Life is/has
Well, life is interesting. I know I haven't posted in here in almost a year; however I think it's time to start reflecting on where I want to go in life. Life has taken me through so many different twists and turns. I've learned from many mistakes I've made in life. Trust me, I've fucked up a bunch of shit and made things better (to some degree). People say to not have regrets; however I do have some. All of my regrets have been made here in Las Vegas. I think that I haven't given people a fair chance, and I am not sure why. I've been hurt by a lot of people and people have hurt me as well. Life has a way to make things either better or worse. I feel my life is interesting because I've gone through it all. My biggest regret has been giving up on love when it was there right in front of me. This has happened to me numerous times; all of which has happened to me here in Vegas. For that, I apologize to whomever I've may have hurt. I regret that I've ever hurt anyone in my life. :(
Life has brought challenges to my life. Right now my biggest challenge I face is trying to figure out what Michael wants in life. I want the world, but I can't seem to have that, so I need to learn to settle. I know that one thing I do want is to go back to school; grad school that is. I am applying in the fall to go back to UNLV in order to get my masters in Education in Higher Education (basically I want to work in a student affairs office at a university). I want to make a difference in people's lives, so I figure that's one way I can do it, and I know that would be something I'd enjoy.
Most of all, I feel very lonely. All people want from me is just a piece of ass; which is something I don't want anymore. I can tell who my true friends are; however that list is very short. I feel like I've gotta prove myself to people over and over again. I feel with my current job that I am under a microscope and I've gotta make sure everything is perfect; otherwise I am a failure. I feel with the fraternity that I must lead us and always be on my toes; otherwise I'll fail us as a fraternity and we can't get ahead. I feel that some of my friends that I do have just think about themselves too much and not about each one of us. I hide my feelings a lot because I don't want people to see what I am fighting with all the time...hence I feel lonely. I feel like I have to do everything alone, and man, it sucks.
Am I being harsh on myself? Yeah, maybe...but this is what goes through my head everyday and I am constantly fighting with my inner-self. I hope one day that my inner-self will realize that I shouldn't fight anymore.
Life has brought challenges to my life. Right now my biggest challenge I face is trying to figure out what Michael wants in life. I want the world, but I can't seem to have that, so I need to learn to settle. I know that one thing I do want is to go back to school; grad school that is. I am applying in the fall to go back to UNLV in order to get my masters in Education in Higher Education (basically I want to work in a student affairs office at a university). I want to make a difference in people's lives, so I figure that's one way I can do it, and I know that would be something I'd enjoy.
Most of all, I feel very lonely. All people want from me is just a piece of ass; which is something I don't want anymore. I can tell who my true friends are; however that list is very short. I feel like I've gotta prove myself to people over and over again. I feel with my current job that I am under a microscope and I've gotta make sure everything is perfect; otherwise I am a failure. I feel with the fraternity that I must lead us and always be on my toes; otherwise I'll fail us as a fraternity and we can't get ahead. I feel that some of my friends that I do have just think about themselves too much and not about each one of us. I hide my feelings a lot because I don't want people to see what I am fighting with all the time...hence I feel lonely. I feel like I have to do everything alone, and man, it sucks.
Am I being harsh on myself? Yeah, maybe...but this is what goes through my head everyday and I am constantly fighting with my inner-self. I hope one day that my inner-self will realize that I shouldn't fight anymore.