(no subject)
My name is Joshua Evan Smith. I live in Matamoras. I don't really have anyone I consider a 'friend'. my Dad is sick, and my family is disfunctional. Every day, I wake up, and I keep pushing on. Why? Because there are many others who do the same.
I am a person. A living breathing person. Please regard me as one..
I put others before myself, one other person in particular. Unfortunately, that is an unrequited act. I am a real person, with real feelings. And I am sorry if I ever asked anything of anyone.
I just talked with Mal, and said pretty much all of what I needed to say. I don't think its quite registered with her yet, nor do I think it ever will. Unless she actually thinks about what I said. I could have said about 30 choice things, that would have made sense, since probably alot of what I told her didin't. But if I said those things, I would have completely hurt her, and I'm too nice of a motherfucker to do that. So Mal, I really hope you think, and I told you, you need to make some decisions. And I may not have given you a 'straight' answer as to what those decisions were, but if you really listened to me, and think about what I said, then you will know what you have to do. No matter what, I'm going to be here for you. I'm just really really hurt.
on another note, I will never again spill my heart out to anyone. Because apparently, my problems are insignifigant, because selfishness is always a priority.
Mal, I hope you know that what I told you today, was the most painful thing in the entire world. And quite honestly, I don't care how you feel about it now, because at least you know, nothing I've ever done, or could ever do, has been signifigant anyway. But hell, I can try to pretend, maybe things will eventually work out that way, if I forget that I'm pretending. Maybe I'm just a glutton for pain?