I'm so sick, so sick of being tired, and oh so tired of being sick.
Don't even take a breath
The air is cut with cyanide
In honor of the New Year
The press gives us cause to celebrate
The air raid sirens
Flood barbed wire skylines
With artificial night,
As we sleep to burn the red
From our bloodless eyes.
Tonight we're all time bombs on fault lines
Have we lost everything now?
Walking like each other's ghosts
Around these silent streets
The sedatives tell you everything is alright
Like calendars dying
At New Year's Eve parties
As we kiss hard on the lips
And swear this year
Will be better then the last
Burn these words from our lips
As 'The Dagger' screams
"Love is dead"
and it's a "newspaper tragedy,"
Have we lost what we love?
Have we said everything?
Does it change anything?
Stare at the clock
Avoid at all costs,
This emptiness.
Like calendars dying
at New Year's Eve parties
So we kiss hard on the lips
and we swear that this year… this year
Ten seconds left until midnight
nine chances to drown ourselves in black hair dye
eight faces turned away from the shock
seven windows and
six of them were locked
five stories falling
forever and ever
three cheers to the mirror
now there are two of us
can we have one last dance?
Jet Black - the ink that spells your name
Jet Black - The blood that's in your veins
Jet Black
We say, "How long can we take this chance not to celebrate?"
So.... it's 2005. I don't even have any New Years resolutions. Those are for people who arent confident they can do things on their own normally, and they need some form of excuse to change their life. Hence their "new years resolutions".
I've been doing alot of thinking lately. And I realized a few things... In the long run, theres a good chance nobody is going to care. Everyone keeps telling me, Josh you're such a sweet kid, you're such a good guy, don't do this to yourself. Well I wonder if certain people ever actually considered, that I'm not being a total maniac, because I care too much about the ones who are close to me. And even when I try to do things right, and put others before myself, apparently thats still not good enough, and its wrong. Then if I do put myself first, I'm labelled as selfish. But it's certainly ok for everyone else to be selfish. I'm sorry for having problems, but I'm a human. I'm fucking fragile, and you don't handle with care. I'm a living, thinking, breathing, talking, sleeping, crying, boy. I've got a fucking beating heart, just like the rest of you. The only thing that makes mine different from most of yours, is that mine is beyond broken.
But I am still a boy. A boy who cared too much, a boy who tried too hard. A boy too tired of being hurt, to even know what to do, or what to think. A boy who is sorry....
Not sorry for trying, so much as I am sorry for hurting. I'm sorry for hurting you, NOT for letting myself be hurt by you.
And again, I'm also sorry ( to everyone ) for putting all of you through some of the shit I've been through ......
Have a Happy New Years day, or whats left of it.
If anyone would like to speak to me, call me or I'll be on the wonderful means of communication known as instant messenger.