he was more fish than the rest of us…"
At this news Jones moaned, his headache coming back full force. "That Sparrow! He tricked me into taking these awful felines!"
"Captain," Another fish-man cried as he hurried up to the octopus commander. "One of the cats has swallowed two of our dice and now we cannot play our game! The poor kitty may die if we do not get them out. But we are not sure which cat it was…"
An even loader groan came from Jones at this.
"We're pretty sure it was one of the black ones though…."
Jones scanned the deck and noticed most of the cats were black. "No wonder I have all this bad luck!"
Then he noticed he was standing in a spreading yellow puddle with his peg leg.
"This deck needs swabbing! NOW!"
Fish-men ran in every direction, stepping on cats. The deck was filled with angry hissing, spitting, growling and terrified fish-men running for safety. Fur floated through the air and stuck to everything.
"What happened to my crew? They used to be so vicious…" Jones sighed unhappily. He needed to get these cats off his ship before something worst happened. Maybe he could give them to another passing ship…
Jones returned to his cabin and soon fell asleep again. For unknown reasons he had been sleeping very poorly of late, odd tremors running up his leg. But each time he woke up to see what was causing it he didn't see anything! Settling himself before his pipe organ, his chin rested upon his chest and soon snores poured from his mouth. A few minutes after that his leg started vibrating once again, the tremors growing stronger and more vigorous. Soon they were enough to wake him from his deep slumber and he stared around, confused.
"What?" Jones peered around with half-open eyes. No one was near so he went black to sleep. Once his snores continued, the odd tremors returned to his wooden leg.
After several hours of napping, Jones woke up. He still felt awful, his sleep filled with odd dreams of giant cats chasing him. It had been so long since he had been on land and had seen cats that he had forgotten their behavior. But their sharp, curved claws had played a major part in his dream and a chill swept down his spine causing all of his tentacles to writhe in fear.
It was time to go check on the crew, so Jones leaned forward to check the floor beneath his feet. His wooden peg leg looked extra thin, the surface looking raw with a thousand odd groves in it. Jones stared at it for a long moment, totally confused. Surely it hadn't looked that way before, had it?
"It must have. I must be loosing my memory due to not getting enough sleep…" The Captain carefully climbed to his feet, testing the peg. It seemed to be OK so he headed out of his cabin and came to the stairs. Stepping down the first step, he put all of his weight on the now super-thin peg…
CRACK!
The peg broke, snapping in half at the thinnest spot. Jones yelped loudly as he tumbled down the stairs head over boot, making a loud clacking of lobster claw on railing as he went.
"That Sparrow, I'll kill him!" Jones shouted angrily as his crew gathered around to gawk at their fallen captain. "Find me the nearest ship! We'll unload those cats tonight if it's the last thing I do!"
000
Slowly Lord Beckett rose to consciousness, a heavy weight resting upon his chest. His nose wrinkled as an unpleasant smell filled his sensitive nostrils, something that reeked of dead rotten fish, mold and smells best found in an alley. Opening his eyes, Beckett found an especially large black feline resting on his chest, its yellow orbs watching him intently. A dead rat hung from its jaws. Other sounds registered then: his crew yelling loudly, running footsteps, loud yowling, hissing, growing and spitting. It seemed four-hundred-and-thirty-eight felines had appeared from nowhere and had token over the Endeavor.
"AAAhhhhhhhh!" Beckett screamed as he shoved the cat off his chest. Sitting up, he was shocked to realize his cabin was filled with the furry beasts!
The End
Author's Note: For those of you who didn't figure it out, the cats were using Jones' peg leg as a scratching post.
Title: 101 Felines
Author: Aquaseamage
Rating: PG
Pairing: None
Characters: Davy Jones, Lord Beckett
Genre: Comedy
Status: Complete
Word Count: 1240 words
Teaser: Davy Jones's ship is overrun by cats thanks to Jack Sparrow.
Disclaimer: The characters are not mine. They belong to whoever owns the rights to POTC. This is just for fun.
Author's Note: In this story, Davy Jones has a wooden peg leg instead of a crab-type leg.
Davy Jones awoke to the chorus of mews, meows, yowling and the occasional catfight. The octopus captain of the Flying Dutchman sighed heavily and wondered for the thousandth time why he had accepted one-hundred-and-one cats from Jack Sparrow. The pirate lord had given him such a wonderful sales speech that he was momentarily taken in by the man's lies and forgot he didn't have a rodent problem on board! Worst, his ship was taking on a very bad odor; the strong stink crawling up his nostrils until he couldn't smell anything else. It was becoming impossible for him to sneak up on other ships, as they smelled him coming and escaped!
Jones stretched and paused to glance down at his wooden peg leg. He wasn't sure, but it looked thinner somehow…
"No, I am imagining things. Wood cannot shrink that much. It must have always been that size…" Carefully Jones stood up and walked a complicated maze between cats. Some were stretched out all over the floor of his cabin while others raced around wildly. Empty bits of crab shell and fish skeletons were everywhere and he heard loud crunching with each step of his single boot.
