first
I always have such a hard time trying to come up with a decent username for anything really. I'd like to think myself as a pretty creative woman, but usernames are clearly my pitfall. I wanted something with the word aquarelle, my favorite word. It is something light, colorful and full of emotions. I wish my dreams would always be like aquarelles. I could swim through those soft swirls and gentle strokes of liquid color all night and wake up with a smile on my lips.
I'm not sure of the direction this journal will take. I have been feeling very blue lately, empty inside, going through the necessary motions of my life, unwilling to step out to the real world, unable to gather my courage and go see a doctor, unable to go to school. The thought of physically leaving the house makes me feel sick. My insides curl up in a ball and try to hide like I would like to do. I want to hide under the covers from the sunlight and from my life.
I should write I think. It could help me. It has always been my way of dealing with everything. I should also find myself a head doctor who'd give me some happy pills, so that I could go through the necessary motions of my life more efficiently and actually step outside. So I guess I'll be writing about the darkness that has fallen over me and the glimpses of hope and such nonsense.
I also want to create. Perhaps my constant inexplicable sadness has fueled up my creativity, because even as everything else seems impossible, a strong need to create has overcome my usually rather lazy self. I suddenly find myself wanting to set up an enormous canvas and paint, anything, whatever comes to mind. I want to experiment, try new techniques. Just create. Perhaps it is another way of dealing with whatever it is that is dragging me down. Or perhaps I just want to surround myself with beautiful things to feel better.
I try not to be too whiny. Depressed people tend to be a bit depressing and rather whiny and drown in their self pity and I will most likely join the masses in that respect, but I will try not to turn this outlet of mine into a pity party.
Feel free to friend me, other artists in pain.
- Lili
I'm not sure of the direction this journal will take. I have been feeling very blue lately, empty inside, going through the necessary motions of my life, unwilling to step out to the real world, unable to gather my courage and go see a doctor, unable to go to school. The thought of physically leaving the house makes me feel sick. My insides curl up in a ball and try to hide like I would like to do. I want to hide under the covers from the sunlight and from my life.
I should write I think. It could help me. It has always been my way of dealing with everything. I should also find myself a head doctor who'd give me some happy pills, so that I could go through the necessary motions of my life more efficiently and actually step outside. So I guess I'll be writing about the darkness that has fallen over me and the glimpses of hope and such nonsense.
I also want to create. Perhaps my constant inexplicable sadness has fueled up my creativity, because even as everything else seems impossible, a strong need to create has overcome my usually rather lazy self. I suddenly find myself wanting to set up an enormous canvas and paint, anything, whatever comes to mind. I want to experiment, try new techniques. Just create. Perhaps it is another way of dealing with whatever it is that is dragging me down. Or perhaps I just want to surround myself with beautiful things to feel better.
I try not to be too whiny. Depressed people tend to be a bit depressing and rather whiny and drown in their self pity and I will most likely join the masses in that respect, but I will try not to turn this outlet of mine into a pity party.
Feel free to friend me, other artists in pain.
- Lili