Dream Log - Housing and Career Searching
I recently awoke from a dream, and the emotions evoked in the dream spilled over to my fully conscious self.
The dream started out simple enough; I was searching for a room to rent in a house. This house was in Winter Springs, and it looked as small as my last place, so I assumed the rent would be fairly inexpensive.
Upon entering, however, it became clear that this house was much more of a place for entertaining guests... All the materials were nice, unique artistic shapes were expressed in the architecture, it had an elegant fireplace, and there was a jacuzzi outside. Although it was certainly beautiful, and a lovely place to retire to every day, I started becoming wary of how comfortable I would feel if this woman entertained on a regular basis. Afterall, I'm much more accustomed to cozy/homey, rather than elegant/expensive.
The next odd thing about his house was that it also served as an office. The bedroom I was renting wasn't even separated by walls, but instead only outlined with pillars. We were all sitted in front of computers at long desks with dividers (like when you take the GRE), and it became a classroom-like interview. She knew the other applicants, having worked closely with them before. Apparently, she ran a magazine and was looking for an editor, as far as I could tell. I recalled how I recently helped my little cousin review her essay (in real life, lol), and figured I'd give it a shot.
As I contemplated the odd living situation (the elegant house had started looking like a library, with several students working furiously away at big open tables with computers), wondering how much rent would actually be, and so on, I got behind with the whole 'application' thing. I printed it out, and took it up to her, asking what exactly I was to do. The woman (who looked a lot like Tina Fey, but was instead very serious and snobby) had been quite warm with the applicants she'd worked with before, but treated me as a nuisance. Already put off by her cold attitude, I tried to ask what she wanted with the application. It was three sections of words, some of which were apparently starred, but the printer (which had acted more like a copy machine) didn't pick up on those well. The words all seemed simple enough, but she wanted me to write in definitions. The spacing wasn't even appropriate for writing in definitions. It'd be disorganized, like making comments in the margin.
The woman glared at me as I started to stutter in trying to explain all that... I became nervous at how to define "laugh". I've always thought definitions are difficult to produce from blank or to put into writing. I can act them out, use hand gestures, etc. But when it comes to pen and paper, how was I to do anything more than come up with synonyms?
(By the way, here's one way to say it... 1. to express mirth, pleasure, derision, or nervousness with an audible, vocal expulsion of air from the lungs that can range from a loud burst of sound to a series of quiet chuckles and is usually accompanied by characteristic facial and bodily movements. )
I decided it wasn't worth it. She was expecting me to fail anyways, and her teacher's pets were already shoo-ins (I have no idea how to write that expression). I folded it in half, handed it back to her, saying thanks, but no thanks.
I felt horrible. A simple task had got in my way. My attempt at testing the waters in a new field had just failed horribly. I awoke in the mist of this, and wanted to cry.
I don't know what my career will be, what I want it to be.
I don't know where I'll live when Mom no longer lets me live at home.
I never knew I could feel like such a failure as a college graudate. The end.
The dream started out simple enough; I was searching for a room to rent in a house. This house was in Winter Springs, and it looked as small as my last place, so I assumed the rent would be fairly inexpensive.
Upon entering, however, it became clear that this house was much more of a place for entertaining guests... All the materials were nice, unique artistic shapes were expressed in the architecture, it had an elegant fireplace, and there was a jacuzzi outside. Although it was certainly beautiful, and a lovely place to retire to every day, I started becoming wary of how comfortable I would feel if this woman entertained on a regular basis. Afterall, I'm much more accustomed to cozy/homey, rather than elegant/expensive.
The next odd thing about his house was that it also served as an office. The bedroom I was renting wasn't even separated by walls, but instead only outlined with pillars. We were all sitted in front of computers at long desks with dividers (like when you take the GRE), and it became a classroom-like interview. She knew the other applicants, having worked closely with them before. Apparently, she ran a magazine and was looking for an editor, as far as I could tell. I recalled how I recently helped my little cousin review her essay (in real life, lol), and figured I'd give it a shot.
As I contemplated the odd living situation (the elegant house had started looking like a library, with several students working furiously away at big open tables with computers), wondering how much rent would actually be, and so on, I got behind with the whole 'application' thing. I printed it out, and took it up to her, asking what exactly I was to do. The woman (who looked a lot like Tina Fey, but was instead very serious and snobby) had been quite warm with the applicants she'd worked with before, but treated me as a nuisance. Already put off by her cold attitude, I tried to ask what she wanted with the application. It was three sections of words, some of which were apparently starred, but the printer (which had acted more like a copy machine) didn't pick up on those well. The words all seemed simple enough, but she wanted me to write in definitions. The spacing wasn't even appropriate for writing in definitions. It'd be disorganized, like making comments in the margin.
The woman glared at me as I started to stutter in trying to explain all that... I became nervous at how to define "laugh". I've always thought definitions are difficult to produce from blank or to put into writing. I can act them out, use hand gestures, etc. But when it comes to pen and paper, how was I to do anything more than come up with synonyms?
(By the way, here's one way to say it... 1. to express mirth, pleasure, derision, or nervousness with an audible, vocal expulsion of air from the lungs that can range from a loud burst of sound to a series of quiet chuckles and is usually accompanied by characteristic facial and bodily movements. )
I decided it wasn't worth it. She was expecting me to fail anyways, and her teacher's pets were already shoo-ins (I have no idea how to write that expression). I folded it in half, handed it back to her, saying thanks, but no thanks.
I felt horrible. A simple task had got in my way. My attempt at testing the waters in a new field had just failed horribly. I awoke in the mist of this, and wanted to cry.
I don't know what my career will be, what I want it to be.
I don't know where I'll live when Mom no longer lets me live at home.
I never knew I could feel like such a failure as a college graudate. The end.