The place was beginning to be a pigsty! Not that it always hadn't been barnacles and mossy, but now it was worst.
Stepping out onto the deck, he stared around. If he wouldn't know better, he'd say there were more than one-hundred-and-one cats on board, but that was impossible. They furry creatures were everywhere and the daily fights between cats and crew had already started. Sadly, the cats often won and ran off with the tasty prize. The smell was worst out here for some reason and his head was beginning to ache.
He needed to go lay back down….
Jones slept and while he slept his leg jerked, vibrations running up through it.
"Huh?" Jones uttered sleepily, not knowing where he was for a moment. He spied several cats walking on his pipe organ, their furry paws depressing the keys to make an awful racket. Swinging his giant crab claw at them, he shooed them away. Sitting up straighter, he bent forward to check if any cats were under his stretched out feet. Once last week he had suddenly got to his feet and quickly regretted it, as he had stepped on a cat's tail. The cat had yowled something awful and had sunk its teeth deep into his good leg. It had hurt like the devil and he had vowed never to do it again.
The Captain narrowed his fishy eyes and stared suspiciously at his peg leg. Was it narrower?
"I must be imagining it…" Jones carefully climbed to his foot and peg leg, testing the wooden limb carefully. It appeared to be just fine, so he shrugged and headed out onto deck.
"Sir," one of his fish-men crew said. "One of the crew is missing and we cannot find him
anywhere. I fear the hungry cats have eaten him, as he was more fish than the rest of us…"
At this news Jones moaned, his headache coming back full force. "That Sparrow! He tricked me into taking these awful felines!"
"Captain," Another fish-man cried as he hurried up to the octopus commander. "One of the cats has swallowed two of our dice and now we cannot play our game! The poor kitty may die if we do not get them out. But we are not sure which cat it was…"
An even loader groan came from Jones at this.
"We're pretty sure it was one of the black ones though…."
Jones scanned the deck and noticed most of the cats were black. "No wonder I have all this bad luck!"
Then he noticed he was standing in a spreading yellow puddle with his peg leg.
"This deck needs swabbing! NOW!"
Fish-men ran in every direction, stepping on cats. The deck was filled with angry hissing, spitting, growling and terrified fish-men running for safety. Fur floated through the air and stuck to everything.
"What happened to my crew? They used to be so vicious…" Jones sighed unhappily. He needed to get these cats off his ship before something worst happened. Maybe he could give them to another passing ship…
Jones returned to his cabin and soon fell asleep again. For unknown reasons he had been sleeping very poorly of late, odd tremors running up his leg. But each time he woke up to see what was causing it he didn't see anything! Settling himself before his pipe organ, his chin rested upon his chest and soon snores poured from his mouth. A few minutes after that his leg started vibrating once again, the tremors growing stronger and more vigorous. Soon they were enough to wake him from his deep slumber and he stared around, confused.
"What?" Jones peered around with half-open eyes. No one was near so he went black to sleep. Once his snores continued, the odd tremors returned to his wooden leg.
After several hours of napping, Jones woke up. He still felt awful, his sleep filled with odd dreams of giant cats chasing him. It had been so long since he had been on land and had seen cats that he had forgotten their behavior. But their sharp, curved claws had played a major part in his dream and a chill swept down his spine causing all of his tentacles to writhe in fear.
It was time to go check on the crew, so Jones leaned forward to check the floor beneath his feet. His wooden peg leg looked extra thin, the surface looking raw with a thousand odd groves in it. Jones stared at it for a long moment, totally confused. Surely it hadn't looked that way before, had it?
"It must have. I must be loosing my memory due to not getting enough sleep…" The Captain carefully climbed to his feet, testing the peg. It seemed to be OK so he headed out of his cabin and came to the stairs. Stepping down the first step, he put all of his weight on the now super-thin peg…
CRACK!
The peg broke, snapping in half at the thinnest spot. Jones yelped loudly as he tumbled down the stairs head over boot, making a loud clacking of lobster claw on railing as he went.
"That Sparrow, I'll kill him!" Jones shouted angrily as his crew gathered around to gawk at their fallen captain. "Find me the nearest ship! We'll unload those cats tonight if it's the last thing I do!"
000
Slowly Lord Beckett rose to consciousness, a heavy weight resting upon his chest. His nose wrinkled as an unpleasant smell filled his sensitive nostrils, something that reeked of dead rotten fish, mold and smells best found in an alley. Opening his eyes, Beckett found an especially large black feline resting on his chest, its yellow orbs watching him intently. A dead rat hung from its jaws. Other sounds registered then: his crew yelling loudly, running footsteps, loud yowling, hissing, growing and spitting. It seemed four-hundred-and-thirty-eight felines had appeared from nowhere and had token over the Endeavor.
"AAAhhhhhhhh!" Beckett screamed as he shoved the cat off his chest. Sitting up, he was shocked to realize his cabin was filled with the furry beasts!
The End
Author's Note: For those of you who didn't figure it out, the cats were using Jones' peg leg as a scratching post.